Disclaimer: I wish Marvel would give all these wonderful properties to me, but they haven't, and they retain all copyrights and make all the money. I'm just doing this because I'm bored and curious.

Warning: Lots of spoilers, especially Excalibur issues #71-120,

"Façade"

Rachel Grey was having a good day, despite the nauseating echo from the thoughts of the bigot in the convenience store. The sun was shining, she was stuffing her face with food she knew was bad for her, she was with her best friend in the whole world, and, for the moment, she didn't have to be Marvel Girl of the XSE, jetting around the world to fight who knew what. With negligible effort, her telekinesis brought a neon orange colored cheese snack to her mouth.

"Lucky girl," Kitty observed, glancing at her own coated fingers. She considered for a moment, then held her hand over the open bag. Her eyes narrowed in concentration, and suddenly much of the orange powder showered down into the bag, falling right through her hand.

"Impressive control, girlfriend! I didn't know you could do that." Rachel laughed, glancing over at her companion's demonstration of phasing talent. "Of course, we now need to stop off at a gas station to clean the car seats where you missed… or would if you didn't have a phenomenally powerful and considerate telekinetic buddy."

The remaining artificial cheese-flavored particles lifted into the air and flew out the open window. Kitty couldn't help but laugh at the scene. "Show off! And what would Ororo say to an XSE officer littering the highway with a dangerous chemical like Cheez-Doodle dust?" Inwardly, however, she was very proud of Rachel's display of fine control while maintaining enough concentration to drive the car.

"Hey there, space cadet, why don't you turn on the stereo." Rachel sensed some trepidation from the young woman to her right, but felt that they needed to press on. Track four, I think. Unless you wanna repeat the blues tune, since we bawled all the way through and missed it.

Kitty felt her stomach knot up. Her finger moved towards the CD player, hesitating over the play button. She swallowed reflexively, then pressed it. The disc spun for a moment, and then the sound of electric bass began. A woman's voice- Lojo again- began, "Look through the mirage - its not real. Rip through the façade to know how I feel. I go through life undercover…"

Kitty, tell me about Pete Wisdom.

Katherine Pryde swallowed again, hard. This was what she'd been dreading. Kitty had never really spoken to Rachel about Pete. She had slipped into the timestream before he'd burst into her life, sardonic, rumpled, and smelling of cigarettes. He was dead before she'd returned, killed on a mission with the kids in X-Force. She'd grieved and moved on. Then came Colossus and his stupidity, and her dad, and Wisdom's picture got lost among all the others in the box.

I don't know where to begin, Ray. It was after the… unpleasantness on Muir with Peter, when we- no, I tricked him into coming down from Avalon so we could heal his head wound. And then we lost you, and got Brian back. Then off to Maine where we found that android Zero, and Douglock, and that whole Phalanx thing. Then the damn Soulsword came back to haunt me, and I beat the crap out of Kurt. We followed all of that by being manipulated into going to Genosha by Black Air, along with this thin, unshaven, slovenly man in a torn black trench coat. That was my introduction to Peter Wisdom. The man actually lit up in front of Moira- and told her to sod off when she told him to put it out-

Rachel whistled, The man had stones, I'll give him that.

Kitty managed a smile, Courage of that sort, he never lacked. He said worse to me when I snagged a cigarette right from his mouth. Anyway, he came with us to Genosha, being a miserable git about it. We got shot down, and spent a couple weeks in that hellhole. I hated him then. OK, hate isn't the right word. He just pissed me off, all filthy habits and sarcastic remarks. Always making jokes about the spandex-wearing do-gooders. I guess I thought he was kinda cute. A little bit like Alistair Stuart, maybe, but harder, edgier; with a kind of weariness in his eyes. Maybe Alistair crossed with Logan's attitude and charm.

The refrain was playing, "Take off the mask and expose yourself- let us know its not all a charade", sang Russell. "…Everyday you hide yourself you live a masquerade." The song went into an extended, almost Page-esque guitar solo.

Rachel coughed, Logan's charm? Now I love the old man as much as you, but-

Actually, there was a lot of Logan in Pete. I don't know if I saw it then. Anyway, we got back to England, and he had this call from a friend in need, y'know? I could tell how hard it was to ask Brian for help, so I volunteered to fly him to London. We were too late too save his friend. He also saved my life for the first time.

You know Kit, I'm a little disappointed in you. Falling in love 'cause somebody saved your life is pretty cheesy. It screams "Thirties action yarn", the kind Kurt's always watching.

Kitty wiped her eyes and shook her head. Tears this early in the background story were not a good sign. Silly girl, I didn't fall in love with him for that. Not yet. But a man named Jardine told me the first couple of his "it needed doing" stories. That opened my eyes a bit. Under that unbelievably foul exterior was someone who really cared

Just like Uncle Logan.

Will you lay off your Logan kick? We broke into Dream Nails, and at that point, I was starting to get a clue about how I felt, and may have had an inkling that he cared right back. Right before he got captured, we almost kissed. We got free, trashed the place, and, then, well, you know… Kitty felt the color rush to her cheeks at the memory of her and Pete in the Midnight Runner, still high on adrenaline, asking him to joinExcalibur, going in back to "discuss" it. That first kiss…

"Bleagh!" Rachel exclaimed, Oops, sorry Pryde, the memory of the taste of cigarettes was really strong in your mind, and it caught me off guard. You really have to love someone to put up with that. Anyway, you can keep going, it was just starting to get interesting.

Rachel Anne Su- Grey, you are a wicked, wicked girl her friend thought, her face burning with embarrassment. She managed to block off the memories of that first night in the 'Runner, firing a glare over at the pouting redhead in the driver seat. So anyway, we told the rest of Excalibur how we felt about each other at the Chalk & Cheese, and Pete joined up. That was the night Piotr came back. Deep sadness flowed through the link. That horrible sound. The feeling in her gut that Pete was in trouble. The memories were etched in her mind. Rushing outside to see her new love crumpled on the grass, and her first love standing over him with the most frightening look upon his organic face that she'd ever seen.

Oh, Kitty. I can't imagine what that must've been like- I've seen Petey mad, and it's scary. But to have him try to kill your boyfriend in a jealous fit-

Part of me died that night, I think. We realized later that Piotr wasn't trying to kill Pete- otherwise there was no way he'd have survived the first punch- and that it was really more – how'd Kurt put it? – "hysterical slaps", but that didn't matter. I spent hours watching Moira and Rahne work to save Pete, praying he would be all right. When she came out and told me he was stable, that he was going to live, I collapsed and bawled my eyes out in relief. When that finally ran its course, I was left with the rage that had been building up. I was going to kill someone for the second time in my life. I went to the detention cell and yelled at him, getting out all the anger and the hate. But when I looked in his eyes, all I saw was a scared little boy. I was still pissed - that wouldn't go away until Pete was conscious and mobile and I was sure he'd be all right - but I had a glimpse of how lost he was, and I started to forgive him.

Rachel glanced over at her friend, who was hugging herself tightly. She radiated a feeling of love and support through the link. You've got a big heart, Kitty. He would still be in orbit if he did that to someone I loved.

"Nyet, Kurt, I have not seen either of them today. I thought to give Katya some time to be with her friends. I fear I have taken far too much of it since she found me. She has been very generous during my recovery, and I do not wish to burden her. As for Rachel, I fear, she does not care much for my presence. I serve as a constant reminder of the absence of Jean."

"Mein Gott, is that still an issue?" Nightcrawler exclaimed, laughing, "Our little leibchen needs to deal with her abandonment issues."

"That was unkind, my friend. Little Rachel has been through more than any of us will ever know. Were it in my power to return Jean to her, I would." Piotr's deep voice was reflective, distant. "Perhaps you could find another friend to join you for your revelries. I am sure Henry or Bobby would be happy to join you. Or Logan, if you are going to a bar."

"Nein, Peter. My mind is made up; you will have a good time tonight. You once knew how to have fun, being in the company of your friends, and I intend to make you remember." Kurt announced matter-of-factly, "And do not think about trying to replace Jean- that only leads to trouble. I believe God will return her to us in His own time."

"Then, tovarisch, ask in your prayers for advance warning, that we may seek shelter when Jean and Emma meet again."

"Was? A joke?" his blue-furred compatriot laughed, "It is a good start, Peter. Now let us seek out our missing fraulein without further delay. He grabbed the larger man's arm, and the two vanished in a purplish cloud of smoke and the soft BAMF of collapsing air.

"Nobody knows the real me inside- keep your distance. If you get too close I'll run and hide." Rachel noted that the narrator shared something in common with the couple they were discussing, and filed this information away. "You say you don't know about me, I say that's all right, 'cause I don't want you to see what's behind the mask at night."

After Colossus joined the team, things seemed to settle down a bit. Pete had surges of jealousy if I paid any attention to my friend. The silly git didn't have any cause- Piotr was worrying more about his own issues, and seemed to accept- and support- Pete and me as a couple almost immediately. I knew he didn't like Pete, but he knew that I did, and that was enough. She found herself a bit surprised at his maturity at that point. She let more memories flow through the link, suppressing the more physical, intimate parts -the misunderstanding with Nate Grey (another timestream-displaced sibling of Rachel's- they'd need to talk later, apparently), Douglock's capture, and the battle with Black Air and the London version of the Hellfire Club. The satisfaction of victory achieved, the flood of relief seeing Wisdom limp up after his fight with his nemesis, Scratch. The horror and disbelief and sadness to find Professor Xavier had gone insane. Their little venture into X-Files territory, with the killer who petrified his victims, writing a letter to God. Meeting his father. And his sister. All the while, never saying-

Rachel took her eyes off the road at glanced over. You two never said "I love you" all that time? Jeez, Kate, that's pretty freaking lame. I know you have issues, and it certainly sounds like he did too, but to be with a guy that long- for things to be that intense, and to skirt around whether or not you loved each other?

Gimme a break, Ray. I'd had two real relationships in my life to that point. One of them broke my heart by falling for some bimbo on another planet, and the other I only knew for a couple days and then he died, like, fifty years before I was born. Of course I was waiting for him to say it first. He told me as soon as he was ready, and I told him right back. Maybe it would've been better if we hadn't, because things started going downhill from there. We fought over poor Douglock. And, yeah, he was right about that. And sometimes he would surprise me by making the most insensitive comments. Finally SHIELD came calling for me and Pete decided he could tell me what I should do…

He didn't know you very well, did he? As long as I've known you there have always been your temper and your stubborn streak. He may as well have shoved you in a box and sent you express mail to Nick Fury.

Kitty laughed a bit to herself. Airmail might've been more comfortable than that SHIELD 'copter and the changing room elevator. Anyway, Logan and I had it out with Ogun again, but not before I met this cute computer tech named Rigby Fallon

You're kidding right? No? "Rigby Fallon", huh? Wow.

He was cute, and we got along great. It had been so long since I'd hung around a guy my own age, who I actually had something in common with other than a freaky genome. We talked, we laughed, but nothing happened. Nothing at all. I got back to Muir, and had to fight real live Bamfs and Nightmare and they were a helluva lot easier than facing Pete. When I told him, I was numb. My mind keep flashing back to when I was fourteen, sitting with Peter on a hill, and he was telling me he'd fallen in love with someone else. But I didn't fall in love with Rigby! Dammit, Ray, I still loved Pete, and he threw it all away. And he walked out on me. We had something truly special and he just gave up. Just like Mom and Dad. Just like me and Peter… And then I found out he was dead, and I never got to see him again. Just like that

The song had reached he final refrain. Not nearly enough time for the topic, Rachel felt. "Oh everyday I hide myself I live a masquerade…"

Seeing her friend sobbing uncontrollably next to her was breaking Rachel's heart. She could feel the terrible pain welling up, locked away since the day of the breakup. She reached over and put her hand on the young woman's shoulder, again projecting comfort and strength through the link. Go back or press on, she thought, shielding it from Kitty. This was dangerous territory. Whatever her feelings for the recently returned Piotr, Wisdom was her first in many ways. Her guard would fly up at any perceived attack. But Rachel wondered if Kitty would ever be able to move on, actually experience the happiness she'd earned, so long as the spectre of Pete Wisdom hung over her like this. It was clear that Miss Pryde was starting to feel the problem was within her, and that she was far too wonderful and loving a person to have to go through life like that.

"God, look at me, I'm a mess." Kitty blew her nose and looked at her reflection in the mirror embedded in the visor. Noticing the CD had moved to the next song- "Teller of Tales", she sighed, saying, "Well, I'm glad that's over. I didn't realize how much losing Pete still hurt. Now this song here reminds me about the old "Pirate Kitty" stories and Nightcrawler and that Well of Time. I wish you'd been around for those days, Red…"

Kitty, you're babbling

"Wha-?" She spun her head towards Rachel, confusion registering on her tear stained face. "I'm not babbling. I never babble. I'm just a little full of endorphins after finishing a particularly cathartic episode dealing with leftover emotions for a deceased lov-"

Kitty, I don't think we've really "finished" with Wisdom.

Please Ray, don't make me do this. It hurts too much. It's in the past now, nothing I can do will change the way I feel. I'm not going to find Wisdom in the subbasement of some Skrull's condo. He's gone. I still miss him, but I've learned to accept that he died, and I'm OK, Ray, really, I'm OK. Her thoughts were desperate, pleading.

The car pulled over and slowly came to a stop. "We're never going to get anywhere if we have to keep stopping like this," Rachel quipped, managed to elicit a wan smile from her passenger. Kitty, I love you dearly. You are my best friend, the anchor I've been able to cling to. You have been there for me more times than I can count. I'm not trying to torture you about Pete. I don't want you to be hurt. I just sense that you need to see something about it, that it will help you get past this pain you are lugging around with you. If you want to stop, we can. I just know you have the strength to overcome this, and I hope that you use it.

What do you mean? I'm sorry, Ray, genius intelligence or no, I'm not sure what you are talking about.

Kitty, do you trust me?

The young mutant sighed heavily. Filled with trepidation and doubts, she managed to nod her head in assent.

Rachel's emerald eyes focused. First things first- you did love Pete Wisdom. I have no doubt of that. And judging by your memories, he loved you right back. But as we all well know, love isn't always enough. A compare and contrast image of Scott and Jean on their wedding day and Scott with Emma in the mansion halls flashed in their minds. You weren't in the best position to start a relationship, Kitty. You still had the feelings that you'd betrayed Piotr, and then the shock of Douglock bearing the image of poor Doug Ramsey. Follow that with Illyana's Soulsword, and you'd been confronted by memories of the loss of the three people dearest to you…

Four. You were gone too.

The redhead smiled. OK, four. That left a hole in your heart, a vacuum that needed to be filled. That's where you were when you met Pete. I know you didn't like him at first- God, this is almost When Harry Met Sally- but you thought he was cute and your mind latched on anything that showed him to be a decent human being. And he was, underneath that hideously foul façade, he was a guy who loved people, and needed to be loved. I think my earlier Wolverine comparisons are fair- nearly every X-woman I've ever met has harbored at least a small crush on Logan. It's the Bad Boy Syndrome, where you think you think you can be the one to save him from himself, from his loneliness. There's also the excitement factor- Pete was the dangerous one that your mother always warned you about..

Great, you've just reduced my one "adult" romance to a series of clichés. Thanks a bunch, but I'm not buying.

God, Kitty, you were what? Sixteen? Seventeen at the oldest? Besides, don't call them clichés- they're more like archetypes. You and Piotr had an archetypal romance, both here and in my time. So did my parents. So did me and Franklin. These are the elements of relationships. You fell for Pete because you found out that he was a good man, and was worth "rescuing" – which is probably part of the classic X-men penchant for picking up troubled strays. Images of Banshee, Rogue, Gambit, Emma, Marrow and Juggernaut danced around the mindscape. And Pete fell for you because you were a bright, witty, competent, beautiful young woman who made him feel alive again. I think I see why that song would make you think of him- and it applied to both of you. For all his spandex-bashing, Pete hid his own identity behind his cynical, callous image. His heart may as well as have been encased in organic steel. And you, dear Kitty, put on your own costume, that of an adult woman, when part of you was still an insecure teenager. I don't think the relationship could've lasted much longer, even if you'd never gone to SHIELD. You were two very different people. He was a cynic by all your accounts. And I don't think he ever fully believed – that is, he couldn't allow himself to fully believe that someone like you could truly love someone like him. And you were never going to get him to open up, not the way you wanted him to. He would've resented the attempts after a while. And I can't see you dragging him to the prequels or Lord of the Rings. He was far "too cool" for stuffed toys or dancing or just being a kid. He may have only been a decade or so older chronologically, but he'd seen too much to ever recapture the innocence he'd lost.

Kitty blew her nose again. She didn't entirely accept her friend's theory, but some of it made sense. She sent the thought, Even if you're right, what good does it do know? I mean, if our relationship was one of those "passions that burned too bright to survive" things, how does that help me now?

Because you've learned from it, haven't you? OK, maybe you backslided with that Seth guy, but you can clearly take the lessons of the past and learn and grow. You're the genius here, kid. You can move on and make sure your eyes are wide open when the right one comes along. You know that you have been loved are lovable. Someone thought so much of you that he couldn't resist being with you when every neuron in his brain was probably screaming that it could never work. He was too chickenshit at the end to make it last.

"Maybe. I wish…," she choked back a sob, "I wish I'd just been able to see him again. To see if he'd ever forgiven me, to see if he still cared. And I'll never know now that he'd dead."

"Y'know Pryde, if he cared, he would want you to be happy." Rachel's face was serious, but there was a hint of mischievousness around the eyes, "Besides, someone once told me that 'that trick never works.'"

Author's note- whew, this was hard. And I'm glad it's done. It's far, far longer than it has any right to be. This is how I see the Pryde-Wisdom relationship when I'm feeling kindly disposed to Mr. Wisdom. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

RandomMarvelFan- here it is. Yes, Wisdom is a vital part of Kitty's life. As for where we go from here, I don't know. I have three or four more major themes I'd like to cover, not as extensively as Wisdom, but there's only one that I feel needs to be addressed.

David: I'd read Trynia Merin's stuff while flitting about It's pretty good stuff, but I didn't care for the characterization of Ororo and Piotr. We all have our biases. I'm sorry I wasn't able to do Wisdom justice here

Anhayla- Much of the Pryde-Wisdom issues have wonderful interaction with the other characters. I hope, in some small way, to justify the existence of the relationship here, but not offer hope for a rekindling, because chemistry doesn't equal destiny.

Madripoor Rose- As one of the Kiotr "giants" (those of you with multiple wonderful Kiotr fics, and oldprydefan, who should continue Paper Flowers darnit) I am curious as to your feelings on Pete Wisdom…