Title: The Pets Chronicle part 5 – The Third Wheel
Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Pairing: Leon / Cloud
Theme: Argument
Warnings: AU, fluff, sap, humour, slightly crack-tistic in nature
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters, as much as I would like to.

Written for LJ 7snogs challenge.

Summary: Leon and Zack still don't like one another. And Cloud still cannot understand why.

Leon had reached the end of his patience. He had been tolerating his boyfriend's infidelity for the past three months, and as much as he loved Cloud, enough was enough! He couldn't take it anymore! Cloud had to choose between the two of them. End of question. No second chances. Uh huh. Nada. Zilch. Zip. Zero.

"You love him more than you love me!" he yelled, pointing an angry finger at the offending extra player in his and Cloud's romance story. Said extra player merely glared back with an indignant huff.

Cloud shook his head in disbelief, closing his eyes and willing for the headache that had just set in to dissipate. This couldn't be happening. This just couldn't be happening. But when he opened his eyes, and when he saw his jealous boyfriend still fuming and unwilling to relent, he realized that yes, this could be happening and it really /was/– no matter how impossible it seemed – happening.

"… Leon, do you realize how silly this is? You're jealous of my pet chocobo."

Zack warked, his chest all puffed up, as though agreeing with his master. But Leon knew better. The devious black blob of feathers was gloating at him, cackling insanely like the evil bird it was. And Leon knew that that blasted bird was slowly but surely implementing his master scheme of snatching Cloud away from him. Hell if he was going to let /that/ happen. Cloud was his! His, damn it!

Cloud was /all/ his! Cloud was going to one day become Cloud Leonhart-Strife! There was no way Leon was going to share, not even with a little chocobo! A chocobo that Cloud couldn't marry or have sex with because that would be bestiality! A chocobo that had a maximum lifespan much shorter than a human's… Hmm, now that Leon really thought about it, he wondered if he was being a little childish to fight with Cloud over a bird, but oh well.

"It's not silly! Haven't you noticed how Zack keeps trying to break us up? He pecks at me, eats my socks, and even attacked me with a moogle friend!"

" Leon… Zack's just, not used to having you around the house, you know? This /is/ the first time I've had a boyfriend who is also my neighbour and so keeps hanging around my apartment. If it makes you feel better, Zack has pecked all of my previous boyfriends when they first visited me at my apartment."

"You said it yourself: first visited. That means Zack stopped pecking them after the first visit! But the blasted bird is still pecking me after three months!"

Cloud winced. "Well, he still pecks Riku sometimes…"

"It's not the same. Zack pecks Riku because Riku /likes/ eating chocobos. That, and because he can't stop calling Zack his emergency food stock."

"If you're so convinced that Zack enjoys pecking you, give me a good reason why! Because he doesn't like you?"

"Because he doesn't like me," Leon echoed irately, remembering all the times Zack had shown him his middle feather. "And he doesn't like me because /you/ like me."

Cloud blinked several times, running that sentence through his head over and over again until he reached a startling conclusion. He peered at Zack for a moment, as though trying to read the slightest nuances in his pet's body language. Zack peered back at him, cocking his head to the side looking like he was utterly and utterly confused. Ah, that action was so cute. It was that action that had convinced Cloud to adopt that black chick all those years ago, when his friend had decided to give away all the babies his own chocobo had mothered. Zack was really, really, really cute…

Leon coughed, and Cloud broke out of his 'Zack is soooooo cute!' trance.

"Err… anyway. Leon, you can't be serious. Zack can't be jealous of you! He's a chocobo, for god's sake!"

"Tell that to him again…" Leon muttered under his breath, inwardly hoping for the chocobo to suddenly walk up to him and kick him or something just for the hell of it. But no, that disgusting black blotch of feathers /never/ misbehaved in front of Cloud. Oh no. That thing acted like the cutest angelic chocobo when Cloud was around, but he would always immediately morph into the most devilish, malicious, and utterly evil nuisance once Cloud turned away.

Cloud sighed, completely unable to comprehend why two of the most important people –erm, person and chocobo?- in his life just couldn't get along. And Cloud didn't think he had been biased at all. He let both of them sleep in his bed if they whined; he let both them eat at the same table, and he always give them second servings if they were not full.

Sure, there had been that one occasion when he had bought Leon a shirt, but Cloud honestly didn't think that Zack could wear a shirt… And then there was that one time when he had bought Zack a new collar made of real leather, but there was no way Leon would want a collar like that… His boyfriend wasn't into S&M, was he?

Hmm. That might make a really good birthday present, and Cloud quickly noted that idea down in his head. But back to the problem at hand.

He decided to use the most tried-and-tested method in his book to placate his boyfriend. Slowly sashaying over, and making sure to smile seductively and giving a well-timed wink, he gently cupped Leon's face in his hands. He leaned in close, softly blowing a cool whisper of air onto his boyfriend's lips.

"Don't get so worked up. Why don't I give you a different kind of… pecking?" he said sweetly, running a finger across Leon's lips the way he knew his boyfriend was secretly so fond of. Cloud knew he had gotten Leon's complete attention; it was a piece of information that was gathered simply by noting the way Leon's breath sped up, his pupils dilated and how his tongue would flick out to wet his lips in anticipation.

Smiling, he closed the distance between them, quickly relinquishing control and allowed Leon to explore his mouth.

Leon was quick to embrace Cloud, his hands pulling him closer and holding him in place as their tongues continued to play. A thrilling bolt of pleasure spiked down his body and gathered at his groin when Cloud moaned sweetly. He grinned. His hands slowly slid down to cup Cloud's bottom and heave him up so Cloud could wrap his legs around his waist, just the way they both enjoyed.

And then…

PECK!

Leon stopped in his tracks, panting slightly as he peered down at the offending monster. He gave it a little kick, to which Zack warked loudly in protest. Cloud just blinked in surprise.

"I told you, didn't I? Zack pecks me because you like me. He /is/ jealous."

Cloud continued to blink even when he let go of Leon to grab Zack, staring his pet in the eyes in disbelief. "Zack? Little buddy?"

Zack whined, crossing his legs to continue his cute and innocent act.

Leon sighed. Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the door, ignoring Cloud's gasps and protests. When Cloud had hurried up to him at the threshold of the apartment, he leaned in for one more kiss, but it was more of a goodbye kiss than a 'I wanna make out' type of kiss.

"Cloud, either you give him away or make him understand that you and I are in a long-term relationship, so tell him to stop pecking or kicking me."

The blond puckered his lips, pouting. But he nodded after a while.

"I… I'll try my best."

Leon nodded, satisfied for the moment. And then he turned and ambled down the stairs for his own apartment, leaving Cloud and Zack alone to settle their business.

-tbc-

A/N: If time is money, then I must be close to bankruptcy. I'm surprised I even had time to post this one. Anyway, read and review if you liked this one, please! Thanx.