All right, people...we know that it's been a while, but we've been insanely busy. Football and cheerleading practice, soccer practice, homework...and that's just for the kids...lol! We'll try to do better from now on. We want to thank everyone who has reviewed on the previous chapters and given us their input. We really appreciate it. We hope that you'll continue to do so with this one. As always...

We are yours,

butterflyswest and Erin Allen

9

Ray opened his eyes at the feel of a hand running through his hair. With a soft sigh he looked up into the dark eyes that he'd grown to depend on, and the emotion shining out at him was enough to set his heart to pounding.

"Neela," he said softly. It was only her name, but to him it meant so much more. That name was the embodiment of everything he cared about in this life. She was everything he'd never known he wanted. But now that he knew, it wasn't just 'want'…it was need. He needed her. He took her wrist in his hand and pulled her hand to his lips, barely brushing her skin in a light caress.

She smiled and leaned over him to kiss him. He groaned at the taste of her and wondered briefly if his heart had stopped. He was really dead, and by some weird twist, he was in heaven. He reached up to frame her face in his hands, his fingers tangling in her silky hair.

"I've missed you," she said softly against his lips, her fingers brushing through his hair, stroking his cheek. Her words sent his heart pounding in his ears. Anything else she might have said was lost to the rush of blood. He closed his eyes, savoring her words, marveling at the feel of her hands touching him.

"I missed you so much," he said, his heart in his throat as she climbed on the bed to sit in his lap.

"Aww, shucks, Ray. I'm touched."

Ray jerked awake at the sound of that familiar voice close to his ear. Shock barely had time to register at the sight of his friend standing beside his bed, grinning at him, before embarrassment set in. He scowled as Brett laughed.

"It's amazing what you say when you're asleep," he said.

"I was having a good dream," Ray said darkly. "I should kick your ass for ruining it."

Brett's grin widened.

"But you won't. You love me too much."

"You think?"

Brett snorted in derision. "Boy, you can barely get out of that bed much less kick my ass. I wouldn't want to humiliate you. You're no challenge right now. Heal up a little and we'll see."

Ray couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face.

"You're on," he said, holding out his hand. To his surprise, Brett took it and leaned forward to give him an awkward half hug.

"Glad to see ya, man," Brett said, his voice choked.

Ray closed his eyes at the sound, fighting back his own emotions. It was more than good to see him. He'd very nearly lost everything including this. He didn't comment on the conspicuous moisture around his friend's eyes when Brett pulled away.

"The next time you want to do something heroic, do it in the ER."

Ray grinned.

"Apparently, I did," he said smartly earning a scowl.

"You know what I mean, Barnett. Jesus! Who the hell do you think you are? Superman?"

Ray shrugged. He hardly remembered what he'd done, but even he had to admit that he wasn't bulletproof. Neither was he ready to think about the what-ifs. What if that bullet had been just a little higher? What if Albright hadn't been the surgeon she was? He glanced at Brett and could see that he didn't want to talk about that either.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," he said lightly.

"I'm sure it did," Brett said tightly, though he didn't look half as pissed as he sounded. "Christ, Barnett! You need a damn keeper."

"Look who's talking."

"I'm not the one who got shot." Brett frowned, looking down at the floor. "I lost ten years off my life when Neela called and told me what happened."

Ray's mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Neela called you?" he asked incredulously. It was no secret that the two of them mixed like oil and water. That she had done that for him only deepened what he already felt for her.

"Yeah, she did. The boys and I hopped the last flight here the next day."

Ray's shock deepened and he glanced at the door.

"You're all here?"

"Yep. Even Nicky, who is terrified of flying. We had to get him drunk to get him on the plane." He shrugged and scratched at his head. "Of course, it didn't help that we made him watch 'Snakes on a Plane' before we came. They're waiting in the hall."

Ray could only smile faintly. He wasn't sure what to feel at the moment. His emotions were all over the place, but chief among them was gratitude. Gratitude to Neela for calling them. Gratitude that they had all cared enough to come.

"I'm glad you came," he managed to say.

"What else could we do, man? You should have known that we would." Brett paused, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "About Neela…" he began hesitantly.

"I know what you're going to say," Ray said with a sigh. "After what happened how can I…"

"That's not what I was going to say," Brett snapped, shooting him a look of annoyance. "She's been through some shit, Ray. She's done nothing but sit here with you, hoping you'd wake up. You need to stop playing these games with her and tell her how you feel."

"I'm not playing games, Brett. I was giving her space…"

"Space," Brett echoed. "She doesn't need space. She needs you."

Ray frowned.

"I'm going to, but I don't think that now is the right time. Jesus, Brett! She just lost her husband."

"She almost lost you, too. And she never would have known that you love her."

Ray said nothing to deny it. He was sure that during some of the drunken phone calls, he had probably let that slip. He wasn't going to get pissed at Brett for bringing up things that he couldn't remember.

"Don't you think that after everything she's gone through that she deserves some truth from you?" Brett asked quietly. "She's in love with you, you know."

Ray looked away from the sincerity in Brett's eyes.

"Why are you suddenly defending her?" he asked tightly, avoiding Brett's last statement. "If I remember right, you kept telling me to forget about her."

"That was before I thought about it. That was before I saw her and how broken up she looked. And you…you're not being fair to her by keeping her in the dark."

"Abby keeps saying pretty much the same thing," Ray admitted.

"Abby is right." Brett paused, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I'm done telling you what to do, now. I said what I needed to say." He grinned and turned toward the door.

"Brett."

His friend paused, glancing at him over his shoulder.

"What if she leaves again?"

Brett shrugged, his gaze never leaving Ray's face. Finally he sighed heavily.

"That's something you'll have to work out, Ray. But you know what'll happen if you don't say anything?"

Ray shook his head.

"Nothing, that's what. I'll go get the boys. I'm sure they all what to give you shit too."

Ray nodded and leaned against the pillows on the bed to wait. Brett's last words echoed over and over in his head. Nothing, that's what. It was true. He'd done nothing when she had moved out, giving her the watered down version of what he'd felt for her. It hadn't been enough. He'd done nothing when she had walked away from him on the roof, and it had gotten him nothing. It was time to stop sitting on his ass waiting for something to happen. It was time to start making his own luck. He grinned, suddenly feeling as if a weight had lifted from him. And when the band came in, making enough noise to wake the dead, he gave them a genuine welcome.

000000

"Hey! Neela's here!" Morris said as they walked into the ER overloaded with food and things from Ray's apartment. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of the guitar. "Where's the rest of the band?" he asked, doing a little dance, shaking his butt.

"Shut up, Morris," Neela muttered as she passed, adjusting her grip on her burden. She barely spared him a glance. She wasn't in the mood for him right now.

"What did I say?" he asked Abby, and she paused to look at him with one eyebrow raised.

"You ate paint chips as a child didn't you?" she asked sarcastically before moving on.

"Pregnancy hormones," he muttered, heading for reception.

"I thought he was supposed to be gone already," Neela said as she shifted her load to press the elevator button.

"We're short staffed right now with Ray gone. It's slow going finding someone to replace Morris anyway, so he said he'd stay until Ray can come back."

Neela processed that information as the elevator took them up. She wondered if it would be too much to ask to come back to the ER instead of going back to surgery.

When the elevator doors opened on Ray's floor, Neela paused, a slow grin splitting her face.

"It looks like we got here just in time," she said, taking in the pained looks on the faces of the nurses. Abby frowned as the sounds of raucous laughter and music drifted down the hall to them.

"What the hell..?" she asked.

"The band is here," Neela said with a laugh. "Trust me, I would know that noise anywhere. I had to live with that for years."

Abby glanced at her in sympathy.

"And all this time I thought you were just exaggerating. They were really like this?" she asked as several patients came to their doors and glanced up and down the hall in confusion. She shifted the pizza she carried to her hip and adjusted the strap on the bag she was carrying over her shoulder.

Neela laughed and started down the hall to Ray's room. The sounds only grew louder as she closed in on the room. One of the nurses stopped her, eyeing the guitar she carried and the bags of fast food from Ray's favorite café.

"Dr. Rasgotra, you have got to tell them to keep it down. We have other patients on the floor that need to rest. All this noise is distracting."

Neela bit her lip and counted to ten before she tried to speak. She was afraid that if she didn't, she would just burst out laughing.

"I'll talk to them, but I don't know how much good it will do. They tend to not care who they disturb."

"Well they had better care," the woman snapped. "Especially when I call security."

Neela's laughter dried up to be replaced by annoyance.

"He's been asleep for a month, and hasn't seen his friends for longer than that. I don't think it's too much to ask that he spend a little time with them," she said quietly.

The nurse scowled, and said nothing as she spun on her heel, retreating down the hall. Neela sighed, tightening her grip on the instrument in her overloaded arms. If she hadn't already lost her surgical residency, she was going to ask to go back to the ER. The people up here were entirely too uptight. She froze, suddenly realizing what she was thinking and laughed out loud. Neela, the epitome of uptight, was annoyed by these people. Amazing.

She shook her head at Abby's questioning look and shoved open the door. Her ears were immediately assaulted by the sound of rock music. Live and in Dolby surround sound. They guys were arranged around the room with everything but the drums. Ray sat on the edge of the bed in an animated discussion with Brett. At the sight of Neela, standing in the doorway smiling, he yelled for everyone to stop. The sudden silence left her ears ringing.

"I see that nothing changes," she said without rancor. "You can still annoy the neighbors when you really want to."

Brett grinned.

"It's what we're best at," he said. "What? Did Hatchet-face, the Neo-Nazi Nurse say something to you?"

"Yes, and she's quite ready to call security to have you all thrown out. Just tone it down, okay?"

Brett's eyes rolled to the ceiling before he let out a long-suffering sigh.

"If we must," he said finally. "But I see that you brought Superman's guitar, so you can't mean to have us stop altogether."

Neela smiled and shook her head. She had missed Brett's insane turns of thought. Pain in the ass as he was, he still had a unique outlook on the world. Her gaze drifted to Ray who was watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. She smiled uncertainly, and he returned the smile, but it seemed strained. Her heart fluttered a little, but she ignored the fear she suddenly felt. She crossed the room to give him the guitar.

"It took a moment to find this," she said, placing the instrument in his hands. His face registered confusion for a moment before realization hit him. He opened his mouth to speak, his eyes wide in his face, but she cut him off. "We'll talk later," she said softly, lightly squeezing his hand before she handed him the rest of her offerings. He actually moaned as the scent of the burger drifted from the grease soaked paper bag.

"Oh, I so love you," he said before tearing into the food, seeming oblivious to the fact that Neela's heart had stopped. She glanced at Brett and he only smiled at her before jumping from his perch beside Ray and heading for Abby.

"Did you bring that just for me?" he asked, giving her his best little boy pout. Abby raised an eyebrow and glanced at Neela.

"Is he for real?" she asked.

Neela nodded, unable to speak. She was still in shock over Ray's words. He seemed not to realize what he'd said. Did that mean that it was just a figure of speech? A phrase he'd just happened to use to express his gratitude? Or was there some deeper meaning there? She shook her head, struggling to bring her racing pulse under control. She took a deep breath and moved away from the bed, trying to bring herself under control. She knew that she was over examining it, but that didn't help things. Telling herself that did nothing to stop the rush of emotion that his words had evoked. She looked at Abby, forcing her mind to focus on what was being said. Brett was trying to talk her out of the pizza she carried, and Abby was having none of it.

"Ray isn't going to eat all of that, and I haven't had a Chicago deep dish in ages."

"Then ask Ray to share," Abby said, placing the box on the bed beside the now empty burger bag. "I think he still remembers how to do that."

"Not a chance," Ray said around a mouthful of bun. "I haven't had a burger or pizza in a month. I have catching up to do."

Brett made a face.

"Didn't you learn anything in kindergarten?" he asked dryly.

"I learned how to tie my shoes," Ray offered, flipping the pizza box open and leaning in to breathe in the scent of sauce and melted cheese.

"You know, Ray, manners are good things," she huffed.

"Thanks?" he managed around another huge bite of burger.

She rolled her eyes and glanced at her watch.

"Neela, I have to go. I'm on in about fifteen minutes."

Neela nodded.

"I'll see you later then," she said. "Thank you for helping me."

"No problem. Maybe tomorrow we'll try to get you out of here again."

Neela smiled and murmured something noncommittal. She wasn't leaving this place again until she could take Ray home.

"And on that note, we're gonna split too," Brett said. "Since Barnett can't grow up and share his food…"

"Hey, I'm hungry!" Ray retorted.

"Then we're going to go get something to eat," Brett finished with a grin. "There isn't enough here for all of us anyway. Don't worry about it."

Ray swallowed. "You coming back?" he asked as they filed out the door.

"Later. We'll leave our stuff and maybe we can jam like old times."

Ray grinned. "You're on."

Neela waited until they were gone before pulling up a chair beside the bed. She couldn't help but watch with sick fascination as he devoured his food.

"Good God!" she said finally. "Are you even tasting that?"

He nodded, his mouth stuffed full of pizza.

"You're going to make yourself sick eating like that."

"Don't care," he said. "I'm starving. The food they brought me this morning wouldn't feed a fly."

She paused. "If you're feeling this good, then you'll be wanting to go home soon."

He stopped eating for a moment, turning his eyes on her, his expression unreadable.

"I'd go home today if I could."

She looked away, uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

"Well, I can see what I can do," she said, a blush heating her face. "As things are, I could pretty much have anything I want at the moment. The nurses won't go for too many more visits from the boys."

He shrugged. "We weren't that loud…"

"Abby and I could hear you in the elevator one floor down," she said, grinning.

"Oops."

Neela laughed as he sighed and fell back against the bed. She glanced at detritus on the bed and raised her eyebrows at the amount of food that he'd consumed. The burger and fries were gone and the pizza was half eaten.

"Are you finally full?"

He groaned.

"I think I ate too much"

"Like that's never happened before." She paused, her laughter drying up. "Ray? Can I ask you…"

He blew out a breath.

"You want to know about the music," he said, lifting his head to look at her.

She nodded, biting her lip. She watched as his eyes drifted shut and a muscle in his jaw twitched. Suddenly, she was afraid to hear what he had to say. She was afraid that he was about to tell her that he'd written it for someone else. That she was being selfish to think that he'd given her another thought once she'd left.

But that couldn't be true. Could it? If the messages she'd received from him were any indication, she had been very much on his mind. She forced air into her lungs, waiting for him to speak, hoping for a miracle.