Eve4000: Thanks. I'm afraid he does quite a bit of explaining in this chapter, though.
AuAu: Well...yes and no about playing along. You'll see what I mean when you read this. And never fear; we will learn what became of Geraldo and the others, just not for a while.
puppiescute: Glad you liked it so much. A lot of that stuff came from the original author (S. Morgenstern), though, even the bit about "not telling you what happened." Boy, it's a good thing fire swamps don't really exist. Or do they?...
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They picked their way carefully through the swamp. Arnold was in the lead--slicing aside the tangled vines and brambles with his sword to clear a path. There was a sudden popping sound on Helganna's right side, and he casually picked her up and swung her to the left as a tower of flames shot out of the ground where she had stood. So far, these flame spurts were the only true danger they had encountered since entering. After that first bit of excitement, where a popping sound had been followed by Arnold's pant leg catching on fire and he had to roll through a rather large mud puddle to put it out, they knew what to expect and avoiding the spurts really wasn't that difficult.
"It isn't too bad," he remarked after a half-hour or so of tramping through the bog. She shot him a cynical look that suggested he was a few feathers short of a cuckoo bird, and he explained. "Well--I'm not saying I'd want to move in any time soon--but you have to admit it isn't nearly as frightening as everybody says."
"Maybe so--but we aren't out of it yet."
In fact, it was a little boring. Trees and vines and alligators splashing in the water, and the occasional flame spurt. Nothing too horrible. Not an R.O.U.S. in sight.
"So--when I accused you of being the Dread Pirate Wolfgang, why did you agree?" Helganna asked.
"Because I am the Dread Pirate Wolfgang."
"That doesn't make any sense. He's been marauding for nearly twenty years, and you only left three years ago."
"Mystifying, isn't it?" Arnold paused to slice another vine in two with his sword, and turned to her. "You'll remember that I was on a ship at the time--bound for the east, I think--when attacked. Most of the men were killed or jumped overboard, and I was the only one taken captive. That part I told you about, where I said 'Please', is true. It intrigued Wolfgang, as did my description of you and our rather unique history together. 'All right, Arnold,' he said after I finished my story. 'You seem like a fairly clever fellow. I could do with a little intelligent conversation, so tell you what: I'll keep you around tonight, and kill you tomorrow. How's that?' Well, of course I was quick to agree. We spent the night talking; he told me quite a bit about pirating and marauding and looting and all that, and the next morning, I exhausted every minute I could exploring the ship and learning whatever possible. He came to kill me that evening, very apologetic you know, with a 'Sorry, Arnold, but it has to be done. The minute they think you've gone soft, pirating becomes an awfully difficult career.' And I said, 'Of course, sir; I understand completely. Thank you very much for the extra evening. It's been most informative.' Well, that made him curious, so I told him all about how no one had bothered to explain to the cook the difference between table salt and cayenne pepper, and how some of the crew kept forgetting to move rotted stuff downwind to the front of the ship so the smell wouldn't blow all across the deck. Things like that. Anyway, he was a bit impressed at how much I'd noticed in such a short time, so he thought for a while, and finally he said to me: 'All right Arnold, I've never had a cabin boy before, and I suppose you might be useful to have around for a bit, so we'll try this arrangement for another day. I can always kill you later.' And so, I'd do what needed doing, and fix what needed fixing, and see to this and that, and meanwhile studied everything I could about fencing and knife-throwing and so on. Every day went like that, and every night, Wolfgang would say: 'Well done, Arnold. Good night. Most likely, I'll kill you in the morning.' For three years he said this. By that time, we had grown to be fairly good friends, and Wolfgang had gotten so rich, he wanted to retire. So one night, he took me aside and told me a fantastic secret."
The two of them had still been tramping through the swamp during this whole story, and Arnold paused again for dramatic emphasis, before continuing.
"'I am not the real Dread Pirate Wolfgang,' said Wolfgang. 'My name is Lorenzo. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Wolfgang (and his name was actually Robert), just as you will inherit from me. The real Dread Pirate Wolfgang has been retired for fifteen years, and living like a king in Kuala Lumpur.' He then explained that it was the name that was necessary to strike fear in the hearts of victims. No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Arnold--we tried that once just to be certain, and believe me, it wasn't pretty. Somehow, the name 'Arnold' just isn't scary enough. Same reason you never hear of a Dread Pirate Bill, or a Dread Pirate Wesley. So anyway, to make a long story short... "
"Too late," said Helganna.
"Shorter, then. We sailed into port and hired an entirely new crew. Lorenzo stayed on as first mate for a while, all the time calling me 'Wolfgang' until the crew was convinced. And I've been an infamous, bloodthirsty scourge of the seas ever since. Aren't you proud?"
"What happens now? You can't stay a pirate forever."
"Of course not," he agreed. "Now that I've found you again, I'll give the ship and the title to someone else, and we'll settle down somewhere as we planned. Only this time we won't be poor, just happy."
Helganna wanted to agree, totally. Or at least make some kind of comment. But all she managed to say was "Woff.....!", because by then, the snow sand had her.