"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

Sara

„Come on, let´s go home." Sara tugged on her fiancés hand, pulling him along.

She had to go to the reception of that fancy science conference in an hour and she had not even decided what she was going to wear yet.

When Professor Neil had invited her yesterday she´d just accepted spontaniously, still eager to add all the knowledge to her mind that she didn´t possess yet.

Will had just laughed when she´d told him about it.

„You always have to know everything," He´d whined, „I feel stupid next to you.You are already a walking encyclopedia."

And then he´d pulled her onto his lap and had kissed her until she didn´t know the witty answer she´d wanted to give him in response anymore.

They got home just in time for her to throw in a quick shower and get dressed casually, before she had to get to the hotel which was fortunately not too far away from her home. She decided to walk there, even if it would make her a bit late. She loved Boston in the winter. The snowy landscape always made her dreamy.

Arriving at the hotel, she quickly made her way to the indicated banket room but stopped short in her tracks, when she saw a certain entomologist enter the room, the door falling closed behind him.

Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she considered the fact that Grissom was in Boston, attending a conference she would be present at too.

She had not seen him in over three years and she had honestly not expected to see him ever again. Not after their seperation...

Not that they´d seperated in hate...it had been different than either of them had expected.

Sure, she´d been afraid he would leave her because he learned he loved his solitude or his work more than her and he had been afraid she would leave him because of a younger man. They´d expected fights and hate and tears. But neither was the case.

The separation was as quiet as the beginning of their relationship.

One day he just left without telling her and it was over. The end. They both knew it. And she couldn´t even remember why anymore.

Sara decided she didn´t want to face Grissom - not now.

She would enter the room when the welcoming speech was over and just slip into the back and hide in the crowd of people. The professor would probably see her and introduce her to the people he knew. She was sure Grissom was not one of them. Entomology was not something Professor Neil paid any interest in.

She waited until she heard the crowd applaud and chairs being moved, then stepped forward to push open the big oak door.

To her suprise it swung into her direction at that moment and she had to take a step back not to be hit by it.

Sara heard the faint sound of the door falling shut again, but her eyes where trained on the person that had just quit the room and was now standing in front of her.

„Gil," she whispered.

She could not for the life in her move.

For just a moment time stood still as she looked into his blue eyes for the first time in years.

„Sara." He nodded at her and she hated him for being able to stay so calm. Wasn´t he affected by seeing her at all?

„You here for the conference?" She asked after a moment when she couldn´t stand the silence any longer. She desperately needed to hear his voice.

„Yeah."

He still was the master of one-word-answers. „What about you?"

„Me too. A friend of mine is one of the presenters."

She hated herself for falling back into the habit of rambling again. There had been a time when she´d been comfortable around him...

„Oh."

She felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest when he nodded at her curtly and made his way over to the elevators.

Was that it? They saw each other after three years and he just left?

She couldn´t let him go, not now.

„Griss?"

He turned around and even if his face looked impassive her heart skipped a beat anyway.

„How are you?"

She wanted to hear from him that he was okay. Of course Nick and Greg kept her up to date on most things and they said he was fine.

But with Grissom you could never know.

„I´m good," he seemed to hesitate before adding, „What about you?"

What about her? I miss you, she wanted to say.

„Yeah, me too."

There had been a time when she could tell him what she was thinking and he unterstood. Now she knew the only response she´d get was a blank expression, letting her wonder what he really thought.

„You know I live here now. In Boston I mean. Have for almost two years."

And the rambling was back again.

„Oh." It stung that her life didn´t seem to interest him in the slightest.

„Just thought you might want to know." She added as though to justify her words.

Why did this have to be so hard when they´d once been so happy with each other?

„I still live in Vegas." Although she already knew about his living arrangements she was happy he was talking to her.

It was something.

„I know. Supervisor of the dayshift now, married to...Jennifer, wasn´t it?"

She didn´t know why she brought her up. But she just...she wanted to see the look on his face when she said her name.

He seemed surprised that she knew about his wife so she hastily added,

„I didn´t snoop around for information about you. Nick told me."

„Oh." Again he seemed to be at a loss for words and it somehow amused her that the man who could render even the best defense attorneys and the most brutal killers speechless with the eloquence of his words turned like this around her.

He looked away, seeming unsure of what to say.

„You don´t have to worry, you know? I moved on too." He shouldn´t pity her and he shouldn´t feel guilty for having moved on.

„Is that so?"His cold tone surprised her. Shouldn´t he be relieved?

„I´m engaged, to a highschool science teacher." It obviously didn´t interest him but she somehow wanted him to hurt too.

She wanted him to know how it felt when you got to know the person you loved – love? – was with someone else.

„Congratulations." If she were in his situation she would not have been able to utter those words. At least not as sincerely.

„Thanks." Sara finally answered, a little shakily.

She cursed herself for having even started this conversation.

They stood there for a few silent moments just looking at each other and for the first time since she´d seen him she noticed the wrinkled that he´d gained around his eyes and the weight he´d obviously lost.

He looked even more handsome than before.

„Gil?" She couldn´t hide the sadness that creeped into her voice. „Are you happy?" If he was she would finally really move on, she decided. She just needed to hear it from him...

„Yes." She almost sobbed at his simple answer.

This was not how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to miss her too. He was supposed to want her back. Did he never think of her anymore?

„Good...Me too." Sara forced out, adding a small smile.

At least he was happy. That was what really counted.

She´d decided to talk to him again at the conference the next day. She´d ask him to lunch in the break and she´d be honest with him.

The night before she´d not slept in bed with Will. She lay awake on the living room couch, her chest feeling too tight to breath. She never knew she´d miss him this much. She never knew how much she needed him.

But she was going to tell him.

She arrived at the hotel early, wanting to catch him before the first part of the conference started. But he didn´t show.

She finally asked at the receptionist´s desk if they could call him and tell him that there was somebody waiting for him.

„I´m sorry Miss, but Dr. Grissom has already checked out yesterday evening."

And her heart broke a little more.

That night after telling Will the wedding was off, she cried until she fell asleep.

The End

A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated:-)