Chapter 14

"Count me out, Ray." Kitty said to her roommate as she marched into their room. "I really don't feel up to going out tonight."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. Something had happened, clearly, but what it was, well, a quick mindtouch would-

"And stay out of my head. It's not a very hospitable place right now." She'd flopped onto her bed and clenched her eyes shut, pressing her fingers into her temples to attempt to rub away the increasing tension.

Leaning against the doorframe, the redhead could do little but observe her friend's anger and frustration with sympathy. She'd surmised that Kitty had encountered Peter somewhere, and that it hadn't gone well. She stifled her genetic inclination to go psychokinetically reduce to doofus into so much scrap metal, as she couldn't see Peter hurting her friend deliberately. Given their history, however, even an accidental slight or perceived rejection could be absolutely devastating. It shouldn't be so- Kitty was far stronger than that. In college, she'd established herself as a mature, capable person, and to be so debilitated by one man- even one as important to her as Peter- well, that was just plain wrong. And Rachel was damned if she was going to stand for it much longer.

"Kit, I was never going to force you to go. I thought it might help- it was your idea, after all- but if you aren't up to it, I'm cool. I'll pop out and break the bad news to Kurt and Peter."

Kitty scoffed, and mumbled something under her breath about having to telepathically shout at Piotr's back as he ran away.

Rachel blinked. "I'm sorry- I missed that. What'd you say about Pete?"

"Never mind… it really doesn't matter." The young woman sighed and continued to massage her temples. "Oh, and while you are out…"

"Yeah?"

"Can you grab me a pint of the Double Fudge Brownie?"

"That bad, huh?"

Kitty laughed a bit, which Rachel took to be a hopeful sign. "Yeah. Well, that and I've just run out of excuses to avoid the White Queen's dirty little job she's been hounding me about all day."

Rachel stopped and turned back to Kitty. "I remember her asking you about something before we left today. I didn't get any sense of it when we were in each other's heads earlier so either you've repressed it completely, or…"

"It's so embarrassing, I wouldn't be surprised if I did," Shadowcat said, "God, it's such an idiotic thing."

"What is it?" C'mon Kate, you know you want to tell me!"

Still lying on her back, Kitty took a deep breath. "Our illustrious co-headmistress, the Ice Queen extraordinaire, wants to attract a higher class of student. She wants me to write a search function that will cross-reference the Cerebra database with the Forbes 500, the PSATs and honor rolls of fifty-three cities worldwide, and 'Facebook' and 'Myspace' based on friends list. I think she's trying to find rich, smart, pretty mutants to make the Institute a more elite place to be."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Gah."

"My point," her friend said, with a hint of a smile. "I could be snarky and say it was entirely because she misses her upper crust high society life, but I guess it's more of a marketing ploy. I guess she's trying to show that for every Morlock out there, there's a Warren Worthington."

"Yeah, that or she's trying to recruit a new Hellfire Glee Club."

"Well, that too. Anyway, I guess I have some databases to hack and a query to write. We wouldn't want to miss out on the chance to recruit the GeeCee O.C."

Rachel groaned at the resurrection of Guido Carosella's ad-libbed pseudo-politically correct term for mutants. She headed for the door, grabbing her purse. "That's it, Pryde, I'm outtie. I'll catch up with Kurt and snag us that ice cream. Maybe I'll pop down to the video mart and rent us some tear-jerking swashbuckling robot comedy slasher flicks."

Marvel Girl closed the door gently behind her. She paused a moment, feather-brushing Kitty's mind to gauge her mental state. Yeah, the girl had it bad. She sighed softly, and began to walk away.

"Little brother, you know I care for you dearly, but I find your behavior to be incredibly dense, even for you." Storm's voice was gentle in her reprimand, but there was a hard edge to it that made it clear she was chastising him. "There was a time when I had almost wished you had perished than break our Kitten's heart, and now it appears you are heading along that same path. I cannot urge you enough to understand the consequences of your actions, and to choose your words and deeds carefully."

Piotr raised his eyes to the now darkening skies, as clouds formed in response to Ororo's temper. "You too? Between you and Kurt, I could not have more pressure on me right now. That is, save that which I place on myself. If you remember, I too wished I had died with Zsaji. And as the time went by and I became less certain about my feelings for that brave and beautiful alien, the more I came to regret my actions that day with Kitty. But I could not lie to her, could I? I did what I thought was best, even if I broke two hearts that day. Yes, I should have listened to Wolverine, and I certainly should have spoken with someone. It is a mistake I live with always."

He turned to look at his friend with piercing blue eyes. "And now, I have no more family outside this house. Yes, a cousin here, a mad uncle there, and God only knows where Mikhail may be if he is even alive. But all that truly remains for me are the X-men, and the dearest of all the X-men to me – by far- is Katya. Were I to hurt her again- that would finish me. So you will forgive me if I am cautious around her. I realize there is a chance here- a miraculous opportunity to undo the wrongs I have done her, to perhaps have a chance at happiness I have long thought beyond my reach. But first I must know that I am worthy of her."

"Peter…"

Piotr turned away, staring at the horizon, and spoke, softly, "There is a darkness in me, Ororo. A cancer that is eating away at my soul, filling me with an almost unquenchable thirst for violence and madness. You saw it down in the Morlock tunnels, when I killed Riptide. And head wound or no, you saw it at Illyana's memorial, against Bishop. Against Wisdom, as well. If I cannot be certain that I can control this rage, what good can I possibly be to her?"

Storm laid a hand on his shoulder, her blue eyes narrowing. "I think I understand, Peter." She turned him around and grasped both his hands in hers. "But you are not alone in this struggle. It is no different to what I experienced in Japan, or in the Arena. You have friends that understand. Ask Warren about his recovery from the machinations of Apocalypse. Ask Logan, who has fought – and triumphed – over his homicidal impulses. If Jean were here, you could ask her about her own fiery temper, the template for an entity that nearly destroyed all that is. The person you should really talk to is Scott. He was merged for a time with Apocalypse- can you even imagine having that evil in your head?" She paused, "And Scott's inability to talk about how that affected him helped to drive him away from his wife, who loved him and would have understood."

That last comment was punctuated by a sharp look. She continued, "You are right to make sure you are ready before beginning anything. But think on this – Kitty may know how she feels now, but she certainly remembers how she felt then, when she was fourteen. And I believe she will harden her heart against you should she feel you are playing her false… or leaving her dangling too long."

"Da, even more to think about, certainly. And less time to think it than I would hope for."

Kitty told herself that she was not going to cry over him. These were, after all, the breaks; this was life. And if Peter was going to allow himself to be paralyzed by his fear, well that was a choice he had to make for himself. Those dreams of youth she'd been silly enough to allow to awaken within her heart could finally be put to rest. She knew on an intellectual level that she could stand to be more charitable- what he'd been through was enough to permanently scar anyone, and it wasn't as if he wasn't trying to get better. But while she could be there for him as a friend, she absolutely refused to devote her entire life in a vain attempt to draw him out of this shell. She had her own life to live, even here at the Institute.

She grabbed a portable CD player from out of the closet and popped in a mix she'd made of the Flash Girls, Emma Bull's post-Cats Laughing project. She flipped through a few tracks, Another version of "Signal to Noise" seemed to threaten nerves still raw right now. "Tea and Corpses" or "A Girl Needs a Knife"- maybe later. The words of Dorothy Parker in "Threnody" kind of fit… but there was something she was looking for- not "A Meaningful Dialogue" - there, from Maurice and I. "November Song".

Angels and mortals fight for the right
To have a little pleasure, and enjoy an easy flight
Angels and mortals sometimes get their way

I'm in no hurry, baby, no hurry now
Tell all the fellows what you think of your new girl now
No hurry, baby, I'm just out to be alive
Sitting down in the back seat, waiting for someone to come and

Drive me around your town, see the sights and
Drive me around your town, the city lights and
Drive me around your town
But there's rain on the windshield and a fog off the ground.

As she lost herself in the music, she returned to a meditative breathing pattern. The anger she felt started to drain away, leaving only a vague sadness and sense of resignation. She couldn't hate him, even when she wanted to. To attempt to muster up such negativity was a waste of energy. And he certainly didn't hate her- she knew that much. Whatever fear he may have been expressing to Ororo, and however stiff and formal he might be during their talks, he always showed genuine appreciation for her efforts to help him, and for her as a person. She smiled a bit at how he would look at her when their session was up and say "thank you so much, Katya" with complete sincerity.

There was a lot of history between them. Broken hearts and shattered dreams. But there was a bond between them that she would not give up for anything. Still, there were many things to think on.

It was a chastened Nightcrawler that walked down the hall towards Kitty and Rachel's room. As he made his way through the corridors, the normally erudite Kurt tried to work out what he would say. It wasn't a matter of him saving face, but rather an attempt to undo any damage he may have inadvertently caused. He knew that Kätzchen had it bad for Peter once again. They hadn't talked about it, but he'd known and lived with the girl since she was thirteen, from her first love through her relationship with Wisdom and more. He'd been the one she'd called when she thought she saw Peter in Chicago on the anniversary of his death. And if his actions had led to hopes being raised that there would be some sort of magical reconciliation tonight, then the responsibility for lowering those expectations also fell on him.

"My dear frauleins,' he rehearsed quietly, "I fear that I may have been a little hasty in my earlier invitation. It seems that I-." He frowned. What excuse could he make that would not be immediately ferreted out by the girls? He was on the same squad as Rachel, as Kitty was with Peter, so any pretext of training sessions or missions would never fly. And, indeed, he always felt uncomfortable with a bald-faced lie. So the truth - but a more palatable version, one that would not be misconstrued - was required.

"The truth is," he said to himself, "is that Peter doesn't really feel up to a social event and that I was a tad overzealous in trying to bring back that aspect of him, when I should have let him work his own way out."

"You pushed hard, when a gentle tug was the right move, huh?"

"Ach, Rachel!" he exclaimed, "Sneaking up on people is my specialty. I would hate to have to sue for copyright infringement." Years of Danger Room training had honed his reflexes to a fine edge, reducing his surprise at her sudden appearance. "But, ja, I have been too strong in trying to coax him out of his cocoon."

The pair paused, an awkward silence falling about them. A group of students passed them in the hall, jabbering about weekend plans and who said what to whom and why this band would totally rock.

"So," Rachel began. "What do we do now? Kitty's in there upset as all hell. Do you know what he did to her?"

"I haven't seen Kitty at all today, but I do know that Peter was tearing himself over how to make sure he never hurts her again."

"Well, the big metal idiot better realize that is exactly what he is doing," she snapped. "And if he's going to continue to move at a Blob's pace, then it falls on us to get them both where we know they're going to end up anyway."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that." Kurt's jovial lilt vanished. "I just got a pointed warning from Logan about playing Cupid. Those two are going to have to find each other on their own, I'm afraid."

Storm felt a surge of sympathy for the large man with the lost look in his eyes in front of her, but she suppressed it. Peter had been through quite a bit, but she would not allow him to wallow in it. Yes, part of her would love to have him by her side in the XSE, as his strength and nigh invulnerable metal body would be a great asset. But were she to offer and he accept, there would always be the shadow that he was running away from his troubles.

"I know you are feeling rushed, Peter. It is very understandable. Just know that I want what is best for you both- happiness. But there just isn't an unlimited amount of time to make your decision- it will be taken out of your hands should you procrastinate."

"I realize this, my friend. And I do not intend to permit this to happen." He took a deep breath, and continued, "It would be a lie to say it is tempting, to just allow this, to not risk anything. She would not blame me as much, if she felt it was the result of my imprisonment. However, it would be wrong to do so; I cannot lie to her. I worry that my feelings for her may not be returned or that any mutual feelings there may be may not be enough in this life we lead. As you mentioned, if even Scott and Jean could not last, what chance would we have? That is, if that were what we wanted."

"You aren't Scott Summers, Peter. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Or Warren Worthington or Remy Lebeau or Logan or even Kurt Wagner." She paused, reflecting on the tumultuous relationships that seemed to plague all the X-men, herself included.

"Am I so different? Johnny Storm was not so smitten with Zsaji that he forgot those that were most important to him, but I fell under her spell completely. Perhaps, as Logan suggested, I was afraid – of a future with Katya, that I would never control my jealousy, or even that I was not worthy of her and that someone like Doug Ramsey would be a better match. Perhaps it was just that she had saved my life and shared those telepathic mists with me and it made our bond stronger. Perhaps I yearned for the simpler life she lived. I do not know." He paused, painful memories plain behind his blue eyes. "No, I do not think I am so different at all. I think I am just the same as those others, if not weaker."

Storm's retort came like a slap, "Stop it, Peter. I won't hear any more of this. You are no frightened child to be cowering like this. You are a grown man, an X-man. You are supposed to be a hero. You have responsibilities- to your team, to your friends, but most importantly to yourself and Kitty. You know in your heart what your choice is, but you continue to allow it to be obscured by imagined scenarios, fear and trivialities."

"You speak as if you know my choice," Piotr protested, "as if it were somehow in plain sight and I were overlooking it. It is not so visible, I assure you. But you do remember this, do you not? If I recall, you yourself were unable to make such a decision once-"

Ororo's face registered her shock at her friend's accusation. Peter recognized her reaction and immediately began to apologize. "Forgive me, I did not mean to bring up such a painful memory…"

Her jaw set, Storm replied in a measured tone. "No, you are correct. I have been in your situation. I did hesitate, and I lost." She turned and headed back down the path. "But don't you see little brother? That is exactly why I am here, trying to prevent you from repeating my mistake."

He could only stare in silence as she walked regally towards the mansion.

Humming quietly to herself, Kitty wiped a stray tear away angrily- No tears! she'd promised herself. Still, most of the tension had drained away, and she felt almost numb. She started to sing, softly, losing herself in the music.

Angels and mortals drive around in cars
Angels and mortals, life among the stars
Angels and mortals sometimes have to pay

I've been celebrating lately, celebrating high
Now I own a piece of me, about as much as I can buy
No hurry, baby, I'll tell you the reason why
I've been saturated lately by the trickle of a happy stream and

I want to feel you some more, baby
I want to feel you some more
But there's a shadow on your mirror and a lock on your door.

It was too much, she knew. Too much for one person, too heavy a load to bear. Since she saw no willingness on his part to bridge the gulf between them, and it was too far a distance for her alone, she would have to just let those fantasies fade from her mind. This world was too dangerous to get lost in pipedreams. They were who they were, and that was that, and getting upset about it, well, that was baby stuff. She remembered Rachel's thoughts- she was stronger than this. She'd help save universes, faced death and worse- she'd dealt with heartbreak for most of her life. She was a Cubs fan, dammit, she could take whatever the world dished out and prevail.

Though masked by the music pumping through the earbuds, Kitty realized the door was opening. Just the faintest movement of air was distrubed by its movement, indicating it was not Rachel returning with the ice cream. No, she tended to be a little more forceful. That left-

"Hey X," she said, determined not to be surprised this time.

"Hello," the young woman replied. "I am… sorry about startling you earlier."

Kitty smiled ruefully, "I'm sorry too. Hopefully we'll know better next time, right?"

"Yes." Sniffing the air, X-23 tensed a bit, "I smell… tears. Sadness. Why?"

Gah, just like hanging with Logan, she thought. "It's nothing, X. Just one of those things that happen in life you just deal with and move on."

"Did someone hurt you? You smell like you've been hurt. Who was it?" The girl's muscles had tensed up, and she looked like she was about to pop her claws.

Immediately, Shadowcat hit pause on her player and leapt up, "Whoa there! It's no biggie- if anyone hurt me, it's me. I let myself get lost in a dream, and it turns out that's all it ever was. That realization was painful, but I'll be okay. That which doesn't kill us, and all that."

There was something about the girl's reaction to her comment about being the one who'd hurt herself, a flash of the eyes, that Kitty filed away for further investigation. While they were roommates now – at Wolvie's insistance – a large communication gap remained between them. And this despite her repeated attempts at retail bonding. She mused about their respective dark sides, and saw how that could easily be expanded to everyone here at Westchester. It must be linked to the X-gene, she decided.

"So, um, X," she began, "Got any thoughts on how to make a guy of steel remember he's flesh and blood just like the rest of us? Never mind, I've been trying forever and I don't have a clue. I shouldn't even bother, I know. I know! God, I should know. Why am I letting myself get worked up about this, why do I let him crawl under my skin? It's not like he's the only boyfriend I ever had. It isn't even that he was the best- I mean, he may have been, but there's something to be said for the proactive guys too, someone who'll make the first move. Just for variety's sake, y'know? Peter always seemed afraid of hurting me – right up until the day where he broke my heart. And that begs the question, doesn't it? Why am I even considering the possibility? He broke my heart- more than once! And the last time, he goes and kills himself! Without saying goodbye, too. Yeah, I wasn't on campus at the time, and I was sort of avoiding the X-men, but he could've left me a note or something, don't you think? Even if we weren't together, even if we hadn't been in ages, we were supposed to be friends. And friends don't just leave their friends hanging out to dry like that, all alone… except, yeah, I did it to my friends too, didn't I? We're none of us perfect, and I guess I'm being a tad hard on the big guy. No, I don't know if it changes anything- I'm still pissed at him, and I need to settle down from that… but I feel better for talking with you."

X-23 looked at Kitty, and said "?"

Peter waited a few moments, watching Ororo return to her loft in the old boathouse. His mind was reeling, him muscles tense, as if preparing for some imminent attack. Not that such a thing was impossible here, or even highly unlikely. But in recent weeks a nagging paranoia had settled in- he had attributed it to the lingering effects of his confinement, but he'd thought he was making progress. Thanks to Kitty.

Kitty.

Katya.

He felt his ears burn at the thought of her. He felt his heart start to break at the thought of a life without her. And he felt his stomach clench at the thought of hurting her again. He just wished he knew how to stop what seemed to be inevitable- both roads ahead seemed to lead to the same destination, with both of them getting hurt again.

He had to go to her, talk to her. Explain his hopes and fears about their relationship, whatever it was, or would be in the future. She had listened to him so patiently as he talked through the horrors of his imprisonment, as he expressed his confusion at this strange new world he'd been reborn into, and his fears about living in it without his family. Would she not show the same patience as he tried to explain how he felt about her? Especially if she had as great a stake in the outcome as he?

He paused, thinking back to a wind swept hill. He was so certain that had been the right decision that day. He'd fallen in love with another woman- a woman he barely knew and could scarcely communicate with – who had subsequently died bringing him back from the dead. How could he pretend to be a devoted boyfriend and worthy partner when his love had been so inconstant on the Battleworld? He was so sure then- clearly it had been the right, honorable thing to do. Katya could certainly have done better than to be with such a fickle oaf as he. Douglas, for one, came to mind.

And yet, it had torn him apart to do it. And he'd seen the pain on her face. And as the days went by, the love he'd felt for Zsaji had lessened. He berated himself over that, to dishonor the beautiful alien's memory so. He felt himself a cad of the highest sort – he'd cheated on Kitty with such casualness that in retrospect it almost shocked him, and now he felt his affections for this new woman, at whose gravestone he had wanted to remain, fade away. Surely he owed Zsaji more than that? She had saved his life, had given hers to bring him back. Why had it become so difficult to remain faithful to her memory? And why did Kitty's face now haunt his thoughts again, as they had when he'd first been plucked away by the cruel Beyonder.

Looking back now, he had been certain then, and he had been wrong. About what he'd felt for Zsaji. About what he'd pretended not to feel for Kitty. About that whole conversation. And now he was facing another talk, another chance. Could he risk being wrong again?

Maybe it would be different this time. He was certain of his words last time, sure of what needed to be done. This time, he was not. He had no assurances, no certainty. What he did know was that despite the pain he had caused her, she inexplicably seemed to want him as part of her life. And despite his fears that he might somehow hurt her again, he could not picture his life without her.

Yes, all he could be certain of this time was that he had to talk to her. Or rather, he felt quite strongly that the two of them needed to talk, to have a conversation. A relationship was a two person affair, and her opinion was at least as important as his. More so, in fact. Should she wish a simple friendship, he knew he could be satisfied in that. If she decided that the rewards were not worth the risk, and that they could only be casual strangers, mere co-workers, he would be crushed, but would acquiesce. And if she wanted more – if, after everything that had happened, she still felt something more than camaraderie, something deeper than friendship – if that, then he would tell her everything. All of his hopes and fears and dreams and worries. Only then could she make an informed choice, only then could they see if the path was truly one they were prepared to brave.

He walked back towards the mansion, a renewed purpose in his stride. Yes, he would talk to her. If only he could find the words.

"So Uncle Logan says to be all Prime Directive over those two?" Rachel asked, petulantly, "He really wants to take all the fun out of things."

"I had not thought you to be so positively inclined to such a relationship," Kurt replied, "I had heard of some unpleasantness after our return from the Savage Land."

"Oh. That." She blushed, rather prettily Kurt noticed. "Well, seeing them together, on a bearskin rug, sharing a bottle of wine, well, it looked like the beginning of a soft porn vignette. I nearly gave X-23 a quick telekinetic shove out the door, lest they corrupt her. I thought they were moving way too fast, and I was wondering where that would leave me. Now it appears the two of them seem to be going backwards, and I don't think that's right either." With a frown, she added, "So seriously, fuzzy elf, what the frak is the big guy's major malfunction? He's pushing Kitty away just when his thoughts are screaming at how much he wants to be with her. You've seen it too, haven't you?"

The indigo furred mutant nodded, "Ja, He is… afraid. He has hurt Kätzchen too often."

"Yeah, I guess I can see that. Between the Alien Bimbo, beating the crap out of her British spy boyfriend, and the whole Legacy cure debacle, he's got three strikes against him. But she seems willing to let him stay in the game, if he'll only step up to the plate." She burst out laughing, "Gah, being in that girl's head has me spewing out baseball metaphors like they're Kerry Wood fast-… never mind. Anyway, I blame this all on you, y'know."

Kurt blinked, "Was? This is my fault?"

"Has to be. Well, you and the rest of the X-men who got pulled off by the Beyonder, yeah! You just let him fall in love with that healer chickie and that's where it all went wrong. That didn't happen in my time, and Petey and Kate was so cloyingly in love you would just gag. Why didn't you kick his ass for that?"

"Ah, now that is a long story…"

Crossing her arms, Rachel leaned against the wall. "Well, my evening dance card seems to have emptied, so I think we've got time."

Nightcrawler scratched the back of his head, nervously. "Well, you have to understand, we weren't actually there when it happened…"

"You let Colossus wander around a battlefield alone?"

"Nein!, of course not. But he had been injured critically by the Wrecker and IHerr/I Professor summoned us away, leaving him in the care of Captain America's squad, knowing they had a healer… if we had moved him, he would have died. That healer, of course, was Zsaji."

"And the pig just fell in love with her because she saved his life? Kitty did that to, and more than once!" Rachel was angry, and her eyes flashed.

Kurt spoke quickly, "It isn't entirely like that… when we returned, he seemed different. Before his injury, he talked of nothing but how he missed Kitty. After- Wolverine suggested that it was a side effect of Zsaji's power."

"And he didn't know? And you didn't tell him? You just let him betray Kitty like that and it wasn't even a real emotion? I thought better of you two!"

"There was no time. By the time we realized what had happened, we were being summoned by Professor Xavier to make the decision to attack Dr. Doom, who had taken the Beyonder's power. Doom killed us all. And Zsaji gave her life to resuscitate Peter, who used the medical equipment to bring back Mr. Fantastic, who then brought us all back. At that point, the poor woman was dead… it would have done nothing to try to break the spell at that point."

He hung his head, "I suppose we thought that, with Zsaji dead, Peter would return to Earth and Kitty, saddened but alive, and that they would resume their relationship. I do not know if we counted on him feeling honor-bound to the alien's memory, or that perhaps, in giving her life for him, the side effect that made him love her had been somehow supercharged. By the time we realized what was happening, he had told Kitty, and she had left us, ending up in Japan."

Rachel wanted to scream her exasperation. "All these years – all that recrimination – those two have been torn apart over that one betrayal, and now you tell me it was all due to some sort of psychoempathic aphrodisiac? That in the end, it was just another sort of mind control shit and Peter wasn't really at fault?"

A rough voice interjected, "The kid's still responsible for his actions, Red. He's at fault, all right."

"Wha- who-? Y'know Logan, if I ever figure out how you manage to sneak up on me like that-"

"Ain't never gonna happen, kiddo," he said with a brief, snorting laugh.

The redhead turned to the shorter man. "I don't get it, if it was part of her power, then how is he at fault?"

"Even before the whole caper, Petey had doubts and fears 'bout things, let Zsaji sink her hooks into him. That ain't a proper mindset for bein' in love, not if yer talkin' marriage. If we'd told him what had happened, we give him that mulligan, then he don't man up to his issues and deal. And then when things blew up down the line, it woulda been worse. Yeah, it was a hard lesson, but it wasn't squat compared to what Punk'n went through."

"But you could've told her…"

"Maybe, maybe not. Could've been worse, knowin' the man you love dumped you over some sort of alien voodoo love zap. Anyways, it didn't matter a lick anyway, 'cause the next time I saw her, she'd been brainwashed by my old mentor, Ogun. And to get her back, I needed to help her find her inner strength, and like it or not, Peter breaking up with her was part of that- she knew she couldn't rely on him, or her parents, only herself."

"It still sucks."

Kurt spoke up, "Agreed, but it made her stronger. As for Peter, I do not believe it would have done anything had we told him but cause him to turn on us for desecrating Zsaji's memory."

Ray pushed on, "But the Professor could have removed any influence…"

"And what then? I'm sorry you don't like it, girl, but, in the end, if Pete don't hook up with her, we're all corpses and the universe is run by Victor von Doom. You want that? And whatever it may have been, the girl still gave up her life for Colossus, and she deserves our respect and honor for that." Logan's eyes were distant, "Besides, Kitty and Pete grew up jus' fine not knowing the particulars, they don't need to be getting all confused about things now."

With a nod of his head, Nightcrawler added, "It doesn't matter what the past holds. All that is truly relevant is that those two learn how to talk with one another in the present. Not as team mates, not as patient and therapist, but as two adults who care a great deal for one another."

I drew a picture on the window as we rode
Then I wiped it dry to see the other side
I see no more than you do
Believe me, I've tried

To find what is missing, to find what is wrong
To write the words to my happy-ending November song

I need to feel you some more, people
I need to feel you some more
But there's a face at your window
And a knock on your door.

Kitty gently removed the earbuds and lay them next to her on the nightstand. She smiled, in spite of the gnawing unease in her stomach. Those few butterflies were counterbalanced by the sense of empowerment she felt at her decision. She arose deliberately, focusing on the words from the song – Now I own a piece of me, about as much as I can buy. She was master of her own destiny, as Peter was of his. And now was the time to determine if their respective paths were destined to move together for a time (Maybe forever? She quashed that thought before it could take hold) or run parallel, never again to intersect.

"Wish me luck," she said to X-23, and she headed out the door.