You've Always Deserved My Love
Chapter Fourteen
Makato sat in the temple garden. Rei's grandfather had seen her come up the stairs and had gone over to her to tell her Rei wasn't at home, but the girl had simply looked at him and shaken her head. She walked to the back of the temple, near the woods. The small pond was there; the pond she had thrown Usagi's letter in. She smiled bitterly, thinking to a few months back, wondering at the sharp turn her own life had taken since Usagi left her life.
She had been hurt like the others when Usagi had gone. But she had gained something else when their leader left. She had fallen in love with Mamoru.
Makato squeezed her eyes shut, but tears refused to be held back and they swam freely down her face. She wiped at them with her sleeve and looked up at the sky. It was cloudy out from the previous rains and it was starting to get dark. It matched her mood perfectly.
She sat down on the grass. Tilting her head down, she gazed at her knees and pulled them close to her chest, resting her head on them. It was obvious what his choice would be. Usagi was his soul mate; he loved her and always would. Besides that, she knew she had no chance in winning him compared to Usagi. Because Usagi… Usagi would give him Chibiusa, and he loved Chibiusa dearly.
His soul mate and his daughter. Or her?
There was no question that he would choose the former.
She stopped trying to stop her tears and she let herself cry. She had given in to love and look where it had brought her. She had always been so strong; why was it that one guy, one man, had been able to break her into this helpless girl who was writhing in pain over a simple thing as love?
Why was it that love was so powerful to break her down, of all people?
She braced herself as a wind swept through the trees and into her hair. She sighed, and the sigh swept along as if to follow the wind. Looking out at the pond, resolve sunk into her. She did love Mamoru, but she didn't want to give up her strength because of him. He was a wonderful man; she could have very easily married him and been happy for the rest of her life. But that was obviously not going to happen. He was still in love with Usagi.
Setting her face in determination, she decided. If Mamoru went back to Usagi, it would not be the death of her. She would be just fine. She would survive; she always had before him, hadn't she? She'd been happy enough with her life.
She winced. Seeing him now, after all this, would be hell. Because she would still love him. She dreaded the wedding of Usagi and Mamoru… dreaded Chibiusa's birth and the formation of Crystal Tokyo.
But she would deal with it.
Because… she loved him enough to give him up. And she was strong enough to do so.
She sighed and nestled her head in her knees, closing her eyes.
At least… she hoped she was.
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Mamoru had been out on the balcony for the better part of two hours now. Usagi's eyes watched his back; she couldn't really bring herself to turn away. The way his shoulders sagged and his head drooped made it apparent how heavy the world felt upon his shoulders.
She had long since stopped her crying and had opted for silence. Contemplation had become key in her life as of late, and that her mind was a safe place for her to retreat was the only definite left in her existence.
Chibiusa had not yet returned; neither had the four senshi. It was herself, Pluto, and the queen and king of the future sitting in the dark room. Even though it was now dark out, no one had thought to stand up and light the room. It remained dim, with only a single lamp burning in the corner.
Mamoru moved, turning his head to the side. The sudden movement of the previously deathly still man startled Usagi enough to make her jump in her seat; she wondered what was so intriguing that he pulled himself out of his trance to look at.
She watched his profile; he hadn't changed at all in the long months since they had been apart. He was the same handsome man she had always known. From the blue of his eyes to the shine of his back hair, there was no difference. She wondered if she had changed in appearance to his eyes. Was she the same girl, the same blonde girl he had loved? Or was she just the girl who left him? She closed her eyes. She had to look different. She had cut off the 'odangoes' that he had always associated with her, and she was obviously fatter… she almost laughed at that, because there was no avoiding the added weight.
Suddenly her mind snapped and she realized her mother was probably going crazy wondering where she was.
And then she thought about Seiya. He was probably combing the streets looking for her, wondering where she had gone and worrying like crazy for her safety. Suddenly guilt washed over her skin, leaving her in a cold sweat. She had married for no other reason than to give the bastard inside her an explanation. Not a father. Just an explanation, so she wouldn't be given strange looks. And he had protected her; even if she didn't love him, he had been good to her. She knew she was a horrible person for loving another man while marrying another, but she couldn't bring herself to feel guilty about loving Mamoru… Seiya knew when she married him that she still loved Mamoru. He had gone ahead and married her anyways, hadn't he? It wasn't her fault; she had told him she was scarred and she was still in love with another. He had smiled. He had smiled and promised that he would love and take care of her.
And he had kept his promise… and it brought a wave of guilt over her chest that was so deep that she felt the entire atmosphere was about to crash right then and there.
Mamoru tore his head around again, this time turning and walking inside. She jumped out of her reverie again. He looked straight at her, noticing that her eyes were watching him.
He didn't smile; he didn't frown. He didn't give any indication of any emotion. He didn't speak; he didn't move any closer than the door of the balcony. He simply looked at her. It gave her shivers up and down her spine; she longed to know what he was thinking.
He refused to speak, though. He simply stood, as if waiting.
Then the door to the apartment opened and Rei, Ami, Minako, and Chibiusa walked in.
His eyes, dark and cold, looked at them. He didn't ask anything. He waited for them to speak.
It was quiet; extremely quiet. Chibiusa shifted from one foot to the other, staying quiet. Minako and Ami had their arms clasped together, standing behind Rei. The priestess was the only one brave enough to speak and break the death-still silence.
"Makato was at the temple."
No one spoke; the girl looked around at the people on the couches, and then up at Mamoru, trying to find some sort of signal to continue. No one gave her any, yet no one discouraged her.
She took a shaky breath. "She refuses to come."
Mamoru strode across the room. He passed the couches; he didn't look at Usagi. Standing by Rei, he turned his head to the side and looked down at her wide, violet eyes.
"Is she still there?" His voice sounded torn, and Rei nearly took a step back, startled at the deep sorrow in his voice.
"Yes; she's there."
Pluto had otherwise been silent, but with this declaration she stood and faced Mamoru, her time staff standing tall beside her. "Majesty, you must make a decision."
His eyes were blank when he turned and looked at her. "Can you not spare me a few hours more?"
Her eyes lowered. "Yes, I can do that. Please do not tarry long; I must do this soon. It is my only chance. I must know what you wish to do."
"A few hours." He said.
Usagi had been looking up at him through her lashes. His eyes suddenly caught hers and held her in his gaze for a long moment. Her eyes widened; she gazed back up at him fearfully. Her heart felt twisted and torn; she didn't have a clue what was running through his head and it scared her. It terrified her. Her future depended on him. She wanted to tell him she loved him, wanted to plead with him to take her back.
But she knew that no amount of coaxing from her would change or alter his decision, whatever it may be. When Mamoru made his mind up, he didn't change it.
His gaze was suddenly torn away from her as he walked to the door and left. He was obviously going to Makato.
Usagi bit her lip; rather, she clamped down rather roughly on it, causing blood to seep into her mouth; she didn't care. Ignoring the throbbing pain from her lip, she watched the open door, wanting to yell at him to come back and talk to her. He had said not a single word to her.
It was useless now. Whatever he chose, he was going to tell Makato first. Usagi felt faint; he was heading toward the temple to tell Makato his choice, and Usagi… she didn't have the slightest clue what it was.
She attempted swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat. She was dying inside, the fear and the waiting clasped around her heart.
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End Chapter Fourteen
I know this is all killing you all, but please bear with it. I mean, this is what suspense is for…. The killing of readers and reviewers! Lol I'm kidding! Hope you're liking it; please review!
(I am sorry the chapters have not been longer. But they're not that long because I don't want to ruin too much of the story in one chapter. I'm actually writing them two at a time! lol)