Pansy took hold of my hand as she led us to the great hall for breakfast. She looked up and smiled at me. She was happy because she thought I loved her. I had given my body to her, and she thought that meant I loved her. I tried to mimic her loving smile. I was happy too. I was happy because she was happy. I was happy because she thought loved her. So in essence, I was happy because I was deceiving her. I tried to pretend this didn't make me sick, but regardless of who else might believe you, you can never lie to yourself.

'Would you rather break her heart?' I asked myself. I didn't know what would be worse for her, for me to break her heart, or for me to go on using her like this didn't understand how love worked. It had been a long time since I had loved. Now I'm a monster wearing masks, and monsters can't understand things like that. I'm sure they can't.

"Come Draco, Sit!"

Pansy pulled me into a seat at our table, sitting very close to me. I wanted to pull away. I wanted not to touch her, but instead I moved closer, and put an arm around her, kissing her. The 'The less I understand about love," I thought to myself, 'the more I'll pretend.'

I looked across the room for a moment, potter was looking back at me. He looked angry he looked disgusted. I know how it must have appeared. I confess my love to him and the next day, I'm sitting intimately with another girl. But he didn't understand. He didn't understand that I wanted them both to be loved. Didn't he know that they both deserved it?

He didn't want love from me, though. He only wanted it from her. The girl who sat across the table from him, smiling and laughing. The girl he couldn't have. I could tell that looking at her was killing him, and I just wished that I could love him. Did he think that he deserved to hurt like that? No one deserved that. No one but me.

But he didn't know that.

Days passed by, each day I pretended a bit more, each day Pansy became a little happier. Each day potter died a little more.

'Why can't I help him?

It was late evening; I was walking outside the castle.

'why can't I love him?'

It was beginning to rain.

'He wants to hold her, but I wish I could fill in until he can hold the one he loves.'

And then I saw them, Potter and Granger, they were talking. I watched on, hoping against hope that this meeting would grant potter what he wanted.

"I'm sorry Harry" I could tell his heart had broken with those words, and mine cracked along with his. "I know you just want my love, and I wish I could give it to you, but it already belongs to someone else" She was choking back tears. Tears for him.. "I wish I could pretend to love you, but I can't. I just can't.

She turned.

She ran.

Potter stayed

He sank to the ground

He sobbed

The rain hammered down.

I walked toward him.

I spun him around.

I kissed him.

"I know you don't love me." I whispered into his ear as he cried, "but would you please, please find it in your heart to let me love you? I just wish that I could love you"

"No" He sobbed into my chest" Never, no, no, no, never" He said this, but pulled me closer at the same time, and I knew that he would let me comfort him the way I wanted to.

"You don't have to decide right now" I said to him " but if ever you do decide that you want me, I'll be waiting." Then he collapsed in my arms, and I held him, hoping that if I held him close enough, he wouldn't hurt anymore, hoping that if I help him close enough everyone would be happy, that if I held him close enough, everyone would be loved.

Because everyone deserves to be loved.