Alright, very sorry for the "I haven't updated in a month or two" thing...installing hardwood floors is NOT fun to be in the house for (my dad's brilliance....argh). For the past two days I've been cleaning the house and I am very tired and probably cranky...sooo, hopefully I can get this chapter in by Christmas. OO!! It'll be my Christmas/Holiday present for all of you! Hazaa! Works extra hard Um...ignore that last comment...I'm sorry.
Nope, I don't own Harry Potter.
-A/R-
Ch. 28: The Road Back
-A/R-
"I tried to save the Shire, and it has been saved, but not for me. It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: some one has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them."
Aya looked up from her book, conscious now of the early-morning sunlight, fresh from sunrise, creeping in through the window above her. She gazed at the window for a moment, her brow furrowed, then looked down at Lord of the Rings, its slightly tattered face staring up at her.
How many times have I read this book again?
She shook her head. I found it in the library...it was like meeting a best friend for the first time...
Aya looked over at Remus' sleeping form, his arms outstretched from his sides, the blanket down at his stomach, his mouth open a little wider than it should have been. She smiled softly at him, enjoying how the pinkish light played gracefully across his chest as it moved gently up to kiss his neck lightly and delicately. He stirred, snorted something inaudible that rather shattered the mood, and rolled towards her in a fetal position.
Aya giggled to herself.
He better not suck his thumb...
Fate proved otherwise as the foretold appendage moved ever so slowly towards his open mouth.
"Oh, no you don't," she whispered to the obscene thing, closing her book firmly. Softly, she crawled over to him and gently eased the thumb away from his mouth. He stirred, smiled, and suddenly wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him with surprising strength for someone not even among the fully conscious. Remus was grinning.
"Mm-mm, my Aya...pretty, pretty, beau'f'l Aya," he mumbled in his sleep. "M'p'rf'c't Aya..."
Blushing, she snuggled closer to him, unable to move.
-A/R-
"Silly, silly Aya! Did you think you could run from me?"
"Who are you?" Aya asked, shocked to find her voice small and trembling, like a young child's. She looked down at her hands, the hands of a four year old girl.
The shining green eyes danced as the voice laughed from the shadows, its voice like the howls. "Little Aya has nowhere to run!"
"Go 'way!" Aya cried. She tried to turn away, but her legs felt heavy, as if they had been bolted to the ground. "Mommy, mommy!"
"Silly little girl! 'I am become Death,'" the voice cackled as the eyes moved forward, exposing the wolf's head. The eyes were enchanting, mesmerizing, like a mother's lullaby to her child.
"'The shatterer of worlds,'" Aya finished, remembering Oppenheimer's words. The wolf's head grinned.
"Yes, yes," it said, tongue lolling. "Running from one darkness and into the next. It cannot be stopped. To death, Aya! Meet me in Death's jaws!"
Aya nodded. "It cannot be stopped..."
-A/R-
She was conscious of someone stroking her cheek and whispering her name long before she awoke from the dream. Slowly, she opened her eyes, shocked to find herself suddenly gasping for breath as she sat up. She felt arms come around her, and for a moment, still caught in the dream, she cried out and slapped the hands away.
"Aya! Aya, hey! Ow, that hurt!"
"Wha...wha...?" she muttered, feigning off sleep at last. She rubbed all sleep from her eyes and looked behind her, consciously fixing the top to her pajamas.
Remus looked at her with a gaze full of concern, his eyebrows narrowed. "What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up so he could brush the hair from her face. "What can't be stopped?"
"What?" Aya asked, cocking her head to the side.
"You...you said 'it can't be stopped,'" he answered. "You were whispering...I thought you were trying to wake me up or something..."
"Oh..." Aya answered, her blush deepening.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked as he placed his palm on her forehead. "Man, your forehead feels hot..."
"Is...it?" she answered apprehensively, refusing to look at him. "I didn't even notice it at all..."
Remus narrowed his eyes at her. "You've got a fever," he said matter-of-factly, eyeing her flushed cheeks.
"I'm sure it's nothing," she replied, twisting her fingers in her lap.
"And you've been reading," he continued, pointing to the tattered book near the side of the bed closest to the wall under the window. "That book was across the room before we left...it's where you always kept it. Which means, you didn't sleep at all, which means I'm quite ticked off at you. Either a: you had a nightmare again and didn't tell me; or b: you were afraid to have another nightmare so you didn't go to sleep AND you didn't tell me!"
Aya stared down at her lap. "I didn't want to bother you," she whispered.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care?" he hissed, crossing his arms.
"Um...a...a lot?"
Remus growled and made a complicated gesture with his hands, his exasperation quite plain in his face, tone, and actions. Sighing, he felt her forehead again, shaking his head at its feverish complexion.
"I'm sure it's nothing," Aya whispered again.
Suddenly he drew her close to his chest, placing his face in her hair. "I'm worried about you," he said. "You're not sleeping, you're having nightmares, and you're talking in your sleep. You never used to talk in your sleep!" He pulled away so he could stare into her face, trying to catch her eyes as they shifted away from him. "What have you been dreaming about, Aya?"
"Nothing," she whispered.
"Uh huh, sure," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Yeah, and I'm Tolkein's maid, Bathsheba...tell me the truth, Aya."
She shrugged.
Remus was at the ends of his ropes at the moment, and, finding nothing else to do, he sighed. "Fine," he hissed. "Then what did you mean by 'it can't be stopped' then?"
Aya finally looked at him. "What? What...are you talking about?" she whispered, her voice suddenly hoarse. How much did I say aloud?
"You were talking in your sleep," he answered. "I heard you cry for your mom twice and say 'go 'way', and then something about 'shatterer' of...something. And that's when you said 'it can't be stopped.' So? What does it mean? And if you tell me nothing, I'll chuck your book out the bloody window."
Her eyes widened in horror. "You wouldn't dare!" she cried, turning round and snatching her precious book in her arms protectively as a mother to her child.
Remus raised an eyebrow. His eyes glinted. "Ah, an impasse! Here lies one of Miss Centaria's weaknesses," he mused. Aya glowered suddenly. "Relax, I wouldn't dream of such a thing!"
Aya sighed as her arms went slack, her book cradled in her lap. Quick as a ferret, Remus snatched the book and placed it behind his back. Aya cried out in dismay and reached for it, but he held her back.
"You can have it back once you tell me what in hell's name is going on with you!" he hissed, pushing her gently back.
Blushing, Aya looked up at him, then down at her hands.
"You're not sleeping," Remus repeated, "and you're having nightmares. And, on top of that, you tell me 'it's nothing'? 'Nothing' doesn't wake you up screaming and keep you awake, now does it??"
She blushed again and shook her head.
"Are you going to tell me?" he whispered.
His gentle voice was soothing, soothing like...
Tears were starting to form in her eyes, but she bit the inside of her cheek and remained silent. Why she couldn't tell him she truly didn't know. She wanted, in some way, to tell him everything...but something in her held her back, a fear that took its hold on her and refused to let her go, to let her be free of it. It nagged at her mind, whispering and chuckling to itself. Moonshine! it sang. Moonshine, Moonshine! Frightened little Moonshine! Dancing dark...
That fear had kept her from telling Dumbledore everything. That fear would keep her from telling Remus.
"Keep it then," she heard herself saying, but it was far off.
"What...?" he asked, startled out of his mind.
"The book," she said firmly, nodding to it. "Keep it, then, or throw it out the window. I could...care less..."
But the tears were falling down her face already, falling into her lap long before she was aware of them.
His bewilderment at her statement almost forgotten, he placed the book into her lap and wiped her tears, his eyes full of concern.
"Aya?" he asked, grasping her hands. "Whatever it is, you can tell me..."
She shook her head firmly, but Remus saw the gleam of fear in her eyes.
"Why?" he whispered to her.
"I...can't," she whispered hoarsely.
Remus sighed sadly and wrapped his arms around her. "If you want," he said in her ear. "But know that I'm right here if you ever do want to tell me..."
She placed her head against his shoulder as he lay back and suddenly slipped into sleep again.
-A/R-
The last few days of Christmas vacation passed rather swiftly, the clock chiming down the days until Hogwarts would open its doors to the returning students once again. Life in the Lupin household, slightly recovered from the recent scare-athon, resumed to its normal pace, although Liz constantly checked both Remus' and Aya's foreheads even after their fever had clearly gone away. Snowball fights were now held daily, the fire was kept at a roar, food was served promptly at the usual times, and laughter was heard once again.
And Aya would still struggle awake late at night, screaming and crying to herself from a nightmare she wished she could forget again and again.
-A/R-
"Hurry up, Remus! You'll miss the train!" Liz called as she marched smartly onto Platform 9 3/4.
Remus shook his head. "You'll have to forgive her," he said to Aya, who giggled. "She's always like this when I leave. It's probably worse now that she considers you her daughter."
Aya blushed.
After the luggage was stowed away effectively, Liz turned on her heel and gave Aya possibly the biggest and most choking hug she had ever had in her life. Quite sure she had broken a few ribs, Aya smiled as Liz pulled back to adjust the scarf around the girl's neck.
"Now, I'm trusting you to take care of my boy here," Liz said to her. "Sorry that you'll most likely have your hands full just with him, dearest. Mind you keep up your studies in top shape, and keep a warm sweater on for this damn cold weather!"
Aya nodded. "I promise," she answered with a small smile.
"Oh, you're a good girl," Liz said, then fidgeted with Aya's scarf again. "And you're welcome to our home any time you'd like. Don't even ask. Now take care!"
She kissed Aya's cheek, then, after Isaac and a rather unhappy Thomas said their farewells to her, Liz pushed her gently onto the train.
Turning on her heel again, Liz rounded on her son. "I don't want any trouble from you, alright Remus?" she said, wagging her finger at him. "You stay in your own room there. That's what it's for. And make sure you get enough to eat and warm sweaters to wear!"
Remus chuckled. "I hear you, Mum," he said, laughing. "Don't worry...we'll be fine!"
"Ohhhhhh..." Liz fretted, then embraced her son. "You take care of that girl, too," she whispered in his ear. "I hear her at night...I'm worried about her..."
"I am, too," he whispered back. "But I'll always take care of her."
Liz nodded.
"See ya, Squirt," Remus nodded to his brother, then hugged him. "You, too, Dad. I'll see you next time!"
"Bring Aya with you!" Isaac called as Remus jumped onto the train as the whistle blew. He was gone for a moment as the train began to move. Then his head appeared out of a window as he waved to them.
Liz sniffled and drew out her handkerchief.
-A/R-
"Moooooooooony!"
James, Sirius, and Peter burst through the cabin door with such ferocity that the door itself rattled. Before Remus could defend himself, all three boys piled on top of him.
"Aya, dearest!" Lily called, avoiding the pile of boys in the middle of the floor to hug Aya. Aya giggled.
"It was nice and quiet in here," Aya said with a laugh.
"Isn't it always, though, before they come along?" Lilly answered. "Like the calm before the storm..."
"'Ey, I heard that!" came Sirius' muffled reply, his hand just barely visible under the pile of boys.
"You were supposed to hear it, you idiot," Lilly muttered.
"Aye, and that, too!"
-A/R-
Remus rested his head against the window, relinquishing his place in the endless conversations from his friends. They were talking animatedly about such-and-such present from who-knows-who with Sirius bragging he had had the most gorgeous girl for a date New Year's Eve. James nearly choked with laughter.
Sighing, Remus stared out the window, the rays of the sunset tickling the clouds pink. The snow itself, as the train rushed past it, seemed red, as if covered with blood.
"Hey, are they both asleep now?!"
Brought back to reality, Remus sat up a little straighter. "What's that?" he asked.
"I was just thinking it's odd," Sirius said, rephrasing his words, "that now you were sleeping...but now I guess you're not so..."
"What are you talking about?" Remus asked.
Sirius pointed. "You didn't notice? Aya's sound asleep!"
Startled, Remus gazed at Aya, who was leaning against his shoulder, her eyes closed, her breathing calm and measured. Her Lord of the Rings book lay propped open in her lap, her hands just barely holding it. Sighing with relief, he took the book from her and placed it on the floor. Taking his jacket to wrap around her, he gently rested her head against his lap. She barely made a sound.
"Woah-ho-hoah!" Sirius chuckled. "What did you two do last night, eh, you old dog?" He snickered.
"Oh, come off it, you sex perv!" Lilly hissed. "Is that all you ever think about, with your little friend downstairs?!"
Sirius turned pink with embarrassment. Peter and James were laughing so hard it was a wonder their lungs didn't rupture.
"Aaah...aah....ha...haaaa!" James chuckled. "Agh, my spleen! It burns!"
"Shut up, will you?!" Remus hissed. "You'll wake her up, morons!"
"Yeesh, sorry..." James retorted.
"It's just that she hasn't been getting much sleep lately, and she needs it," Remus said matter-of-factly.
"Oh, my God," Lilly hissed, her eyes wide. "What did you guys do over vacation??"
"Nothing like that, idiot!" Remus hissed, his face a deep shade of red. "We never came close to it...well...except...for this one time..."
It took him a few moments to realize exactly what he was saying. He blushed crimson again, watching the now shocked faces of his friends.
"You...you....?" Sirius could barely say. "Don't...tell me...oh, dear...God...."
"We didn't do it, honest!" he said desperately.
"Same thing as getting close to doing it!" James cried.
"Shut it! You'll wake her up!" Remus hissed. "And I swear, nothing happened like that!" They eyed him. "Seriously, guys...on my honor."
"Psh," Lilly retorted. "Like you've got any, the way you're going..."
"Um...I'm pretty lost over here," Peter said sheepishly.
"There's nothing to be lost over, Wormtail," Sirius replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm sure it's not serious." Remus sighed gratefully. "I mean, it's not like he tried to rape her or anything, right, Moony? Haha, that would be a laugh! Right, Moony? Er....Moony?"
There was a dead silence.
"You...had better...tell all right now," Lilly hissed, her tone venomous and rather frightening at the moment. "Or you die."
Thus, Remus, more out of fear over the fact that Lilly could be a very dangerous person than for anything else, he told them all exactly what happened that horrid night for the both of them. When he was finished, the dead silence that had ensued before Lilly's threat to poor Remus had deepened to such a degree that Remus thought it would be possible for the entire train to collapse under it, let alone his nerves and embarrassment at the moment.
"So...so let me get this straight," James said suddenly, shattering the silence and startling all present (besides Aya, who was oblivious to all of it in the World of Dreams...Remus would like everyone to know he envies Aya right now). "You and Aya go to do your 'thing' under the moon, and so you two strip down, and you get all funky with your manly-self and -"
"James, this is a mature conversation, not a colloquial madness charade," Lilly hissed.
"As I was saying," he continued. "You kinda...came onto Aya rather forcefully, we'll say, and she got scared and bolted. You both spend a bad night by yourselves, and you wake up freezing your asses off. You find each other, Aya forgives you (that still amazes me), and you decide to be Mr. I'm-So-Macho and carry a bleeding Aya back in whatever direction you were going. You slam into a tree, fall down from a high thingy, and end up unconscious. Aya performs CPR on you, you turn out slightly okay, and you two can't go on so you wait to die. Am I right on this? Okay, so now Aya gets all funky with her woman-self and-"
"Oh, for the love of all things pure," Lilly hissed. "In proper English, idiot."
"Whatever...Aya tries to come onto you semi-forcefully-meets-seductively (I'd love to see that...from Lilly of course...please don't hurt me)," James said, eyeing a fuming Lilly. "You say no, she gets upset, but steps down, and so you again wait to die. Then your Mum and Dad come and take you to the Hospital, and then we know the rest. Did I get everything?"
"Sure," Remus replied gloomily.
"And this has to do with Aya not sleeping...?" Sirius asked.
"Well," Remus said, absent-mindedly stroking Aya's cheek, "the thing is...she's been having nightmares..."
"Probably seeing you coming on to her like that freaked her out so much she can't sleep," Sirius pointed out. "Anyone would get nightmares from that...besides seeing your butt. I still have nightmares from the time you-"
"Can I get on with my story here?!" Remus half-yelled.
Aya stirred and mumbled something, but remained still.
"Now who's gonna wake her up?" James hissed.
"Will you shut it and let him finish?" Lilly retorted. "Go on, Remus."
"Alright, well, she's been having nightmares, not of me, thank you, Padfoot," Remus replied. "And she wakes up screaming most of the time."
"It must be of you, then," Sirius muttered. Remus chose to ignore him.
"Do you know what she's dreaming about?" Lilly asked, her eyes suddenly full of concern.
"Well, from what I've heard her say in her sleep, I think she keeps having nightmares about when her family was murdered," he replied hastily, feeling rather guilty for saying so much without Aya's consent. "She...cries out for her Mum a lot..." He shook his head as if to shake off a memory. "Anyway, she's sleeping now, so I don't want her to wake up at least until we get there. She really needs to get some sleep. This has been going on since before Christmas, but now it's every night or so."
"Well, it sounds like you had a nice vacation," Sirius said glumly. "I never knew you two had it in you guys. Great way to get down with your manly-self."
"What is it with guys and the phrase 'manly-self'?" Lilly said, clearly exasperated.
"I...I don't know...why I did it," Remus said, his voice shaking in emotion. "I...wanted it so bad...and I don't know why...but just...just seeing her standing there after she had....ohh, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen....and I'm saying this aloud, aren't I."
James nodded. "Your mojo must've been off the charts."
"Can we please be mature for once?" Lilly hissed. "Can we please not say 'manly-self', 'Mr. Macho', or 'mojo'? I am the only conscious girl here, and I really don't revel in your guy-to-guy conversations right now."
"Well, fine then," Sirius retorted. "Let's get a feminine input to this little 'guy-to-guy conversation', as you put it."
"Yeah...what do you have to say, Lilly?" James asked.
Lilly sighed. What am I, Wendy from Peter Pan?
Remus looked down at Aya, her face serene in her sleep. He sighed. I can't believe I came so close to losing you like that...that I came so close to...
"You want to know what I think?" Lilly said. "I think it was simply a hormonal thing. Come on, Remus, we all get a little...oh, what is it you guys say?"
"Mojoed-up?" Sirius offered.
Lilly only gave him a look.
"Horny?" James asked.
"We all get a little overly-lustful sometimes," Lilly said. "We all get hormonal, and it's normal. Besides, you and Aya probably get a little more...you know...when it's a full moon, with the whole natural instincts thing, so it's only natural for you to want to...you know, with the whole 'when two people love each other very much' kind of thing. The important thing is, Aya kept her head when she needed to, and then you kept your head when you needed to."
Sirius snickered.
"Sirius, if you turn the word 'head' into something sexual, I swear on your future grave I will slaughter you where you sit," Lilly hissed without even looking at him.
Sirius immediately resumed his silence.
"So, you kind of screwed up...shut up, James, or suffer Sirius' fate," Lilly continued. "Stupid stuff like that happens in a relationship. Whoever said a relationship was perfect has clearly never been in a true relationship before. The good that comes out of that little 'hic-up', so to speak, is that it shows that you two can go through that kind of stuff and still be true to each other and still deeply in love. So, you only did what Mother Nature was asking you to do. You messed up. Everyone does. The important thing is you pulled through it and you learned from it. I mean, look how far you two have come together! You're going to have to get used to that...hormonal thing every full moon besides just the day-to-day desires. You got used to the whole 'clothes' issue, so you can get used to this, too." She smiled, catching Remus' eyes. "It happened, Remus. But you can move on now."
"What is it with the woman's touch, anyway?" Sirius' muttered to himself.
Remus finally smiled.
-A/R-
The young wolf made his way through the night, his paws planting firmly in the snow before they exploded up and out into the air a few inches above the snow, only to come meet with it once more as his paws rained down upon the blanketed ground. His tongue lolling, the young wolf slid to a halt. The dim moonlight cast an eerie glow to the snow, making it luminescent at best. Ears pricked upwards and alert, the wolf turned his head towards the ceaseless noise. He wiggled his lupine noise as he sniffed at the air, shaking off the stray snowflake that chanced to catch to his snout. Licking his chops, he sniffed the air again, then poised himself forward, listening as intently as his youth allowed him to.
Something was coming.
A small creature stirred in the bushes near him, but the wolf paid it no heed, his curiosity bent on the strange sound that echoed through the forest. Everything was silent. Indeed, even the very forest, the very trees, seemed silent and poised.
Something was coming.
The wolf saw the smoke first as it rose swiftly into the air, only to be caught by the wind and dragged backwards even as it tried in vain to reach the heavens. Then the lights, like two eyes, beamed out through the forest trees.
From his hiding place a distance away, the wolf sat, raised his head straight to the moon itself, Goddess of the Skies, and howled a long, trembling note.
-A/R-
The lonesome howl sent a shiver up Remus' spine as he gazed through the window, trying to discern anything through the blackness. He felt Aya stir from where she still remained on his lap, a tremble and a sigh. A sigh of longing? The thought seemed outrageous. Why would Aya long for that sound? He trembled again, but the sensation was different than from when he had heard the howl. The sensation he had felt before seemed to be more of an excited longing, a feeling that seemed to pull at some forgotten memory. Remus shook his head. Why would he feel like that after hearing that lonesome note, anyway? The idea seemed preposterous. Aya was probably cold, and he was probably anxious to get off the train.
The wolf howled again.
Remus trembled once more. Aya sighed shakily in her sleep.
-A/R-
"Hey, I think we're here," James said, sitting up a little straighter as the train screeched to a halt.
"It's about bloody time," Sirius grumbled as he stretched the kinks out of his back and legs. "God, my butt's asleep..."
"Thank you very much, Sirius," Lilly muttered. "I'm sure we all love your input."
"Oh, pish posh," Sirius answered, waving his hands towards the red-haired girl.
As Lilly went into one of her famous lectures directed towards the oh-so-suspecting Mr. Black, Remus decided that now would be the proper time to wake Aya up. He felt a little guilty as he gently stroked her cheek. She stirred, mumbled something inaudible, and slowly opened her eyes.
"Wha...?" Aya whispered, rubbing her eyes as she sat up. "Why's it dark...?"
"Um...we're kinda at Hogwarts," Remus replied.
"Wow...that was a short trip," Aya said groggily, stifling a yawn.
"That's because you slept the whole way, or at least most of it," James pointed out as he edged away as subtly as he could from Sirius, who was slowly merging himself with his seat to hide from Lilly.
She'll be spitting next, Sirius thought glumly.
"I...did...?" Aya replied in astonishment, her face turning red. "You're...joking..." She yawned again.
"My lady," James replied with a dignified air as he opened the sliding door to the train's crowded, bustling corridor, "I never joke!"
"Right," Remus muttered, rolling his eyes. Aya smiled.
"How come you let me sleep so long?" Aya asked, turning to Remus.
Remus shrugged. "You needed it."
Aya cocked her head to one side, a questioning look to her storm-grey eyes. Remus decided not to !" Sirius moaned, wrapping his arms about him and stamping his feet on the ground. "When will those damn carriages come, anyway?"
"They probably have to get them all 'magicked-up' and stuff," James said with a shrug. "You know, cast the spells that move 'em and all..."
"Or they just have to feed those weird creatures that pull the carriages," Aya said.
There was a dull silence.
"What weird creatures?" Sirius asked.
"Oh, come on," Aya replied with a giggle. "Those weird horse-things that pull the carriages?"
More silence.
"They go...clippity...clop...and they...move....?" Aya replied, moving her hands in the motion of a horse walking for further emphasis. "And they...look...at...you..........?"
"What are you talking about?" Lilly asked, her eyes narrowed in concern.
"You can't miss them! They stand out like hobbit feet!" Aya answered, her eyes wide in shock. "They're kind of big, and they'd most likely terrify everyone." More silence. "Oh, come off it! They're like a cross between a rotting corpse of a horse, or at least a starved one, with the bones clinging to its black and fleshless skin, and something like a dragon...you know? Its got these really big, black, leathery wings like a bat's wings, and freaky white eyes, too..."
"Um...Aya? No one's ever seen these 'creatures' you're talking about," James said slowly.
"Look, when the carriages come, I'll show you," Aya said matter-of-factly. "I'm serious about this. There's no way you can't see them."
"Well, I guess we'll just pretend you're not going insane at the moment," James said after a while, "and go along with it. How's that?"
Aya shrugged.
"Well, I'm a little freaked out, and I'm still cold," Sirius whined.
"Oh, shut it," Lilly hissed, her breath misting before her as she spoke.
As Lilly launched into another lecture, Aya looked out past the train towards the forest, a strange sense of longing settling in the back of her mind. A tremor, as if something stirred within her mind, passed swiftly through her. She slipped her gloved hand into Remus' hand.
"You okay?" he whispered in her ear.
"Of course," she replied with a smile.
The unseen wolf howled in the distance for one final time, his lonesome song cascading into the air.
As it descended upon their ears, a shockwave went through them both, a strange sensation that brought an unknown emotion quickly to the surface that vanished as swiftly as it had come. Remus squeezed Aya's hand; she looked up at him, a fearful look in her eyes that melted his heart. He shrugged and squeezed her hand affectionately again.
"Let's get to the carriages," Aya said after a moment as she watched the carriages pull in. "I'll show you..."
-A/R-
"Look right there," Aya said, pointing to the spot where an ordinary, non-"I've-got-the-teeth-and-the-look-to-rip-your-spleens-out" horse would stand to pull a carriage, even in the Wizarding world. "See them? Aren't they kind of frightening?"
There was another momentary silence.
James stepped forward, his eyes narrowed. "It's between the carriages...right?"
"Where else would I be pointing to?" Aya answered, letting her hand drop. "They're...right there."
"I don't see anything," Sirius said with a shrug, stamping his feet on the ground for warmth. "My butt is frozen. Can we get inside the carriage? As in, now?"
"You...you don't see them?" Aya asked incredulously. "They're...they're right there..."
"Sure you're not just seeing things?" Lilly said with a shrug as she moved towards the carriages. "Come on, Aya. It was a funny joke. Now let's get in, alright?"
"But...but it's not a joke!" Aya answered. "I'm serious...there's some...thing that's pulling this carriage."
Lilly opened the carriage door. "Very funny. Come on, get in."
"You...feeling okay, Aya?" Remus asked, concern on his tongue.
"I'm feeling just fine," Aya replied as she continued to gaze at the strange creatures. "You can see them, too, right?"
"Um..."
Remus looked again at the spot Aya had pointed to, then again down the long line of carriages. No one else seemed to have seen the strange apparitions.
"Are you...sure you're not just seeing things or something?" Remus asked, feeling a little guilty as he said it. "It's just because I've never seen whatever it is you're trying to show us...and you never said anything about it before..."
"I...I didn't say anything before because I thought it was just another norm for you guys," Aya replied, her voice trailing down into a whisper. She frowned.
"Aya..." Remus began, but she waved him off.
"Just forget it," she said quietly. "It's fine."
"Hey, you guys coming?" Peter asked, his hand on the door. Lilly poked her head out the door as well, an eyebrow raised.
Remus smirked. "I thought there wasn't room enough for both of us, Lilly," he said.
Lilly narrowed her eyes, then grabbed the door. "Hmm...guess not!" she cried, slamming the door closed.
"What the...Lilly!" Remus and Aya exclaimed together. But all they could hear was Lilly laughing hysterically and James grumbling something most near to Why can't you and I ever go alone on a carriage ride? Lilly stopped her guffaws long enough to kick James rather hard on his shins. What passed James' lips that night was enough to make a grown man run for his mother, let alone send poor Sirius trying to merge with his seat little," Remus muttered under his breath. "Come on, Aya...I guess we'll be by ourselves again...that dork!"
Grasping her hand, he led her to a lonesome carriage and helped her in, then closed the door behind him.
"Damn, it's cold," he hissed, rubbing his hands together as he sat down next to Aya. She leaned against him, her eyes intent upon the window next to them. As the carriage lurched forward, he asked, "You okay, Aya?"
"Why do you keep asking me that?" she whispered gently as she closed her eyes, stifling a yawn. "I'm fine."
Remus narrowed his eyes and sighed, then put his arm around her. Unable to contain it any longer, Aya yawned and snuggled against him. Remus could only grin as he placed his chin gently on her head, reveling in the scent of her hair.
-A/R-
Aya yawned for most near to the millionth time (she had most certainly lost count, but that really didn't matter in the least to her at the moment) as she got into bed, shivering a little in the cold. "God, it's freezing," she said with a laugh.
"Yeah, I know," Lilly replied as she snuffed out the candle with her wand. "I'm so tired I swear I could sleep for a month."
Aya laughed as she pulled the covers around her and gazed up at the ceiling. She yawned again. "I know what you mean...I'm exhausted."
"What?" Lilly said incredulously. "Exhausted? How can you be even remotely tired? You slept the whole way on the train, silly girl!"
"Didn't feel like it," Aya replied with a giggle. "Oh, well...I've just been tired lately in the day." She sighed and turned towards the window, closing her eyes in bliss. "G'night, Lilly."
"G'night," Lilly replied.
There was a slight pause.
"Aya?" Lilly asked as she stared up at the ceiling.
"Mm?"
"What's it like?"
Puzzled, Aya turned towards her friend's bed. "What's what like?" she asked.
"Um...well," Lilly said tentatively. "I mean...what's it like being a...you know, a werewolf and all? I mean, all I hear about it is how 'rotten they are' and 'evil' and all that horrible crap, but nobody seems to care what you guys have to go through...and maybe it's just because we don't understand. Well, I guess what I'm trying to ask is...uh...well, what's it like when you...when you transform and stuff?"
Lilly squeezed her eyes shut. Why do I ever open my big mouth and ask questions like that, anyway?
There was a long moment before Aya answered. "Well," Aya replied slowly as if searching for the right words, "it's hard...to explain, I guess." She giggled. "No one's ever asked me this before. Let's see...well, it's hard to put into words just because it's really complicated when it...happens and all."
"Can you try?" Lilly asked without thinking.
Aya giggled. "Sure, with an emphasis on 'try.'" There was another pause, then she continued, "Well, I guess it really starts a few days before...maybe at least two or three, I'm sure. First you just get this weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that feels as if...ah, it's hard to explain....almost as if you had run a mile really fast a few moments ago and you're still recovering. I don't know if that makes sense, but it just feels as if your muscles are almost sore, but not really. Ah, that doesn't make sense...it's really hard to explain. Then you just start feeling really nauseous, like you could be sick for days, and you feel really weak and sleepy all the time, and sometimes you get this really bad headache that I swear, no matter what you do, it never goes away. I hate it when that happens."
Lilly giggled at the Aya's annoyed tone. "Go on," Lilly whispered. "Then what?"
"Well, that stuff usually happens two days before or so," Aya continued. "The day of the full moon is the absolute worst...the room spins really badly, you feel like you want to throw up every millisecond, you get really sensitive to sound and light, and you just feel really tense." She paused. "Then you start to get this really weird feeling as the day goes on..." Aya stopped.
"A feeling like what?"
"I...I can't explain it," Aya said slowly. "It starts in your mind, like there's something just...there...like there's this other thought in the back of your mind, but it's not really a thought as in words...but more as in...I don't know...a feeling, I guess. But it's hard to describe. You really have to experience it rather than be told about it. And you get a funny feeling in the pit of your stomach, too...like butterflies." She giggled softly. "I guess I start to get scared, even though I've done it for a long time now...Remus does, too."
"Does it hurt?" Lilly asked apprehensively.
There was another pause.
"Yes," Aya said softly. "It hurts more than anything I've ever felt in my life. But it's so weird...it's like this combination of physical pain and emotional hurt. And it's like, once I see the full moon, it just happens so violently and so suddenly I don't really know what to think." She paused again.
"What happens?" Lilly asked, her voice hoarse.
"It gets...pretty bad," Aya said slowly, softly. "My heart just starts beating quickly...it gets louder and louder and louder until I feel as if my heart'll just rip right out of my chest, as if the thing were pounding against my ribcage. And then my body just starts to shake...it's a tremble at first, but once you start convulsing...my God...it's enough to send you crashing through a wall if you really lost control. And then it just feels like someone with a hot iron is ripping my insides apart. They just start shifting around and changing, and it happens so slowly I just can't help but scream...it's as if I was dying again and again...I want to die right then, because I know I can't stop myself from changing...it just...happens. God, even my bones move around, and it feels like they're breaking in all different places. Then my heart just keeps hammering, beating in my mind so loudly, just...boom, boom....really, really fast. And then you just start twisting around on the ground...God, it hurts so bad. Then you can feel the visible changes...usually my teeth grow first, and I usually forget that they're getting longer because I'm biting my lip, too...so I usually bite myself in the process. Then everything just happens at once, like my nails start to grow...that feels like someone's pulling my fingers and toes apart...then my spine just starts twisting and shaping until I can't even stand up anymore. Fur just sprouts like mad all over, and my face lengthens, but that doesn't really bother me that much anymore. Don't ask. The pain starts to subside then, but the worst is inside my mind, because then it's like this whole different..thing takes over. I start to...forget myself...like, where I came from, who I am...I hate it when I can't even remember my own name. And then you just get this horrible urge to kill everything in sight...it's this horrible, bloodthirsty feeling I can't shake off...and I don't even want to shake off." Aya shivered. "Your mind just...deteriorates to this primitive state of being. It's so hard to explain because I can't really remember much after that...just feelings, I guess. It's all really fuzzy. You lose your mind...well, your human mind, I guess I could more accurately put it. I can't remember anything about myself or why I'm even there. I just become this...this thing that knows it doesn't belong in the wild, but it's there anyway. But, God, my senses just skyrocket...I swear, scent and sound should be languages. It's like you smell something and you know exactly what it is, where it came from, and even why it's there. And the sounds...it's the most amazing thing ever. You can even hear a squirrel shifting in its sleep in a tree nearby. I'm not kidding. And the freedom...! Whoever said ignorance is bliss must've been a werewolf. That's really what it is. I just feel...I feel like everything that I ever cared about is wiped from my mind, like Time itself means nothing to me, as if the only thing that exists for me is the wild around me, the night, and the moon. I think that's why we howl all the time...to express that feeling in the only way we know how. The moon itself transforms from this thing of utmost fear to this...this guide...like I could stare at it forever and not even feel Time itself flowing around me. I just...run like nothing could ever touch me....like I could travel all over the world in an instant...like I could just be what I want to be, and do what I want to do, and not worry about other people judging me for what I am." Aya laughed. "Now I'm just being poetic and silly."
"No, no," Lilly said earnestly. She smiled in the darkness, relishing that sudden burst of passion from her friend. "It actually...sounds wonderful..."
"If society accepted people like me," Aya said wistfully, "it would be wonderful...even the change would be okay, because then you wouldn't have to feel the shame of becoming what everyone hates..."
Lilly shook her head and laughed bitterly. "Everyone hates and fears what they don't understand...what they refuse to understand. If the world just broke down all its barriers and just walked in another person's shoes for a moment...a second, and actually cared about it...it would be a merrier world."
"Now you sound like Thorin," Aya giggled.
"Let me guess," Lilly said with a giggle. "Lord of the Rings by Tolkein?"
"Tolkein's The Hobbit, actually," Aya replied with a smile. "But very close."
"I'll never understand your passion for books," Lilly replied. "Especially fantasy...I mean, you're already a witch...what more fantasy do you need?"
Aya smiled again. "It's nice to escape from the world every once in a while...to go into some other world that's very different from here," she answered. "But, yes...it actually is wonderful after a while...."
"It must be even better," Lilly said mischievously, "with Remus beside you..."
"Yeah..." Aya said dreamily before she even realized she said it. She blushed crimson. "I...I mean, it's...it's great and all...with him there...you know...c-companionship and...and stuff..."
But Lilly was laughing so hard she threatened to start choking. "Ah, yes...what better way to wake up in the morning than in the forest, absolutely naked next to your man?"
"He's...he's not my...my man..." Aya stammered.
"Sure he isn't, Aya," Lilly replied slyly. "Sure. Ah, love...such a beautiful emotion."
"You should talk," Aya replied.
"Yes," Lilly replied. "And I do."
"Love-sick girl," Aya muttered.
"Now look who's talking!"
"Well, you felt it first!"
"And now you feel it! So, we're even!"
Aya fell silent, unable to find a suitable rebuttal, and not really wanting to get into an argument. With a sigh and a soft giggle, she stretched and closed her eyes again.
"Good night, Lilly," Aya whispered.
"G'night, Aya," Lilly replied.
To come to terms with what you are, Aya thought to herself as she drifted into sleep, is the greatest thing you can ever do, even if it means defying your society...
"Aya?"
"Mm?"
"What...what happened...the night your family...was killed?"
The silence that ensued caused the heart to pound, the blood to race. Lilly waited tensely, feeling a sense of turmoil in the room.
"It's late, Lilly," Aya said after a while. "And you must be exhausted...and I'm really tired."
"Aya..."
"We've got classes tomorrow," Aya continued. "Best get as much sleep as you can...good night for the last time..."
Lilly sighed, but said no more except a final good night.
-A/R-
I'M BACK! YES! And I feel a lot better because this chapter is 21 pages long! Wow-zah!! I missed you guys so much! If you forgive me for my ten-year absence, please review?