Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis.

"Colonel! Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard!" Vala called as she ran through one of the corridors of Atlantis.

John slowed down when he heard her shouting his name. Obviously, she like McKay didn't quite grasp the concept that people just didn't want to be around them much. Not that they were bad people because they weren't. They were just very, very annoying.

John sighed. She had been chasing him for quite a while. He decided to be nice and slow down. After all, if he was nice to Vala now, he didn't have to be nice to McKay later. He only had to be nice once a day. It's some sort of a Lantean rule or something.

"Did you not hear me calling your name for the last five minutes?" Vala asked catching up to him.

"Uh, gotta go. Vala's here," John said pretending to be on his comm. "I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that I've been calling you for the last five minutes and you…never mind. Tell me, Colonel, was it an important call?"

"What? Oh, that? Yeah. McKay's about to set fire to Zelenka's hair again. Apparantly, the Czech made some rude, but true comments about he and a certain tap dancing explosives expert if you know what I mean and I've been trying to sort out the mess."

"And this happened just now?"

"Just now."

"Really?" Vala did not believe John one bit. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Then, tell me something, Colonel, why is it that Dr. McKay is right over there and looks as if nothing is wrong? Rodney? Oh, Rodney? Could you come here please?" Vala called.

"What are you doing?" John whispered.

"I want to find out what happened in the silence lad, silly. No offense or anything, but you are a horrible storyteller. McKay is much better. His hands wave in the air, his nostrils flare, and his face gets red. It's really all quite entertaining."

"What am I better at?"

"Storytelling, but that's only part of the reason I called you over here."

"Oh, what's the other part?"

"Tell me what Dr. Zelenka said about you and Lieutenant Cadman. Was it dirty? Did you blush? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me!"

"He what? I'll kill him!"

"Rodney, calm down a second," John said placing a hand on the scientists forearm. He turned to Vala. "Vala, I was lying when I said that I was on the comm. with Rodney. The story I made up was a lie."

"You made up the story about the comm.. because you were really ignoring me?" Vala had tears brimming in her eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Vala." Oh, crap! She looked like she was about ready to cry. "Let me make it up to you."

"You would do that?" she said softly.

"Yeah, I would."

"Really?"

"Just name it."

"Tell me what kirking is," Vala said brightening immediately. "Is it some sort of a game we can play?"

Both Rodney and John broke into coughing fits.

"What?" John sputtered.

"Kirking? I heard Lieutenant Cadman mention it earlier or rather accuse Rodney of kirking with me and he said that kirking is your specialty, so I want to know, what is kirking?"

"Why don't you take this one Rodney?"

"Hey, I was the one who had to have the underwear talk with Ronon. The kirking talk is yours. Besides, you have practical, personal experience in that department."

John took a deep breath, "Have you ever seen Star Trek?"

"Yeah."

"Well, on Star Trek, the captain of the Enterprise is Captain Kirk, right?"

"Duh!"

John rolled his eyes and continued. "Basically, throughout the series, Kirk would always hook up with the hot alien chicks that he came across on the planets they visited. That's why in sci-fi, whenever a guy hooks up with a hot alien chick, it's called kirking."

"So I'm a hot alien chick?"

"Yes, Vala, you are a hot alien chick. Now, if you two idiots are done discussing the year 1967 can we please start heading over to the 'mess before all the good stuff is taken?" Rodney whined.

"Are you asking us to lunch, Rodney?" Vala teased.

"Yes, I believe I am…and only for the reason that I want to know what you did to make Carson cry."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Vala said innocently.

"Just like you had no idea that Sheppard was lying about the comm. conversation?"

"Wait! You knew?"

"Shall we, gentleman?" Vala said as she hooked each of their arms with hers and they headed towards the commissary with Vala humming "We're Off to See the Wizard" from The Wizard of Oz.