Author's note: I know this is a short Chapter and its a little jumpy from here to there but i hope you enjoy anyway. :D

Chapter Eleven - I Drown in my Memory of You

Three years had passed since the fight at the Department of Mysteries. Severus sat alone in his cold empty cell. Azkaban had been his home for a year now as he was awaiting trial. Many followers of the dark lord had apprehended and they had not gotten to him as of yet. He was sure he would be sentenced to death as most of the murderers had been. He had not eaten in two days. His cough was getting worst and fever had taken him the day before. The pain throbbed. Many times he though he had heard Alexandria's voice. A few times he had laid against the cold floor and felt the warmth of her lips on his. Her face never left his mind.

The door unlocked from the outside and creaked open. A plate of food was left inside and then the door closed again. He looked at it and wanted to reach for it but his arm would not move. His limbs were too heavy to lift. His cough took him and he felt a sharp pain in left side. His head hit the wall where he sat in the corner. His eyelids were heavy and he seemed to get lost in his memories.

Alexandria took his hand and pulled him down beside her as she slept. He was so tired after the meeting with Voldemort. Lucky for him Dumbledore had cast a spell for him alone to be able to apparate in and out of Hogwarts. He was so tired after some of the longer meetings that walking back to the castle was nearly impossible. It took a lot to apparate in itself. He didn't know how Alexandria seemed to do it with such ease and with two people. Yet his thoughts instantly left him as he lay beside her. Even in her sleep a sense of happiness surrounded her. Severus watched as she turned and curled into him. He took in the sweet scent of coconut that seemed to radiate off her. Just lied there for a moment not moving a bit but enjoying her beside him. His arm wrapped around her slowly and it was the last thing he remembered.

"Alexandria you cannot go. You are needed here to guard the castle!" Severus shouted, trying to persuade her to take another course.

"No, they need me at the Department of Mysteries! I've been sitting here all day and I know something is going on! We should be helping!"

He watched her in her desperation, continuously walking back and forth. He had to keep her from the Department. Voldemort had specifically asked him to. "They will be here soon."

"Severus, why are you fighting me on this? Don't you care to see me like this?" Alexandria said grabbing his hands and staring at him in the eyes with a melancholy expression.

"Alexandria… I'm sorry, I cannot let you go. I was ordered to do so by the dark lord."

"What?"

"I'm afraid so. I hate to tell you this, but… Longbottom has been missing from his classes as well."

Never would he forget the look of disgust that she gave him. It would be two weeks before she even spoke to him again. Neville had his nose broken but was still standing in the end. Alexandria got there just as Voldemort escaped with Bellatrix. Sirius had been pushed through the veil at the Department, which took his life. Antonin Dolohov, one of the escapees of Azkaban, had seriously injured Hermione. Eventually, she made a full recovery. Many times he tried to explain but she was not interested. Severus opened his eyes just a little. There was dripping water in the right back corner, not to far from him. It dripped for a few seconds and then he closed his eyes again.

"Just because you don't care about anyone doesn't mean that I have to stop. You know… you're more convincing as a death eater every day! I don't even believe you remember that you are also part of the Order. Do you? Do you remember Severus?"

"Yes, I remember but I have my posts and since you are neither part of the Order or part of the death eaters I suggest you just take a defensive stance against both. I may not care about most people but I care about you and I have enough on my hands playing both sides. The last thing I need is to be worried about you, all because you decided you like to play the hero!"

Alexandria glared at him, "You want me to stay at Hogwarts and wait till the battle comes here! I will not sit and wait! You underestimate the force I bring with me when I go into battle! Its more power than you or anyone else posses!"

"Don't get so far above yourself! Dumbledore exceeds you in power and skill! McGonagall is also great and you underestimate Lupin… Stop now Alexandria! This is best for you!"

"Yes, because you…" A loud blast came from the corridors below them. They ran down and saw students and professors fighting with death eaters. Severus knew the assault was going to happen but it had begun ahead of schedule. He saw Draco at the front of them. The stupid boy had begun too soon. Lord Voldemort would be displeased. The pressure perhaps that Draco had been feeling was too much to handle.

"Aren't you going to eat?" The prison guard asked entering and picking up the plate.

Severus opened his mouth to speak but the moment the cold damp air filled his lungs he started coughing violently. The guard shook his head and took the food, locking the solid door.

"Severus, I must ask you a favor." Narcissa said taking his hand.

"No! Narcissa, he is a traitor! Do not let him know!" Bellatrix said pulling her sister's hand from him. "He is unworthy."

"I trust him with my life Bella." Narcissa said turning to the man she was now seeing for the first time in almost two years. "I need your help Severus. My family's life is in danger. Voldemort has entrusted one of his biggest missions to Draco. I fear for my son as I find him incapable of falling through. If Draco should fail the dark lord will kill us all."

Severus saw her desperate need for his help. Narcissa was the last person he had expected to help but as much as he could not forgive her for the things she had said and done, he did not wish her dead. "What might that mission be?" he asked sternly.

"No Narcissa!" Bellatrix shouted. "Let me speak to him first."

Severus recalled her quizzing and questioning him continuously for at least an hour. Finally he could take no more. "You have my word Narcissa. I will help you and your son."

"You will not!" Bellatrix answered, "Take an unbreakable vow then."

Narcissa looked at Severus and him at her. He wanted to know what the mission was but Bellatrix was so convinced he was a traitor that it was her way of showing his worth. "Will you perform it Bellatrix?" Severus asked turning to her.

He would never forget the look on her face when he agreed. The vow was preformed and Severus would always regret that day. "Draco has been assigned to kill Albus Dumbledore himself." Narcissa spilt as soon as the vow was complete. Severus stepped back a moment.

"When is this to take place?"

"When Draco opens the door for the death eaters at Hogwarts." Bellatrix smirked, "Come Cissy let us go…" The black haired woman wrapped her arm around her sister's shoulders and dragged her out.

Severus groaned as he felt someone move him. Lights seemed to turn on and off before his eyes. People were talking around him and then there was silence. When he finally opened his eyes fully he found himself back in his cell. They had probably force fed him with a filling potion. It was the third time in the past year that they had done that to him. Harry Potter had become an auror and was working very hard to get his trial going but there were just to many death eaters to incriminate for crimes that had been committed recently and from years and years ago. He stood up and walked around for a little bit and sat back down putting his face in his hands. His hair was getting longer than usual and his facial hair was also getting out of control. "Alexandria…" he whispered and reached down skimming the smooth stones with his finger.

Suddenly, he found himself sitting in the lake house with Alexandria lying on the stones with her head in his lap. She had been upset with him for weeks and was feeling rather upset about it, so they took time to get away together. It had been a weekend of hardly any spoken words as he could still feel her confusion on his stance. It was difficult for him but he tried to show her how much she really meant to him. He stole kisses here and there and wrapped his arms around her as often as he could. Unfortunately, it was also the last time Voldemort called. The meeting was too important for him to not be present. He read into her mind the following Monday at school and felt the pain she had felt in finding herself alone the day before. It was that same week that they would argue about where she should be during battles and Draco would open a portal for the death eaters including Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf. He knew she had fought in the battle beside Lupin, Tonks, Neville and some of the other members of the Order and a few students. Severus had followed Draco and in the end he had to perform one of the most horrible things had ever done. Draco had lowered his wand after looking at Dumbledore for a bit. Severus felt his stomach turn and looked at the old man who had always had faith in him and never asked too much except when necessary. It was then that he uttered the words that would haunt his mind for the next two years. "Severus… please…" He felt all his emotions and feelings of anger fill him and before he knew it the old man lay there motionless. He had used the worst of the unforgivable curses.

He grabbed Draco and fled with the death eaters. The winding stairs seemed to last forever. He did not even really know where he was heading. As soon as they got to the rest of them he told them that it was done and they were to head back to the dark lord. Alexandria stood before him. Her face had been cut and behind her stood Lupin. Her face seemed confused and crushed. He watched her beautifully red lips drop open. He seemed to be ordering the death eaters and leaving with them as well. He looked around him and shouted at the others who still seemed to be fighting.

"Severus…" Lupin said walking up beside her. He said nothing just stared at the most beautiful woman he knew. That was the last time he ever saw her and just in time to see the tear from her eye and mix with the blood on her face.

No words came to him and to hide his weakness from the death eaters around him he lifted his head high and pointed them toward the doors. Most went and some waited for him. Alexandria shook her head in disbelief and dropped the wand from her hand. He could torture himself no more. He fled.

Harry walked into his cell. "I see you are trying to starve yourself again? Listen Snape; don't think it's going to work. I'm going to keep you alive as long as I can and I'll make sure the ministry gives you death or torture till you go mad!" Harry shouted suddenly becoming overwhelmed. "You took Dumbledore's life and I'm going to fight to take yours!"

Severus looked at the young boy, "Do it Potter. I beg you…"

Harry glared and breathed heavily. Neville walked through the door that moment and pulled his friend out. He was not an auror like the boy in glasses, but he had been working for the ministry in foreign countries. He stopped before closing the door to the cell and frowned a little sadly.

"Do not look at me with your pitying look Longbottom."

"I don't think you care much, but she's fine… just so you know."

Severus looked up at the young boy in shock; concern filled his brow. "Neville, wait!"

The young boy opened the door a little more, "I can't stay long… I don't have clearance to keep this door open."

"Neville, tell me… tell me about her."

"No… You don't deserve it. She suffered a lot because of you!" he suddenly shouted.

"Does she remember me?" he asked leaning his head against the wall and looking up at his former student.

"Yeah, but we make sure she doesn't think of you. Remus and Tonks take her around a lot so she doesn't think of you. When she's not here with them, she's in the muggle world with her sister. Actually, she's not a professor anymore she stays away from the wizarding world unless it's to visit her friends or train dragons. Why did you do it professor?"

"He asked me to Neville. He asked me to…" his hands flew up to his head and grabbed his hair. The pain he was feeling, the guilt was too much. "Ahh!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. "I need to see her Neville… she needs to know the truth…"

"I have to go professor."

"Neville, please?"

"Professor…" he gulped rather difficultly. "She doesn't know you're here. We never told her that we found you. It was the best for her…"

Severus's hands dropped to the floor as he got up on his knees, "You mean… she thinks I'm a coward, in hiding?"

Neville frowned, "I'm not sure what she thinks professor."

"Neville, please. She needs to know the truth. Read my mind… Tell her."

"I cant. I have to go."

Snape got to his feet and dodged for the door but it shut and locked as his body pressed against it. For days he banged on it calling Neville's name hoping the young boy would come back. She doesn't know… she thinks I'm a coward. Neville, you have to help me. I need to talk to her. I need her. "Potter! Potter! Open the door!"

"What is it Snape?" Harry said swinging the door open.

"She doesn't know! She has to know the truth!"

"Calmare!" Harry shouted pointing his wand. Severus felt his body calm till he could hardly keep his eyes open. "And stay quiet." Harry said shutting the door once more.

Severus sat in his home at Spinner's End; it had been his summer home most of the time until he moved down to London a few years back. It was up in northern England away from the commotion of the big city. No one had come looking for him this whole time. He had returned after he was sure the ministry had finished inspecting it. He was now a wanted man. There he stayed until Voldemort called his followers to inform them that the time had now come and the final battle was to take place. Severus was summoned as the battle was going on but he did not answer the call. It was until finally he decided that the time had now come for him to fight for the Order of the Phoenix. He apparated inside the castle. He saw a few students lying on the ground and panic struck him. Has Voldemort won? He ran as fast as he could through the castle and in the great hall he found Harry and the dark lord. There was the history in the making. Harry was on the floor and Lord Voldemort was laughing at him. Snape took his wand from his pocket.

"Ah, my faithful servant! You have come to watch me in my moment of triumph. Watch now as I do away with this miserable boy!"

"No!" Severus lifted his wand and aimed it at his former master. "It was for this reason that Dumbledore asked to die! So that I could stand here at your side in your final moments and then help Harry defeat you! What will you do now my lord? The horcruxes have all been destroyed, except for one… The one within you."

The dark lord's face became distorted and possessed. "You are a fool Severus if you think you can defeat me!"

Severus threw a curse at the dark lord throwing him back against the wall and letting him fall to his hands and knees. He reached up and threw curses at his betrayer. Severus managed to block every one of them. Until the dark lord smirked, "Crucio!"

The pain was unbelievable… He only saw the room in a blur as he threw his head back as he fell on his knees. His back was arched and his nails digging into his skull. Normally he could have blocked it as well but this would give Harry the only chance he had.

"Avada Kedavra!" Harry yelled. The green light filled the room. Severus opened his eyes again a few moments later and saw Harry standing over him. "Its your turn Snape…"

"Harry, stop this instant!" McGonagall yelled across the room. Severus felt ministry members grabbing him and dragging him off. His wand was taken and he was put in the stripped garments of Azkaban. He could hear Harry arguing with the Minister of Magic that he should be killed because he had murdered Dumbledore, but they told him that he would await trial like the others.

He did not see Alexandria that time. Since then, Azkaban had been his home. It had been a year of waiting. A year of agonizing. A year of seeing the look of horror on her face and hearing Dumbledore's voice in his head. This was much worst than any type of peace death would bring.

Severus opened his eyes and blinked looking up the dripping ceiling. He sat up and focused on trying to find her with his mind. A flash of fire crossed his mind. He tried again. The image of a dragon appeared and he saw Alexandria's figure beginning to appear beside it. It was all a blur and yet he could see her dressed in all black and her hair pulled high on her head. Her face was covered in ash from the flames that the dragon breathed. Her wand was in her hand a long whip made of leather in the other. She never hit the dragon but snapped it right before it. Uninstinctively he lifted his hand in his cell thinking of how much he wanted to touch her. "Alexandria…" he whispered. He saw her turn and mention his name searching for him and yet she saw nothing. The dragon blew right when she turned and he found himself scream her name. A man appeared. He was tall and pale skinned with shaggy bright red hair. His wand threw out a beam covering the both of them from the flames. Severus watched as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, asking if she was ok. She nodded and looked back as he led her away. "Alexandria! No! Don't leave!" he yelled and disturbed himself from his own thoughts. He began to cough hysterically and groaned when it ended.

The door creaked open and Neville Longbottom walked in. "Severus? Harry sent me in here to silence you. You need to keep your voice down. Stop yelling for her. She's not here and she cant hear you."

"She heard me Neville… she heard me," he said laughing out as if the whole situation was hilarious.

Neville nodded his head, "No she cant… she's not anywhere near here."

"She's in Romania, with Charlie Weasley. I saw her."

At this Neville frowned, "How did you know that? You're not allowed to know stuff like that!"

"I saw her Neville. I saw her. She's taming dragons right now."

"Leave her alone!" Neville shouted, "Cant you see she's better off without you? Charlie has been taking good care of her."

"What do I care about Charlie Weasley?" Snape said with a scowl, "Tell her Neville. You know it's not right!"

"No! You know what's not right? Coming back from school and seeing her thinner than ever! She didn't teach that last year at Hogwarts, instead she spent it at her apartment in London depressed and miserable because of you! I took her on my travels with me to Egypt and then she just wanted to be alone. I let her cause I knew there wasn't much I could do and it was the least I could do for her after all she's done for me, since my grams died. Leave her alone! I wont let you hurt her! Let her find happiness. Charlie loves her!"

Severus looked up in utter surprise. Neville looked down at the floor and shook his head as if he was not supposed to let him know. There was silence. "So then you're not going to tell her the truth?"

"I have to go. Just stay quiet before Harry comes and puts you under a spell." He exited.

"I feel so bad Mione… He keeps calling for her. Harry told me that when he starves himself, he doesn't even talk except to say her name. His cough is getting worst too. He had just finished coughing when I walked in on him last. The way he looks is jus' wild…" Neville said downing a bit of fire whiskey.

"Neville, you should tell her. It may bring her some closure. Don't you want her to move on?"

"I do Mione, but what if she only feels worst. You know how things are going with her and Charlie…"

Hermione frowned and sipped a bit of the chilled white wine in her glass. "Charlie is in love with her but does she feel the same way? Do you even know?"

Neville sat back and ruffled his hair, "No."

"I know he's a bad man, but a part of me wants to believe in him. He helped Harry… Harry just hates him so much he's not seeing things clearly."

Neville left some galleons on the bar table and accompanied Hermione out. It was a warm night as summer was just around the corner. A small breeze blew threw the streets and Neville looked at the sky. "You think I should tell her then?"

Hermione stopped and turned her friend to face her, "When is she coming to visit next time?"

"Uh… I don't really know…"

"If you want Neville. I will talk to her and explain everything. Just let me know when she is here next."

"Mione… I'm not so sure this is the best idea."

"Neville! The whole idea of him in there makes me sick! Honestly, I my opinion, he has redeemed himself. He killed Dumbledore and no one knows why but he saved Harry's life! That has to mean something. He turned from his dark ways so everything would work out in the end. Don't you see? He's tortured everyday with his past. Why would he be starving himself otherwise? He wants to die. All he has in that cell is himself and his memories. Why do you think Dumbledore gave him that pensieve? I think she needs to know. For the rest of her life she will think ill of him and if after she knows all his deeds and still thinks ill of him well at least she will know the truth and not what you guys have been feeding her."

Blinking and without a word, Neville nodded in agreement and looked around him. "We have one more problem."

"What's that?"

"Harry wont let her near him. He will never agree. He thinks bad of Snape and wants everyone to think ill of him. How can we get her in to see the professor?"

"He's not a professor anymore Neville, he's just Snape."

"I like professor better."

Hermione laughed for the first time that night. "I will see when he's not working so that you can sneak her in. Just don't let Percy see you. He will tell Harry for sure cause now that everyone knows how Charlie feels for Alexandria, it's sort of conspiring against him."

"I hate when we do stuff like this." Neville frowned stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Its all very wrong you know…"

"Don't worry so much. Now I have to go. If you see Luna soon, tell her I say 'hullo'. Everything will be fine."

Severus looked at the young man standing before him. Neville had grown rather tall as had Ron but not Harry. Harry was a runt of a man. Neville bit his bottom lip in the right corner. "Uh…" he started. "Well… I spoke with Hermione last night," he finally let out after standing there like an idiot for ten minutes. "She thinks we should let Alexandria talk to you." His heart skipped a beat in hoping that they had agreed.

"Is she here?"

"No, she's still in Romania with Charlie. The next time she's down, Hermione will talk to her and it will be her choice whether she comes or not. Don't get your hopes up. She may not want to see you. Hermione is going to tell her about what happened at the final battle and that you have been in here for a year. We will tell her the truth about why we hid it from her. One last thing though Severus… This is on your part. You have to stop screaming cause Harry and Percy are getting rather impatient with you. Also, you have to start eating. You know how much it's going to hurt her to see you like this don't you? Don't you want to seem at least a little healthy?"

"Can I see her alone?"

"No. I will be with her the whole time. I'm not an auror Snape. I don't have clearance but I risking my ass for you so you have to keep quiet about it before and after. Got it?"

Severus smirked, "I didn't think you had it in you Longbottom."

Neville just sighed in relief that he had finished saying what he meant to. "I'll leave you now."

"Longbottom! One more question…"

"And what is that?"

"Did Potter break my wand?" He asked with his hands shackled to the wall. The had put him in chains to keep him away from the door and in doing so, stopped his banging and yelling.

"No Severus, when you're found guilty then we break your wand."

Snape leaned back against the wall and smiled for the first time in a long time. He would finally see her after two years. What will she think of me… I look awful. I hope she believes me. She just has to. Alexandria… you're my last and only hope.

Days would pass before he saw anyone but the warden coming in to leave his food. He took Neville's advice but the food was uneatable. He ended up in the prison hospital again. Harry walked through the doors. "So you think you're clever? Well not for very much longer. Your trial will be held in two weeks. I finally got the date set. You won't escape death too easy now. Starve yourself all you want. After two weeks, your wand will be broken and you will be tortured or dead. You have no one who will speak for you at the trial. Lucius was sentenced today and he is spending the rest of his life in solitary confinement. He was already mad after two years of it. Can you imagine what the rest of his life will lead to?"

"This is very unlike you Potter… to rejoice in the sufferings of others. What would your parents think?"

"Shut up! They would have understood after all the rejoicing you and the death eaters gave me as I suffered. You took Dumbledore away and you will rot for it. My father was against all dark magic… he would have understood."

"Not Lily, she was the kindest of them all. You think she would like to see you like this?" Harry pointed his wand at Severus. "Do it Potter! Its what I've been trying to do for weeks."

The wand lowered and Harry sneered at him. "Two weeks… two weeks and you're through."

The door slammed loudly. "What a bloody fool," Severus mumbled to himself. Harry seemed to be obsessed with is demise. That stupid boy won't even give me a fair trial. I hope Alexandria shows up sometime soon…

Neville creaked the thick door open, "Snape?"

"What is it Longbottom?"

"I heard about your trial. I have sent her an owl advising her to come soon. That Hermione and I have something of great importance to tell her."

"Why are you doing this for me Longbottom? If I should be found innocent, what will I owe you?"

Neville smiled, "Nothing. You owe me nothing. I am not a favor for profit kind of guy. I just want to know I've done the right thing."

Severus closed his eyes. Her face, the last time he saw her, came to him. He watched closely as the tear fell into her cut. Her sweet lips parted in disbelief. He could not have imagined how she was the moment she found out why he was running. Severus opened his eyes to see Neville again. The boy was in different clothes than before. At least a day had passed. "What is it?" he groaned and then his cough started. Neville tried to get a word in but felt pained to see his former professor coughing without control. Severus grabbed at the wall trying to straighten himself out but he could not. Finally he just lay on the floor not being able to do anything else or having the strength for more. "Well?" he wheezed and started coughing a bit more.

"She's with Hermione."