Actually updating is more fun than I thought. Cheers! I don't own the rights to Harry Potter…but I'd like to have them. Oh, Mrs. Rowling…you kind soul….

-A/R-

Ch. 33: The Not So Distant Past

-A/R-

Over the next month, she still had trouble in coming to terms with why she had fainted. Exhaustion was plain enough, but she had been fatigued beyond measure before, had had her girlish bones stretched and twisted beyond comprehension, had gouged herself with her own nails - that thing's claws, she reminded herself - in a bout of wolfish passion. But she had always come out on top. Besides, she was relatively healthy, not sickly. A night's worth of violent stretching and incessant running and hunting, not to mention how great nausea worked with speeding her metabolism along, had kept her fantastically lean; her moonlit strolls had trimmed her of baby-fat long before the other orphans, then barely eight, had even considered it. Her eating habits were a little strange, given that she was border-line anorexic as a full moon approached, and ravenously hungry once she had rested for a day after her exercise; yet these habits had attributed to her rather scrawny figure, and by the age of nine and a half, she was as skinny and lean as an athlete. But of course, the other orphans thought her an anorexic, freakish werewolf at the time, so she was banned from wondering at her figure until well after the normal time of doing so. And by then, not even fourteen, she had lost all knowledge that she looked relatively okay by societal standards, let alone pretty. For a decade, she had been altogether happy with the knowledge that her looks made her invisible, and her quietly somber attitude made her existence transparent. And that had been what kept her strong and awake.

So why, then, she wondered as she gazed a bit uncomprehendingly at Professor McGonagall lecturing, had she fainted in the first place?

It had been three weeks since the incident, and despite the fact that she was still touched at how responsive her friends had been, and how she still blushed with pleasure when she found Remus asleep on the floor beside her bed, she couldn't help but feel embarrassed. When was the last time she had fainted? She considered the past Christmas, but that fell under the terms of "passing out". That loss of consciousness was a trifle heroic.

Her antics in Gryffindor's common room was just this side of pathetic.

Yet why did it bother her? She was not normally so keen on this new, icy wall she had suddenly formed around herself, but her fainting episode nagged at her conscience. Perhaps it was stress. Perhaps it was fear. Or perhaps it was the fact that she and Remus had not made love since their escapades in the Shrieking Shack.

And it wasn't as if they hadn't had the opportunity. There were plenty. She had already - and a bit unwillingly - told all the details to Lily who, being Lily, had cautioned her to check for irregularities in her menstrual cycles.

"Making babies is all well and dandy," she had said seriously, "but sixteen-year-old Mommies isn't that great of candy." Aya had laughed at that, glad for the chance to relieve some pressure from her chest. But ever since Lily's crushing comment, Aya had been praying a little guiltily to bleed as a young woman should every month. So even when Remus made his advances, and she hers, she could never bring herself to go any farther than a gentle kiss goodnight and a squeeze of his hand.

Of course she wanted a child; she'd been wanting that ever since she had first pressed her hands against her mother's belly and felt her baby sister kick in response. However, it was one thing to have a child, and quite another to actually raise a child.

Would Remus be ready? Her mouth grew dry at the thought of Remus dropping out of school to find a job in a werewolf-hating world. Perhaps he was the father type?

She glanced at Remus, engaged in a serious action of casting some dancing spell on his pencil while Sirius tried to transfigure it and James chuckled silently, even after Lily's slap-mark on his arm had begun to go away.

Perhaps not.

So now she was forced to wait for a bit of blood on her undergarments, or suffer the wrath of certain doom. She was not ready for a baby, but she refused to share this fear with Remus. Aya had been so adamant about him not knowing this uncertainty she had actually threatened Lily into silence.

That was another thing she had noticed about herself. She had grown rather moody and a little curt at times. And that had worried Lily the most, which in turn worried Aya, because they both knew what that could mean. Ever since that realization, Aya often found herself placing a trembling hand against her belly, searching fearfully for that tiny spark of life.

So now that the full moon was only six days away, she found her mood swings to be unpredictable and intensely frequent.

Aya put her chin in her hands, her elbows resting on the table as she ran through her mind all of her problems.

The trial was approaching slowly, and she had still not thought of what to say to Sarkus. She felt a trifle alienated as the only non-virgin female in her group of friends. There was a terrifying possibility that she was pregnant. The full moon was approaching. She was prone to rapid changes in attitude. And she was embarrassingly touched by raunchy thoughts that invaded her psyche from time to time; she rued each day she found herself red to the ears, her face hot when she looked at Remus and thought of him naked and…

I hate this.

She dropped her quill and leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling and wishing ardently for her dead mother to suddenly swoop in out of heaven and solve all her problems. But, of course, not even ghosts could do that, and she suddenly felt angry at her nonexistent mother for being dead in the first place. And that actually gave her an unbearable shame and unworthiness of bearing the ancient Centaria name.

Ah, but what's in a name? she wondered. "A rose by any other name would smell

as sweet."

So she closed her eyes instead.

-A/R-

After a short dinner and an uncomfortable evening of homework in the common room, Aya suddenly found herself being dragged up the staircase by Lily's firm arm. She hardly registered the boys' questioning as the red-head pushed Aya up the stairs, pulled open the door, yelled "Bed time, now boys!", and literally shoved Aya into the room before shutting the door firmly behind her.

"Now, then," Lily said, her hands crossed as she sat down on her bed. "Menstruating yet?"

Aya blushed. "No. And I wish you'd warn me before you do something like that…I can bruise on stairs, you know."

"Have you told Remus yet?"

Lily always seemed to have a good way of being blunt, wise, and painfully disinclined to understand another's emotions all at once. And it all seemed to come through one, unlooked for question.

Aya bit her lip. "Not really. I've hinted at it a couple of times."

"You haven't even touched on it, have you."

"Well…no. No, not at all, actually," Aya replied, utterly defeated. "I haven't really…gotten around to it."

"And why, pray tell, is that?" Lily pressed, an eyebrow raised. Her arms were crossed in her notorious posture that always foretold that whoever was in her line of sight was in for a mighty earful. Aya would have given her entire stock of books and her left leg to have been twenty miles into Ireland at the moment. And, she pondered glumly, she would have gladly run naked and screaming all the bloody way there. Gladly.

"I haven't found the precise opportunity in doing so," Aya replied, trying whole-heartedly to retain a bit of courage and dignity…but courage most of all. Lily was pretty, and yes, she was sweet, but she also had the power and authority to control James and Sirius in one fell swoop. Power like that could rip the world in two, most likely, and Aya wasn't willing to see the full force of Lily Evans on any given day.

"I would highly suggest you do find the opportunity, Aya dearest," Lily said with a sigh as she sat down on her bed. Aya took this small act as a long-awaited token of relief. Glad that the storm had passed, and that she had remained as yet unscathed, Aya strolled to her own bed, drew back the curtains, and rearranged her text books that lined the windowsill. It was a fantastically beautiful February evening; the sun had sunk so deep below the horizon that not even its rays could seep out long enough to touch the treetops of the Forbidden Forest. The lake shimmered on a wind reminiscent of a fading winter and glistened under the luminescence of an almost full moon. If the windows were open, the girls could have heard the occasional thump of melting snow fall from the trees, or the drip-drip of melting icicles that clung in odd places about the castle. The stars were beginning to waken and twinkle cheerfully as winter died below. Winter's slow digression only heightened the notion that spring was just a month's whisper away.

"Hello-o-o-o," Lily called. "Reality calling in Aya's brain…come in, Aya's brain. Enough of Lord of the Nerds and robbits or hobbits and whatnot…there's a real world calling!" She sighed. "Aya, your books are on fire!"

Jumping clear out of her skin, Aya turned quickly, wild-eyed and questioning. "What! Where!"

"Oh, oops…my mistake," Lily chuckled.

"Lily Evans, that was not amusing," Aya retorted, her hands on her hips and her foot tapping ardently on the wood floor.

"Oh, quit getting your undies tied up in knots," Lily laughed. "I was just telling you that I love you as a sister, you nitwit."

Aya blushed. "Oh…" And then tears sprang to her eyes, and quite suddenly Lily found herself half-lifted out of her repose and into the arms of this not-so-quiet girl. She would have found the whole thing quite touching had she not feared for the safety of her ribcage.

"Yup…sisterly affection," Lily coughed out.

-A/R-

Aya had a strange dream that night, but the exact details escaped her all too quickly. Instead, sitting up in bed as early morning sunlight just managed to touch the treetops, she was forced to only remember a long grey field and a bouncing buggy. Yawning, she stretched and rubbed her tousled hair, placing her feet on the floor. Sighing, she stood and wandered rather slowly to the girl's facilities.

The trek to the toilets was always longer in the morning; perhaps that attributed to pre-conscious fatigue. Aya shrugged off the thought and continued on, her bare feet sensitive to the cold on the steps. But even in the annoyance of fatigue, she had to smile.

There was something peaceful about the morning. That calm, collective silence was not ominous or oppressive, but rather embracing and motherly. The soft pad of Aya's feet was more like the gentle suckling of a baby, the surrounding silence as soft as a mother's touch. There were dreams in this moment; they floated about in the air, ready to be caught by a gentle sleeper. Nightmares lay there, too. But she had had enough of nightmares.

That was the strangest thing. Years of suppression had never invoked her nightmares; but in the past few months, she felt as if her entire life story was unraveling right before her eyes.

Then again, life itself was strange. On one hand, she had made friends. She had met Remus. Go backwards one year, and Aya would have scoffed at the idea; where her friends saw charisma and sincerity, where Remus saw beauty and love, the old Aya would have found ugliness and misguided, uncontrolled, silent rage. She had cursed her fate, cursed her very curse; had screamed against the machinations of society, of the world, of God; had shuddered away from the meaning of family and belonging.

Yet without her fate, without her curse, would she have ever met Remus in the same way?

She would have accepted him - her parents had only taught her uncompromised love towards all - but would their love have been the same? Would it have been as strong? If her family had not died, if she had not been bitten, if she had gone to this school as normal students do, what would have life been like? She would have eventually met Remus, but she knew she would not be the same…she had been all too different as a child, she knew.

Rambunctious. Social. Curious. Agreeable. Prone to tantrums. Full of laughter. Questioning.

She did not recede into books as much as a child; they were only a doorway, a place to retreat to from time to time before sleeping. Not like now.

Aya shrugged off such gloomy thoughts. She had reached the girl's lavatory, anyway, and she had had her fill of moroseness for the time being. Stretching and yawning, she pushed open the door to the nearest stall, locked it, and slipped off her boxers and undergarments before she realized that something was wrong.

Something had caught her eye, and as she looked down to see what it was, her eyes filled with tears.

There was blood on her underwear.

-A/R-

"LIIIIIILY EVANS!"

With a snort, a scream, and a pleasant use of foul language, Lily Evans awoke from her lovely dream about a certain boy with a terrific start. She threw back the curtains, her green eyes wide, her flaming hair a tangled mess about her face.

"S'bloody hell!" she yelled as Aya slammed the door behind her. "What in blazes!"

"Lily, Lily!" Aya practically screamed. "Guess what!"

"Um…classes are cancelled and good-night?"

"No, you silly!" the raven-haired girl cried with delight. "I started!"

"Started what? Your spiral into insanity?"

"Lily…started," Aya pressed, her hands on her hips.

"Not following," Lilly said, scratching her head.

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Aya pleaded. "My period, you nitwit!" Lily stared at her incomprehensively. "I'm not pregnant! I just bled all over my panties!"

"Fantastic!" Lily cried, finally standing. "Everything turns out alright in the end!" Then her eyebrows raised in a curious expression. "You did clean up, didn't you? I hope there was a fresh supply of feminine products in the bathroom…?"

Aya giggled. "Of course! So now what?"

"Now? Well…"

Aya's eyebrow raised. "Go on…what are you planning?"

Lily shrugged. "I'm going to assume that your little escapade that started this whole fiasco will occur yet again…"

"Well-"

"Thus throwing the both of us into another panic loop when you don't start your womanly cycle on time…"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Simply because you and the boy want to have some fun."

"I know it's dumb, but really, Lils…I can't really help it," Aya replied glumly, her face growing hot.

"Aya insert-middle-name Centaria," Lily said sternly, "now see here-"

"Elisia," Aya said quietly.

"Beg pardon?"

"Elisia," Aya said again. "My middle name. It's Elisia."

"Really?" Lily smiled. "Aya Elisia Centaria. I like that."

"My mum's name, actually," Aya whispered, but waved it off. "What were you getting at earlier?"

"You need a spill…and not just any old spill," Lily said matter-of-factly.

Aya blinked. "I'm sorry…I need a what now?"

Lily clicked her tongue. "Come on, now. A spill. It's the original…what Muggle doctors spinned-off of."

"I'm sorry…I'm not exactly following this."

Lily sighed. "You honestly need to read more magazines, m'dear. A spill is a wizarding term for the Muggle's 'pill', even though the idea is originally ours. Unlike potions, which can be messy and not very mobile, a spill is a solid form in the shape of a small capsule."

"Like Advil?" Aya suggested.

"Exactly! Good guess!"

Aya blushed. "They used them a lot at my old school as a substitute for vaccine potions."

Lily's eyes widened. "Aya, that's sick."

"You wouldn't know the half of it. But continue."

"Anyway, like the Muggle pill market, spills are directed towards any ailment depending on the type of spill needed. And in your case, I've got just the right spill for you that we can get."

Aya, although she loved Lily dearly, now was feeling questionable. "What exactly are you getting at, Lils?"

"Birth control, you silly goose! If you're gonna romp without the stomp, you've got to come prepared."

"You coined that phrase, didn't you."

Lily only grinned. "Think of it as putting a condom on Remus' todger without his ever knowing of it!"

Aya's face became a chameleon as it swiftly changed from red to white. "I beg your pardon!"

"What? Do you want him to know so badly?"

"No!"

"Because it's not like you're insulting him," Lily replied, then her expression turned rather thoughtful. "Although there is something about the male side of our species that makes them so egotistical and protective of the penis-"

"Lily!"

"What! I'm not the one playing around with his todger!"

"Shut it, would you! God, you're so embarrassing!"

Lily's grin was mischievous and downright evil. "I know, oh dear one."

Aya sighed; it was hopeless with her anyway. "So, where do I get this birth-control spill thing?"

Lily sat down on her bed, clasping her hands. "Well, I would say Diagon Alley…they have such a great store…but, seeing as we're a bit short on the transportation thing, we'll just have to go get some at Hogsemeade tomorrow, so please try not to roll around in the hay until then, alright dear? Though I bet you wouldn't want to with the onslaught of cramps and extra blood."

Aya growled. "You really know how to set a girl off, don't you?"

Lily shrugged. "I'm just a jealous young lass."

-A/R-

It was easily the longest journey to Hogsmeade Aya had ever known. The sun still lay depressingly hidden amongst the low overhang of clouds, the air was nippy, and the snow still clung in dying patches to the plant life about them.

And even as they entered the quaint little village bedecked with all sorts of wizarding apparel, Aya still couldn't shrug off her feeling of anticipation.

"Oi, Aya!" a voice called as a hand smacked the back of her head, throwing Aya out of her silent reverie.

"Bloody hell!" Aya yelled, backhanding her assailant with surprising speed and accuracy. Sirius Black, caught miserably off-guard, found himself questioning what fault the world found in him in the microsecond before Aya's well-placed hand collided perfectly with his cheek.

"Ai!" Sirius cried, his hand to his cheek. "My face! You've wounded it! My beautiful face!"

James smirked. "Shut it, you low-life creep."

"You wanna warn me next time?" Aya hissed, her eyes narrowed as she massaged the back of her head. She was about to say something more when Lily gripped her hand.

"Come on, Aya," Lily said earnestly. "Let's go!"

"Where're you two off to?" Remus asked, his eyes searching Aya's reddening face. "Aya?"

"Girl business…you boys go and have your incessant fun at Zonko's," Lily called as she dragged Aya away. "We'll meet you guys back at the Three Broomsticks in a bit, 'kay?"

Remus started, realizing the obvious inclination that would leave James and Sirius with; he glanced wearily at Peter, who was already being dragged away by James. The young werewolf sighed as he turned to the beaming Sirius. "Let's get this over with, Padfoot," he moaned, extending his hands.

-A/R-

The shop that Lily led Aya to lay towards the edge of the quaint village, situated astride a rather shady-looking pub. Lily's fabled hub seemed to be a bit more in shambles than Aya would have liked; the exterior looked as if it had once belonged to a rowdy child who had tried to squash it with his hand. A curious contraption that looked very similar to a Muggle megaphone sat atop the window to Aya's right; it played the most peculiar music, something very near to Finnish or Dutch or both.

"Ah, here it is!" Lily said cheerily. Aya gave her a skeptical look. Lily could only frown. "Oh, come off it and let's go!"

The interior was a bit less shabby; it even looked liked the candy shop's interior, except clearly less crowded. A few people, wrapped about in shawls and cloaks despite the warmth of the place, bustled about the small shop, slyly drawing items from their shelves and moving towards the register.

Still feeling uneasy, Aya glanced at some of the packages, reading each label carefully:

"Got a headache no spell can cure? Use Head-A-Gobbler!"

"Cramps, schmamps! Uter-Ahs' the way to be!"

"Lily," Aya whispered, "what have you gotten me into?"

"Here, pick one, Aya," Lily said, already two aisles down and pointing to a long line of shelved products. "They've got more than I expected."

Sighing, Aya made her way to Lily's side and followed her extended finger. " 'Baby-No-Go'? Lily…"

"Come on, Aya…just pick one and forget the dumb name, would you?" Lily hissed back, glancing at a customer - a pale-haired woman - who was staring at them.

Aya sighed.

"Uter-Go, from the makers of Uter-Ahs."

"Guilt-Freebies."

"Sex and Sensibility."

Aya then pointed. "There…what about that one?"

Lily looked up, then smiled. " 'Birth-Control Spill - Generic Brand'. Always something simple." She reached up and grabbed the black package, then flipped it over to read the back side. "Let's see: 'Not to be used if one menstrual cycle continues beyond a week, extra limbs grow-' "

"What's that about extra limbs?"

" 'Use twice a month, each dosage being at least two weeks apart. Should abdominal pain occur, discontinue use and consult a physician immediately. Periods will continue to flow normally, however.' "

"But I thought it stops…."

Lily shrugged. "These are spills, remember? It doesn't cease all bodily functions…who knows what lack of periods could do."

Aya sighed. "Let's just buy the damn thing so we can get out of here in one piece with our dignity intact."

The two friends made their paced way to the counter; Lily slapped the package down on the counter and exposed her purse to the cashier.

"Oh, no," Aya said, trying to push her friend away. "This is my deal…I'll buy it."

Lily grinned and expertly handed the money over to the cashier, her green eyes glinting merrily. "My idea, my purchase, sweetheart." The cashier raised her eyebrows, but said nothing as she delivered the correct change and an inconspicuous bag. Grateful beyond words, Aya stuffed her newly-acquired metaphor for her fresh womanhood and marched quickly out of the shop, knowing full well she would see it again.

-A/R-

"What took you boys so long?" Lily asked with a grin as Remus attempted to pat the last bit of ash from his face and clothes.

"Long and painful story," Peter said glumly as he slumped into his chair. Aya thought she had seen a hole in the seat of his pants, but decided to ignore it instead.

"I love that shop," Sirius grinned. "Ah, if it were a woman, I'd marry that place."

"Please sort out your life priorities," Remus muttered as he brushed ash from his eyebrows. "A woman who explodes in your face like that isn't fun."

"Or explodes from your pants," Peter hissed. "Never give me food again. Ever."

"Just a bit of fun," James said with a shrug.

The six friends sat down to a rambunctious half-hour of chatting, taunting, drinking butterbeer, and laughing. Time slipped away from them as they giggled and smiled the afternoon away, and three orders of drinks later still found them talking away their cares.

Yawning, and wishing she hadn't drunk that third butterbeer, Aya stood and stretched. "Where're you off to?" Lily asked.

"Toilet," Aya replied.

"I'll come, too," the red-head grinned. "And bring your item."

-A/R-

The lavatories in Hogsmeade's famous pub weren't exactly as reputable as the tavern itself. As Aya quickly learned with her annoyingly heightened sense of smell, they stank of human sewage, stale ale, and other foul things she would never mention in her life. She was thankful the toilet and toilet roll were at least clean; the graffiti that covered every corner of the bathroom, from the walls to the floor to the ceiling, were not only offensive and inane, but moved at an eye-catching pace.

As she flushed the toilet, she blushed at a rather crude reference to intercourse and pushed her way out of the stall to the graffiti-littered sink. At least the place had some soap; her robe was good enough for a towel.

"Wanna try it out?" Lily asked, trying hard not to stand too close to the grimy wall.

Aya grimaced. "With this water? This stuff alone could give anyone an abortion, pregnant or not."

"No, silly," Lily laughed. She swirled a butterbeer bottle. "I filled this with the water we ordered, so you can try it."

"So, this is just like Advil and Tylenol, right?" Aya asked apprehensively.

"Yeah, yeah." Lily waved her off as she opened the package and drew out sealed pills the size of a thumb-nail. They were pink colored as if to accent its feminine productivity, and shone even in the grubby light.

"Lily," Aya said, her eyes narrowed. "Those are huge. Definitely bigger than Advil."

"Just try one, would you?"

Lily opened one, rested the pink capsule on her palm, and handed Aya the pill and the bottle. "Bottoms up!"

Aya narrowed her eyes. "Appropriate…oh, so appropriate."

Sighing, she popped the pill into her mouth, grimaced, and finished off the bottle. She coughed. "Blech! This tastes awful! It's like bile!"

"What'd you expect? Chocolate? A strawberry-filled romp in a field of green?"

"No…but at least not something so awful," Aya whined as she tilted the bottle back to catch just one refreshing drop of cleansing water.

Just then, two ladies marched in, their faces reddened and their grins immaculate. "Can'you believe't?" one of them said, elbowing her friend in the ribs. "S'bloody trial's bonkers, if'n you ask me."

Her companion belched in agreement. "Din't know there was one lef', di'you?"

Aya sidestepped out of the way as the two swaggered towards the stalls. Eyeing each, she shrugged at Lily, and the two began to make their exit.

"That Sarkus'll burn a' the stan' if'n they gots the las' Centaria girl t'testify," one of the drunkards guffawed.

Aya stopped dead in her tracks.

"Howchoo think the Min'stry kept her quiet? Huh? How come nobody knew she liv'd at all?"

"Went to some unknown orphanage, s'bloody paper say. Damn papers…keep real good shit'n out."

A stall door slammed shut. "S'hell if'n I know. Public don't care if'n she lived….only cared if'n she died, is all. Like that Sieg guy, the dad, ya know? Damn good

paper today, Chels. Damn good story."

Lily glanced at her friend, but whatever the girl was feeling, Lily couldn't tell just yet.

Without a word, Aya silently pushed the lavatory door open, searching, Lily knew, for a copy of today's Daily Prophet.

-A/R-

SARKUS TRIAL UNDERWAY THIS MONTH!

Shocking news reveals the long-kept secret of the Centaria Murders! Surviving heir of the Centaria family to testify against known werewolf, Edgar Sarkus!

Aya sat at a secluded bench towards the end of Hogsmeade's main street, the cold air nearly forgotten as she poured, horrified, over the Daily Prophet's front page; having bought a copy from the bartender, who always loved his supply of wizarding world information, Aya had come face to face with an old photo of her family she had nearly forgotten. There, in black and white, the smiling faces of her long-dead family gazed merrily at her, waving and laughing silently: her father, noble and energized, his arm pumping at the air as he waved, his storm-grey eyes sparkling; her brother, then barely sixteen, his dark hair about his dark eyes, his grin childish and enthralling; and her mother, soft, black hair falling about her shoulders, her face even softer and beautiful, her arms about a familiar, three-year old little girl with her mother's elegant hair and her father's eyes.

Where did they get this? Where the bloody hell did they get this photo!

She wanted to scream, to shout, to do something, but she could only continue to read the article silently, her heart pounding, her hands shaking.

Ministry officials yesterday confirmed at last the shocking capture of Edgar Sarkus, a known werewolf and Pack Cultist, as well as a thrilling trial that will be taking place towards the middle of this February. Even more enthralling is the news that Aya Centaria, last believed to be dead or worse, has literally resurfaced into public light when officials also announced that the last surviving member of England's oldest family will not only be attending the Sarkus Trial, but will also be testifying against the werewolf.

Although only four years old at the time, young Centaria, now soon to be seventeen, survived one of the most gruesome and puzzling murders since the Darveci Family Murders in 1655, all of whom were slaughtered by a band of trolls. Occurring March 15th, thirteen years ago next month, Ministry officials believe that Sieg, 36, his wife Elisia, 34, and two other children, Duncan, 17, and Rebeccah, six months, were attacked and killed by a pack of werewolves. After barely escaping with her life, Aya recovered quietly at a local hospital and was later transferred for unknown reasons to little-known Llitesat orphanage just fifteen miles outside Oxford. She currently attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as a recent transfer. Miss Centaria has not yet made any comment on her upcoming ordeal, leaving us all to wonder just how deep the wounds truly go, and exactly what happened that bloody night, nearly thirteen years ago.

And just who is Aya Centaria? The Daily Prophet will be there to uncover the mysteries surrounding this martyr of innocence.

"What…is this crap?" Aya whispered, her teeth clenched as she threw the offensive paper into the muddiest part of the street. She put her head in her hands. This will be all over the school by the time I get back. This was such an old story that no one bothered to register my name…I didn't even know it was so huge. She took a deep, shuddering breath. How could they? How could they?

"Aya?"

She nearly jumped, but instead inhaled deeply before she sat up, wiping furiously at her eyes. "Is it time to go?" she asked as cheerily as she could.

"I read the article," Remus said, ignoring her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"You shouldn't have read that load of piss," Aya said through gritted teeth, standing and kicking absently at a loose piece of gravel. "Let's get going…it's probably all over school by now, so the sooner I face it, the better." She turned to leave.

But Remus had already grasped her wrist and was pulling her back towards him. "Aya, don't keep running from this. You can tell me, love." He blinked several times. "Don't you trust me?"

She tried to pull away, but his grip was too strong.

"You told me they were all killed…the same night, too. Is this what happened, what it says in the article? Is that how they died?" Remus asked quietly.

Aya shrugged, still trying to pull away. "It was a long time ago, Remus. It doesn't matter…you can't change the past."

Remus shook his head. "But you don't have to run from it. Please tell me what happened, Aya. I know it's killing you."

"I just…want to go, okay? Can I just go?"

"Aya-"

"I don't want to talk about it right now, okay? God damn it! Why does everyone want to know what the bloody hell happened?" Aya yelled. "They just want to hear a blood and gore story…that's all they bloody want!"

"I don't," Remus replied quietly. "I want to help you."

"I don't need help, Rem! Everyone's always thinking I need help, that I'm always in trouble, that I'm this delicate thing!" She threw his hand away, stomping her foot. "I just want to go back to school. That's all I want to do right now. Okay?"

"But-"

"Damn it, Remus Lupin, I don't want to talk about it right now!" She swore again as she wiped at the infuriating tears that had started to fall down her cheeks.

Remus frowned, his fists clenched. "Well, you need to tell someone! I'm not going to have you go into the Ministry to relate it to people who don't know you at all! If you can't even tell me, how in Christ's name do you plan on telling a row of old farts in a cold Ministry room, huh? Bloody hell, Aya! Maybe people wouldn't think you were delicate if for once in your life you opened up a little more rather than shutting down and running away! You can't keep something like this inside anymore! Can't you see what it's doing to you? It's making you sick, Aya…you barely sleep, you fall into moods! And you think you can just shove me away? Don't treat me like crap just because you don't want to be vulnerable!"

"Shut up! Shut it, would you?" she yelled back.

"Maybe I would if you would just tell me what happened!" he retorted.

"Maybe I don't want to, you ever think of that!"

"That's what I'm talking about! You're clamping up again!"

"Oh, fuck you!"

"Well, fuck you, too!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

And they both stormed away.

-A/R-

It was probably the most uncomfortable silence James had ever been in as he sat with his friends in the common room that night. He glanced about at his silent friends and sighed. Remus sat slumped in his chair on the other side of the room. Aya sat with her back to them all, facing the fire place with a look that could kill a grown man ten times over…and then some.

James exchanged an unhappy look with Lily, who merely bit her lip and shrugged helplessly. Sirius, quiet for once, and Peter both slumped further into their silent meditation. The young Potter sighed heavily again and sank into the pillows of the rather comfortable couch. But not even that could ward off the painful stillness that had permeated throughout the room.

There were still some Gryffindors left in the common room, and those who had not suffered Aya's unprecedented wrath had learned quickly to hide their newspaper article before entering the common room, and keeping it securely hidden from view so as to be read further. James would have loved to tell them off, to have them at least read the offensive things in their rooms, to stop glancing at Aya every millisecond, but instead waited for Remus or Aya to break the silence first.

He was still stinging from when he had asked Aya about the article; he still cursed himself for not having the foresight to respect her privacy first, and for not having the common sense and mastery over his own sight to see Aya's death-glare. Of course, not even that stupidity could match the mortal lashing Aya and Remus had given him all at once. And then his ears were still ringing from the fantastic row the two had immediately launched into that lasted the entire trek back to Hogwarts. And from the moment they had all stepped into the front hall, Aya and Remus had fallen into a cold war of silence, leaving the Marauders and even Lily too frightened to say a word.

James grimaced as he gazed at Lily. At least she had had the common sense not to press Aya about anything. And although he knew she speculated and nearly guessed on the catalyst behind Aya and Remus' fight, James was thankful Lily was clever enough to keep silent.

A creak sent James into reality again. He glanced up in time to see Aya stand, slide her chair to its original place, and begin her silent trek to the stairs.

"Going to bed, dear?" Lily asked quietly, cautiously.

"Yeah," Aya replied rather curtly as she moved quickly away, not even glancing at Remus as she passed.

All eyes in the common room turned to Aya Centaria as she nearly sprinted up the stairs and to her room, partly slamming the door behind her.

Once it was shut, the common room became a hive of gossip and talk.

"It's weird no one made a connection!" a fourth-year cried.

"Yeah!" a third-year girl replied. "I didn't even know about this till now."

"Of course not, you git," a fifth-year boy retorted. "You were, what, born then?"

"And you know more than I do? You were barely three!" the girl hissed back. "Pansy! This is probably the biggest news to hit school since Patsy Primir kneed the DADA teacher in the balls last year!"

"And before that was Vietnam!" a first-year boy called out.

"Oh, don't get me started on that American war," a sixth-year girl said.

"Hey! My cousin's American and he was in it!" the boy yelled back.

"Oh, shut it!" the girl hissed.

"I knew something was up when that Ministry official called Aya out of class a while back, remember that?" a fellow sixth-year said. "It seemed way too odd."

"I wonder what she's gonna say! Maybe we'll get to know before everyone else, wouldn't that be fun?"

"WOULD YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!"

The common room fell silent again, harsher and even less comfortable than the one that had preceded it. Fellow Gryffindors edged slowly away as Remus's chair fell back into place; they all waited with baited breath for the seething sixth-year to at least unclench his fists.

"If you want to talk about it, fine. But leave her alone, you hear? She's got enough bloody rubbish on her plate without you idiots talking about it behind her back, got it? You got a question, wait a bit and ask her when she's better! Chrissake, get some compassion! And if I hear some god-awful rumors running around, the one who spread them is gonna get what's coming to him, got it!"

-A/R-

Aya found herself cursing the night with all the power she had. Having lain awake long after Lily had gone quietly to bed at midnight, Aya now found herself staring at the ceiling, her covers thrown off her yet again. Now nearly two in the morning, Aya wiped the last of the sweat on her forehead away and shook the nightmare from her psyche. Sighing, she sat up, pulled on the old jeans she had thrown haphazardly on the floor near her bed, grabbed an old book and her wand, and sauntered silently from the room.

"Lumos," she whispered once the door to her room was firmly shut behind her. The pale light from her wand seeped into the darkness around her as she carefully descended the stairs. Her bed-shirt ruffled lightly as she rounded the stair corner and made her way into the common room.

Although the remnants of the dying fire added a bit more of a glow to the radiance of the wand's spell, the darkness still surrounded her. Kicking away another edition of the most recent Daily Prophet and the painful photo, Aya sank gratefully into the couch with a sigh. After placing her wand with its illuminated tip outwards between two of the back cushions, Aya opened her book to the first page of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe before realizing exactly what she had done. Infuriated, she slammed the book on the table and kicked off a cushion.

"Jesus Christ!"

Aya jumped up, startled out of her wits as she grabbed her wand and held it out in front of her.

"S'Bloody hell! Put it down, put it down!" a figure in the shadows cried, waving its arms in front of it.

Narrowing her eyes, Aya raised her wand above her head and whispered, "Lumos Maxima."

The explosion of light that filled the room blinded the two figures for a moment, but as Aya's eyes adjusted to the brilliance and focused on the intruder, she sighed heavily and put her wand into darkened silence.

"My eyes…" the figure whined. "That was uncalled for…"

"Why are you still up?" Aya stated firmly, her arms crossed.

Remus, still smarting from the onslaught of light, glared at her. "I should be asking you the same thing, you know. Last time I checked, you went to bed."

"I couldn't sleep," she replied glumly, her arms crossed.

Remus raised a knowing eyebrow. "I told you."

"Don't start," Aya whispered venomously. "What are you doing here?"

"I fell asleep here," Remus replied curtly.

"You just didn't want to be bombarded by Sirius, James, and Peter when you went to bed, didn't you," Aya countered.

"I….did not," Remus said rather unconvincingly.

"Mmhmm," Aya answered with satisfaction. "Why don't you just go to bed?"

"You first!"

"Don't be childish."

"I'm not being childish!" Remus answered, stamping his foot.

"And what would you call that?" Aya said, pointing at his foot.

"As I recall, you did the same thing earlier! And you slapped my hand away."

Aya tightened her jaw. "You're a right sorry git, you know that?"

"What?"

"You just don't know when to stop, do you?" she hissed, her voice slightly choked.

Remus swallowed hard. "Sorry."

"Good." Aya turned to leave.

"Wha…wait, where's my apology?" Remus cried as he ran to intercept her.

"You're what, now?" Aya countered, stopping short as he nearly leaped in front of her.

"You owe me an apology for earlier!" he replied indignantly.

"I didn't do anything to you!" Aya hissed.

"Didn't…do anything? Aya, you basically told me to fuck myself!"

"You deserved it," she said, pushing past him.

"For what? Being concerned? For caring?" he replied, stepping in front of her. "Last I checked, that was something people do when they care for someone!"

"For what? Being concerned? For caring?" he replied, stepping in front of her. "Last I checked, was something people do when they care for someone!"

"Do you have to be so loud?" she asked, an eyebrow raised.

Remus' lip trembled. "You…you can be so mean to me, you know that? I mean, here I am, worried about you and you just-"

Whatever words still remained receded into his lungs as Aya pulled him into a kiss, her fingers entwined in his shirt. He mumbled something, but she pressed her lips a bit more against his until he shuddered and fell silent. Suddenly, he threw his arms about her and pulled her closer; her hands traveled to his tousled hair as his tongue flicked into her mouth. She could feel him subtly pushing her back towards the couch by the fireplace; she giggled, feeling giddy as she pulled away from him.

"Not here," she whispered in his ear.

He groaned unhappily. "You killed the moment. Thanks."

"No, I just have more sense not to have sex in a common room, where everybody hangs out, silly," she replied breathlessly. "What about somewhere else?"

"Mm…I'd have to get the Map first, and James' cloak," Remus replied glumly. "Unless you want to just wing it and risk it."

"Rem, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Aya asked with a smile. He nodded. "Might as well, then."

-A/R-

The trek seemed to take much longer than it had the last time, but perhaps, Aya mused, that was because Remus kept stopping to give her a bit more tongue than the last stop they made every few moments. They were lucky enough not to run into any mishaps or late-night wanderers with the power of detention, or worse. A few close calls, sure, but nothing too serious. And by the time their search ended, Remus had spoken the password, and the magical passage way had closed behind them, they were both too pent up to feel nervous at all.

As Aya noted with a smile the comfortable, cozy atmosphere of the room, with its crackling fire and soft rug, she turned in time to see Remus' shirt already on the floor. She raised a teasing eyebrow.

"What?" Remus asked, his hands moving from his belt to his hips. "I assume you'd like to take it slow this time?"

"I think the correct usage is 'slowly', Remus," Aya answered.

His eyes narrowed. "Don't be cruel," he muttered.

"I am not," she hissed, her eyes narrowed. Truth be told, she felt a bit on edge, but not because of this. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was she felt, but she was more than eager to push it away by any means necessary. And it was in this brooding that she realized that she had removed her bed-shirt, though when that had happened she couldn't remember.

A smug look on his face, Remus rushed forward, his lips like a magnet to hers as he entwined his fingers in her raven-black hair. She moved backwards with him, fumbling with his belt, slipping her fingers down his waist. The pads of his fingers trailed across the nape of her neck, and she trembled violently, her breath coming in short gasps.

He eased her down to the rug, but tripped on his pants while still holding her. The two fell with an unpleasant crash on the rug.

"Oww, ow, ow," Aya winced, pushing him away for a moment. "Owww, your stupid elbow just crushed my hip!"

"Sorry! Sorry, sorry!" Remus cried, rubbing her hip.

"Oh, just get your bloody pants off," she giggled. "You're ruining the moment."

"You're being mean again," he pointed out.

"I am not!" she whispered.

"Now who's ruining the moment, as you call it?"

"Wha…but…you…you're so…"

He kissed her cheek and winked. "Awe-inspiring? Enchanting and witty?"

"I was about to say egotistical and manipulative," she answered, but was silenced by a kiss.

"Oh?" was all he said in her ear before she was eased a bit more gracefully to the carpet and her jeans were removed in one elegant move.

She wanted to say something more, something else, but the words caught at her throat. Aya could hardly breathe as she felt his fingers trail from the nape of her neck to her throat, down her breasts to her stomach. She trembled and writhed, her teeth clenched, her blood pounding in her ears as she stared at his smiling face, his half-lidded, almost drunken eyes and his wide shoulders. Reaching behind his head with one hand, she pulled him close, her lips and thighs parting in one motion as he sank into her. She gasped, then smiled as she tumbled on an emotional roller coaster, her other hand pressing against his back effortlessly. He groaned and rode further, harder, faster, climbing and climbing until he panted like a wolf with the effort.

She moaned around his lips, her eyes closing, wanting desperately to shy away from the images forming in her mind, the screaming and the blood and the photo and a home she hadn't seen in years. And suddenly she felt tears coursing down her cheeks, and she stopped moving with him, her body going limp against him, her eyes still closed as she felt him respond with concern as he pulled carefully out of her.

Aya turned away from him, opening her eyes as she focused on the wall opposite him, fighting desperately to breathe normally again. She felt Remus place a concerned hand on her shoulder, and her lip trembled.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a bit out of breath. "Aya?"

Hearing it in his voice, she closed her eyes tightly as a wealth of tears formed in her eyes. She took a deep, shuddering breath that broke into an unwanted sob.

"You're crying!" Remus cried, shocked as he pulled her close to him.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," she whispered as she fought to control herself, taking deep gulps of air as she tried to move around the painful knot in her throat. "I just can't…"

"Can't what?" he asked. "We don't have to if you're not up to it."

But he knew that wasn't it, even as he said it. She was shaking so badly he could only hold her, his mind racing. What was wrong? Did he do something to her?

"I'm sorry," she said again. "But I just…I just can't keep this up anymore." She swallowed, then took a deep breath. "I have to tell you." She sighed. "I need to tell you…I can't keep this in anymore…"

His eyes widened, but he waited for her to continue, fearful lest he break this sudden change in her, or drive her away from what he had wanted her to say from the very beginning.

"I need to tell you what happened," she said.

Her voice was quiet, yet it seemed that she had regained a bit more of her composure. In a voice that was strangely calm, unwavering, Aya continued, her back still against him as she stared unseeing at the wall in front of the two lovers.

"I had just turned four," she whispered. "It was mid-March, and it was my birthday…"

-A/R-

Well, I finally managed to get around to it. I've been formulating this part of Heart of a Wolf for months now (which will be the climax of the story, possibly, since I'm pretty sure I'm going to meet my offer and continue this story in another story) and I think I've finally got it to however perfect it's going to get. Now I just need to write it out…transfer it from my head to my computer, heehee. Well, after much deliberation, I decided that the next chapter will be - yeah, you guessed it - another flash back sequence! Hooray! But, rest assured, we're not going into a 30-chapter monologue of Aya's. Nope, this is just gonna be a one-chap thing, starting from the morning of the incident (such a light way to put it) to the morning that Aya is found by Dumbledore (I already mentioned that before, so I'm not really giving much away). This next chapter WILL BE RATED M. When I write gory scenes, I tend to go all out…just read Child of Link and you'll totally get it. Ha, or you should read my original, Legacy, that I want to get published…but I do need to write it first, haha. Maybe I'll do a sneak-peak so I can get feedback from you guys, telling me what you think of it so far. Gah, I'm getting off-topic. Tell me what you think about that, too. I'd really like to know. Well, I better get right on the next chapter. It's going to be a very long one, I think. I'm not too sure yet, but I know it's probably going to be hard to write. Or it might not. I'll just have to see. Please review! I like feeling special.