I Don't Want To Be
Standard Disclaimers Apply.
Thank you to all my reviewers and readers from Chapter 1 and on.
I will now start doing reviewer responses, starting with the reviewers of the last chapter. Here they are for Chapter 12 B:
lucasscottlover1
Hm...there's going to be a lot of drama and a lot of angst before this fic is through - brace yourself! Glad that it's at least interesting though, thank you for the review.
the ghost of christmas goth
Ah love. I'm afraid it may be a few chapters before any real pairings are plotted and established. This won't be much of a romance story. Naley is a given, but Leyton...eh... I know the show has now established Leyton as the end and be all but.. I don't know. We'll see. I was, originally, thinking Brucas in the end. However, I may decide to do a poll for ending pairings. Again, we'll see. As for lust...eh. Don't know what to tell you there. Thanks for the review!
------- … scene change/break or indicated flashback
Italics … thoughts
Bold … emphasis
I Don't Want To Be: Chapter 13: Before the Game
"So are you ready baby?"
Lucas looked over at his mother from his spot on his bed. "Ready for what mom?" he asked.
Deb stepped into her son's room cautiously. Things had been very rocky on all fronts for the past two months or so. "The game sweetie."
"Oh…that."
Deb hated how he didn't sound excited about it anymore. But no matter how many times she asked, Lucas refused to tell her what was ruining his favorite sport for him.
She had noticed that he returned from practice, and school, with a more disheartened expression every day. He would tell her nothing, always saying that nothing was wrong. Keith said it was just kid stuff, but Deb suspected he was withholding something from her.
Then there was the small problem of her not coming to the games. She just couldn't bring herself to do it, knowing that he could be there.
On top of that, Deb and Keith had opted to say nothing to Lucas about the plan. He would only ask questions about why they had to pretend. Questions they wouldn't be able to bring themselves to answer. Keith said it just didn't seem right to mess with Lucas' head that way. He'd be 'playing' as Lucas' father, but wouldn't actually be him.
That was true enough, but Deb suspected that there was another reason. If they were to tell Lucas that Keith had been his father all along, he'd be crushed. The boy would wonder why Keith only came around every once in a while. He'd want to know why he hadn't been told sooner. Lucas, sweet and forgiving as he was, would never forgive this transgression. To have his father right there the whole time – alive, not dead…around, not 'missing'. Keith's relationship with Lucas would never be the same. What would be left of it?
Deb never spoke of her suspicions though. She understood, and besides, Lucas would be upset with her too. Regardless of Keith's spot in her life, Lucas would always be her whole world. If she ever lost him in any way…it'd be the end of her.
No, a voice chimed in. Those pills you had thirty minutes ago will be the end of you. She grimaced at the words, mind pulling up the memory of her downing some pills for 'courage'.
She had needed those pills though. They were all that could keep her numb enough to make it through what she was about to do. It was for Lucas though, all for Lucas.
And that makes it all okay, right?
Her inner voice scoffed, apparently disagreeing, but it said nothing in reply.
"Yes, that," he heard his mother say.
He loved basketball. He loved playing for the school, really he did. He loved impressing his coach, loved being impressive to some adult other than his mother and uncle – period. But what he didn't love was all the grief it was causing him.
Nathan harassed him continuously, though Lucas never suffered another semi-serious physical injury again. The dark-haired boy and his 'followers', as Lucas had taken to calling them, were on his case in and out of practice. It was starting to not be fun anymore. He was beginning to think it wasn't worth it.
And he knew that strange man's name now. Dan Scott, father of Nathan and Crystal Scott, some car dealer guy. He always seemed to be around when Lucas was being picked up for practice. Whenever he got in his mom's car or Keith's truck, the blond boy always felt like he was being watched.
If he ever looked back at the man, he'd receive this haughty, you-are-not-worthy look. If he was so unworthy, why did Dan keep staring at him all the time? It was getting a little creepy.
Then there were the 'random' visits Dan would pay to the team during practice. He was always forcing them to pass and pass and pass to Nathan. Nathan, apparently, was the star. The kicker was that Coach didn't even stop him. He seemed quite afraid of the man. Lucas remembered that his coach had tried to speak up once…
It hadn't turned out well.
So school sucked, practice sucked, and now home was pretty sucky too. His mother and uncle had been acting really weird lately. Like weirder than the time he'd caught them pillow fighting.
Again.
Lucas knew there was something they weren't telling him. Adults were allowed secrets, and Lucas understood there were some things that he didn't need to know.
It was just… Lucas had the feeling that this secret was a big secret, a secret that had something to do with him. That meant that he deserved to know /something/. But no, they'd kept their mouths shut, sometimes lying outright about it. The secretive air made time at home and time around them tense.
He spent most of his time around Haley and the 'Rivercourt Gang' as Haley's older sister called them.
Right now though, there was a game he had tonight. Tree Hill Ravens vs. Remington Hawks. These games used to bring him excitement. Now he dreaded them. Oh, he did well enough when the team wasn't playing against him and with Nathan. And it was great when he didn't feel like Dan was staring him down from the stands while simultaneously shouting at Nathan to run faster.
Icing on the cake? No mother to cheer him on. He had been so ready that first game – ready to show his mother that she'd made the right decision in letting him play. He had wanted to make her proud, had wanted to hear her cheering him on.
No such luck.
Oh, she was at the café with a celebratory dinner, or a consolation dinner if they lost, waiting for him when it was over. But Lucas didn't care about 'when it was over'. He cared about 'when it was on'. And when the game was on, his mother wasn't there. Yeah, his uncle made his appearances and that was great but he wanted his mother there.
It was the end of the season and she hadn't been to one single game.
And now…now Lucas was just tired. Maybe joining had been a bad idea.
"Lucas?" came his mother's questioning voice.
"I'm coming," he said while slowly picking himself off the bed. "I'm coming."
When they arrived at the gymnasium, Lucas had simply gotten out of the car, closed the door, and started walking towards the doors. He stopped waiting to see what his mother would do after the first four games – when she proved that she would only wave, give him the thumbs up and/or blow him a kiss, and drive away.
Tonight was different though. Tonight as he stood slightly inside the gym with a blank look, Lucas felt a delicate hand on his shoulder. He blinked slowly and looked up.
"Mom?"
Deb smiled down at her obviously shocked son. His confused and somewhat doubtful look pained her, but she knew it was to be expected. She hadn't stuck around before, why would he think differently now?
A silent question was asked and she smiled wider before nodding. Yes, she'd be in the stands. When her son gave her that wonderful smile of his, Deb felt the pain ebb away as it was replaced with happiness. She would do this for him. Sure she wasn't proud of the way she planned on getting through this, but she was here.
"Deb?"
She froze. It looked like he was here too. Great, just great. She'd had the feeling that this would happen, but not before the game started. Or before she even stepped inside the gym.
"Deb?"
It couldn't be. She…she…
Looks great, an inner voice finished for him. Deb had always been beautiful to him, and he imagined that she always would be. Time had been good to the woman, he could tell even with her back turned to him.
Fitted black jeans, a simple white shirt that was a little longer than her jacket, a black leather jacket, and black boots – the woman looked amazing. Her dirty blonde locks looked as soft as ever. She had kept them at shoulder length, just as they were in high school, the wavy tresses falling freely.
She had tensed up when he had called her name. Not surprising given their, ah, history. Even less surprising considering their last meeting. He had been shocked to find that she was in town. Shocked that she had her son in tow. He hadn't been there at their little 'meeting', but he'd seen the boy. She had confirmed his identity after Dan described the boy.
He had been so high and mighty at first, asking if she was here to beg for money, with Keith present for moral support or something. She had huffed, highly offended. "My café is doing quite well thank you. I don't your money Daniel." Daniel. He hated the sound of his 'official' first name.
"So you haven't come for child support then?" he had asked. So ignorant, so sure…
She had been quick to correct him. "Child support for what? I have no child of yours." He had laughed, telling her to quit her games. She had insisted that there was no game. Deb had told him that she and Keith had come to clear the air, to get it over with.
"What?" He had still been holding to his image, but his brother and ex-girlfriend had only smiled, as if his confusion was so much more evident than he had thought.
Keith, specifically, had seemed to be grinning as he put an arm around Deb's waist – an effortless move on his part. "That's right Danny-boy. We've come with a confession." A confession that Keith had been all-too-ready to share.
Dan's eyes fell to the confused blond boy. The boy was looking inquiringly up at his mother.
Lucas.
That was his name. Lucas Eugene Scott. It was a terrible middle name, or so Dan felt. Little did he know that Lucas and Keith agreed with that sentiment. But anyway.
Lucas.
He'd been watching the boy, searching for an answer. Searching for something that would tell him if his brother had been lying or not that day in the parking lot.
And for what?
"I know you've been watching Lucas. I don't know why, but I want you to leave him alone. You have no reason to watch my son." Just like that, Keith had set the record straight (though you, the reader, know that there's nothing straight about it).
"… … … …my son." He had said it with such pride, such happiness. It had made him sick, still made him sick. He had accused them of lying, saying this jig was up and that they all knew Lucas was really his. He had said it, throwing his suspicions out there, waiting for their reactions.
Nothing.
No reaction.
No paling, no stuttering, no shocked or horrified looks. Just knowing smiles that made him sick to his stomach.
"I saw no reason to tell you Daniel," Deb had said. Agh, that accursed full first name again. "You never believed he was yours anyway, so why tell you he was Keith's? You'd only rub it in my face, gloating about how right you were."
"So…he's not my son."
"No Daniel, Lucas is not your son."
There had been none of the gloating that Deb had spoken of that day. Dan had donned an air of nonchalance, dismissing the sickeningly happy pair. He had watched, sick to his stomach, as they left holding hands. They had been acting like freaking teenagers; it was disgusting.
He had kept watching Lucas, picking off Scott family traits, memories welling to the surface with every glance. "Not your son." So much drama over one lousy kid. Contempt often took over when the boy dared to meet, or try to meet, his gaze. Then the child would just look away, obviously bothered.
Oh yeah? Well he was bothered too! All this time – the fights with his wife, the questioning looks from his kids about those fights, the issues with his brother, the drama with his parents, drama with this whole town! All of it for nothing. That's what this kid was to him – nothing.
Dan guessed that his negative emotions must have showed in his eyes because in the next moment, Deb shooed her son away. Also, the displeased elbowing from his wife as she ushered their own son along, daughter in tow, was a sign that he must have been giving off a nasty look.
"So what are you doing here?"
What was she doing here? As if she didn't belong here or had no business here at all. The audacity of that man! Deb scowled. "I'm here to watch my son play Dan."
"Back to 'Dan' are we? It was 'Daniel' not too long ago."
Deb rolled her eyes at his perceived victory. Arrogant little prick. How could she have ever wanted to be with him? He was just unbearable! "Whatever Dan, I'm not staying here for this." She turned to walk away.
Dan reached out and grabbed her wrist. For one thing, no one walked away from Dan Scott before he was done with them. For another thing, he wanted to see those baby blues of hers one more time. Even with the angry, non-plussed expression to them, Deb's sapphire eyes were as hypnotic as ever.
Deb yanked herself free, glaring at her ex-boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. It sounds so juvenile. But it fit right now since Dan was acting so juvenile. "What?"
"Where's Keith? Every father should be around to watch his son play."
"What's it to you? Lucas isn't yours – what do you care?"
And there it was again. Was she trying to rub that in? Like it was supposed to hurt him or something? Dan scowled right back at the woman. "Just a simple question Deb. Why isn't Keith–"
"Why isn't Keith what?"
Dan and Deb both appeared startled. It was like the man had just materialized out of nowhere. Deb recovered first, smiling smugly. "He's right here," she answered belatedly.
Keith only looked between the two of them, somewhat confused. He said nothing, letting Deb link her arm with his and lead him into the gym. Deciding he didn't want to know, Keith smiled as they looked for seats.
Sitting down as they game started, he waved to Lucas, who waved back – a noticeable grin on the boy's normally solemn face. "Glad you could make it," Keith said to Deb as the buzzer went off, signaling the beginning of the game.
End chapter. Was coming to the game a mistake? Will this be the short-lived secret? Review and I might just tell you! See you next chapter people!