A fist shot through the air

"Please no, daddy please stop daddy! Please! I'm sorry daddy, I love you, and please don't you love me"

A mans cruel laughter rang through the air.

"Do I love you? How could I? A Malfoy doesn't love! I'll have to teach you that!"

I woke up shaking in my bead. It was four in the morning. 'That never happened,' I told myself,

'he never did that to you. It's okay to love! It's okay to feel.'

Tears were running down my face, and I wanted to die, because I knew that I was lying to myself. I knew that my father had achieved just what he set out to do- he wanted to keep me from ever loving, and he had accomplished that.

I got out of bed, I didn't want to go back to sleep, I didn't want to dream again. I took to wandering the halls as usual. Allowing thoughts to flood through me

'I just wish I could love. Then I could love Pansy as much as she loves me. Then, I wouldn't be a monster. Then everyone would be happy. I just wish I could love. Then I wouldn't have to push people away. Then maybe I wouldn't have to pretend to be someone. I just wish I could love.

I continued to walk

"Did you hear foot steps?

I heard a startled girl's voice

"Relax 'babe, no one would be up at this hour. Besides, don't you think it's about time we stopped hiding?"

A boy spoke this time, as I listened to them from the safety of the shadows I culd make out their silhouettes

"I know, It's just if Harry found out-"

"It's not your fault he likes you' Mione"

My ears perked up at this point.

"Of course I know that Ron! It's just that we're his best friends, and what we're doing could hurt him! I don't even think we should be together!"

There was silence for a moment and I could tell that he had kissed her

"Don't say that, baby" He whispered in her ear "Don't you love me?"

I heard gentle sobs. She was crying now, and he was rubbing her hair gently.

"I think there's someone coming! Do let's go!"

With that they walked off, leaving behind painful thought in my mind.

"Potter loves her, and because he loves her, he's hurting her. He's making her feel guilty for loving someone else. She and Weasly love each other. And because of that, they're hurting potter, and hurting him hurts them. Apparently loving someone can also hurt them as well.'

The fact that love can hurt should have made sense to me. After all, I had loved my father, and gotten hurt because of it. But that was different. He was a monster.

'Would loving Pansy make her happy? She deserves to be happy. I tricked her into loving me, now I have to make her happy, but how do I know that won't just hurt her? Oh, well, It's not as though I could ever love her anyways'

'Pansy and potter are two of a kind; they both love someone who can never love them back. I wish that they were loved. They deserve to be loved, because they love.'

I sat there thinking for some time before I heard footsteps around the corner.

I looked up.

It was him

"What are you doing here malfoy?" Potter stood where the loving couple had occupied only a short time ago. I approached him. Taking his hands as I had seen Granger take weesley's.

"I'm sorry" I said as tears began to run down my face. "I'm sorry for everything. I managed to choke.

"What the fuck is this?" He asked, shaking my hands from his. "What sick game are you playing with me now?"

"No games Potter. I want to be true to you. I want to love you."

This wasn't a lie. I did want to love him, he deserved love.

"Well, sorry Malfoy, but I'm not a fag." He said coldly to me. I had honestly never thought of it as being like that. I just thought of it as love, whether from a boy or a girl, it didn't seem much different to me. I would give him love. I would make him happy if I had to force him. It was what he wanted and I would give it to him.

"I know how you feel Potter, to love someone and know that they'll never love you. I know you feel alone," I could tell he was getting angry, but I kept talking "But you don't have to be alone. There's so much love for you. I want you to feel loved, because you deserve it"

A fist shot through the air

"Shut the fuck up! I hate you! Just stay away from me, you fucking monster! You have no idea what it's like to love someone! You're just a selfish little daddy's boy who's never loved anyone but himself!" Potter yelled at me before storming off.

His words bit into me.

He was wrong.

I didn't love myself.

How could he think I could love a monster?

No one could.

All I wanted was to give him the love he wanted, and he had hurt me. I didn't know why I didn't hate him for it. I guess monsters can't hate just as much as they can't love. What was this thing that they called love, anyways? It was beginning to make no sense.

Maybe if I could love, I would understand it better, Maybe I made Potter angry because I didn't know how to give him love. Oh, how I wished I could love!

I got up, and ran. I ran to Pansy. I found her alone in the common room. I kissed her.

"I want to love you," I told her

She pulled me down onto the sofa as she whispered in my ear the thing that always killed me.

"I love you too, Draco"

I knew she wanted more than my body, but I couldn't give her any more than that. I didn't have anymore than that. So I took her in my arms. You would never guess they were monsters arms, but they were. I kissed her with the lips of a monster who was about to take a girls innocence. This was what she wanted, though. I couldn't love her, but I wished I could. I wished so badly that I could, because that's what she deserved.