A/n: I warn you, this chapter is sad. I own Finn, Laura, and Josh, and my song. That's it.
Chapter Eleven
I woke up in the morning and yawned, as I usually do. Then I looked at me and remembered the events of last night. So fast; ice skating, Romeo and Juliet, dinner, home. My dress was ripped and bloody, and my arm was swollen. It was wrapped skillfully but hastily, and the bandages were starting to unravel. I decided to take a shower to wash off, and to hopefully pass time until I saw Edward again.
The water was warm and comforting, as much as possible. I lingered in it for a while, not rushing in washing my hair or wiping off the blood, which stung whenever it was touched. I just let the warm sensation run over my entire body, finally relaxing me enough.
I dried off and pulled my hair into a towel. Steam escaped the shower and breezed across my face. I pulled down my bathrobe from its hook and put it on. Now there was nothing else to do.
As I lumbered into my room, the dress was gone and so was the suitcase of clothing. I spotted something on my bed. A rose. But not red as it had been before. But black. Remorse.
Around the stem I found a note, rolled around the stem as before, but with a black ribbon tied in a bow. I opened the note hesitantly, not knowing what to expect:
Dearest Bella,
I'm sorry to have to do this, but early this morning my family and I had to leave for back up North. I can't have you feel obligated to me, but I only want you to be happy. Live life and forget these last two days. Forget I ever existed. Just live your life as you have always done.
I will always love you,
Edward
I cried angrily as I set the note down. It was what I had predicted when I saw the rose, but not what I had wanted to believe. He has gone. That tore me up, thinking that he could leave. Crying was the only thing I could reason with then.
I walked to get a tissue, but fell along the way. I thought you said that you'd never let me fall.
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Nothing mattered, nothing made sense.
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About 4 months had gone by, now it was March, but I hadn't forgotten him. I couldn't. I wouldn't.
I was now in my room, looking outside at the unchanged scenery of Phoenix and fiddling around with some watercolors. For once, I actually wanted it to rain, to fit my mood. Wet (from tears) and gloomy.
I finished up the painting I was doing and clipped it to the makeshift drying/clothesline I had created from string and clothespins across my room. Then I sat back down and cried. My paintings reflected how I had been feeling in the past third of a year. Dismal. I had almost run out of blues, grays, and blacks from my set. Imagine Van Gogh's Starry Night, muted and dank, and you have my mood and my art. I was now very introverted, without contact with other people. It hurt too much.
Laura and Josh had tried constantly to get me out of the house, but I didn't want to go. It even cam to a point where I started screaming at them. That was the reason we rarely talked anymore. I couldn't deal with anything. Everything reminded me of him. His name even hurt now.
Renee was worried, because I had also lost a bit of weight lately. I had always been thin, but fairly soft, around 125, and now she claimed I had dropped to at least 115.
The crying hurt my face, and I went into the bathroom to wash it. The cool water splashed over my face and calmed my tears. I took a bright yellow towel to my face and dried it. Normal ordinary things. What wasn't ordinary was the sight in the mirror. It wasn't me. Not in the way that it had been that night, but I was ghostly.
My skin was paler than I had once thought possible, and my lips were dull and translucent. My hair had lost its sheen; it just lay limply around my shoulders. Dark circles had etched themselves under my eyes and you could tell I hadn't been getting enough sleep. What was the most striking characteristic about this girl in the mirror, she wasn't smiling. Not smile lines were around her mouth, no grin planted behind her eyes. That's what scared me the most.
I needed to get away, to find a new place away from here. This town was dismal to me. Lynne had gotten slightly better, but I knew it was just as phony as before. She would just leave me, just like she had left Greg in December. After that, she came crying to me, only to leave again once Eli came around mid January. They were together now, and she cared no more for me once again.
The phone rang, and it startled me. I ran to pick it up, only to find Renee had once beaten me to it. I could tell though that it was Charlie, my dad. They had had me when they were young, 19, and then divorced and I had gone with Renee to Phoenix and Charlie had stayed in Forks. Forks.
I detested Forks, but it was an outlet, a place I could go and…hide.
I had only three months left in the school year, I could transfer easily.
Stop. I was getting ahead of myself. I didn't need Forks or anything. Anyone. I just need to suck it up and live, that's what …Edward… wanted me to do. Don't forget, Bella, don't forget.
I walked sullenly back to my room. On my bed lay my paper from painting, and it gave me an idea.
I'm not much of a musician, but my poetry always found its way to music. This time was no different. (A/n: this is actually my song. I wrote it last October for a similar circumstance)
One time, one day
You took, my breath away
One day, one time
I was yours, and you were mine
We met, we danced
As far as we knew, this was romance
You left, I cried
I couldn't forget you, as hard as I tried
Oh, don't forget
The rain on your skin
Don't forget
The pain needed to win
Don't forget my smile
Or that you smiled too
Don't forget
How I love you
Now it's been, near a year
Because of you, I've shed many a tear
I remember your soft, sweet voice
Forgetting that, not a thinkable choice
Oh, don't forget
The rain on your skin
Don't forget
The pain needed to win
Don't forget my smile
Or that you smiled too
Don't forget
How I love you
Don't forget
The stars in the sky
Don't forget
You put the twinkle in my eye
Oh don't forget we fell
Oh harder than we knew
Don't forget,
That you once loved me
Loved me too.
Okay, so it hadn't been a year, but poetically it made more sense.
I marveled over the song I had just written. It wasn't too bad. I tried singing it, seeing I already had a tune in my head, but it didn't work. I am no singer.
I snapped out of it slightly and remembered it was Sunday. I had school tomorrow. And homework.
I sat down and worked. It worked on clearing my mind for a bit.
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I had fallen asleep again finishing my homework. It was nice, having things to do, so as not to obsess over certain things.
That thought just made me cry again.
Don't forget my smile
Or that you smiled too.
"Don't forget that I love you," I cried even more.
I slept and slept. Nowadays I had trained myself not to remember my dreams. That was just too painful. I knew I dreamt of him, but I couldn't bear with myself to relive it in my dreams again.
In the morning, I trudged up to get to school. Since he left me, I no longer walked, I hurried. Walking meant pondering for me, and pondering meant thinking of, I winced, him.
School was monotonous. I hadn't been very social to begin with, but now I was even less. I only talked when made to, and otherwise I was an outcast. I did my studies, and well. They were my life now. I could see the teachers were wary of my change, but they couldn't say anything.
I got into homeroom just before the bell, something I had perfected in order to minimize time before school. The bell rang, and the morning began. Little was I prepared for what it had in store for me.
"Hello Phoenix High, and good morning," the morning announcements came over the television. But it wasn't the usual senior's voice. No, this voice was all too familiar. Lynne.
"Today we welcome our new announcer, sophomore Lynne Peterson, to our morning show. She won our contest, run by our student council, and will now be appearing on the show daily with us."
That figured. Our student council was run by a group of egotistical "popular's". Voting was a popularity contest, and it was no wonder that Lynne ran with them.
"The weather is sunny and now for the morning report." I no longer paid attention from then on. I couldn't bear at realizing the separation between Lynne and mine's lives. It was too drastic now.
I was in my usual haze the rest of the day, thinking. Today I had to go to the middle school briefly to deliver something for Renee, but that wasn't what I was thinking about on the way there and when I arrived. I was more pondering with myself about…well… him.
Isabella, he didn't want you. You were just some little thing he picked up for the weekend. He left, he doesn't want you. Besides, he probably has a girlfriend up North anyways. You were just a two- day thing. You didn't matter.
I cried all the way there, just letting the tears stream down my face. When I arrived there, I fought back what other tears hoped to escape; I couldn't let them for fear of embarrassment and questioning. I quickly handed the office Renee's letter, and hurried outward. But then I heard something, sweet and melodic, reminding me Edward even more. Music. Suddenly moving on impulse, I worked towards the sound. It was a piano and a male voice, low, but just low enough.
I was inside now, running down the stairs and empty hallways (it was during class) to where I now knew the music was coming from: the music room. Having been neglected, my will power against the threatening tears from earlier crumbled, and they flowed again, but I didn't care.
I raced into the door, only to see a familiar face.
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A/n: Hahaha, thought I'd leave you there? NO. You get more.
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I smiled, "Finn. You're singing."
Finn turned. His face lit up, probably from seeing me at first, but then fell. "Bella. You're crying."
"I know."
"What's the matter?" He came towards me, and encircled me in a hug.
"Nothing."
He pulled back and looked at me with a big pout. "Now you and I both know that's not true."
"It's nothing. Just a little heart trouble."
"A guy? Because if it is, let me deal with him for you." He chuckled.
Finn was Finn. "It is, but I don't think you or I will be seeing much of him anytime soon. He left. And never said goodbye." I tried to stifle my tears, but they cascaded once again down my cheeks, in heavy flow.
"Aw, Bella." He hugged me again, and I wrapped my arms around him.
"I just thought, well, you singing sounded a lot like him, and my heart wanted to think, even though my brain didn't, that you were him."
"I'm sorry," he rubbed my shoulders in attempt to stop my sobbing.
"You sounded great, though," I complimented, trying to lighten the mood. (A/n: Real-life counterpart Finn sounds amazing. I absolutely love the kid too. Right Elle?)
"Thanks. I've been working a bit during my studies."
"What were you singing?"
"Oh, just some stuff here and there. Any requests?" he joked.
"Well…not really."
"Okay. I was actually doing some writing as well, but I can't come up with anything good."
Should I tell him? He could sing my song. It might sound a little weird, having a guy sing it. But I want to hear it. " "I wrote something a little bit ago."
His eyebrows rose, intrigued. "Do you have music?"
"No, but I can write out the words and hum the tune. I don't think you want me to sing it."
"Okay, shoot."
Finn could be such a comfort, we sat there, me writing the lyrics out, him writing them on music lines. He then had me hum him the tune, and he wrote out the melody above the words. Then, working his magic, and put it to chords. Being Finn, he would turn to me every so often and cause me to break into a fit of giggles. He made sorrow so fun.
After he perfected his score, Finn gave me a little performance. His hands glided over the piano keys as if they we dancing, and the melody struck in such precision, you'd think Finn had written it himself.
I cried this time he played it, though, because the entire song pulled together reminded me so much of why I'd written it.
"Thank you Finn."
He pulled together the stack of papers and handed them to me, "Bella, if you ever need anything, call on me."
"Thanks Finn." I was pulled into another hug.
From then on Finn was my solace. We became inseparable, but only as friends, for he was like, well… like a little brother. I watched out for him, and he took care of me. It was nice. We would just sit sometimes, messing around cooking, or talking about my old teachers, his now. It was times like these that kept me alive. Living.
It was one day in April that we really discussed …Edward… again. I tended to avoid the subject, even though Finn would try to bring it up. He personally wanted to beat him up, which I knew probably wouldn't be possible, even if Finn was the strongest boy in his school, which he was. I quickly diverted the attention from MY love life to his, as Finn was now attracting the eyes of quite a few of the girls from his school.
"Finn, haven't you said yes to anyone yet?" I licked the ice cream off a spoon. Finn had gotten me addicted to cookie dough ice cream now, and I ate it quite a bit. He was attempting to put weight back on me, to replace what I'd lost. He was achieving his goal steadily; I was getting less skeletal each day.
"No, there's this one girl, who says she likes me, and I really like her, but she has a boyfriend."
I knew this girl. She flirted with Finn, and then left him for another guy. I didn't like her much. "Finn, move on. I don't like her with you."
"I can't give up. I really really like her. She just doesn't love me the way I want her to."
"What's not to love?" I smacked him playfully on the shoulder.
"Love you too Bells." He grinned. I loved him grinning, but he could never contest to that one smile, one that struck love and fear into my heart.
Finn was my best friend and my life support if you have it. I needed him.
We would hang out after school, for now I was working on my driver's license, and could drive Renee's car over to the middle school sometimes. We would just hang out for hours.
Lynne wasn't getting any better. She noticed I was getting happier, but didn't bother. She still had Tina and Eli and her popular's. She would really get on MY nerves sometimes too with her fake friendship pleas.
During Geometry one Friday, she stopped me on the way out.
"Bella, can we get together sometime?"
"Lynne, I thought you didn't want to be my friend."
"Well, we've always been friends. Why can't we now?"
"You know very well why." I walked away, leaving her in awe. I hadn't known if this petition was real or not at that time, but I later found out it was for help on her homework, because if she failed another class, she wouldn't be able to cheerlead. She could get kicked off the squad for all I cared.
Later that day I was with Finn, naturally, at the middle school's track. He had decided to bring along a video camera, just to play around, and he was being a very good director. A little annoying though.
"This is Miss Isabella Swan, about to twirl in multiple circles and not get dizzy!"
He knew that was humanly impossible for me to do. I would fall flat on my face. Fate and Gravity, my two best friends.
I ran up to him and stole the camcorder. "And Finn will attempt to carry me up the hill! Just to test his strength, which isn't there, because he's a weakling!"
Mhm. I had hit a weak spot. Finn grabbed me and carried me up the bleachers facing the track and up the hill. At the top, he plopped me down, and I focused the camera on his face.
"Come on, gorgeous! Give us a smile!" I joked with him.
"Wait, Bella I have an idea!" His face lit up, and I could tell the gears inside of his head were working.
"What?"
"Come with me." He took my hand, and I still had the video camera focused on his head, following him inside. He stopped at the music room, and sat down at the piano.
"Finn, what are you doing?"
"Recording your song. Turn the camera on Audio. We'll tape this as just a soundtrack."
"Ummm, okay…" I was hesitant to replay the song. It still made me cry.
Finn played it beautifully, as usual. He must have committed it to memory by now. I cried, but minimally, I was more watching him. His head was back and his eyes were closed, and he was singing. Thank you God. Thank you for Finn.
He finished and picked up the camera and turned it on video to me crying. Then he set it down, so he could hug me.
"Edward really hurt you bad didn't he?"
"More than you could ever imagine." I lay my head on his chest.
Later that night I was in bed, getting ready to sleep, when I heard pebbles on my window. I went over to it and saw Finn, grinning.
"Come with me!" He mock- whispered.
"Ummmm, okay, hold on!"
I wasn't indecent, in a very old-fashioned white nightgown from Renee, but I pulled on a sweater and a pair of sandals. I then climbed out of my window, only to fall, as usual. Being Superman momentarily, Finn caught me, and placed me down.
"Nice gown."
"Thanks, so what're we doing?"
"Just a little video fun, I wanted to tape you in this light."
"A little unhealthy infatuation with me, a bit?"
"No, you'll see what it's for."
He and I walked down to the middle school again, where it was absolutely stunning. I had never seen it like this, in the twilight. It was amazing. Finn had the camcorder out and was filming my expression. I ran down to the track and strted twirling. I didn't care that I stumbled almost every second, but it just felt right.
"Come join me!"
"But I'll ruin the beautiful picture!"
Then something unbelievable happened, it started to drizzle. It never rained in Phoenix. I normally hated the rain, but this just added to the sensation I was feeling. I was also glad I brought the sweater, the top of my gown was probably transparent now.
I just lifted my face to the sky and grinned. This was all too right.
Finn and I fooled around in the rain for a while, until we were both too soaked for anything. We made our way under the school's canopy of it's main entrance and sat.
"So, am I going to get to know what this is for?"
"Nope. Not yet."
We sat, randomly talking, and in time we fell asleep. No one would care, tomorrow was Saturday.
Finn's birthday was the first of May, and little as he wanted me to make no big deal out of it, I wouldn't have it. I personally hated my birthday, but other people's, well, it was Finn. Besides, Laura (due to my constant presence at her school and my new emotion state, we were talking again) insisted upon throwing him a party. A big one.
So, it was on the 31st that we started setting up. We had chosen to drive a lot of people down to South Mountain Park to just fool around. Renee and Phil would drive for us. Thing was, Finn didn't know that it was a party, he just thought we were going down to hang out. Him, Renee, and I would take one car, while Phil, Laura, Josh, and a couple of Finn's friends would be in the other car, as not to create suspicion.
Finn suspected nothing, seeing as to we had done this so many times. We got into the car, I sat up front with Renee, and Finn sat behind her. He was taller, but I had seniority and ownership.
Once we had been driving a while, I started to sing him Happy Birthday (badly), which made him chuckle. We turned up the radio, and started singing, like idiots. Renee joined in too, and we were just having a ball. We were just crossing over Apache Drive, however, when I heard screeching, above the sound of our singing. Before I knew it, my head snapped sideways and all went black.
And I sank…