Setsuna fumbled with the key ring in her hand, cursing slightly as the correct one kept slipping out of her grasp. Once she successfully managed to grab the right key, she roughly shoved it into the keyhole, opened the door, rushed into the refuge of her room and slammed the door behind her. The swordsman gently dropped her sword to the ground and sighed heavily, leaning her back against the door and lowering her head so that her chin rested on her chest. Setsuna was completely exhausted. Scratch that; she was beyond exhausted. She slowly allowed herself to slide down the door and onto the floor where she gently laid her head upon her knees.
Shining Tears
Part
2: Heart to Heart
The tears had stopped falling long ago but Setsuna's eyes were still wet from crying. Lifting her head slightly, she gently wiped her eyes with her fingertips and looked at the warm tears that now stained her hands. She brushed her thumb against her wet fingers slowly, as if she were trying to erase them from existence, and smiled bitterly. At least she hadn't come across anyone on her way back from Evangeline's cottage. The entire run to the girls' dorm had been dreadfully uneventful, but Setsuna was grateful for this since she wasn't in the mood to explain what had happened to anyone; not that she could have explained even if she wanted to.
Setsuna dropped her head back on her knees, too tired to think anymore. Right now, all she wanted to do was... well there were a lot of things she wanted to do. She wanted to figure out what in the world she was feeling, and then she wanted to figure out what those feelings meant. She wanted to know why she couldn't agree to the pactio when she would sacrifice herself for Konoka's sake. But most of all, she just wanted to go back and apologize to Konoka for making her sad.
At the memory of Konoka's devastated face, Setsuna jumped to her feet and fiercely pulled off her shirt. She balled up the article of clothing and pressed her forehead against it, trying to get the thought out of her head.
"I can't think about this anymore," Setsuna mumbled in frustration. She slowly dragged herself to her bathroom and began pulling off the rest of her clothes. As Setsuna shed the last of her school uniform and undid the cloth that bound her chest, the swordsman reached into the shower and turned the faucet. Steam began to rise from the falling hot water and she paused momentarily to watch it with mild fascination. At last, Setsuna untied her hair, stepped into the stall and let the water flow over her tired limbs, washing the dirt and sweat off her body and the tears off her face. She sighed deeply as she felt the water's cleansing effect all over her body.
"Hey," Setsuna murmured softly after lowering her head under the spray of hot water. "Can you wash away the confusion, too?" she asked the water, knowing that the only response she would get was no response at all.
Nearly twenty minutes later, Setsuna stepped out of the bathroom feeling like she was no better off now than she had been prior to the shower; except that now she was clean. Wearily, she headed over to her closet and pulled on a fresh set of clothes; a fresh school uniform, to be specific. Setsuna didn't own very many casual clothes, not that this really mattered to her.
Fully clothed, the swordsman flopped down on the lone bed that occupied the room and accidentally knocked a small trinket off of her night stand. She reached over the side of the bed to pick up the fallen object and returned with a tiny stuffed cat in the palm of her hand.
Despite her current mood, Setsuna allowed herself to briefly smile at the toy she held. At first glance, the item in her hand was just some cheap prize that had come from a 100 yen vending machine. However, Setsuna knew that this toy was more than just that.
"She gave this to me," Setsuna thought to herself, remembering how Konoka had pulled the tiny plush cat out of a prize capsule a few weeks ago on shopping trip. After declaring the cat to be cute, she turned around and gave it to the swordsman saying that it was perfect for her. "Kono-chan..." Setsuna gave the toy cat a quick squeeze between her thumb and forefinger before pushing herself off the bed. She crossed her room and stopped before the window beside her desk. "Did you make it back okay, Kono-chan?" she wondered out loud, looking concernedly out the window.
As if on cue, a small figure suddenly hovered into view in front of Setsuna's window. It tapped on the glass with a miniature sword and waved energetically at the surprised swordsman. Muffled shouts of "I'm back! I'm back!" could be heard through the closed window and Setsuna smiled a smile of relief. She placed the toy in her hand upon her desk before reaching over and unlocking the window, allowing the small figure to enter the room.
"I'm back, Setsuna-neesan!" the tiny form cried as it flew toward Setsuna's desk and landed upon it. The swordsman knelt down to the eye level of the small visitor and found herself looking at a miniaturized version of herself.
"Welcome back, chibi Setsuna-chan," the swordsman said, giving the shikigami a small smile. The chibi bowed gratefully and smiled back at the larger girl. This tiny doppelganger was none other than an enchanted paper copy of herself that Setsuna sometimes used in her work. In this case, she had sent out chibi Setsuna to secretly follow Konoka to make sure that she didn't run into trouble. "Did you complete your mission?" Setsuna asked.
The swordsman couldn't help but smile again as her miniature double suddenly jumped to attention and saluted her with a serious expression on its face. "Everything went a-okay! I followed Konoka ojou-sama all the way back to her dorm and she's safe now, but—" Setsuna saw the chibi tap her chin thoughtfully with an index finger. "But Konoka ojou-sama seemed... different today," she finished.
"'Different?'" Setsuna repeated, looking at the shikigami. "What do you mean?"
"Um... I don't know," the tiny swordsman replied truthfully. "She just seemed really sad, I guess. The whole way home, Konoka ojou-sama looked like she was going to cry even though she didn't."
The swordsman turned away from the shikigami and looked out the window again as a surge of guilt washed over her. Setsuna knew without a doubt that her refusal to form a pactio with Konoka was the reason why Konoka was been so sad. She had no reason to believe otherwise since her negative response hadn't exactly been delivered delicately.
"What else did you notic—" Setsuna started to ask the shikigami. However, she stopped mid-question at the sight of the tiny swordsman hugging the toy cat that Setsuna had placed on her desk. She watched as chibi Setsuna tossed the cat into the air again and again and squealed with delight, making her wonder whether or not it had been a good idea to make this shikigami half-autonomic this time. Then again, earlier at chibi Setsuna's summoning, the swordsman decided that she wanted some time to herself to sort out of her feelings, not that the alone-time had really helped.
"You know what," Setsuna said, smiling at the tiny swordsman as she caught the toy cat for the umpteenth time and hugged it tightly, "thank you for helping me today, but now it's time to dismiss you." She bowed her thanks to the small figure and began reciting the incantation to revert chibi Setsuna back into paper.
"Wait!" the shikigami cried, throwing up a hand and waving it frantically. "Before I go, do you know why Konoka ojou-sama was so sad today?"
"Well, I don't know," Setsuna admitted as she looked away from the chibi's concerned gaze. "It's sort of complicated." She placed one hand upon her desk for support and frowned in frustration as her heart began to beat painfully within her chest.
"Uh oh. Now Setsuna-neesan looks sad, too," chibi Setsuna said, looking worriedly at the larger girl. Clutching the small toy cat tightly under one arm, the tiny swordsman walked over across the desk and patted Setsuna's arm. "What's wrong?"
Setsuna cast the shikigami a dubious look and wondered just how much a piece of paper, enchanted or not, would know about things like this; especially a piece of paper that was controlled by Setsuna since she was currently clueless about the entire situation. Still, what did she have to lose?
"Alright," Setsuna gave in, "I'll tell you." At her words, chibi Setsuna quickly sat down and stared up at her with an expression of rapt attention. "Konoka ojou-sama asked me to form a pactio with her and—"
The chibi suddenly jumped to her feet with a loud squeak of excitement. She hugged the cat in her arms tightly, her wide eyes now shining with anticipation. Setsuna almost felt bad for finishing the rest of her sentence.
"—and I couldn't do it, so I refused."
Setsuna was shocked to see what a dramatic effect her words had on the little shikigami. Chibi Setsuna's expression of excitement contorted into one of horror and the plush toy in her arms suddenly drooped out of her grasp and was in danger of falling onto the desk. The tiny swordsman's mouth slowly opened in shock and it let out a great sniffle.
"T-that's so sad," the chibi wailed, gathering up the tiny cat in her arms and clinging to it tightly. Tear drops started to form in the corner of her large eyes and she sniffled again. "Setsuna-neesan is in love with Konoka ojou-sama, but she said 'nooo'!"
"W-what?!" Setsuna stuttered, stunned and horrified that her small counterpart came to such a conclusion. "What are you talking about?! I'm not in love with ojou-sama!"
The shikigami stopped in mid-wail and made a small sound of surprise, slowly closing its mouth. "But... yes you do..." the chibi insisted as it tilted its head and stared intently at Setsuna with a curious look on its face. "You love Konoka ojou-sama!"
"N-no I don't," Setsuna protested, trying her hardest to glare at her miniature self. The chibi swordsman giggled at Setsuna's attempts to intimidate her and pointed with delight at the larger girl's brilliantly red cheeks.
"See? See?" the small figure cried, jumping up and down excitedly while continuing to point. "Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama! Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama!"
"N-n-no!" Setsuna stuttered, finding it harder and harder to deny it. She felt her cheeks grow even hotter as the chibi looked up at her with a smug expression upon her face. "I-I don't... I don't l-l-love..."
"Are you suuuure?" the tiny swordsman teased.
Setsuna dropped her head and sighed, realizing that she was about to lose this argument to a charmed piece of paper. Her cheeks were now incredibly flushed from chibi Setsuna's teasing and the swordsman could literally feel steam rising from the top of her head. "W-why do you think that I love ojou-sama?" Setsuna asked her smaller self, feeling quite unprepared to hear the response.
"That's easy," the chibi said, slowly bringing a small hand to her chest and placing it gently over her heart. Setsuna watched curiously as the shikigami gave her a shy, solemn smile and slowly closed her eyes and. "I can feel it in here," she explained, patting her heart with her palm. "I know that Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama because I love Konoka ojou-sama, too," chibi Setsuna said without a hint of embarrassment. The tiny swordsman lowered its head and sighed deeply. "When I think about Konoka ojou-sama, I feel warm and happy inside, like everything is all right. And I know that Setsuna-neesan has these feelings too because I'm a part of Setsuna-neesan," the chibi finished proudly, snuggling her cheek against the plush toy cat in her arms. Chibi Setsuna opened her eyes and smiled at the larger girl. "That's why I know that Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama!"
Setsuna was at a loss for words as she stared at her miniature self. She was surprised that her slightly stupid, half-autonomic shikigami had been able to come to such a conclusion... one that felt unexpectedly correct.
"But I—" Setsuna started to say, but the tiny swordsman cut her off.
"That's not all," chibi Setsuna continued, hugging the cat around its neck with one arm and using her now free hand to point at the larger girl. "I can see it in your eyes, too."
"In my eyes?" Setsuna asked.
"Yup," the chibi nodded as she hugged the toy she held with both arms again. "When you talk about Konoka ojou-sama, your eyes become soft and you sometimes get this far away look. There's also the faint smile you sometimes have on your face, and the way your voice gets all quiet and gentle, and how you—"
"Okay, okay," Setsuna said, holding up a hand to silence the shikigami. Her face was still bright red, but Setsuna felt less embarrassed than before. "I get it, you're right. But..." Setsuna brought a hand to her chest and placed it gently upon her heart, mimicking chibi Setsuna's earlier action. "If I love ojou-sama so much, then why wasn't I able to say 'yes' to the pactio?"
"That's a good question," the chibi swordsman admitted. She sat down on the desk, pulled the toy cat on her lap and stroked its head thoughtfully. "Maybe...maybe you were scared?"
A dry laugh escaped Setsuna's lips. "Of course I was scared," she told her tiny counterpart.
"But now that you know that you're in love with Konoka ojou-sama, do you still feel scared?"
Setsuna didn't even need to think about this before answering. Beneath her hand, her heart was beating uncontrollably from their discussion of Konoka. If anything, she was probably more scared now that she had figured out her feelings for Konoka.
"Yeah," Setsuna replied softly, giving the tiny swordsman a wry, gloomy smile. "I'm terrified."
"It's not that you don't want to kiss Konoka ojou-sama to form the pactio, is it?" the chibi suggested with a doubtful look on her face. "You do want to kiss her, right?"
"Well I-I, I—" Setsuna stuttered, looking anxiously around the room. The blood was rushing to her face again, and she wondered if there was any danger in blushing so often in such a short period of time. "I uh, I—"
"Setsuna-neesan," chibi Setsuna interrupted loudly. The swordsman looked down find that the smaller girl pouting at her with her hands on her hips. The toy cat now lay forgotten on the ground. "Tell the truth."
Setsuna let out her breath and smiled grudgingly at the demanding shikigami. "I want to kiss her," she finally conceded as every free blood cell in her body suddenly migrated to her cheeks.
"Okay, good," chibi Setsuna smiled. She bent down to pick up her fallen toy and gave it an apologetic snuggle. "But I wonder why you had such a hard time agreeing to the pactio. What did Konoka ojou-sama say when she asked you to be her partner?"
"Hm... I don't know," Setsuna slowly said, thinking about the scene that had occurred outside of Evangeline's cottage. "She just... asked."
"But what were her exact words?" pressed the tiny swordsman.
Setsuna tried to recall the conversation that had happened, but all the words that were spoken now seemed to be a jumbled mess that didn't want to be remembered. "I don't know..." she admitted sincerely.
"But you must remember something," chibi Setsuna insisted, raising her hands in frustration. "Asking you to be her partner was a big deal, so something must have stuck with you. Just think back and remember what—"
"'Just one kiss.'"
"Eh...?" the chibi swordsman slowly asked, dropping her hands to her side. She looked up at Setsuna and found that the larger girl was also surprised by what she had just said.
"'Just one kiss and we'll never need to do it again...'" Setsuna recited, repeating Konoka's exact words. She gave the shikigami an odd look as she finished the quote, like she wasn't quite sure where the words had come from. "That's what she said to me when she asked me to be her partner..."
"Ah..." Chibi Setsuna slowly nodded and gave the swordsman a sympathetic smile. "I guess we found the problem, then."
Setsuna, however, had her back turned to the tiny swordsman. "I don't think I know what you mean," Setsuna said, avoiding the other girl's gaze. She walked across the room and stopped in front of her bed.
"'Just one kiss?' Isn't that what's bothering you?"
"What? That's not it." Setsuna stubbornly dismissed the tiny swordsman's conclusion with a wave of her hand. She tossed herself on her mattress, tucked her hands behind her head and stared resolutely at the ceiling. "If that's what ojou-sama wants, then that's okay with me," she said.
"But..." Setsuna heard her shikigami softly break the silence after several moments. Without waiting for the stubborn swordsman to respond or look at her, chibi Setsuna continued talking. "Are you sure you're really okay with that, Setsuna-neesan?"
Setsuna felt her hardened gaze weaken and start to lower from the ceiling so that the end of her bed gradually came into view. The familiar burning sensation in the corner of her eyes was present again, but she tried to ignore it. Although she refused to look over at her desk, her attention was entirely focused upon the words of her shikigami. She was certain that the tiny swordsman would soon voice the truth that Setsuna had already come to realize.
"You're not okay with it, are you? With a single kiss with Konoka ojou-sama? If you really love her this much, then would it really be okay if you were never to kiss Konoka ojou-sama again after the pactio?"
Her shikigami had hit the truth dead-on and she knew it. All of her confusion earlier, all of that frustration and pain, all of it had come from a truth that her heart had known even before her brain had understood it. Setsuna had been so afraid of kissing Konoka and forming the pactio because she was afraid that it would be the last kiss she would ever have with Konoka; the last kiss from the person she loved.
Setsuna sighed and sat up. "How," she thought to herself. "did chibi Setsuna figure this out when I couldn't even do it alone?" She turned over to her desk, prepared to thank her shikigami for helping her. However, she stopped in mid-thank you at the sight of chibi Setsuna cheerfully tossing the cat up and down in the air again, apparently oblivious to the fact that she had just taken part in a very serious conversation.
"Really, how in the world did this shikigami end up helping me?" Setsuna wondered to herself, hanging her head in shame. Nevertheless, she was still thankful for chibi Setsuna's help. Figuring out what was bothering her would have been quite a challenge without the shikigami's assistance. The hard part was yet to come, however. Now that she knew what was wrong, Setsuna still needed to see Konoka and find a way to tell her the truth.
Word Count: 3265
Authors Notes: Crap, this was no where near 2500 words. XD And here I thought that this part would end up being shorter than that last one too. XD At this rate, I might not be able to call this a "one-shot" once the last part is finished...
In regards to author's notes, sorry for throwing an author's note at the start of the story. I'd like to avoid doing that from now on since it disrupts the reading. For the next chapter, just assume that it picks up where this one left off. If it doesn't, I guess I'll have to add yet another disruptive author's note or something...
Anyway, I hope you all liked this part. I had some mixed feelings about it, though. For the most part, writing dialogue isn't my strong point. I can be pretty decent when the dialogue is meant to be fluffy and sentimental, but the everyday normal stuff seems kind of forced with me. I hope the conversation between Setsuna and chibi Setsuna didn't feel too awkward. I also hope the conversation didn't seem to rushed. Did I mention that this chapter was actually closer to 4200 words before I edited it? XD I ended up cutting out lots of stuff all over the place, so I hope it still made sense in the end. Also, I wasn't quite sure what Setsuna and chibi Setsuna called each other, so I guessed. XD
Ok, enough rambling. The next part should be out shortly. I already wrote the end, so now I just need the stuff leading up to it. Kono-chan returns in the next and last part, and things between her and Secchan are sure to get complicated. :D
Also, please continue to review and support my writing. I appreciate all of your helpful comments! To Belgian Waffle, thank you for pointing out the whole "Se-chan" versus "Secchan" thing to me. I got used to seeing it as "Se-chan" first (might have been from Del Rey), but I do mean for it to be "Secchan". Reverting to "Se-chan" is just one of my bad habits, so thanks so much for pointing that out to me. I'll have to re-upload the first part once I get a chance. Thanks again. :D
Last Updated: January 30, 2007