DISCLAIMER: Blah, blah, blah...don't own Inuyasha or characters...blah, blah, blah...don't own "Somewhere I Belong" or Linkin Park...damn lawyers...
AMP: Wow, didn't think I'd get good reviews with my first fanfic, but apparently I was wrong...thanks for the support guys!
Kags: Don't yell AMP...After that party last chapter, we're all hung overand tired...
::Kags, Sessho, and Inu are all sitting around in their pajamas with ice packs on their heads and empty bottles of headache medicine lying all over the place::
AMP: No one told you to drink so much...
Inu: Hey, AMP. How come you're not hung over?
AMP: One of the advantages of being the author and all powerful, hehehe...
Sessho: Well since you feel so well, why don't you handle the clean up?
AMP: ::grumbles and wanders off to get the cleaning supplies::
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 6: Somewhere I Belong
"This is the most trouble this Sesshomaru has ever had getting home, miko," The demon lord growled. They were still in the air, only minutes away from his castle.
Sesshomaru found that Kagome responded to an extent when addressed directly. Even if all she did was look him in the eye, it was better than staying locked in her head. At least he knew she was listening. The look she was currently giving him showed a mixture of guilt and defiance.
"Apology accepted, human," he answered. "And you are right, if we had flown to begin with, it would have saved a lot of time." Kagome appeared to be appeased and returned her gaze to the landscape. As much as Sesshomaru hated to admit he had made a mistake, he was willing to make these small concessions to ear a response from the young woman.
Sesshomaru rolled his shoulders. The familiar silken weight of his haori was still missing and it made him feel almost naked. At least Kagome looked comfortable.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kagome's shivering stopped by the time she woke up. Sesshomaru watched her from across the fire and almost laughed at the confused expression on her face when she realized she had been sleeping in his haori. But his laughter quickly dissolved as the disturbed miko's tears began falling.
"Miko, what is the problem?" he questioned. Kagome continued to cry as she clutched his haori tighter around her.
Then it hit him. At least twice during his fighting with Inuyasha he had seen the young miko wearing the half-breed's red haori. He had inadvertently brought up a memory of his brother and it had upset the girl. As he watched Kagome lifted the round disks that covered her ears from the pouch at her waist and slipped them on. Knowing that she was shutting him out, he remained quiet and began preparing to leave.
He didn't understand why she had chosen to keep his haori on, but since she was no longer crying he didn't question it. Looking back at her he recognized the far away look on her face.
"When this began
I had nothing
to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me…"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kagome was lost in a memory. The memory of the night she had come back to the past.
"And
I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these
things in mind
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the
only real thing that I've got left to feel…"
She had come to only one concrete conclusion during the two weeks she had spent in the future.
She didn't belong there anymore.
"Just
stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is
my own"
Other than telling her mother that Inuyasha was dead, she had not spoken at home. She had curled up in her bed and cried, leaving only to go to the bathroom. He mother had brought up her dinner, the only meal she would touch.
"I
wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna
let go of the pain I've held so long…"
Two weeks after her return home, Kagome left the house for the first time.
It was almost midnight, but the shop Kagome was heading for would be open for another few hours. Spending all her time in the past meant that she had almost no time to spend what money she had. The bank account her mother had started for her a few years ago would fund the changes Kagome felt compelled to make.
"I
wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I
wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
…"
A wardrobe change was first on her list. Her usual assortment of cute jeans and colorful shirts looked like they belonged to another person. She was no longer the Kagome she used to be. The last part of her that was carefree and innocent had died with Inuyasha.
"And
I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right
down on my face…"
The music in the store made her feel…she didn't know how to describe it. It was a freedom and an expression she wasn't used to getting from music. It drove back the voices and memories with screaming and loud sound of its own. Kagome wandered through the shop feeling almost as if the music guided her to make the purchases she made. All black, something her old friends would have called depressing. Kagome found that it suited her.
After asking the woman behind the counter (an American) for the names of the bands she heard playing, Kagome headed next door to find CDs with music that suited her frame of mind.
After cleaning an all night convenience store out of AA batteries, she headed home and slipped silently up to her room. She immediately lost herself in the music and lyrics of a band called Linkin Park. Kagome had been trying to drive a thought out of her mind for the past several minutes, but not even the music was pushing it out.
It was the sounds of the city. It was the smog in the air. Her mother's humming as she cooked. The chatter of the schoolgirls in their sailor uniforms. The whoosh of the trains. The crowds. Her brother's video games. The TV. The screaming in her head.
It all accumulated to one earsplitting noise in her head that made her heart pound and her stomach turn.
"Not here," she moaned. "Not here."
"Looking
everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it
all in my mind…"
She couldn't take it. The sounds. The smells. The lights. The people. All of it meant nothing to her.
"What
do I have but negativity
Cause I can't justify the way,
everyone is looking at me…"
Why? Why couldn't she just stay here? She had been born in this time, but it no longer felt as is she belonged here.
"Nothing
to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault
is my own…"
It wasn't fair. If it weren't for that damned well she wouldn't be here now. But then, if not for the well, this future wouldn't even exist.
"I
wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna
let go of the pain I've held so long
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
like I'm close to something real…"
Inuyasha had to die for this world to live. Her best friend was dead. That was the ultimate sacrifice.
And it wasn't fair either.
"I
wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong…"
Inuyasha wouldn't be there to greet her. But did that mean that she didn't belong in the Feudal Era either? It was the only place she had any real friends. People who understood her and loved her like a sister.
"I
will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never
feel anything else, until my wounds are healed…"
Would she still belong there? Would it matter if she did?
"I
will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break
away, I'll find myself today…"
At that point she had stopped thinking. Gathering everything she had just bought, she dumped it into her giant pack.
"I
wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna
let go of the pain I've held so long…"
She didn't bother waking anyone to say goodbye. She wrote a note saying where she was going and slipped out the door. The night was soothing, but it made her even more determined to reach the past. To feel clean air. To really breathe again.
"I
wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I
wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong…"
She broke into a run, desperate now to reach the well. To reach salvation.
"I
wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong…"
The tears streamed down her face. The voices in her head screeched at her.
"Not fair!" she yelled. "It's not fair!"
"I wanna heal, I wanna feel like
I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong…"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Miko, we are home," Sesshomaru declared, snapping Kagome out of her recollection.
They were standing in front of Sesshomaru's castle and a small girl was running towards them, followed by the ugly toad servant.
"Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin screamed running towards the demon lord, stopping a few feet short. "Welcome home Kagome-chan!"
Sesshomaru gave Rin a smile that few people would have noticed, and then turned his gaze to Kagome to judge her reaction.
The Taiyouki was unnerved at just how much the miko reminded him of himself as she stepped towards the young girl. She gave his ward a barely-noticeable smile, put a hand on her head and smoothed Rin's hair back. "Rin," she whispered quietly.
Rin broke into a toothy smile and Sesshomaru held in a gasp.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AMP: ::whispers:: Much thanks to lady fairy goth, Inuyahsagrl14, and Lil' JJ. Thanks for reviewing, keep it up!
Sessho, Kags, and Inu: Shut up AMP!
AMP: Alright, alright...