Well...last chapter made me feel low. You can ask Syd. Anywho, I don't own Harry Potter...Frodo lives. Oo, and you wanna know what's really ironic? It's one September that's bloody damn well scorching hot, and yet I write a story in winter...how very pathetically distorted my life is. Anywho, I just watched Family Guy, so I'm in a rather odd "Stewey-takes-over-the-world" kind of mood...not that I'm taking over the world I'm just...oh, dammit, just read on!

I'm really sorry this took a long-butt time to get updated...I had literally five tests this week, and last weekend I was too tired to write at all. Again, I apologize for leaving all of you in a tense state of mind.

...well, I guess I need to beg forgiveness from my characters more than anyone else....so, sorry, guys! But you have no idea how long this chapter took me! LONG TIME! AH, MY BRAAAAIN! I read and re-read this chappie, just cuz I thought it so critical and stuff...I'm a major perfectionist, yet I won't go back and fix my other chappies...I'm just weird that way. Anywho, here you go! The Long-Expected Party...er, Chapter! (Sorry, Tolkein! )

-A/R-

Ch. 24: Repercussions

-A/R-

He woke with a start, his body trembling in the snow. It clung to his bare skin, making him sneeze and shiver. There was an odd taste in his mouth...a taste like...

"Oh, God..."

Rolling over, Remus vomited into the snow, then tried to rub the blood taste out of his mouth. He stared down at his hands and saw, with a sharp cry, fresh blood coated on them. Crying out, he vomited again, then drowned his hands in snow, his body shaking.

I killed something...oh, shit...I killed a lot of things...

He rubbed his wet hands together in the snow, washing the blood off, turning the snow around his hands a fiendish, red color. Having done that, he turned behind him and grabbed a handful of the icy stuff, placing it in his mouth to wash the taste out.

He spat it out, then lay back, shivering in cold and disgust.

Why did I do it?

He placed his hands over his face as tears formed in his eyes.

She'll never forgive me...and why should she? I just screwed everything up!

He coughed, wiping his tears furiously away. "Why did I do it?" he whispered aloud, punching the ground with his fist. He felt exhausted, but the anger at himself fueled him.

I've got to at least find her...

Staggering to his feet, he moved off, then leaned against a tree in exhaustion. He shivered as a biting cold wind whipped him.

"Aya...!" he cried.

No answer.

What if she's hurt? Or freezing somewhere, or dead?

He shook his head wildly and moved off to find her.

-A/R-

It took nearly fifteen minutes for Remus to realize quite suddenly that he was completely, utterly lost and that he would, given time and exhaustion, freeze to death. The idea of it all, coupled with his moral decisions of last night, would have seemed rather pathetically hilarious to him if he didn't feel so cold and frightened at the moment. He had lost her, both physically and emotionally, so what really was the point in going on? Tears were stupid and pointless, even as he wiped them angrily away. He should have stopped himself...he should have, damn it all!

"Knowing the trap is the first step in evading it."

"Shit, like some stupid Dune quote is really going to help me at the moment," he hissed angrily, his teeth chattering. "Aya!"

He was only answered by the silence of the forest.

Swearing profusely, he trudged on, bare, numb feet shifting through the icy snow like a pan gliding with its belly forward through water. He wrapped his arms around him, hoping against all hopes that she hadn't fallen asleep somewhere in the snow and died.

I have to find her...I have to find her...I have to find her...

The thought fueled him with more energy than his own hatred for himself had; this new spark of life inspired him to go on through the snow, leaning occasionally against a tree for a momentary rest and a bit of support. Each tree was a marking point for him, but he had lost count as to how many of them he had passed, and in which direction he had really come from in the first place. But it didn't really matter to him at all. To Remus, each tree was a judgement of his character, each a member of a jury in an unseen trial, each knowing his guilt, each hiding his sentence as another method of a just torment.

Please, Aya...please still live...

After a few minutes of aimless walking, he heard, or thought he heard, a sound coming from his right. At first he disregarded it as either a sound from some animal, or just another sign of his growing insanity. But when it continued to sound, he accepted it as real and turned in its direction. Anxious and fighting exhaustion, he staggered off as fast as he could, his vision blurry, his voice choked and numb.

He moved off quickly, leaning against a judgement tree from time to time before he reached a new clearing. The sound he heard was someone crying softly...but he knew who it was...

"Aya..." he whispered, leaning heavily against a tree, panting as he looked at her.

She didn't look up at him, but instead hugged her knees to her chest, her left arm clutching her right shoulder tightly.

"No," she whispered, her tears glistening in the morning sunlight.

"Aya, listen, please," he whispered, staggering over to her. Kneeling in front of her, he continued, trying to keep his trembling voice steady. "I'm so sorry...I was...an absolute jerk! Just some...bloody poodle in summer heat! I'm an asshole...I'm so sorry! What I did was unforgivable..."

She looked away from him.

"Please, Aya," he pleaded, tears falling down his face. "I...oh, God. Aya, I don't deserve you. I'm so stupid and such a huge jerk. I promise, you don't have to see me at all anymore. I'll...I'll make sure you won't have to...think of me...anymore. Oh, damn, I'm so sorry! I don't deserve you at all!"

He wiped his tears, trying to stop them from flowing down his cheeks as he bit his lip.

"Don't...don't say that."

Remus looked up, meeting with her eyes.

"Don't say that," she repeated, shaking her head. "Please, don't you...ever say that again."

"But...but I was..."

She leaned forward, shaking her head all the while. "Please...I can't stand to hear you say that...don't ever say it again," she pleaded, tears falling down her face.

He stared down at his hands, still holding a hint of blood on them. Shivering, he bit his lip, saying, "But it's all true...and I'm afraid of myself now. Aya, I just couldn't...control myself! I just...oh, God...it was all I wanted right then. It makes me want to be sick now, but then...damn, I couldn't even respond to you when you asked me to stop! I didn't care at all! Even when you were yelling my name, it's like...it's like I couldn't...remember..."

She bit her lip as she trembled, watching him battle with himself. "Remus...it's not like...it's not like I didn't want it either..."

Startled, he looked up at her, his eyes wide as more tears fell down his face.

She shook her head. "You think...you think I didn't want it either? Since...since I even got here at your house...it's like...like it was just...there...and I got so scared when you just...did that! Remus, I was reacting to both you and myself...it's not entirely your fault...maybe...maybe the moon..."

"Maybe Lily was right," Remus said with a sigh, "about us being together like that..."

"But...but the moon wasn't even..." she began, but he shook his head again.

"No, it wasn't, but it almost was...and we both know how it sort of starts just before, too...it's subtle, but...if you really pay attention..."

Remus sighed. "Maybe we just shouldn't do this anymore...I almost...and I can't take that chance again..."

"No!" Aya cried suddenly, making him start. "We...we can't just...I mean..."

Her voice broke off suddenly, and silence reigned for a moment. She shivered in the biting cold, her teeth chattering slightly.

He wanted to hold her to keep her warm, but he feared to touch her again. If he touched one bit of her flesh, one single strand of her hair...

He shivered again, but not entirely from the cold.

I can never touch her again...I don't deserve it, nor do I even trust myself anymore...

"Listen, we need to get back...you'll freeze to death if we don't...and please...I don't want...I don't want your forgiveness," he whispered, biting his lip. "I don't deserve it at all."

There was a long silence, and Remus knew in his heart that it was all over. What they had felt together was just a hormone-insinuated thing. It was never real, just a chance meeting. They had had their fun, and now it was time to end it all, to get serious and go on with their lives as distant acquaintances, nothing more. It was the natural cycle of things, and it only made much more sense to just end it before it got unnecessarily out of hand. People are like that, trying new things in the heat of the moment, and then, when it grew out of hand, letting it go and moving on without a second thought. The two of them were no exception, even in this day and age. They would still see each other, but it would be as from a distance, as if a window separated them both, like a fading memory from early childhood or a strange, yet pleasant dream. She would forget him, and he would move on. That was the way of things; it was how the world spun.

But the thought seared his heart, seemed to burn it. He clutched at his chest instinctively against the sudden agony of his own heart.

I really am nothing but a mindless, lustful animal...

It was over.

That was that.

What he had thought was love was only lust or something like it. Overpowered by a new emotion in himself, he had run after it, running and panted like...a wolf. Really, to him, he really did have the heart of a wolf...a cruel, lustful wolf that sought to spread his seed like wildfire with any female he met.

And then, in that sudden, time-forgotten moment of his life, Remus heard at that point the oddest sound he had ever heard since the morning had begun.

Aya was giggling softly, her eyes closed as if with a fleeting pain mixed with mirth. She shook her head again, then gazed at him, her eyes sparkling in the morning sunshine.

"Remus," she whispered, "I've already forgiven you."

He started, nearly jumping up as if something had bitten him unpleasantly on the rear. "Say...say what?"

"I told you...I don't blame you, and I've already forgiven you. Besides, how can you say that you'll make sure I don't have to think of you anymore? It's not even logical, or possible, and second, don't ever, ever, ever say to me or to anyone else as long as you live and longer that you don't deserve me because, if you'll forgive me for a moment, that's a load of bull shit."

His jaw dropped, his eyes as wide as saucers. "But...but I almost....Aya, I almost tried to have sex with you! I could've...raped you!"

"Yes, I know," she said. "And you scared me...but I was more afraid of myself than you...because I wanted it, too." She paused for a moment, as if trying to find the right words. A blush was forming about her cheeks, but her lips were pale, almost blue, from the cold. "Remus...I've never...I've never felt like this...I've never...since my parents died and I got....well, since that, I've never had someone get this close to me. You've...you've helped me cope with a lot of things, and you helped me forgive a lot of people that I would've liked nothing more than to see them dead, and by my own hands, too."

He closed his mouth, his eyes still wide. "You...you mean..."

She nodded. "I was afraid of myself...sometimes, at my school, I would just get so...sick of them always beating me that I wanted nothing more than to retaliate. But when it happened, I would just open a book, or go into my room and just...go out of control...especially on a full moon...I always...pick fights, I guess...when I'm alone..."

He bit his lip, not really getting at what she was saying.

"I know it was unhealthy, just keeping it inside...but I just can't help it. I'm so afraid of what I might do, who I could hurt...especially then. I just would believe what the kids would say about me and try to move on."

She shook her head.

"But I couldn't...it just got...worse...I would stop eating, or I would just sit in a corner and stare at nothing...and I refused to talk to anyone," she continued, fresh tears starting to fall down her face. "I've never had a friend of any sort and...and I've...I've never...been in love before."

She suddenly smiled, a bright ray of sunshine on his aching heart. He smiled back, his heart leaping in his chest.

"So, you made a mistake," she said with a shrug. "Yes, it frightened me, and yes, it was a little...unjust, but we're only human...we make mistakes, and people...like us...have a lot more to go through than most people think. I wanted to do it, Remus...but it was so sudden I panicked, because I just...didn't know. I think I reacted a little badly..."

"No," Remus replied, finally finding his voice again. "You reacted as you should have...I just...I can never forgive myself for what I did, and nothing I can do will ever remedy it."

"Remus..."

"No! I have to accept my actions...what I did was sick and wrong...I violated you, and I have to take the consequences of it. How can...how can you even think to forgive me? Why are you forgiving me?"

"Because...because I...I love you," she answered slowly. "I love you, and I can't stand thinking of a life without you."

His jaw dropped again. Is she...serious? A few minutes ago he was trying to accept the fact that it had all come to a horrible end...and now here was the girl he had almost violated, turning around and forgiving him on the spot...had said that she loved him deeply...

Tears started to fall down his face, and suddenly she motioned for him. Without really thinking, he buried his face in her right shoulder and sobbed.

"I almost ruined it all!" he sobbed. "I almost...lost you! And I love you so much!"

She blushed as the odd feeling from before erupted inside her with an amazing intensity. Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and placed her head against his.

After a moment, he sat back, sniffling and wiping his tears away.

"We need to get back before we freeze over," he said after a pause. "Come on..."

He stood, then extended his hand towards her.

But she didn't move, her blush increasing as she tightened her hold on her right shoulder. "I...I think I'll wait a moment," she whispered, staring at the ground.

"We have to get back," he repeated. "Let me help you up, okay? Please, Aya...you'll freeze to death!"

Reluctantly, she let go of her arm and extended a bloodied hand to him. He cried out at it, quickly kneeling in front of her, grasping her hand. "What...what happened?!" he yelled, numbing cold forgotten.

Her face crimson, she stammered, "I...well...remember how I...like to pick fights?"

She laughed in an embarrassed manner, then winced slightly.

"What the bloody hell happened?" he hissed, his eyes burning with concern.

"I don't...remember..."

Slowly, unwillingly, she showed him her arm. He cried out again as he saw the gash running along her shoulder, blood, it appeared, running slightly down her back.

"Shit...this is all my goddamn fault!" he yelled, slapping his thigh. "Did you get hurt anywhere else?"

"Um...my...leg...but, it's just a scratch, I'm fine..."

He narrowed his eyes, then motioned for her to show him. With a heavy sigh, she lowered her left leg to reveal another cut running two inches along her thigh.

Remus swore profusely.

This...this is all my fault...she's bleeding, hurt...all my fault...and now she'll freeze to death because of my selfishness!

"Aya! Come on!" he cried, suddenly lunging forward and scooping her up into his arms as a child might pick up a favorite teddy bear. Clutching her gently, trying to keep her as warm as possible, he ran off in the direction he thought they had come.

She yelled out in surprise. "What...put me down! Remus!"

He shook his head and continued to run, his eyes set in front of him as he held her tighter. His breathing became ragged, his breath blowing steamily from his mouth like a dog's, his heart hammering wildly in his chest as he sped on at an awesome rate. She continued to yell at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"Put me down! Listen to me, damn you! Remus! You'll kill yourself! Stop!"

"No," he panted, his tongue half-lolling. "See...if we...stay out here...any longer...you'll...freeze to...death....and...you're....hurt, so I...can't just...do nothing..."

"You idiot!" she screamed, clutching at his arm. "Put me down right now! Stop! Remus! Please, I'm begging you! We don't even know where the hell we're going!"

He didn't answer, his eyes intent and searching. There had to be a way out. If they didn't find the house, then at least they could find their clothes...

I could try to make a fire...but I don't know how!

Remus kept his head low as he ran on doggedly, his tongue lolling in exhaustion.

I wish I had my wand...we could make a fire...ah, but then the Ministry will rain down on our heads for using magic, and they're not too lenient with werewolves. I'll do it, then...I'll take the blame for it, even if I tell them it was a life-or-death situation...but that won't matter. They won't listen, so I'll just do it.

"Remus!! Tree!!"

Suddenly being torn from his thoughts to an immediate awareness of his surroundings was not the most effective thing for him at the moment, especially since he now had at least two seconds to avoid a very large tree in front of him. He couldn't stop, and he knew it without knowing he really knew.

But he didn't exactly panic either.

Expertly, fluently, he held Aya tightly to his chest, trying to cover her as much as possible while, in the remaining second he had, lowering his head over and to the side of her, then pivoted slightly on his foot so that his left shoulder and backside shielded her.

That done, it was all he could do but run rather headlong into the side of the tree.

Splinters ricocheted off his body, some piercing the skin as he skidded along the tree, then bounced rather sharply off. Caught suddenly off balance, he teetered dangerously, barely managing to see the edge of a drop-off that led to the ground some twenty feet below. For a moment, time stopped completely, his mind suddenly devoid of all thoughts save for this edge in front of him, the ground below, and a sudden realization that he was beginning to fall down...the wrong way.

As gravity took hold and pushed him off the edge, instinct grabbed at him. Like a crazed acrobat, he pivoted and twirled on his left side again, bringing his legs up and in front of her, shielding her. Quickly, and without his knowledge, his left hand came up and pressed her face towards his chest, keeping her safe.

And then he fell, silent and swift as a falcon, the wind roaring in his ears, drawing tears to his eyes, the world rushing by in a blur of motion.

Then the ground rushed up to meet him, swallowing him whole as it collided with him.

He bounced twice, then rolled over and over. His face slammed against bitter cold ice, then his shoulder and back, then his face, and sometimes the back of his head, over and over down the little hill, snow and dirt flying in all directions behind them. Aya was screaming something, but perhaps he, too, was screaming, but he didn't really know, even as he came sliding to a halt against a tree, his back colliding with it in a loud thump, sending a rainfall of awakened snow on top of them both, covering them completely.

And then utter stillness and a complete blackness.

-A/R-

Sorry, guys...another cliffie! Forgive me! Please review...?