Who I am…

Chapter 5

By: teal-lover

Summary: How Chris learned the cunning and duplicitous behavior we saw for over a year. Alternates between the past, unchanged future, and the changed future.

AN: Background in previous story is that something terrible happened to Chris and changed the way he saw things and learned to survive. This is the prequel/sequel to "Do You Really Want to Know", but can stand alone. Spoilers for all of season 6.

Rating: PG-13, which may change later on in chapters depending on where my mind takes me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or any of the characters or get any money from writing this fiction.

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Last time…

"I have an idea," Phoebe announced as she stood up and held out her hand for her baby sister. "Paige, I need you to orb me home real fast. There's something there that I think will prove to you that it's him once and for all."

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Paige orbed her sister back to the living room of her home, where her husband jumped up at seeing them arrive. He had just come downstairs for a warm glass of milk to help him sleep.

She shook her finger at him, "See, I told you something was up with Piper."

"What's wrong?" he questioned worriedly.

"It's complicated. I'll tell you about it later. Where's Lyssa?"

He smirked as he pulled his robe closed, "Where else would she be at 2 o'clock in the morning?" At the raised eyebrows from both women, he corrected, "Ok, ok. She is a teenager and your daughter after all. But there's no need to worry, I checked on her about 15 minutes ago, and she was sound asleep in her bed. It's a good thing she can't orb like her cousins."

"Tell me about it. Just make sure you guys don't miss your flight. I have a feeling Paige and Leo are going to be too busy to come and get you. I'll call you later, Honey." She ran up the stairs, leaving her husband behind to stare after her inquisitively. "Paige, come on!"

She flew open the door to her bedroom, grabbed a chair and drug it over to the closet.

After watching her sister rifling around on the closet shelf for several minutes, Paige finally decided to stop guessing and asked, "What are you doing?"

"Looking for something," came the muffled voice. "Ah! Got it!" she said excitedly, holding up a brown leather-bound book, similar to the Book of Shadows, only much smaller. It was old looking, but certainly not the centuries worth of age as their family inheritance. However, the thick layers of dust covering the tome indicated that it had been shelved away for quite some time.

Phoebe clamored down, caressing the book tenderly, as if it were made of gold.

Paige stared at it curiously. "What is that? Are you starting your own Book of Shadows?"

"No Paige. It's a journal. Though I'm sure it has some spells and potions. Battle plans," she laughed nostalgically. "What did you expect? It was his."

Her eyes widened in shock, "Wait, his—as in Chris?"

" Yes."

"He brought that with him from the future? How could it have survived the changed timeline? I never would have pegged him for the type to keep a diary."

"Journal, Paige. And he wasn't. He didn't bring it from the future. Let's go, I only want to explain this once if I can," she answered curtly as she held out her hand to be orbed back to the manor.

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"Ok," Piper jumped up impatiently before the orbs even finished forming, "What have you got?"

Paige looked around thoughtfully, "Don't you think Chris and Leo should hear this too?"

"Not yet," the oldest woman answered simply. "I'll tell them when the time is right, but for now, I'd like to hear how you think you can prove who he is."

Phoebe nodded, "Fair enough. This book here—it's not a book of shadows. It's a journal. One I conjured in the image of our own Book of Shadows, with the same type of protection. Just like our Book, it repels evil, but it will also deny access to whatever is written on its pages to everyone."

"Then what good is it?"

Phoebe sighed exasperatedly at her older sister's impatient questions, "Let me finish, please? It protects itself from everyone except the writer of the book." She held out the book and flipped through the pages, "See for yourself. Not even the Charmed Ones can break through the spell and see what's written on these pages—unless the owner gives permission."

"But isn't it your book?"

"No, Piper. I made it for Chris. Eighteen and a half years ago. Right after he beat the crap out of Leo when he was infected by the spider woman."

"Why would keep a journal?" Piper mumbled absently as she flipped through the book in her lap, looking for some sign of inked pages.

"He had a lot of issues that he needed to work through. Things that I couldn't help him with. I thought this might help."

Piper looked up at hearing the sudden sadness that crept into her voice as she spoke. She briefly wondered what cold transform the normally cheerful and bubbly woman into the melancholy person that sat beside her on the bathtub. But then she remembered the way her son would wake up screaming every night and she decided that just maybe, she didn't want to know the horrors that the other Chris might have faced.

If he was indeed part of her son now, she really didn't have the slightest inkling of what she would do to help him. With the boy that she raised, he was always her baby—the sweet little boy with the angelic face and heritage that could always come to her with any problems. But not the other Chris. Though she had tried, he had always been somewhat distant and aloof with her. Hardened, even. The product of a harsh environment where his brother was the evil overlord of all things, she had guessed.

She sighed deeply before closing the book gently, deciding that she would do whatever it took to help him, whoever he was. "Ok, Phoebes. We'll try it your way. What now?"

Phoebe beamed proudly at the plan she had thought of, brilliant if she dwelled on it. "We give the book to Chris. He should be able to read it. If the other Chris is in there somewhere, it should recognize him as the owner."

"Fine, but if he can't read it, we don't tell him about any of this. There's not other reason for him to know."

Paige pointed out helpfully as she tilted her head innocently, "Except for the fact that he asked how could he have died."

Piper shook her head stubbornly. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"But—" Phoebe started then snapped her mouth shut. She knew by the stubborn set of the woman's jaw that she couldn't win an argument with her sister right now. Instead of arguing, she opened the book up to the first page. "Once I cast the spell to only accept his writing, I couldn't write his name in it. I wanted to write a special message to him, but he'd never be able to see it. So when I gave it to him, I dictated the message and watched as he wrote it. He and I were the only ones who knew what it said."

"Then let's go."

The three women walked down the hallway towards Chris' room and were met by the two oldest males of the house pacing anxiously outside.

Wyatt ran to his mother's side, "Mom, what happened? He came in here—mad as hell about something—then just kicked us out. That's not like him at all. It's like he's possessed or something."

Paige mumbled under her breath so that only her sister's could hear, "Well, we're about to find out, aren't we?"

Piper rolled her eyes and tried the doorknob.

Leo shook his head at the futility of the action. "He locked it."

She huffed and knocked instead.

"Leave me alone!" the dark-haired teen bellowed.

Phoebe crossed her arms and leaned back smugly, "Still think I'm wrong?"

"Either that or my son has finally started to hit his terrible two's." Turning to face her husband and son, "Would you two go downstairs for a bit, please? I'll explain later, but I really need for you to do this for me?"

They bristled at being left out, but nevertheless orbed downstairs.

She tried again, "Chris, open the door. It's me." She listened for moment and finally heard the click of the lock, followed by the door opening a crack. She entered with her sisters trailing behind her.

He had obviously done it telekinetically since he was still laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling, every few seconds glaring at her harshly.

"Chris, I need you to take a look at something for me." Piper nodded to Phoebe, who held the book out for him.

He stood up towering over her and questioned irritably. "Are you going to tell me?"

"I might if you quit with the attitude and do what I tell you."

Chris threw his hands up in frustration as he started walking away from her. "You know what Piper, I—" he stopped abruptly as his eyes widened right along with hers. He covered his hand to his mouth, "I mean Mom. I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from."

Clearing his throat loudly, Chris seemed to think that the distraction would cover up his error, or at least push it further from her mind. He avoided her his mother's eyes piercing brown eyes while he flipped his palm open toward his aunt expectantly.

Phoebe shared a look with Paige, who both silently agreed that more and more of the attitude and personality of their former whitelighter-future boy, was creeping into the Chris that they had helped raise. "Read the first page, Chris. The inscription."

He took the old looking book from her hand and flipped it open roughly. His eyes widened as he stared down at the handwriting. His handwriting. And the words stirred something in his mind. They were familiar somehow. This was either a really bad case of deja vu, or there was something going on here that he wasn't aware of. Green eyes shot up to meet those of his aunt, and he had a nagging feeling that the answer was the second option. She gave him a slight nod with an encouraging smile for him to continue.

He muttered softly, "To Chris, my darling nephew. May you always be safe. May you find all that your heart desires, and the peace that you deserve. All my love, Phoebe." He began flipping through the pages wildly as his face began to crease with worry lines. Holding the book up to his mother and aunts accusingly, he shouted, "This entire book—this is my handwriting! I didn't write this. Why does this look like I wrote it?"

Phoebe started to answer, but she was cut off abruptly by her older sister.

Her head hanging low, she admitted softly as she avoided his sage green eyes. "Because you did…" She wrapped an arm around him and guided him over to the bed, and with her sister's help, began to explain all that she knew that took place almost nineteen years ago.

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TBC…

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