Disclaimer- X-Characters still belong to Marvel, they didn't give me permission, I'm not making any money here.

Spoiler Warning: I'm referencing a lot of X-history, some of it fairly current.

Gloomy Sunday

Well that was, um, cheerful. What's the next track about, suicide? Rachel sent.

Kitty covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, Hey, that last song was pretty upbeat, it's not the band's fault you have issues… but it is funny you should mention suicide

The track started off with a basic blues riff on lead guitar. When the bass line came in with the rhythm guitar, Rachel knew this would be slower, and it sounded familiar too. She hadn't heard this, but she'd definitely heard the song. The singer – Lojo Russell in this case- began, "Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless…"

Ohmygod! They covered a Sarah McLachlan song?

Philistine Kitty thought disapprovingly The best known version is by Billie Holliday. I think it was originally written in Hungarian, though. Anyway, I played this one a lot, you know when Doug died, and the X-Men, in Dallas. And again, in college, when Pete was killed, and Piotr-

It was Rachel's turn to offer support, reaching over and placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

Unlike McLachlan's ethereal voice, Lojo's had a straightforward, workmanlike quality as she sang, with accompaniment from Emma, "Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?"

Kitty- you never actually thought about it? Not seriously, right? Because I'm getting some vague ripples as you listen that are a little distressing

The brunette slowed the car, pulling over to the side of the road. She flipped on the hazards and bowed her head, taking a deep breath, and then another. I can't lie to you, Ray. I nearly did, once. No, not the way you're thinking, but before you got free from Mojo, after the… slaughter in the Morlock tunnels, when I was stuck in permanent phase…

The memories were very vivid- Reed Richards unwilling or unable to help. Dr. Doom offering salvation, being unsure if the price was worth it, slipping free of the containment field to gaze at the sun one last time, only to be pulled back by the combined efforts of Psylocke and a little boy's dream self.

That's the Franklin I remember, said Rachel, smiling despite the tear forming at the corner of her eye. He never let me give up either. I'm glad he brought you back to us.

So am I, especially since Sue got to stick it to Doom in the end. I hear she knocked out the Hulk, too. Kitty went on, There were a few times after Piotr, well, you know Rachel nodded, noting absently the way her friend's mind actually slid by the exact image. It's hard being the one left behind. It still is, with Doug, with 'Yana.

With my mom…

Yeah, with your mom too. It was hard when we lost you to Mojo, or to the timestream. It's always hard, and it happens way too damn much. It's why I keep trying to leave this job. I know what we do is important and I hope the Professor is right we're making a difference even if we don't see it… but I don't always feel the sacrifices are worth it.

Rachel's green eyes flashed with momentary anger behind her sunglasses, then softened. An image of the nightmare reality where she'd grown up burst through the carefully placed barriers in her mind, causing her to grit her teeth as if she were in actual pain.

Oh Rachel, what a complete dunce I am…

Don't sweat it, Kitty. I lost everybody, but in a way, I got you all back by coming over here. It was almost like my whole life was resurrected. I still miss the people I knew, sure. But I don't miss living in a concentration camp or Sentinels running America or the graveyard. We've lost dear friends here too, and just because they're fewer in number doesn't mean you don't miss them, or that the pain is any less.

Kitty wiped her eyes, wondering how wise this whole adventure was turning out to be. She and Rachel had their difficulties of late, and they both needed a catharsis like this, but there were so many exposed nerves they were dancing around that it frightened her.

Do you believe in God, Kitty?

Her fingers moved on their own accord to the silver Star of David that hung around her neck. She willed her thoughts to settle down before sending back Yes, I do. It's hard at times, facing down Apocalypse or Necrom or the Beyonder, but I still do. It helps, y'know? When I found the footage of my dad in Genosha it was one of the only things I had to hold on to. Maybe that's childish, but I still do believe… of course I'm not the daughter of a celestial avatar, either.

"Dreaming," went the song, "I was only dreaming. I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart." Rachel 's own heart seemed about to break. I miss my mom. A lot. I know I've been rather horrid about it, and I'm sorry. But I realized I still have her with me, too. Mimicking her friend's earlier gesture, Rachel's hand went to the holoempathic crystal tucked under her shirt. I may be crazy- I know what Betsy said- but I think she'll come back someday. I feel it, y'know, inside, and in the crystal. It's a weird feeling…

I know, Ray. I was there- I don't know when, but Jean will be back. And you don't have to apologize. I got mad at you mom once. It was after Storm created her "X-Treme" squad and we broke off from the school. We had a reunion, and Jean was trying to get us to come back to Westchester, and I don't know what happened to me, but I just flipped out and yelled at her. It seemed unfair that she was alive and you and Doug and Pete and Illyana and Piotr weren't. So I know where you were coming from that night- I just wasn't able to deal at the time.

I was still way out of line. I probably scared the hell outta your Boy of Steel. Rachel's thoughts were as melancholy as the song. "My heart is telling you how much I wanted you…" went the CD. Remind me to apologize to him someday…

Kitty smiled. I'm sure the big oaf has already forgiven you. Just as I've almost forgiven him for that stunt he pulled with the Legacy virus cure. The smile faded, as she bit her bottom lip. Almost. I try not to think about it, but some nights, all the anger and rage I felt after he died gets to me and I feel some of the hate creeping in and I want to kick his shiny metal ass all over the Danger Room.

Don't do that- It is such a nice ass. I wouldn't want it dented.

The link between them didn't convey any strong sexual desire, but Kitty was surprised that a momentary blip of jealousy flickered across her consciousness. That Russian lummox has been responsible for two of the biggest heartbreaks in my life. Three, if you count the time he slapped my other Pete around and nearly killed him. When I played this song in the months after, I did find myself wishing it had been me. Or I was with him. And then I thought how stupid that was and how stupid what he did was. But I knew why he did it, and I knew it was noble and heroic and honorable, and I also knew I didn't care and I wanted him alive more than anything. Just so I could yell at him and hit him and tell him not to ever do that.

And now? Rachel's thoughts were pointed, and perhaps a little accusatory.

Now, it's one day at a time That's all I can handle. Let's leave it at that.

Rachel removed her sunglasses and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. She glanced over at Kitty, who was staring at her with equally moist eyes. Without a further thought, they both leaned in and caught each other in a tight embrace and began to sob, seeking the comfort that their recent estrangement had taken from them.

Lojo continued to sing about that gloomy Sunday, but for all their tears, they both knew their day had, at least, the promise of something brighter.

…

author's note: Thanks again for the reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy it. The Kiotr part is coming, but it won't be explicit, sorry. (And apologies to David- I know you don't want to see it, but Kitty-Piotr is my favorite pairing. And on a site that seems at least 95 Romy, I don't think we've reached the Kiotr event horizon yet. I know I'd like to see more) . Amokitty, I think the Tin Man and the Fuzzy Elf will appear, but only at the end.

The next chapter may take some time, and will deal with a certain Mr. Wisdom. I'm researching now. I don't like Pete, but I want to do the relationship justice, because it was a huge part of Kitty's life. RandomMarvelFan, I hope you can be patient- I'm still waiting for the next chapter of "Past and Future Mistakes".

I have what I would call an "Easter egg" writing style, dropping hints and references from the comics (and movies and cartoons) as subtly as I can. One example would be the car- I grabbed that from X2, and the red convertible was from Evolution. The lyrics are from the song "Gloomy Sunday", off the Cats Laughing self-titled debut album.

Next: Facade