For a wizard, Sauruman didn't have much of a sense for home decorating. It might have just been Number Nine's opinion, but the whole "torn down wall," and "grounds flooded with water," effect didn't do anything for him.

The Ringwraith let himself into Isenguard (the door was left open), but soon noticed there was no one there. Certainly, there were more large trees in random locations than he remembered, but there used to be a lot more servants and such running around. Perhaps Sauruman was downsizing his staff, and that's why the plumbing seemed to have backed up.

Now, Ringwraiths are deathly afraid of water, but this was a matter of revenge. So Number Nine steadied himself and waded towards the tower of Orthanc. Climbing the steps, wringing out his clothes, the Nazgul knocked on the front door. "Sauruman! I know you're in there, Sauruman! This is the Nazgul! Come on out!"

Either he caught the wizard in a bad mood, or he no longer practised good English, because the voice echoing from the balcony above simply stated, "Sod off!"

Nine was taken aback. The wizard was supposed to be one of the great minds of all time, and not prone to using phrases like, "sod off." The Ringwraith steadied his courage and shouted up at the balcony, "Ok, Sauruman, come on out, I want a word with you!"

Appearing suddenly on the balcony was Sauruman the White (or was it Sauruman the Tie Dye, Number Nine thought. The robe seemed to change color every time he looked at it.) and he didn't look very pleased with his new company. "Alright, alright, what?!"

"I happened to run into you army lately. I thought we agreed no making armies until Sauron gives the Ok."

The wizard sneered. "I can bloody well do what I like, can't I? I'm the White Wizard!"

"Well, there's no need to talk to me in that tone. I just wanted to make sure that you…" Nine's voice trailed off as he realized Sauruman was crying.

"Boo hoo hoo! Why can't every one just leave me be? I'm so misunderstood!"

Nine couldn't help but stare. He appeared to have struck a nerve. "Err, are you, uh, are you crying?"

"And so I should, with the troubles that have befallen me! Or perhaps you would like to penalize me for feeling sorry for myself?"

The Ringwraith was silent for a bit. The wizard seemed to be in genuine distress. "Alright, alright, what's wrong?"

Sauruman sniffed. "What isn't wrong? No sooner do I see my brave Fighting Uruk-Hai off, then those dratted Ents show up on my doorstep!"

"Ents?"

"Indeed! Apparently, they didn't like my plans for bettering the area. I tried to talk to them but they… they… kicked down the door!"

"You're kidding."

"No, sir, I am not kidding! Indeed, they amused themselves for hours by destroying my wonderful home. Imagine, being attacked in your own home by vandals!"

Nine shuffled his feet. He had never had that problem at Minas Morgul… maybe Sauruman had had a rough day already after all…

"And then," Sauruman managed to choke out during sobs, "they had the nerve to FLOOD the place! Flood it! After I had just put down a new lawn and everything! Where is the justice in the world?"

Really quite touched by Sauruman's sob story, Number Nine tried to be helpful. "Well, at least that can all be fixed, surely…"

Sauruman let out a wail. "Oh, if only that was the end of it all! No, now I just know that Gandalf will ride up and tell me what a very foolish person I have been. And then…" he started to cry uncontrollably.

Nine couldn't help but be curious. "And then?"

"And then he'll… laugh at my beard! Yes, he often amuses himself by taunting it and telling me how much better his is!" He took out a handkerchief and blew his nose. "And now, to top it all off, the King of the Nazgul himself has come to deal with me…"

"Wait, what?" Number Nine blinked. "No, no, I'm not the Witchking. I'm just another Ringwraith."

Sauruman looked aghast. "You mean to tell me that such a fine figure of a man is not in charge?"

The Ringwraith looked at his reflection in the water. Yes, now that he thought about it, he did look rather muscular, for a man clad in a large black sheet. And, if he stood up straight, he was taller that Number One too.

"But alas," Sauruman cried in a voice, snapping Number Nine out of his thoughts, "I have wasted enough of your time. Surely, if you must punish me, you may as well do it now."

Number Nine scratched his head thoughtfully. "Well, I guess building your own army isn't such a terrible thing… and you have had such a rough time lately…"

Sauruman looked at him hopefully. "So you'll let me be?"

The Ringwraith nodded. "Well, I guess so."

The wizard gave a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank you kind sir. Where are you off to now?"

Nine started to walk away. "Well, I'm on a super secret mission, so I can't be sure, but I won't be bothering you any more certainly. Well, good bye then."

"See you later, chump."

"What was that?"

"I said, see you later, champ!"

The Ringwraith gave the wizard a friendly wave, ran through the icky water as fast as he could, and continued on his quest.