Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Irvine/Squall, some mentions of Seifer/Squall and Zach/Cloud

Notes: For those of you unfamiliar with FFVIII to avoid confusion I'll say this much. Laguna Loire is Squall's father. The two have personalities that are polar opposites and they didn't meet until Squall was seventeen.

As additional trivia for those of you who'd like to know, Laguna is also the character that inspired my pen name. Guna is a nickname that I don't believe I shall ever live down for all eternity. In one of my older fics 'Until the End of Eternity and Longer', one chapter mentions him having the email address gunaoverthemoon at scribbleworthy . com …the email addy may not really exist, but the name stuck.

First Snow

He hid his memories in the top of his closet.

He always disappeared for the first snow.

I want to know you better than this.

Not just who you are, but why.

And when your eyes will be on me alone.

Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?

Would you know what you'd lost?

Even the memory of your touch is too much

tobear when you're not here.

---

I want you to know me.

Not just who I am, but why.

But the words get stuck in my throat,

andI choke.

The difference between hello and goodbye

nolonger means a thing, if you're not here.

Chapter Seven: Moving On

Leon sat back on the balls of his feet and wiped his mouth. Ever since he'd seen Cloud kissing that guy he couldn't keep anything down. He buried his face in his hands and wondered if he even had any tears to cry any more. If he did, now would be the time to shed them, he was sure of it…but no tears came as much as he longed for the relief a good cry might give him.

He stood, washed his face and brushed his teeth again and emerged from the bathroom to find Aeris sitting on the edge of the bed fingering the strap of his suitcase. "Are you sure, Leon?" she asked, big green eyes imploring him to reconsider. She knew how much Leon and Cloud cared for each other, even if they never said it. Surely there must be some way to fix what was broken between them. She knew something had happened, but she didn't know what.

"…I'll be around when you need me," he said. "I'll check out the problem with Tron later tonight."

"Leon…" she tried to pursue the subject. It had to ache and he refused to talk about it. She hadn't seen him like this since she'd first found him laying bruised and battered under some debris, not seeming to give a damn if the heartless killed him or not. He had the same look in his eyes now, like he was shutting down, turning away from everyone who cared about them, determined to get through his problems alone. This time the problem was Cloud. Everyone knew. Their relationship had been strained for a long time, but no one thought it would break altogether like this. Aeris rested her hand on Leon's arm, silently begging him to talk to her, to stay.

"It's over, Aeris," he said with a sigh, not able to completely shut himself off to the one who had been there trying to cheer him up since he'd lost Irvine…since he'd lost his entire world. He owed so much to her, but he couldn't keep going like this. "It's time to move on."

"But you love each other so much…" she protested. "Can't you give it one more chance?"

"…sometimes love isn't enough. Leave me be, alright? I want to be on my way before he gets home," Leon replied, struggling with his resolve. It wasn't like he was leaving Hollow Bastion, just Merlin's house. He'd stay in Ansem's study until he could find more permanent living arrangements. Alone. He didn't need much, just space enough for one somewhere not frequented by Cloud Strife, but somewhere the others would be able to find him if they needed his help. Just big enough for a small bed, a dresser, and maybe a place to hang a hat.

-----

"Hey, let's take a trip to Esthar."

Squall looked up, blinking. Sometimes Irvine said things that came out of nowhere. He had a pile of paperwork on his desk and Irvine, though he said he was going to help, really just sat on the other side of said desk keeping him company and occasionally distracting him, spinning his hat around on his fingertips. "I'm too busy," he answered. And anyway, Laguna was in Esthar, and Laguna and Squall in the same room always ended up giving Squall a headache and his father an awkward stutter and a leg cramp. In short, it was embarrassing for both of them. They didn't know how to react to one another. Laguna tried too hard to be a father after seventeen years of absence, and Squall didn't try hard enough to be a son because he was just too old to get all cute and excited about family outings…especially to amusement parks, which Laguna Loire still ran around like an over-excitable grade-schooler.

Irvine pouted at him. "You just don't want to introduce me to your Dad," he complained. "Are you embarrassed of me or something?"

Squall sighed and gave his lover a 'what are you on?' expression. "You already know Laguna," he retorted. "And Esthar is halfway across the world."

"But he knows me as 'Squall's friend' not 'Squall's boyfriend. It's totally different! And you need a vacation."

Squall frowned. "Esthar isn't a vacation. It's a migraine waiting to happen."

Irvine sighed dramatically, "but we can't get legally married in Balamb. Geez. I wanted it to be all spontaneous and romantic too…"

Squall's jaw dropped. "What?!" He couldn't have heard that right. Impossible! And if he had how was he supposed to answer? He was only eighteen, and way way too busy for one of Irvine's weird jokes.

Irvine didn't look like he was joking though. He leaned across the desk, took the pen out of Squall's hand, and took said hand between both of his own. "Squall Leonheart, I want you to marry me, and you've totally ruined the romantic proposal I'd planned because you're too stubborn."

Squall blinked. "I…uh…" What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Irvine wanted to marry him? Like…a wedding and…rings and stuff…his mind was blank with shock.

"Just say yes," Irvine prompted. "If you say no, I'll cry."

"Yes," Squall answered before his brain caught up with his mouth, and when it did he buried his face in his free hand to hide the blush and emotions screaming their way across his features. "Yes," he whispered again, embarrassed now that the initial shock had worn off, voice muffled by the palm of his hand.

Paperwork tumbled to the floor as Irvine, excited, yanked him to his feet and graced him with a passionate kiss. Squall, for once, let himself get carried away by the moment. He didn't finish his work that day.

-----

"'WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM!?" Yuffie had demanded, pounding on Cloud's chest when he entered.

Cloud blinked "…say to who?" he asked, perplexed. Yuffie was prone to bizarre behavior at times, but seeing the ninja girl on the verge of tears was kind of out of her usual range.

"Who do you think?!" Yuffie demanded. "Leon is leaving. Not even Aeris could convince him to change his mind so it has to be your fault!" she insisted pounding on his chest.

"Leon is what?!"

Yuffie found herself promptly deposited on her ass as Cloud shoved her out of the way to pound up the stairs. 'Leon!'

-----

Leon was pulling his secret box out of the top of the closet when the door slammed open. He startled and crashed to the ground, the contents spilling into his lap. He didn't have a chance to say anything or even react before Cloud had grabbed his lapels and pinned him against the wall. "What do you mean you're leaving?!!" the blonde demanded.

Leon looked sullenly away from hurt and enraged crystalline eyes saying nothing for a long moment before brushing the hands off of him and pushing Cloud lightly aside to put the items carefully away.

Daylight now, Cloud could see them more clearly. Photographs that he wished he could flip through at leisure, a warm coat that he recognized from the photo that seemed to burn a hole in his own pocket, longing to be with the others, that damnable cowboy hat, two small jewelry boxes that Leon clutched in his hand a moment longer than was necessary before putting them away. A dried and wilted white rose, the corners stained a strange shade of brown.

If he looked at Cloud now, his resolve might shatter. He might decide he could accept that Cloud was two-timing him, as long as it meant that he would be there beside him at night, that he would at least pretend he cared for Leon more than anyone else. Leon hated being so needy, so he forced himself not to turn around. "I think it's fairly obvious," he said in a tone as cold and clipped as he could manage. Thinking of Cloud kissing that man…it wasn't hard. He was severely pissed. He was also heartbroken but he didn't want the pain to show through. It felt too much like losing even as he knew that he'd already lost. He still had his pride. He wasn't willing to admit that pride had already driven a deep fissure between them.

"Damn it Leon!" Cloud demanded, putting his hand on the brunette's shoulder. "I…" he hesitated. It was hard to be frank when it mattered most. "I…" his voice lowered, embarrassed and he admitted. "I need you."

The words only enraged Leon, who pulled his shoulder away roughly and stood, picking up his few possessions. "Don't you think it's about time to stop lying, Cloud? It's over. I'm moving on while I still can."

Lying? Leon thought he was lying? It had taken all his resolve to say those three words. It had been so difficult! "You bastard!" he hollered. "Four years of my life and you're telling me that you can't even trust me?! Damn you Squall Leonheart! Damn you! I…!"

"You have no right to say that to me!" Leon declared, enraged now. "Don't tell me about trust! You're the one who betrayed me, Cloud Strife. I saw you."

"What??"

"…with him. I saw you."

Cloud's heart lurched into his throat. 'No…he can't mean…' "That's not…!"

"…what it looked like?" Leon scoffed. "I find that hard to believe."

Cloud's legs went suddenly weak and he fell to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. "I…did it for you…" he said, hardly believing his own words because he knew how weak they were. "…for us…"

Leon's lip curled back in a sneer, still not daring to look at the blonde behind him as he stood in the doorway. "Don't do me any more favors."

"…Leon…" Cloud's voice cracked, much to his disdain. Maybe Leon could move on. Leon was strong like that, or so Cloud had always thought, but 'what am I supposed to do without you here? This bed is made for two.'

"...I would have forgiven you anything," Leon answered, barely above a whisper, the pain he tried to conceal lacing his voice. "…anything…except for him."

The door closed between them before Cloud managed to get in another word, shock and despair lacing a tangled web through his brain. He buried his face in his hands, trying to clear his thoughts, but only one thing seemed to rage through his mind at the moment: 'how the hell does Leon know Sephiroth?! And why the fuck didn't he tell me sooner!??'

Cloud fell back onto the bed, forcing the tears that wanted to fall into submission and buried his face in Leon's pillow as if absorbing the brunette's scent could make him change his mind, turn around, and bring him home.

-----

To Reviewers:

Starpolish: Glad to hear it. I'll try to keep to that pace, but with an out of state move quickly approaching, there may be some lag. We'll just have to see how it goes, but I'm making the effort to at least.

fullmetalguitar: hah! But if they were honest this wouldn't have been much of a fic, now would it? Poor boys.

shrouded-obsession: As I said to Starpolish, I'm making the effort to, but there may be some lag thanks to a swiftly approaching move. If the pace does slow down, rest assured that I am down, but not out. I think I'll be able to keep the pace, but I can't guarantee anything at the moment. My life is in chaos, but writing this story is sort of…my own personal calm before the storm. …even if I'm making these poor boys suffer as I go.