A/N: I had to re-upload chapter 2 because for some reason the first time it chopped off the last paragraph. If you've read chapter 2 and it seemed somewhat incomplete, going back to it now should give you the remainder of that chapter.

First Snow

He hid his memories in the top of his closet.

He always disappeared for the first snow.

I want to know you better than this.

Not just who you are, but why.

And when your eyes will be on me alone.

Chapter Three: Not Your Secret

The winter's snow was already beginning to melt and with it Leon's 'first snow moodiness' as Cloud had come to call it had faded from everyone's memory. Almost. Cloud still remembered it all too clearly. '…I understand how that feels.' Leon had given him those words reluctantly but laced with apology. The brunette knew that at certain times of year he became impossible and he owed Cloud an explanation.

Cloud knew that if he waited around for Leon to bring up the subject he'd never know anything. He hated to admit he understood Leon's obsession with Zach, but he was starting to understand what it felt like to compete with a memory. That would be one thing if they were on even ground, but Cloud didn't even know who he was competing with, and it pissed him off to no end that everyone else seemed to know what was going on except for him. He was too proud to flat out ask and he didn't want Leon to know how much it was bothering him.

He had half a mind to just open up that box in the top of the closet that had started to look heavier each time he looked at it, but only because he kept wondering what was inside and if it would tell him what he wanted to know. So that left him with wracking his brain to get others to bring up Leon's past—something that was apparently more taboo than Cloud had ever realized.

He should just swallow his pride and demand Leon tell him everything he wanted to know but he was afraid such an action would only drive his dark-haired lover away. And it wasn't just the first snow. There were other times of year that Leon was just a complete bastard to deal with and Cloud was starting to wonder if there was a connection or if the points were totally unrelated. He'd become so completely obsessed with Leon's secreted history, and how to find it out without driving his lover away that he hardly even thought about conquering his own darkness or Sephiroth, or brooding over his history anymore. He was a man possessed, and he was annoyed. It drove him crazy that he wanted so desperately to know everything there was to know about Leon, but that Leon showed so little interest in his own past. It drove him even crazier that Leon didn't even notice.

They'd been seeing each other for three years and Cloud could count the things he knew about Leon on his hands and have fingers to spare:

1. He'd been some kind of mercenary before the heartless swallowed up his world.

2. He liked guys shorter than he was.

3. He hated carrots.

4. He'd had a number of relationships and one of them had been with a girl who kind of looked like Tifa.

5. When he was annoyed, his eyebrow twitched and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

6. He took his coffee black with one sugar. If it wasn't perfect he wouldn't drink it.

7. He was kind and gentle and damn good in bed.

He needed names, damnit! Faces! And nobody was supplying any of it. Squall Leonheart wasn't the only person in the world to have a relationship go bad! Sephiroth had killed Cloud's previous lover. It couldn't be worse than that. Impossible. "Argh!" Cloud flailed and punched Leon's pillow. 'I'm the one who's right beside you, you bastard!'

"What are you doing?" Leon asked with a quirked brow as he entered the room. Cloud's eyes widened at being busted. How was he supposed to answer that?

"Fluffing the pillows?" he asked more than said.

Leon sighed and sat down next to Cloud on the bed. He knew Cloud had been acting bizarre lately, but was afraid Cloud would go ballistic if he mentioned it, so he did what he always did when he was afraid Cloud would go ballistic—pretended not to notice. But now that he'd found the other man beating the tar out of his pillow he figured it was time to sit down and listen to what his lover had to say. He didn't have to voice this, just wait for Cloud to start talking, really. They both knew Leon's 'alright, I'm listening' pose by now.

Cloud sighed as Leon seemed to settle in for the long haul and leaned his head against the brunette's shoulder. "Sometimes, I really hate you," the blonde began.

Leon quirked a brow and let his hand rest on Cloud's opposite hip.

"You know so much more about me than I know about you."

There was a telltale tension in Leon's shoulders before he sighed and asked. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything!" Cloud demanded automatically. He'd been wanting to know for so long that the word exploded out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Leon actually chuckled a bit. "That would take a while."

"Especially given how much you like to talk," Cloud retorted with a faint blush at his own adamancy and the fact that Leon was teasing him. He paused and thought for an extended moment. Once Merlin told him the only way to get the right answer was to ask the right question. Cloud felt like he'd spent three years asking all the wrong ones. He thought for a long moment before saying, "Well, for starters…that cowboy hat you hide in the top of the closet. Tell me about the guy it belonged to?" He knew it was a guy. It had to be.

For a moment, Leon looked more vulnerable that Cloud had ever seen him. That had been the right question, apparently, but Cloud felt guilty because for an instant, it looked as though his lover might actually burst into tears. Instead, Leon took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he lowered his hand again, he was ready to talk for a while as much as they both knew he hated to do so.

"His name was Irvine," he answered. "Irvine Kinneas. I…" Leon struggled for a simple sentence that would explain the relationship he'd had with Irvine from start to finish. He opened his mouth twice and closed it twice as if he decided against what he was about to say. Cloud waited patiently as his lover shook his head and sighed as if all words for Irvine were totally inadequate until a wry little smile twisted his lips. "You would have hated him," Leon said at last. "He could be so obnoxious sometimes…and stubborn."

"As stubborn as you?" Cloud quipped finding that Leon was finally ready to remember his old flame out loud, and thank god for that!

Leon pulled Cloud a little tighter against him. "Worse," he answered. "Do you want me to tell you about him or not?"

Cloud cuddled up more tightly against Leon, glad that 'someday' had finally come. "Go on."

"I was dating someone else back then, but Irvine didn't care…"

-----

Squall tried to avoid Irvine like the plague after winter's first snow. One might think that would be a damn easy task considering how large Balamb Garden was. Unfortunately they existed in the same circle of friends and Irvine somehow knew all the places Squall liked to haunt when he was working on becoming invisible, so that really didn't go very well for him. Irvine was everywhere. And Seifer? Seifer had disappeared with Fuujin and Raijin again to lord only knows where. If pressed, Squall had to admit he didn't really miss Seifer, and he also might have to admit he didn't miss Seifer not being there to interrupt all the attention Irvine was giving him.

Squall Leonheart had never considered himself an attention-hog. He never thought he wanted anyone to notice him. …but when Irvine always seemed to notice exactly where he was in a room, smile, wave, and head over to chat, Squall found himself fighting the urge to smile. It was like Irvine had some weird kind of 'Squall Radar', and it was making Squall anxious. He didn't want to want Irvine's attention. He didn't want to be 'stolen away'. He felt like he had no say at all in this situation.

He wanted to know when Irvine was going to kiss him again. He waited for it, prepared to look irritable and put out this time, though deep down he knew he wanted to feel and taste those tender lips again. 'No no no! Oh crap, he's coming over here!' Squall did his best to look disinterested and scowl at the paper lanters Selphie had him hanging for this year's Spring Festival. It was a totally bothersome idea that involved concession stands and games, so naturally everyone but Squall loved it…and Squall had somehow gotten roped into helping which basically meant contact with Irvine Kinneas…up 35 from the norm—and that 35 translated directly into his heart rate as the pony-tailed cowboy strolled over. "Need help?" he asked, looking down at where Squall fumbled with the string he was lacing through the appropriate slot.

"No!" Squall replied, a little to impassioned to be considered a typical Squall response.

"Really?" Irvine asked smoothly, taking the opportunity to rest a hand on Squall's back. "Looks like you're having trouble."

Squall tensed, his heartbeat thundering under Irvine's fingertips. He knew the other male could feel it, but Irvine showed no sign. It had been two and a half months. Two and a half months of over thinking and agonizing and wondering when Irvine was going to make another move on him until all he could think about was that one night when Irvine had confessed his feelings. So much time had passed he was almost convinced he'd dreamed the entire thing. But then Irvine would flirt rather shamelessly with him, or lean in just a little closer than was proper, or touch him when he didn't need to, like now, and it sent little fibers of electricity screaming up Squall's spine until he was sure the cowboy was trying to drive him insane.

"I'm fine," Squall returned in clipped tones, dropping the lantern by sheer accident. Irvine's hand subtly soothed down the line of his back. "Hey Sephie!" he called. "I'm gonna take Squall with me to carry that paper mache you asked for, so have someone else finish these lanterns, okay? I won't be able to carry it all on my own!"

Selphie grinned and waved and before Squall could open his mouth again he'd been dragged halfway across Balamb Garden, shoved into the elevator, and was having his face inhaled. He gasped, but the gasp soon turned into a soft moan as Irvine pulled him tightly against his chest. He should feel bad about this, wrong, terrible. …at the very least he should feel like he was cheating on his boyfriend. After all, he was, but logical thought and Irvine Kinneas didn't seem to meet anywhere within Squall's brain.

"Sorry," Irvine said huskily, stepping back and awkwardly shifting his weight. "I promised myself I'd behave, but you make it really hard when you look at me like that."

Squall blinked, a flush coloring his cheeks as smoky gray eyes told Irvine he had no idea what he was talking about.

"Yeah," Irvine said. "Like that. Innocent. Sexy. …and the way your pulse always starts racing when I touch you lately. Squall, forget Seifer, please. I want to be your boyfriend, not your secret."

-----

In spite of the fact that Cloud felt he should be jealous of the slight adoration in Leon's tone as he talked about Irvine Kinneas, Cloud found himself wrapped up in the story as the man once known as Squall Leonheart unraveled for him. He was afraid to even breathe the wrong way and distract him and he knew it was a sign of trust that Leon was sharing so much with him now.

But Leon paused and exhaled slowly as if he needed to take a breather for a moment because the memories had become too much.

"What did you say?" Cloud asked after an extended pause.

"What do you think I said?" Leon replied. "I was completely obsessed with him and I hated him for it. I punched him and told him to go to hell. Then I pretended to have the flu and locked myself in my room for two days."

Cloud couldn't help himself. He started laughing and couldn't stop. "That's so lame! What a crappy story! Haha!" Still, it was so quintessentially Leon that the story only endeared him to the other man even more. "Geez, at least when Zach asked me out I had the common sense to say 'I'll think about it'. Good lord, you were like an overgrown third-grader, and people decided to put you in charge? Were they insane?"

"Yeah yeah, I get it. I suck. Are you done laughing now?"

"Hehehe," Cloud chuckled. "I don't know. Give me a minute." Cloud thought back to the first signs of attraction between them. It had been early fall, and they'd beaten the tar out of one another at the Olympus Colloseum Tournament being held at the time. Cloud had been on a mad hunt for Sephiroth and in what he thought was a sudden move, right when a finishing blow should have occurred, Leon had slapped him upside the head and told him to get his head out of his ass before he misses the things right in front of his face.

The next morning he'd woken up naked and curled up on the brunette's strong arms. He chuckled once more. Maybe Leon hadn't gotten that much better at expressing his feelings after all. He decided not to mention that to Leon at the moment or he'd be sleeping alone for a while. "I see why you say he was stubborn," Cloud replied at last.

"He always said, 'I prefer to call it persistent' and gave me this stupid smile. Such a pain in the ass," Leon said, a soft smile gracing his features. "He was the one who deserved better, not me."

Now Cloud was starting to feel a little jealous. How exactly does one go about competing with the past, anyway? He didn't know Leon had asked himself the same question at least twice a day for the past three years. He didn't know this obsession they had with the past was the one thing that might tear them apart.

-----

...to be continued…