A/N: My original intention was to make this a one-shot, in the end I decided to divide the fic up into chapters. I tend to be a little more verbose than I'd like to admit, so the fic probably won't be quite as short as I was planning on, but you never know.

Keep in mind that this is a Past/Present fic. But I feel the transitions between one and the other are fairly obvious, so you shouldn't have any trouble following the time frame.

Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII and Kingdom Hearts

Pairings: Irvine/Squall, Leon/Cloud. Brief Mentions of Cloud/Zach and Seifer/Squall.

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

First Snow

He hid his memories in the top of his closet.

He always disappeared for the first snow.

I want to know you better than this.

Not just who you are, but why.

Chapter Two: Breathless

"Squallllyyyy! Come outsiiiidddee!" Selphie bounced giddily outside of Squall's bedroom window in a fluffy yellow coat and bunny mittens, breath smoke fogging the glass. He glared at her, but as was the usual case, that really didn't affect the bubbly brunette one little bit. Her green eyes only got more excitable, more insistent.

Squall grunted and pulled down the shade, rolling over to face away from the little maniac. And then her VOICE…how the hell she could get that much sound through shatter-resistant glass was beyond him. He buried his head under his pillow. He might suffocate, but at least then he wouldn't have to listen to Selphie anymore…unless he was going to Hell. There wasn't much worth living for anyway. After defeating Ultimecia, he'd tried dating some. He had. Rinoa…was sweet but…pushy and kind of reminded him of Elle sometimes, and he just couldn't bring himself to date someone who reminded him of his big sister in the long run. Quistis had asked him out once and, not paying attention he'd answered with his customary "whatever" and ended up at a fancy restaurant in Balamb.

…that hadn't gone well either and by the end of the date the blonde had declared "are you sure you aren't gay, Squall?" Squall had blinked a few times as if the thought had never crossed his mind one way or the other.

Regardless of all that, now it was January and Selphie, formerly of Galbadia Garden, was elated over the damnable snow. There wasn't enough of a frost on the ground for a single snowball yet, but she was out there bouncing around…in front of his window.

Knock, Knock.

"Go away!" Squall griped. Why wouldn't his friends ever leave him alone? Was it so wrong to let him sleep? Just this once?

"Hey Commander…"

Crap. It was Irvine. Of all his friends most days Irvine was the one he liked the least. And then there were times that Irvine was so gentle… Squall flopped onto his back and sighed wishing Selphie would just shut the hell up.

"…way I see it," Irvine drawled from the other side of the door. "You could either come out with me now, or wait ten minutes until Sephie breaks your window and drags you out through the shards of glass."

Squall realized he wasn't wrong. That sounded exactly like Selphie. And Irvine knew Selphie better than anyone.

He gott up, looking as irritable as ever, and soon opened the door, staring down Irvine with his best 'I'm intimidating so fear me' look. It never worked, but he tried every time. "…I hate you," he told the cowboy. 'And I hate that stupid hat too,' he thought as Irvine tipped it, awarding Squall with a charming smile. 'I hate the way you tip it at me when you think you've won.' Mostly because it usually meant Irvine had won. Irvine always won. Always. Bastard.

"You're all insane." Squall informed him as Irvine swayed to the beat of some song stuck in his head waiting for him to lock the door behind him.

"Jealous?" Irvine grinned impishly.

"…not even remotely."

"You need to unwind sometime you know, or your head will explode," Irvine reminded him as he dragged Squall out the main gate. The chill hit him like a physical weight. It wasn't that cold, but it was a sharp contrast to the measured temperature inside of Balamb Garden.

"I think I hate you, Irvine Kinneas," Squall retorted with a scoffing noise, sidestepping just in time so that Selphie face-planted in the snow instead of tackling him.

"That's great!" Irvine cheered, helping Selphie to her feet. She giggled and shoved a handful of snow down the back of his shirt. Irvine squealed like the big girl Squall was sure he was, "Sepphhieee!" he whined, spinning her about. "That's coold!"

"Of course it's cold! It's snow!" Selphie laughed.

"Know what?" Irvine asked innocently. "Squall thinks he hates me."

"Ooo! You're wearing him down Irvy! Last week he was positive he hated you."

Squall glared at both of them for teasing him. "I'm leaving," he declared.

At seventeen, Squall Leonheart was convinced that he was the only sane person left on the planet. His so-called 'friends' had gotten even crazier since the world had returned to normal and he wondered if time compression had somehow compressed their brains too. He was also convinced that being the "Commander" of Balamb Garden …well, it sucked. He still didn't know why they'd given him the job, but he knew he didn't want it. And he was absolutely certain that he wasn't as lonely as they all said. He wasn't, and if he was, he'd never admit it, not in a million years, not even to himself. After all, he had a boyfriend and everything. Sure, Seifer only showed his face when he wanted something, but having a boyfriend had to count for something, right?

"No no no! C'mon!" Irvine complained, putting Selphie down and grabbing Squall's wrist as he started off. Squall gave him a very distinct look of impending death, because he certainly didn't like to be touched. "Just a little while, Commander. You've been hiding in your room for days you know. Everyone wanted to see you."

Irvine always seemed to know exactly what to say to throw Squall's entire perception of reality completely off balance. 'Everyone wanted to see you' was one of those things. His anger dissipated and he blinked up into those deep indigo eyes, wondering what the hell was going on and why his heart suddenly felt like it was too thick for his chest.

"…whatever."

"I'll take that as a yes," Irvine grinned, giving his wrist a little tug. "C'mon. You can be on my team."

Squall instantly regretted that 'whatever', blinking up at Irvine and asking "team?"

"Of course! For the snowball fight!"

"There's hardly any snow!" Squall protested, his tone saying 'I never agreed to this!' as Irvine tugged him along.

"Give it time, give it time," Irvine laughed.

"But…"

Irvine didn't take no for an answer, and he conveniently never heard the word 'but'. What Squall had intended to be five minutes became three hours before the young Commander of Balamb Garden even knew what was happening. He refused to smile. That would be admitting that he was enjoying himself…a little. But he did defend himself and apparently made snowballs with the best of 'em. Eventually though, he caught Seifer out of the corner of his eye, scowling a hole through his temple. "…I have to go" he informed Irvine and the others and went back inside, shivering slightly from the cold now that he wasn't running around.

"What are you, three?" Seifer accused.

"…it wasn't my idea."

"You piss me off," Seifer declared. "I waited in the training area for an hour."

Without a word, Squall followed, well aware that this was going to be one of their rougher sessions. The scar on his face that bore its twin on Seifer's itched, but Squall didn't believe that his body was trying to tell him something. He felt strongly for Seifer. It was just that back then, Squall Leonheart didn't know the difference between love and hate. He just figured that they both hurt about the same.

-----

Cloud looked over his shoulder at Leon, who was still pretending to sleep and frowned. "You're skipping dinner too?" he asked with a sigh. Leon hadn't eaten a bite all day. Cloud was concerned, but not angry. It was just that having a lover who didn't talk to you when he obviously needed to talk to someone was difficult, even by Cloud's standards. 'And they say I'm the one who gets too emotional.' He frowned and heaved a soft sigh. 'Maybe I'm taking this too personally.'

Leon's reply was to bury his face more deeply into the pillow and pretend he hadn't heard.

'Someday, huh?' Cloud thought. 'We've been together for three years, Squall Leonheart. How long are you going to make me wait?'

-----

Squall poked at a cut on his lip that was still bleeding slightly. He could use a cure on it, he supposed, but it just seemed like a waste for such a small bruise. Never mind that the rest of him wasn't much better. He'd somehow gotten it into his head as he limped back to his room, clothes in a manner of slight disarray, that beating the tar out of one another and then having rough, mostly meaningless sex was the only way people like he and Seifer knew how to show affection.

Everyone knew about the mutually abusive relationship Squall had with his boyfriend…and worried about him over it, even if they didn't dare say so to his face. Squall wasn't a violent person by nature. He was a sleeping lion who attacked when first awakened in annoyance, but who otherwise only knew how to defend and protect. This relationship with Seifer went against his very nature and Irvine Kinneas was sure it was pulling him apart one tattered thread at a time.

The cowboy had been sitting outside the door to Squall's room for two and a half hours waiting for him to get home. He didn't know why, per say. No, that's a lie, he knew exactly why, but that didn't make it any easier. He was the last person Squall Leonheart ever wanted to see, and though he played it up as a fun joke, it hurt more every time Squall told him how much he hated his guts…and it healed more every time their eyes would lock for an instant…and that in turn hurt more still because he was almost positive it was a totally futile hope that there might be something there.

Squall stopped dead in his tracks, blinking at the cowboy napping in front of his door, watching as he awkwardly lumbered to his feet and those long legs straightened out. "…Irvine?"

"Hey Commander," Irvine answered casually as if they just happened upon one another when they both knew he'd been waiting. He tried to keep the pain out of his voice at seeing the way Squall was favoring one leg, licking at his split lip when he thought Irvine wasn't looking.

"…it's late."

"Yeah. Mind coming with me for a bit? I won't take up much of your time, promise."

Squall didn't know what to answer. On the one hand, he was confident whatever was on Irvine's mind at this hour he didn't want to know. On the other, there was something in Irvine's eyes that seemed more vulnerable than he was used to, something that said 'I've been waiting a long time.'

Squall gave a brief nod. "You'd better not. I'm tired." 'And I ache everywhere,' he thought, leaning on his gunblade case and wishing his t-shirt and jacket didn't feel so heavy against the nail marks on his back but determined not to show it.

Irvine wanted to carry him, or cure him, or at the very least help support his weight, but Squall was too proud so they walked in awkward silence toward the Quad. In the darkened silence of the hallways, Squall noticed for the first time that Irvine shortened his steps to make it easy to keep pace with him. Irvine was tall and had a naturally long stride. He tested the theory, shortening his own steps slightly more to see…and sure enough Irvine's pace shortened to meet his. Squall resumed walking normally and Irvine's pace subtly lengthened to match. How long had Irvine been matching his pace without him ever noticing? And why did he bother? Squall never did such a thing. He just expected you to keep up. It was one of Irvine's hidden gentlenesses. He only acted tough, and Squall felt painfully reminded of that as Irvine led him to a bench in the Quad with a perfect view of the landscape stretching out beyond Balamb. There was a good coating of snow on the ground now and the flakes continued to fall.

Irvine lounged on the bench and looked out at the moonlit landscape. "Pretty, ain't it?" he asked. "It's worth it to stop once in a while and appreciate the little things."

Squall had to take a moment to find the best position. "What is it with you and snow?" he complained. 'Dragging me out here in the middle of the night…' His breath caught in his throat as he actually looked out the panoramic windows though. It was pretty. Peaceful, even. It evoked a sense of calm in him that he didn't know how to reconcile.

"Not just any old snow," Irvine protested. "The first snow of the year. Months'll pass. It'll freeze, lump up n' get all annoying, turn into nasty, discolored ice," Irvine said, "but right now it's hard to think of all that. The first snow is like…ah…" Irvine struggled for words. With most people it was easy to talk on the fly, but he always had to be careful not to offend Squall and thought for a moment. "You remember that time a few months ago when Fuujin went without lunch because Zell cried that she got the last hot dog?"

"…" Squall quirked a brow. That had been kind of weird. Fuujin had never struck him as the kind and gentle type and besides that he didn't know what one thing had to do with the other.

"Sharing the first snow of the year with someone you care about is kind of the same thing," Irvine replied to the attentive silence.

Squall's shoulders tensed. Someone you care about? But…what exactly was Irvine trying to say?

"It's subtle, you know. It's not candy and flowers, it's not teddy bears with little red ribbons, but it's still kind of romantic. I guess you don't really get subtle, but if I sent you a candy gram you'd kill me." Irvine grinned impishly to hide the nervousness laced into his awkward confession. He turned his gaze to the side and sat up straighter, biting the inside of his cheek and watching for any sign that Squall was going to kill him for even suggesting it.

Squall was apparently not really in kill mode at the moment. In fact, he was helplessly confused. He just stared at Irvine for a long time like he'd grown an extra head and then rather lamely asked, "…what?"

Irvine gathered up what remained of his courage and smiled gently at Squall, for once looking dead serious. "I care about you, Commander Squall Leonheart. I thought the first snow would be as good a time as any to tell you. You know, romantic, but not in that way that would make you start swinging your gunblade at all things cute and fluffy like."

"…but!" 'But I'm with Seifer,' he wanted to say, but couldn't force the rest of the words out. He apparently wasn't required to as Irvine leaned in.

Squall leaned back a bit, tensing, but didn't get off the bench or make undue efforts to try to escape and soon the cowboy's breath was fluttering over his lips, and soon the cowboy's lips, pressed against his, were reminding him of crushed velvet and cinnamon and…

…and soon Squall was so stunned by the sheer gentle persuasion, the soft and adoring feeling that was nothing at all like when he and Seifer crushed their lips roughly together in passion that he found himself responding in spite of all the hazard signs flashing through his brain.

Irvine's hand cupped his cheek, but the supposed playboy didn't push too far. He pulled back, looking sad and relieved at once as he rested his forehead against Squall's forehead, gently caressed his hair. "I'm going to steal you from him," he informed the moody brunette. "I won't feel even a little guilty. You deserve so much better. I want to try and be that for you. I might fuck up, but at least you'll know I care."

Squall's heart thundered in his chest. He knew he should run screaming, or yell or at the very least push Irvine away. But his cheeks just flushed cutely and he found himself breathless, unable to say anything at all for a very long time.

Irvine rose from his seat, stuffed his hands into his pockets, and headed back to his room without pressing the subject further. Squall found himself unable to move for almost a solid hour. Sitting on a bench in the Quad, watching the first snow, he wondered what kind of cruel joke Irvine Kinneas was playing on him, and what he was going to do next.

-----

In the morning, Cloud woke to find Leon staring out the window with his arms across his bared chest, looking cold, but unwilling to rectify the situation. His hair was damp, so he'd probably just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to wake his lover up as he did every morning, but something in the view or his own thought processes had delayed him. The blonde sat up in the bed and got up, walking over and looking out the window, gently resting a hand on the back of Leon's shoulder as he tried to figure out what the other man was looking at.

It had stopped snowing.

For the first time in a long time, Leon was the first to speak. "You'll always love Zach a little, won't you Cloud?"

Cloud wondered where the conversation came from, but knew that between them it was better to be blunt. It was too easy to misunderstand things otherwise and Leon was prone to seemingly random fits of jealousy. "…yeah," he answered.

Leon seemed to measure his next words carefully for a long time, but Cloud knew this silence was the kind that came before saying something, not the kind that came when he was finishing a conversation or starting to brood. It had been three years, after all. They knew one another quite well by now. "…I understand how that feels."

And the silence that followed said in no uncertain terms that that was as much as Leon was ready to say for now. Cloud decided for the moment that it was enough. "Come back to bed. It's too early."

A faint smirk pulled at Leon's lips. "It's almost eight o'clock."

Cloud frowned at him and tugged Leon's by the arm away from the window, replying, "…yeah, what's your point? Come back to bed."

Looking down into Cloud's magnetic blue eyes, this time, Leon didn't miss the subtext. "We'll miss breakfast," he said, sounding very mildly amused.

"You can cook me brunch," Cloud retorted with a particularly strong tug.

Landing in a heap on the bed Leon gave Cloud one of his rare, genuine smiles. 'Yeah,' that expression said. 'I guess I owe you that much at least.'

----

To Reviewers:

StrifeValentine: You'll just have to keep reading to find out. :p