Title: The Pets Chronicle part 4 – Wark it!
Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Pairing: Leon / Cloud
Theme: Jealousy
Warnings: AU, fluff, sap, humour, slightly crack-tistic in nature
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters, as much as I would like to.

Written for LJ 7snogs challenge.

Summary: Leon does not like Zack. Zack does not like Leon either. Cloud is oblivious.

"Ah… Leon… Don't stop…"

Smirk. "I'm not stopping even if the sky collapses on me…" Nibble.

A low guttural sound torn from his throat, a cross between a moan and a yell. Fingers weaving into the other's hair, hands pressing down. Face burning. Legs wantonly spreading apart. Head thrown back in abandon. Another moan.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Breathy. Wispy. Like a swirl of smoke dissipating.

Shudder, painful but bittersweet. "Ver… very… Ah…"

"You want more, don't you, Cloud…?"

"Le-Ah! Leon…"

"My Cloud… Mine. Cloud…"

"WARK!"

Leon blinked.

"WARK! WARK!"

He blinked more. The colours around him started to fade and melt away.

"WARK! WARK! WARK!"

He woke up. Damn.

The first thing Leon saw when he was so rudely interrupted from his fantasizing (was that make-out session only a dream? It felt so real) was a pair of purple eyes staring at him from across the living room table. No, staring was too mild a word to describe how Zack was looking at him. Zack was positively /glaring/ at him. In fact, he was glaring so hard that Leon swore he could see sparks coming out of those eyes.

And when their eyes met, Zack started to wark and screech at him, all the while kicking and flapping his wings to increase his intimidation factor. Occasionally, he would jump up in anger, entirely too worked up to stand still, and then he would slip slightly when he got back down on the marble table. The thing was rather slippery when he could not use his claws, but Leon remembered that Cloud had warned Zack several times not to scratch the table. Leon thought the image of a chocobo trying to intimidate him while still being Cloud's good little pet was rather amusing.

Finally, the ruckus alerted his favourite blond that in the living room was a very unhappy little chocobo. From the corner of his eye, Leon saw Cloud shaking his head as he walked out of the kitchen and towards them.

"Zack."

The black chocobo whined, but it had mostly settled down by then. At least, it was no longer jumping up and down like a blasted jack rabbit or flapping his wings. Seriously, if Zack wanted to live longer, he really should stop flapping his wings and show everyone just how tender they looked like. Especially Riku, who still called him their emergency food stock whenever Cloud wasn't around to chide him.

"No bothering Leon. You know he's tired."

Leon quickly faked a yawn, much to the chocobo's annoyance.

"I'm sorry Leon. I had no idea Zack had wandered over to you. If I had known, I would have kept him in the kitchen with me," Cloud said, sitting down on the couch beside the brunet.

"Nah, it's okay." Of course it was okay, because Leon actually didn't /have/ to dream of Cloud to make out with him. Vaguely, he wondered why he even had that dream when he could do it in the real world. With a light smirk and an arm around the other's waist, he pulled Cloud closer. Smooch. Oh yeah. Smooch smooch. Collar, off! Better. Nibble nibble kiss kiss. Unbutton unbutton unbutton. Much, much better. Lick. Bite.

Suddenly…

"Ouch!"

" Leon?" Cloud's eyes, previously having fluttered shut in pleasure, flew open in surprise at the sudden sound of pain.

"Zack is… biting me."

Cloud raised an eyebrow, but upon looking down at the carpet, his jaw fell when he realized that Leon was serious. Very serious. Zack, his normally mild-mannered pet, had latched onto Leon's toe with his killer beak. Thank goodness Leon was wearing a pair of thick socks. But still that had to hurt!

"ZACK! Let go right now!"

He whined for a bit, but eventually let go at Cloud's heated glare. Snorting, he turned his behind to Leon and preened himself happily, looking like he had completed his good deed for the day.

"Are you alright, Leon?"

"I'll be fine… I don't think he broke my skin," the brunet replied, slipping off his sock to examine his toe. However, despite the fact that there was no blood, there was no denying that the toe was very red. It was probably swollen already.

"Give me a second. I'll go get the first aid kit." Cloud rushed away.

The moment Cloud was gone, a glaring match immediately commenced between Leon and Zack. If one were present to see the scene, one would probably see the streak of electricity traveling between their eyes and perhaps even feel the room's temperature sky-rocketing to unbelievable heights, a result of the inferno blazing behind them. Even volcanoes erupting weren't so scary.

"Haven't you had enough?" Leon hissed heatedly, reminding the chocobo of all the damage he had wrecked to his dates with Cloud. Ever since he had started to date Cloud about a month ago, right after the milk incident, the stupid black bird's list of hobbies suddenly grew to include 'torture Leon' and 'be a date-wrecker'.

The first few times Leon came over, Zack made sure to hide his shoes and sometimes even used it as a toilet. That stopped only when Cloud put the shoes into the shoe cabinet and locked it up.

When there were no shoes to hide, Zack started to bite through all of Leon's socks. That was why Leon had taken to wearing his socks inside Cloud's apartment.

Then Zack had also shown him his middle feather (Leon wondered if the bird had watched too much TV and was learning the most universal sign language humans had ever came up with), did a nice butt gig in front of him, pecked at his feet, gave him a set of nice claw marks on his thighs, pecked him more, kicked him several times, broke his favourite watch, pecked him even more, and basically made himself the world's biggest nuisance.

The last date Cloud had allowed Zack to tag along had ended in Zack ganging up with a mog on the streets and charging towards Leon, rambo-style. Cloud never allowed the black chocobo to follow them on their dates after that.

Cloud said he couldn't understand what was going on with Zack, whom he claimed had always been the sweetest pet chocobo everyone had ever seen.

But Leon knew what insanity had stricken the bird.

One word: jealousy.

The chocobo warked angrily at him, to which Leon only smirked.

"Forget it, Zack. You're a chocobo, and chocobos don't get together with humans. That's called bestiality, and I'm sure Cloud's not into that. So you just be a nice little pet and leave Cloud to me. I'll be gentle with him."

For a moment, Leon thought he had gotten through to the bird, when he bowed his head to mope. Then the bird started to tremble and sniffle.

What the-? Was Zack actually crying? Chocobos could cry? And that wasn't just the waterworks; that was a frigging flashflood! Suddenly, as though crying, trembling and sniffling weren't enough, the chocobo began to wark loudly at him.

That was when Leon was sure he had gone over the edge. There was no other explanation as to why he could see subtitles underneath Zack as the black chocobo warked and swore and cursed at him!

"WARK WARK WARK, wark wark, WARK!"

The subtitles read: "You stupid human! Cloud doesn't belong to you! He doesn't!"

"WAAAAAARK! WA-Wark! Wark wark!"

Subtitles: "He's my master! Mine, mine, mine! Butt off!"

And then there was the middle feather again.

Cloud picked this moment to return, and he paused when he saw his chocobo weeping and jumping and warking like there was no tomorrow. Walking over to his boyfriend carefully, he whispered, " Leon? Do you think Zack is in heat? Is that why he's been so irritable lately?"

Leon stifled a laugh, and with a poker face, replied, "Perhaps. You want to try locking him up with Aeris? Maybe we'll get a few babies."

"Hmm." Cloud contemplated for a moment before turning to his pet, gently gathering him into his arms. Zack warked pitifully as he tried to snuggle deeper. "What do you think, little buddy? Some downtime with Aeris? You want babies?"

It was as though Zack had gotten electrocuted. He quickly shook his head and warked in alarm.

Subtitles: "Nooooo!"

"I think he's too happy to thank you properly, Cloud," Leon said seriously. Inwardly, however, he was cackling evilly.

"You think so?"

"Positive."

"You don't mind lending me Aeris for the night, do you?"

"Of course not."

As the two humans continued to discuss the mating plans, they were almost completely unaware of how Zack was still screaming, "NO!" Well, Leon noticed, since he could read the subtitles, but he wasn't going to tell Cloud.

And that night, Leon and Cloud finally managed to sleep in peace together, without the blasted black chocobo zipping around the room and demanding that Leon leave his master alone. And while they were together in la la land, Zack was locked up with Aeris for the entire night so they could mate in peace and make beautiful babies.

Zack spent the night kicking at the cage and ignoring Aeris' fluttering eyelashes.

-tbc-