Alquamor: Yes indeed....swords are delightful! And fun! Although, they're not very good for juggling.
AuAu: I gotta ask: Have you never seen "The Princess Bride"? (I'm not trying to be rude, it's just that some of your comments have really made me curious.)
puppiescute: I'm kind of surprised you're reading this (most people don't bother with parodies unless they're familiar with the original story), but it's still pretty cool of you to do so. Boy, are you in for a few surprises...heh heh.
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"Hey Curllini, here he comes!" said Festinky.
The two of them stood on a high hilltop, overlooking a mountain path--the mountain path which the man in black happened to be running along at that very moment, tracking them. (Helganna was still tied up and slung across the giant's shoulder, and by that time was thoroughly annoyed at being carried around like a sack of potatoes.)
"Good," said Curllini. "That idiot certainly took his time, but no harm done."
Festinky squinted, trying to see better. "Um...come to think of it--that ain't our idiot...er--that ain't Geraldo. "
"What? What do you mean?"
"Mebbe my eyes are playin' tricks on me...but that sure looks like th' other guy!"
"Inconceivable!" muttered Curllini, although he could see for himself that it was true. He watched the man in black race along the path. It would take him a good ten minutes or so to reach the hilltop but there was still no time to waste. "Put her down," he ordered. The giant did so and they untied Helganna's feet. Curllini grabbed her arm and began leading her away. "You stay here," he said to Festinky. "When the man in black shows up, finish him off. Catch up as fast as you can."
"Okey-dokey.............Um--Curllini?"
Curllini turned. "What?"
"How? I don't know nuthin' about sword fightin'."
"I don't care how. Just finish him. Your way."
Festinky smiled. "Why thank you, Curllini. That's plumb nice of you--my way." He paused and scratched his head. ".....What's my way?"
The genius growled, irritated. "Pick up one of those rocks, and hide behind there," he said, pointing to one of the many piles of boulders that lay across the hill. "In a little while, the man in black will come running over the hill. The minute his head is in view...hit it with the rock!!" He took off, dragging Helganna behind him.
"Gee...my way ain't very sportsmanlike," said the giant with a frown, but he picked up one of the bowling-ball-sized stones and crouched behind a large boulder to wait.
Sure enough, the man in black came barreling over the hill in a matter of minutes. He knew the kidnapers had passed across the grassy, boulder-strewn area and that he was on the right track, but something appeared wrong just the same. He paused beside a large boulder to think...
*SMASH!!*
The man in black jumped sideways, startled by the rock which had landed not two inches from his head. He drew his sword, looking cautiously around for any sign of movement Suddenly another large rock came hurtling by.
*CRUNCH!!*
It shattered against the boulders-- again, much too close for comfort. The man in black was beginning to feel shaky.
Festinky stepped out from his hiding place. "Hi," he said, picking up another rock. "I just thought I'd give ya' fair warnin' before I went an' bashed you senseless. I didn't have t' miss," he explained.
"I believe you," said the man in black. His heart was still racing, but he held his sword steady.
"Tell you what," said Festinky, "I reckon it ain't fair for a wallopin'-big freak like me t' keep throwin' rocks at a scrawny guy like you --so why don't we just fergit about our weapons and have a good, ol' fashioned brawl like nature intended?"
The man in black gave him a curious look. "You mean.....I'll put down my sword and you'll put down your rock and we'll try and beat each other up like civilized people?"
"Yep. Man-t'-man."
The man in black looked at the giant's massive hands and arms, then at his own which suddenly seemed puny in comparison. "Frankly, I think the odds are against me either way."
Festinky raised the rock as if to throw it. "I could go ahead and kill you now..." he said with a grin, only half-joking.
"No thanks. I'll take those odds," the man in black answered quickly. He sheathed his sword again.
"Okey-dokey." The giant dropped his rock.
The man in black began to circle Festinky cautiously, like a stalking cat, sizing up his opponent and searching for a possible opening or weakness. Every few seconds or so, he would suddenly dart forward, and grab the giant's leg or arm or chest in a wrestling hold, then retreat when the attack had no effect. The giant merely stood there, unconcerned, letting the man in black test his strength. He wasn't the slightest bit worried--Festinky had been brawling most of his life, fighting as many as thirteen or fourteen men at once for money. Always, he had won...he was just too darn strong for them.
Festinky liked the man's attitude; the masked stranger hadn't complained or chickened-out, just accepted that the humongous brute would eventually kill him and tried his best anyway. Festinky would miss Geraldo, but anyone who could have climbed up the Cliffs of Insanity and beaten the great swordsman all in one morning had to be admired. At least the man in black would die nobly.
"Well, I hate to do this to ya, feller--but I reckon I gotta dispose of you now," said the giant.
Festinky reached out and grabbed the man in black from behind, pinning his arms to his sides. Then he lifted him high and squeeeeeeeezed until he heard something crack, and the man in black went limp. The giant smashed him against the rocks for good measure, tossed what was left into a crevice, and headed off.
At least, that was the plan.
What actually happened was this:
Festinky reached out and grabbed the man in black from behind, pinning his arms to his sides. Then he lifted him...
The man in black squirmed...
...and slipped free.
The giant paused, surprised. He tried again.
This time, he grabbed the man in black by the feet. He swung him through the air, and flailed the man in black several times against the ground as hard as he could. Then he tossed what was left into a crevice and headed off.
Or so he intended.
He never really got further than trying to grab the feet, because the man in black guessed what was coming and easily leapt out of the way.
Festinky stood, frustrated. "You're slipperier 'n a greased hog," he said.
"Good thing, too, or you'd have gotten me by now."
The giant tried a different tactic. He balled his massive fingers into fists and begin to swing at the man in black, aiming each blow toward his enemy's face. "Kin I ask you a personal question?" he asked.
"Shoot."
"Why do you wear a mask? Are you some kind o' hideous monstrosity, or a criminal, or somethin'?"
"Oh, no...Nothing like that," the man in black answered, in between dodging the punches. ".....It's just they're....."
~Whoosh
".....very comfortable. I think....."
~Swipe
".....that everyone will be wearing them....."
~Swish
".....someday."
*WHAM!!*
The man in black barely ducked in time. Festinky's fist collided with the boulder behind him, spraying pieces of rock everywhere. The man in black cringed inwardly; one slip-up, and his face would look worse than that rock. He had to end this --quick.
The giant lunged forward, attempting to pin his enemy against the stone, and the man in black dropped to the ground and darted between his legs. Then before Festinky could turn, the man in black's arms were wrapped around his neck in a desperate choke hold and refused to let go. Festinky panicked. He clawed frantically at the arms cutting off his air supply, backing against the boulders and bashing the man in black against them as hard as he could, hoping to loosen the grip for a second. "...A...ack!" went the giant, and "Oof!" went the man in black every time he did so, but the arms only squeezed tighter. Festinky was choking. He dropped to his knees, managing to grab one of the man in black's legs, but absolutely couldn't breathe and so hadn't the strength to fight back anymore.
The giant finally collapsed across the ground with a dull *THUD*.
The man in black released his grip and staggered away a few feet. Then he carefully rolled Festinky over onto his back and put an ear to his chest to listen for a heartbeat. He heard the giant's breathing--shallow, but steady...he would be okay when he regained consciousness. Relieved, the man in black stood. He really hadn't wanted to kill anybody if he could help it...that wasn't his style.
He also wouldn't have minded being unconscious himself at that point--as sore and exhausted as he was.
The man in black sighed, knowing it would be a long time yet before he could rest. He took one last look at the giant--still sleeping, good--and trotted off across the grassy hill.
Two down, one to go.
The hardest one.