solidchristian_88: Inigo (sounds like 'Indigo' without the 'd'). As for the mastermind behind the kidnapping...(drums fingers together and laughs evilly)...you'll see...heh heh heh.
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"
OOOOF!
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EEEEF!
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UHHHF!
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OWWW!
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went the man in black, tumbling down the side of the ravine.
"
OOOOF!
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EEEEF!
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UHHHF!
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OWWW!
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went the princess, tumbling after him.
Finally, they both rolled to a stop at the bottom, very bruised and shaken and winded and scruffed-up, but otherwise happier than anyone else in the world. They sat up slowly and the man in black pulled off what was left of his mask, revealing an unruly mop of blond hair.
"Oh....Arnold!" said Helganna, tears forming in her eyes.
He smiled warmly, and replied in a gentle voice: "It's about time."
They ran to each other.
(And I'm not going to tell you precisely what happened next for two excellent reasons. First of all: everybody is entitled to a little privacy in emotional times like these, and besides it really isn't anyone else's business. Second and most importantly: although it was probably a very tender moment for the two people involved, it was also so unbelievably and disgustingly sappy it would make your head spin. I am sure there was a great deal of crying and kissing and more than one embrace, and a lot of sweet nothings were uttered--mostly along the lines of 'my beloved,''my angel,' bliss, joy, yada...yada...yada. Mushy stuff, y'know.
At any rate, they were quarreling again within five minutes. It started out innocently enough...)
"You can't imagine how long I've dreamt about this," said Arnold, hugging her tightly. "Well--no, maybe not this, exactly. I'd have preferred not getting shoved down a hill."
"I said I was sorry. I never would have done that if I had known. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I couldn't, not until I knew whether you still loved me."
"Of course I do! You're alive! It's as if my heart started beating again," she said. Then she sat up, pushing him away. "Hey--why are you alive? And why didn't you come back sooner? Where have you been for three years, you bum?"
"It's a long story. We're together now--isn't that what matters most?"
"Like fun it is! You went gallivanting around the world, while I was stuck on that lousy little farm thinking you were lost at sea. So I put myself through all that heartache for nothing, and you don't think it matters whether you explain?"
His eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me about troubles. I suppose it was some kind of treat getting shanghaied by pirates, and spending every waking moment trying to return to you, and finally coming back to learn that not only are you perfectly well--you're engaged to some big galoot of a prince? A prince isn't used to being crossed, and this probably won't make him very happy. You think you're going to back out of it with just an 'On second thought, Your Highness, I've changed my mind'?"
"It isn't as if I'm in love with him! And you were dead! I figured if I was going to be miserable, I could at least be miserably rich!"
"Instead of being poor and happy with me?"
"You idiot--have you forgotten? You...Were...DEAD!! I grieved over you for three years and it ripped me apart inside. So-shut up! I'm still the Princess, and if you make me angry enough, I'll have you arrested for kidnapping. I suggest you start treating your superiors with a little more respect." She flounced away, hands on hips and nose in the air to show it was true. Then she turned back to him and her face softened. "Oh, Arnold--I didn't mean that," she said, hugging him again. "Not one word."
"I know. It's okay," he told her. "But I meant it when I said we still have a long way to go. By now your adoring fiancé must have sent search parties out for you, and if we don't keep moving, they may catch up. We don't have a moment to waste. And unfortunately, you've put us in kind of a predicament by tossing us both into this ravine."
They glanced at the steep walls where they had tumbled. No obvious way out, except back the way they had come. "Can't we climb back up?" she asked.
"Even if we could, it would take too much time."
"You climbed the Cliffs of Insanity."
"Yes," he sighed, "and it wasn't as easy as it looked. And then, I fought a Spaniard who knew a thing or two about fencing. And then, I wrestled with a giant. And then, I had to outfox a shrewd little guy who could have killed you at any given moment. I'm tired, Helganna. I've had a long, hard day. Don't you see?"
"I'm not stupid."
"Stop bragging."
"So...what do we do, then?"
He smiled and reached for her hand. "Straight ahead, my love. Right into the Fire Swamp."
"You're crazy," she said, nervously squeezing his hand. "We'll never live through it."
"Nonsense! You only say that because no one ever has," he replied cheerfully.
But deep down, he was just as scared as she.
A few words now on the subject of fire swamps.
The name "fire swamp" suggests something much worse than it really is. In truth, they are mostly just smelly, dank, regular old swamps, full of muck and vines and creepers and alligators and the usual. Mostly. However, fire swamps (the Guilder Fire Swamp in particular) were more dangerous than regular old swamps in three aspects:
1. Flame spurts 2. Snow sand 3. R.O.U.S.s
Swamps, as any expert could tell you, are full of various kinds of gas--given off by decaying roots and plant matter. Hence, the thick humidity and horrible smell. The "fire" in "fire swamp" comes from the fact that the ground in these particular swamps was often porous and saturated with such gases which might, for some reason or another, randomly spurt out of the earth at certain spots, mixing with chemicals in the air and sending up a column of flames that lasted a few seconds. If you happened to be standing on one of those spots when the gas spurted up--well, let's just say you'd begin to feel much like a hot dog wiener dropped in the campfire.
Some of these swamps had soft places in the ground where the sand was extremely fine and couldn't support the weight of anything much heavier than a bottle-nosed gnat. In short: snow sand. Not to be confused with quicksand--which traps you and allows you to sink gradually out of sight--snow sand is swift and merciless, sucking in its victim completely underneath before it knows what has happened. Once caught, it is impossible to fight your way out of, because the sand only falls faster and there is nothing to push against, and so you just keep sinking forever.
R.O.U.S.s (Rodents Of Unusual Size) were rat-like creatures approximately three feet long and were usually considered to be a myth. There was very little proof they actually existed; no one wanted to go deep into a fire swamp to find out, after all, and there had only been a few sketchy stories of the hairy beasts wandering around the outskirts of the woods. Supposedly, an old, sick R.O.U.S. occasionally stumbled out of a fire swamp to die, and might be found by a hunting party--but then again, when have hunting parties ever been known to tell the absolute truth? Legend or not, they certainly added to the mystery and fear of neighborhood fire swamps. Parents sometimes used this fear to threaten misbehaving children... "Don't steal--they'll send you to the Fire Swamp," was a fairly common saying in those days.
Most fire swamps, as far as could be told, contained only one, perhaps two, of these peculiar dangers.
The Guilder Fire Swamp had all three.
And it was into the Guilder Fire Swamp that those two were running.