A/N: This chapter has House/Cameron-ness in it. I'm sorry for those of you who don't like that—the shipper in me couldn't resist. I don't see that becoming a big theme in this series, however.

I'm also not sure how good this chapter is, but since I just spent the day finishing it instead of studying for the test I have tomorrow…or the one I have Tuesday…or the one I have Thursday, I figured I needed to have proof that I was at least doing something. I reserve the right to edit this if I come up with anything better.

This one's for vartanluvva. Just…because. If you like it, Michelle, you can consider it a late birthday present. ;-P

Feedback: Wins. Please review!

House glowered at his scotch before downing it in one quick swallow. He hated fundraising parties. If rich snobs wanted to give the hospital money, why couldn't they just hand the checks over to Cuddy, instead of forcing everyone to get dressed up and schmooze with people whose names they would forget seconds after speaking with them? It was a stupid, idiotic, waste of time—time better spent in his apartment, playing his piano or watching Tivo'd cartoons and the OC. At least this one wasn't as bad as some of the previous ones, he ruminated as the bartender refilled his drink. As it was only a few days away from Halloween, someone had gotten the bright idea to make this a costume benefit. While that didn't completely make up for his still having to attend, it did make the night much more bearable.

Grabbing his refill, House spun in his chair to observe the masses, long brown coat flaring out slightly. A red button down shirt could be seen underneath, as well as suspenders holding up khaki pants, which were tucked into tall leather boots. The pants and boots had been a bitch to get on, with his leg, but he had deemed that a small price to pay for the overall effect. Although, he thought, shifting uncomfortably, the character didn't earn the nickname of "Captain Tightpants" for nothing. It was a good thing he didn't have to move much tonight.

He saw two of his fellows striding towards him over the rim of the glass. Foreman made a quite convincing Book, outfitted in priest garb, complete with the requisite white collar. And Chase…House snickered at the gold vest the Australian was wearing. It fit, somehow, Chase as Simon. They even shared the same horrible fashion sense.

Foreman chuckled as they approached their boss. "Seems like we all had the same idea," he stated, nodding his head to get the bartender's attention. "Wonder who Cameron will show up as?"

"Like there's any question about that," House snarked. "Naïve, bubbly, always believing in sunshine and puppies? She's going to be Kaylee—no doubt about that."

Chase, who was looking over House's shoulder, suddenly sucked in a breath, then let it out in a long whistle. Eyes wide, never looking back at House, he said, "You sure about that?"

House turned…and stopped breathing.

Cameron was just walking into the room. She was wearing a deep purple dress, some kind of Asian design woven into it in gold thread. All plunging neckline and long, flowing skirt, it seemed made for her, accentuating all her curves as she walked. Gold jewelry glinted at her neck, wrist, and ears, and her hair was down, curls caressing her bare shoulders. Eyes lined with kohl and lips painted blood red, there was no mistaking Cameron's intent. She hadn't come to the benefit as Kaylee.

She'd come as Inara.

He would have tried to concentrate on breathing normally again, but his body decided that this was the correct moment to react to the scene in front of him, and his already tight pants became…much, much more uncomfortable. Ow. Owowowow.

Falling off the chair in pain was what he wanted to do, but since Cameron was making her way over to the bar, he had to settle for subtly closing his coat to hide the problem and trying not to whimper.

Cameron grinned as she approached. "It looks like we all had the same idea."

"I was just saying that," Foreman replied, "although I think you win the prize—you look exactly like Inara."

"Thanks, Foreman," the immunologist replied, and after a beat turned her gaze to their boss. "What's this, House? You're not defending your costume making abilities? Something much more urgent must have you preoccupied."

The glint in her eyes caught his attention. Cameron knew exactly what she was doing to him—and she was enjoying it! Righteous indignation gave him the strength to even out his breathing and ignore the pain below his waist.

But before he could formulate a scathing response, Jason from cardiology was asking her to dance, and she was gone, the scent of exotic perfume trailing behind her. House stayed at the bar, watching Cameron flit from partner to partner, charming fellow doctors and donors alike. She could probably get Cuddy most of the charitable donations the hospital needed, if she ever tried. It was over an hour later before she came back to the bar and sat down beside House, sighing in relief as she toed off her high heels. "So, Mal, huh?" she grinned, leaning back against the bar. "I knew that's who you were going to come as. Fits. Captain of the ship, always doing the right thing even if it's not the most legal. Cranky and sarcastic, but in the end loves his crew and always defends them. And has a dark moment in his past that defines who he is today. Yeah, you fit Malcolm Reynolds perfectly."

House leaned back against the bar himself. So she was going down this road. Well, she had better be in for a long night—she knew that he gave as good as he got. "Thanks for the analysis, Freud. See, I thought you were going to come as Kaylee—all that happiness and naïveté and optimism in the inherent goodness of the human race. But the more I think about it, the more I can see you as Inara. The calm exterior façade covering up the real feelings inside. Hiding behind rules and customs and formalities. Hell, you've even got the whoring down, although if it's only been Chase you've got a ways to go."

He winced as the words left his mouth. Even for him that was being pretty harsh. Cameron, however, didn't seem phased at all. In fact, she had a small smile on her face, as if she'd expected this. "Very in character, House. Mal and Inara are always throwing hurtful barbs at each other, aren't they? But they never seem to really mean them." She leaned towards him. "What is it Mal said? Inara fogs things up, spins him about." House blinked. Cameron just laughed, low and sensual. "I thought about coming as Kaylee. But you see, like I said earlier, I knew you'd be coming as Mal." She leaned in even closer, until her curls brushed his cheek, to whisper hotly in his ear. "And it's not Kaylee people think Mal should be having sex with."

He could see the nervousness hidden behind Cameron's coy expression as she pulled back. She wasn't sure if this would work, but she knew what she wanted and was going for it, no matter what. She was doing what he always told her to do, and he should be proud of her.

And he would be, if he wasn't incredibly aroused.

Holding onto his control by his fingertips, he finally managed to croak out a response. "You know, not everyone pairs Mal with Inara."

Cameron's nervousness seemed to disappear at his response. "This is true," she said, "but not a problem. It's all a matter of who you think Mal should be with." She leaned in again, voice oozing sensuality, "Is it Inara?" She straightened, clasping her hands behind her back in a faintly military gesture. "Or maybe Zoë?" Her expression softened, and her voice morphed into a drawl. "If'n ya think it's Kaylee, I'm sure I could find a mechanic's uniform somewheres." She cocked her head to the side and looked at him from behind a curtain of hair. "Or she could be the crazy girl."

House could only stare at her, having truly been rendered speechless. Cameron stood up to leave, throwing her parting shot over her shoulder. "Let me know when you decide. I'll be waiting in the conference room."

A grin slowly started curling up his lips as he watched Cameron leave the room. He downed the rest of his drink and slammed the empty glass down on the bar before following after Cameron as quickly as he could.

Charity events were awesome.