Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud and others

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

First Snow

He hid his memories in the top of his closet.

He always disappeared for the first snow.

I want to know you better than this.

Not just who you are, but why.

And when your eyes will be on me alone.

Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?

Would you know what you'd lost?

Even the memory of your touch is too much

to bear when you're not here.

---

I want you to know me.

Not just who I am, but why.

But the words get stuck in my throat,

and I choke.

The difference between hello and goodbye

no longer means a thing, if you're not here.

---

So much has happened I can't even cry anymore.

Someday, maybe, we'll cast away our pride and fear

and learn how to smile

Chapter Ten: Along with the Afterglow

Cloud and Leon spent that night on the floor of Ansem's study making love. It wasn't passionate and adoring as was their custom, but needy and hopeful--like a ritual cleansing. Every kiss said 'I'm sorry', every caress 'I forgive you'. They both had so much to apologize for and had already said enough. It was their way of telling one another that their relationship wasn't over, that it was going to be okay.

Since then, the lovers hadn't spoken much. There had been no real need to. Silent communication had improved so much that speaking less than usual they managed to say more than they ever thought possible. Leon's shoulders became less tense. Cloud practically glowed when their eyes met coincidentally across the room. A tilt of the head or a subtle brush of the fingers when no one was looking came to mean so much and they were both so clumsy with words that they didn't dare ruin the comfortable atmosphere after so much drama.

Perhaps that's why when Leon--breath evening out after their recent lovemaking, hands laced behind his head--said softly, "I really love you, you know," Cloud lifted his head, eyes widening in surprise and breath catching in his throat. He rolled onto his side, blinking away the sluggishness that always overtook him along with the afterglow. Leon had never said those words to him before and Cloud wanted to be awake enough to fully appreciate them. He hadn't dared hope to ever hear them, so when Leon said them in such a straight-forward way, he felt embarrassed. Leon wasn't a romantic man, so when he said such a thing he meant it, and not only that, but he meant it more than most. It comforted Cloud, who still wondered if he would ever be as special to Leon as Irvine had been and who tried to deny any romantic tendencies he may or may not have.

Even so, knowing Leon so well, the blonde's heart thundered in his chest at the straight-forward admission and he had to fight his features to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. To compensate Cloud rested his head on Leon's shoulder and let himself cuddle against the larger man's side as he tried to think of how to reply. He'd like to say 'I love you too, so much' but didn't want to ruin the moment by saying anything that would embarrass his love, who had probably spent days finding just the right way to say those small yet frightening words.

Leon moved an arm to wrap around Cloud's shoulders, appreciating the feeling of a warm, firm body pressed against him. His grip could only be described as protective. Strong fingers splayed across Cloud's bicep and the matching arm pulled him tighter against his heated flesh.

Cloud couldn't help but sigh contently at the shared body heat and the permission to be so close to a man who normally preferred his personal space. It made him feel special. The brunette's words danced through his brain: I really love you, you know. Cloud could hardly contain his elation to hear those words after nearly five years together. "Talkative today, aren't we?" he said at last, finding it a comfortable middle ground. Leon would understand how much the words meant to him by his gestures alone, the tone of his voice, and a slight tease seemed a good way to make light of the subject and keep Leon from getting overly flustered--as adorable as Leon looked when he got flustered.

"I'm telling you because I want you to understand how much I worry when you're not here with me," Leon answered.

Cloud understood only too well what Leon meant. Yuffie had made an off-hand comment earlier this week about how Cloud must be in love if he hadn't left in over six months to 'chase after Stupid Sephiroth'. Leon had probably been dwelling on the subject of Sephiroth and Cloud's obsession with battling the man to the death ever since. He squeezed himself impossibly tighter against Leon as if the gesture could assure him that he wasn't going anywhere. Even so, there was one last thing, one last secret, and this one wasn't Leon's. "I have to tell you something," Cloud said, tone a little more guilty than he cared to admit.

Leon turned his head toward the blonde and quirked a brow slightly. This certainly seemed to be an awfully serious conversation to have on a lazy afternoon after making love, but he knew he was the one to impulsively start it by making the confession.

"That guy," Cloud began, tongue feeling to thick for his mouth as he began to speak, "…the one who killed Irvine…"

Leon's posture tensed instantly at the mention of the silver-haired male. Cloud knew something about him and didn't say? Why? How could he, knowing how much Leon had suffered because of him? He forced himself not to jump to conclusions this time and gave a curt nod and waited for Cloud to finish. "…that's Sephiroth."

Leon got quiet, not I'm-not-speaking-because-I-have-nothing-to-say quiet either. It was more of a shocked and perturbed quiet and after an extended pause he answered "…oh."

Cloud knew there was more to that 'oh' than meets the eye. Leon only said 'oh' that way when he was deciding whether or not to he was severely pissed. The brunette had always known Sephiroth was going to cast a shadow over his entire life--he thought it was because of how he'd traumatized him in the past, but he had no idea that it was going to so affect his present. Sephiroth. He didn't know whether to cry out in despair or scream in rage. Cloud was obsessed with Sephiroth--killing him, sure, but obsessed enough that he was willing to ignore how much Leon needed him in favor of possible death every time someone mentioned the name. Sephiroth, the Sephiroth who Cloud was so fixated on was also the same man who had killed Irvine, and the worst of it was that Leon understood all these years…everyone knew and didn't tell him. It hurt to know they didn't trust him to not go ballistic or suicidal or…or something else that he couldn't think of right now.

"So, in other words," he said slowly. "Everyone knew all this time, and no one told me." That 'no one' was accusatory. His lover, at least, should trust him enough to say it. Sure, Cloud was saying it now, but why hadn't he told him such a thing a long time ago?

Cloud knew that tone. He also knew it was worthy of all sorts of hazard lights--bells and whistles too. It was clipped, cautious, and matter-of-fact, which meant Leon felt severely hurt and slighted. One wrong move was bound to cause an explosion.

Leon sat up on the edge of the bed trying to collect his thoughts. Sephiroth. A shiver rippled down his spine and he leaned forward, shoulders rounding out and forearms resting on his thighs.

"Leon?" Cloud asked, tentatively shuffling across the mattress toward his lover to rest a hand gently against his shoulder.

Leon closed his eyes to collect his thoughts and dam the flood of emotions roiling in his belly. He lifted a hand to rest over Cloud's. "I am so very tired of revenge and loss," he said slowly. "And I have had more than enough of losing lovers." In short, Leon had decided, just this once, to let it slide.

Cloud kissed the hand covering his own softly and pulled the blanket to drape over Leon's lap for comfort and warmth if not for modesty.

"Please, Cloud, give up this chase of yours. If he killed you too I…" Leon licked his lips, unable to finish his sentence.

Cloud's shoulders tensed. Leon was asking a lot. The way the brunette didn't look him in the eye told him that Leon knew it too, but the fact that he'd asked at all told Cloud how important it was to his lover to not have to worry when he was gone for weeks, sometimes months at a time. Besides that, he hadn't gone after Sephiroth in a long time…even though he wanted to not only kill him, but do so painfully and messily to avenge Leon's tattered past in the process of settling things once and for all. The blonde eventually sighed. "I won't leave again," he finally agreed. "But if he comes here, I'm going to fight him Leon, I'll have to."

Leon suddenly pulled Cloud tightly against his chest, the embrace almost barbarically tight. Cloud gasped in surprise. "I understand," Leon said at last. "But don't expect me to like it, and definitely don't expect me not to worry."

Cloud smiled against Leon's shoulder. "You worry too much."

"You don't worry enough," Leon retorted.

"I guess that means we're evenly matched," Cloud teased, kissing Leon's throat, a spot he knew was terribly sensitive on the brunette.

"Cloud…"

"It'll be another two hours before Aeris calls us for dinner," Cloud informed. "And all the work is done for today, and we're already in bed," each 'justifiable reason' was emphasized by a kiss--first the throat, then the jaw, a cat-like lick to Leon's adam's apple. "And conveniently," Cloud said, "I happen to be wide awake."

"You're impossible," Leon protested, letting himself be pulled back down to the bed.

"And you love that about me," Cloud quipped.

Leon actually chuckled a bit. "Well," he said, "I don't hate it."

"You love me," Cloud teased, nipping at Leon's throat again and lacing his fingers through his hair.

Leon's cheeks colored, but he didn't deny it. "I love you, Cloud Strife," he said, this time looking into those beautiful blue eyes as he said it, which made Cloud blush rather cutely as Leon claimed his lips in a lazy kiss.

"…I love you back," Cloud whispered once his mouth was free again. "I always have."

Leon smiled gently and whispered against the soft flesh behind Cloud's ear, "…I know."

-----

To Reviewers:

fullmetalguitar: Isn't he though? I'd hug him, but Cloud might bite my arm off.

shrouded-obsession: No actually, Leon knows the face, but not the name that goes with it. Or, at least that was the case in the last chapter. My apologies if it was unclear. I purposely structured the flashback so that Squall never had the chance to ask Sephiroth's name. Everyone else tended to tap-dance around the subject, so while Sephiroth was mentioned a lot in the same time/place as Squall, he didn't actually learn that the Sephiroth Cloud was chasing and the man who killed Irvine were one in the same. He probably could have deduced it, but well, he didn't. As for the companion story, more details on that next time.

Starpolish: because it makes for a damn good story, but super-angst seems to have been followed by super-fluff in this case. Ah well, they've earned it.

Alright guys, after this only ONE MORE CHAPTER, the Epilogue will be coming next, and with it information on what I'm planning for the Seifer/Zell sequel/sidefic thing. Hopefully, it'll only take me another day to finish, but we should all know by now I don't offer promises on such things. Hope you have enjoyed the story so far, and sincerely hope you will stay with me until the end.

Guna