Who I am…

Chapter 14

By: teal-lover

Summary: How Chris learned the cunning and duplicitous behavior we saw for over a year. Alternates between the past, unchanged future, and the changed future.

AN: Background in previous story is that something terrible happened to Chris and changed the way he saw things and learned to survive. This is the prequel/sequel to "Do You Really Want to Know", but can stand alone. Spoilers for all of season 6.

Rating: PG-13, T

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed or any of the characters or get any money from writing this fiction.

€#-€#-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#-€#

Hours later found Chris patting his full stomach contently as he eased back into the lounge chair in his bedroom. The rest of his family had stayed downstairs and milled around the kitchen as they started their day. Just as he picked up the journal, he heard a faint knock at the door.

Sensing it was his brother, he waved his arm and telekinetically opened the door in response.

Wyatt obviously hadn't slept a wink all night if the dark circles under his heavy-lidded blue eyes were any indication. Chris knew that with Wyatt's tendency to worry about his little brother, he probably still wouldn't get any now unless he knew for sure that he was ok. Which, in the older brother's eyes, meant not leaving his side.

Chris had to smile at the nervous question in his crystal blue eyes as he sought approval. He leaned over and grabbed the pillow off of his bed, tossing it to the blonde who caught it anxiously. The older boy allowed himself to drift off virtually as soon as he his head hit the pillow, content in the knowledge that he was again near if he was needed.

€#-€#-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#-€#

A short time later, Chris' own weary eyes and limbs began to take their toll on his exhausted body as the book slipped from his grasp. The impact jolted him awake and his head shot up, relieved that the elder witch hadn't stirred from the noise.

The journal landed on its spine, splayed open evenly to the center of the book. He reached for it, knowing that he was several pages and sections away from working his way up to the middle naturally. But the heading caught his eye and demanded his attention. Wyatt started all of this…

Suddenly, he could picture himself writing it nearly two decades prior. He remembered Phoebe shaking her head and telling him that the book was magically protected. Only the owner could read its contents. He had wanted to prove that no one else could see it, so he wrote about the worst day of his life--that day in Valhalla. His hands started to shake as he read the first few lines. He was sweating profusely by the time he reached the first mention of the name Tem'al.

With a loud gasp, the book slipped to the floor again as he fought the images that flashed in his mind. He didn't need to read any further. Every bit of pain and horror had come flooding back at the mention of his name. He tripped over his brother in his mad dash to get to a trashcan, barely making it as he lost his stomach's contents.

Wyatt awoke startled at the sound of retching, and he jumped up—just as he always had when his little brother was sick. Chris had always had a stubborn, independent streak and would refuse to call for his mother when sick, even when he was little. Wyatt would rub his back soothingly until the incident had passed, then lead him back to bed and tuck him in. It always worked without fail, earning him a grateful smile. At least until now.

Wyatt did as he always did, but in Chris' emotional and high-strung state, it was anything but comforting.

Chris began to hyperventilate with Wyatt touching him. He twisted away as the edges of his vision darkened and stretched out his arm, telekinetically flinging his brother into the wall.

The loud thud stirred everyone else in the sun-room to consciousness, having been quite familiar with the sound of a body hitting the floor.

They orbed to his room just in time to catch a glimpse of Chris waving his hand and orbing his unconscious brother to a destination unknown. Overwhelmed, the brunette swayed unsteadily on his feet before the darkness claimed him.

€#-€#-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#-€#

Leo stretched his arms out before his son could fall and caught him, gently easing him down to a sitting position against his chest. Before he could even ask, Piper was leaning over him with a damp cloth and wiping their son's forehead tenderly.

Seeing that Chris was taken care of, Phoebe turned her attention to her missing nephew. She fidgeted anxiously asked her baby sister. "Paige?"

She shook her head frantically. "No. I can't sense him. Leo?"

"No. We have to get Chris to wake up and tell us." Leo didn't want to let go, but he reluctantly shifted him over to his mother. He held his hands over the teenager, waiting patiently for the warm yellow glow to raise his blood pressure and awaken him.

Moments later, Chris blinked in confusion and scrambled away from them. He backed himself into the corner, crying despondently as he asked his father, "You didn't come. Why didn't you come? I called you—so many times."

Leo felt as if his heart was breaking as Chris held his hands out and warned them away. "I'm so sorry, Chris. I didn't hear you," Leo apologized profusely. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that what his wife had reluctantly informed earlier was true—this was the first Chris. As he stared into the hauntingly blue eyes glistening with tears, his heart fluttered wildly. Until Piper had explained the reasoning, he used to wonder why the Chris he had met decades ago had blue eyes, yet the son he had raised for the past 18 had green. Now that that he understood the tumultuous nature of the blue, he feared that he would never be able to help his son.

Piper gently nudged Leo out of the way and kneeled down in front of her son. "Chris, honey—"

"You're dead!" he interrupted fitfully while shaking his head in disbelief.

Her lip trembled in frustration as she turned and looked to the others imploringly. "How am I going to explain all of this?"

Phoebe took her place and tried to calm the young man. "No, Chris. You changed all of that. Your mom and Aunt Paige aren't dead this time. You went back to the past wand fixed all of that. Wyatt's good now too. And he was so worried about you."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously at the mention of his sibling's name. "Wyatt wasn't worried. He did this. He let them…" he trailed off in a whisper.

"No Chris, you changed all of that. That was the old Wyatt that did those horrible things. You went back in time and helped us fix it. This Wyatt is good, and he loves you. He would never hurt you. The two of you have a great relationship, and you would do anything for each other. Right now, he needs you. Can you tell us where you sent him?"

Chris frowned in confusion, "Sent?"

"Yes, where did you send your brother when you orbed him away?"

His blue eyes flashed darkly as he answered venomously. "I sent him to my hell."

Piper stood up in disbelief, her panic growing with every passing second. "The underworld? You sent him to the Underworld! Chris, he was unconscious! Leo!"

"I'm on it," Leo said and orbed out.

Piper began pacing frantically. "I can't believe this! He can't protect himself! How—"

Phoebe turned on her heels angrily. "Piper, stop it! You're not helping. Go upstairs and try the lost witch spell."

"Wyatt—"

"Will be fine," the empath answered firmly before turning her back and dismissing the older witch. She lowered her eyes to her nephew huddled in the corner with a panicked expression.

Taking a deep breath, she kneeled down in front of him and spoke calmly. "Chris, did you send your brother to Tem'al? I need to know if he's safe. Please, honey. You have to remember who you are now. Not who you were. Remember just this morning – he made you breakfast – from scratch. Now did the old Wyatt cook?"

Chris furrowed his brow in confusion as he struggled to focus on her voice. "No…" he muttered absently.

Phoebe did a silent cheer as she realized that her words were getting through to him. "Right. And remember that he's home from college, and that he asked his professor to take his finals early so he could be here for you? Remember Chris? This Wyatt has been worried sick about you, sleeping on the floor beside your bed, just in case you needed him—or called for him. Would the old Wyatt do any of that for you?"

He shook his head as he stared at her; recognition beginning to dawn in his eyes.

"And this Wyatt looks completely different than the old one, doesn't he? This Wyatt has much shorter hair. He doesn't have a goatee, and loves bright colors. He even loves those stupid pajamas with the ugly little dancing sheep that you bought him."

Chris smiled at that, now beginning to remember two distinct timelines. He glanced around the room and saw his brother's suitcase by his dresser. He rushed over and tore open the lid, laughing out loud when he found those same goofy pj's balled up in the corner of the luggage. The old Wyatt wouldn't have been caught dead in something like that.

His smile faded as he remembered buying the hideous looking things because they suited Wyatt's personality. He hadn't expected his brother to really wear them, but to his surprise, the older witch made good use of them. He covered his mouth in shock. "What have I done?"

Phoebe rushed to his side, bouncing anxiously. "Nothing we can't undo. I hope. Chris, did you send him to Tem'al?"

He shook his head absently, a frown creasing his brow heavily. "I know where he is."

Phoebe was about to ask him to clarify when he suddenly orbed out in a flurry of blue and white lights. She yelled toward the ceiling and stomped her foot, already knowing that it was pointless. "Christopher Halliwell! You get back here this instant!"

€#-€#-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#-€#

The youngest of Piper and Leo coalesced into a grassy clearing, instantly recognizing the area from his nightmares. It was one thing to remember the location, but it was another entirely to be standing in it.

His legs faltered as he made his way over to a crowd of Amazons currently poking at the prone figure on the ground.

Wyatt was only just beginning to come around when two of the women drew swords on him.

"No!" Chris shouted and flung his wrists out to remove the threat against his brother. As he focused on the two, another moved in closer and had her sword flush against Wyatt's jugular before he could take another step. She warned him back.

The tall brunette swung her long locks over her shoulder and fixed him with a dangerous glare. "This warrior has been sent to us from the heavens. We now have claim to him."

Chris was about to protest when the crowd of women parted and bowed, revealing who he assumed to be the Amazon leader. The older woman appeared to be in her sixties, but her age did nothing to diminish any of the strength she radiated. She practically glided on the soft blades of grass as she moved forward, her head held high with elegance and grace.

His wiccan instincts told him to fight, but the peaceful instincts inherent in his whitelighter half told him that he was outnumbered by the skilled fighters. He opted for diplomacy and dropped to one knee as the women had done, bowing his head respectfully to the Amazon Queen.

She seemed surprised as she addressed him. "A human male that has been taught a modicum of respect for our clan?"

"My mother was once Amazon for a short time. I am familiar with your traditions."

She drew him up to full height, tilting his face from side to side to study his features. "Hmm. And that's not the only reason you're familiar, is it. I remember now. You came to us before, many years ago when I was a mere child. Now it is you that is the child. You are the son of the eldest Charmed One, are you not?"

Chris nodded and indicated his brother as well. "Yes your highness. We both are."

She arched an eyebrow at the blonde laying on the ground with the tip of a sword still firmly pressed to his throat. "He doesn't look like an evil overlord," she commented with a hint of amusement.

Chris tried to avoid the piercing blue eyes that stared at him questioningly. There was no way he could avoid telling him now with what he just heard. "He's not. Not anymore." He told her.

She signaled to the others to release him, then turned back to Chris. "Then you did well."

He ducked his head in a shy acknowledgement and she smiled back.

"You're certainly more humble this time around. I take it you've forgiven him for all that occurred here?" She asked curiously, having recalled the unfortunate truths that Chris had given to get the Amazon's to help decades ago.

Chris sighed, telling her reluctantly. "I didn't even fully remember until this morning. And when I did, well - I guess that's why we ended up here."

Finally being allowed to get to his feet, Wyatt questioned his brother worriedly. "What are you talking about? What did I do?"

"It wasn't you, Wy." The brunette said dismissively.

"But she just said it was, and you didn't deny it."

Chris looked to the Amazon queen for direction. He was hoping that she would tell him that it was a bad idea. But there was simply no way his curious older brother would ever let the subject drop after what he had heard and experienced today.

She spoke calmy and dragged him out of his reverie. "Christopher, he deserves to know the truth—to know all that you sacrificed for him. If for no other reason, then to ensure that history doesn't repeat itself. You would be doing a great disservice to our world if it did."

Chris looked down sullenly. Her words and sharp tone sounded more like a reprimand than a reprieve. She was right though. Even if it was painful to both tell and hear, Wyatt deserved the truth.

The woman snapped her fingers, causing all of the Amazons to straighten in attention as she told him, "We will leave you in private. When you wish to return home, join me in my tent and I will contact the Elders. I trust you remember where it is?"

Chris nodded absently, dreading what he was about to do. He knew his brother would be devastated.

The Amazon Queen quickly retreated into the surrounding forest after the others, but watched the two brothers from a distance discretely. 'What I wouldn't give to be able to hear what is being said.'

The brunette folded his arms around himself tightly. He probably wasn't even aware of the unconscious protective gesture. His gaze reached the ground as he spoke, lifting his head only after the taller man faltered a few steps backward. He was shaking his head slowly in denial, but the brunette hadn't stopped with his exposition. The more the elder witch heard, the more unsteady on his feet he became. His long legs weakened and gave out on him, being saved from plunging to the ground only by his brother's quick reflexes as he eased him down gently.

He was clearly distraught by what he was hearing. By what he had done, even if it was in another life. It appeared that there wasn't even a trace of evil in him as he hunched down on his knees, his hands clasped together as if begging for forgiveness. She was now satisfied by his actions that he wasn't a danger to the world, yet she still lingered.

The queen began to feel like a voyeur as she watched the younger of the two crouch down in front of him, enfolding the larger man in his arms and whispering soothing words as one would a child needing comfort. Both were lost in their own world.

With a sad smile, she turned away brusquely and headed back to her tent.

Chis was much calmer, seeing that his brother needed him. As he felt the last of the tremors rolling away, he knew that this man bore no resemblance to the brother that had first introduced him to Valhalla – literally a lifetime ago.

Now he knew where all of the nightmares came from. And he also knew that the Chris from the old life had forgiven his brother for his crimes against him, but he also harbored a deep-seeded fear of the man at the same time. It was as if something in his subconscious had been waiting for Wyatt to fall again.

Listening to his brother apologize repeatedly for a crime he hadn't committed broke his heart. He knew now with absolute certainty that this Wyatt would never hurt him, and would in fact die to protect him.

"Wyatt, you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything."

"But my own brother is afraid of me because of what I did. I think that gives me a reason."

"But I'm not. Not anymore," Chris insisted. "I admit that there must have been something inside of me from that old life that's just been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well it finally caught up with me. And today, I remembered everything that my mind was fighting so hard to keep locked away. It was a lot to take in, and for a moment, I didn't recognize who you are now—in this life. I'm sorry for that."

Wyatt looked down guiltily while he picked at the blades of grass. "Why now, Chris?"

He hesitated for a moment before he answered, unsure of the reaction he would get. "Because this is when and where it all started. I'm exactly the same age. This is exactly the same place."

"I'm sor—"

"Don't say it Wy. We changed all of that. None of it has happened in this time. You've always been there for me. Never let anyone pick on me growing up. Hell, I still remember when I was five and you punched out Tabitha Ryan because she elbowed me and knocked my tooth out. You're always looking out for me, even to the point where it's annoying sometimes. And if all of that wasn't enough, you'll even wear those hideous dancing sheep pj's so that you don't hurt my feelings. Come on, Wy. Who in their right mind could ever ask for a better big brother than that?"

Wyatt looked up, searching for the truth in his brother's eyes. He found what he was looking for and let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. "You know, I'd give anything to be able to take back all of the horrible things I did to you—even if it wasn't in this life."

"Thanks, Wy. That means a lot to me."

"But since I can't, maybe I can find a way to help you forget?" the older witch suggested.

Chris frowned as he began to mull over the question. There was a time when it was important that he remembered. The knowledge kept him on edge; always ready to fight alone. But as Wyatt's gaze settled on him, he found it alight with warmth and compassion, and he realized that he no longer had to. "Before--I needed it. Everything that happened gave me the strength to come back here and change things. It made me who I was. But it's not who I am anymore. I don't need it, and I sure as hell don't want it. So yeah, I want to forget. And I need you to help me."

Wyatt stood up, nodding gratefully while he extended his hand. His brother had helped him. Now it was time to return the favor.

€#-€#-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#€-#-€#

The two hiked back to the Amazon Queen's tent in a companionable silence. When they arrived, they found their father and the Charmed Ones awaiting eagerly after Phoebe finally figured out where they had gone.

Piper jumped up first and rushed to her sons, pulling them both into her outstretched arms. "Are you both all right?" Wyatt immediately nodded.

The brothers shared a secretive glance over her shoulder that spoke volumes. It was Chris that answered cryptically. "No. But I will be."

Phoebe watched the interaction between her nephews curiously. It was clear that something had happened between them. Both of their faces held a somewhat haunted expression, and she suddenly realized that they both knew.

But she also realized that they had appeared to come to some sort of mutual agreement. They weren't going to let it destroy them or their relationship. She couldn't help the giddy smile that crossed her features as they both acknowledged her silently and moved to stand next to each other.

Chris' expression was trusting as he leaned in closer to his older brother, dropping the shoulder closest to him in an unguarded stance.

Wyatt straightened his shoulders and stood behind his little brother in a protective gesture that clearly stated that he was perfectly willing to accept that responsibility.

He would do whatever it took to help brother. And it seemed that Chris was finally able to let him.

Tbc… for the epilog