The Eye Of The Gazer
Chapter 7
Jane's face was magenta once more, but she forced herself to look at him. "Lucius, before I answer, I must ask you something in return. Miss Chang is the mother of your daughter, but she does not live with you. What is she to you?"
A look of pain crossed Lucius' face. "Ah, my beautiful, clever Cho!" he sighed. "She came to live with me for some while after Bryony's birth. She would not marry me, even though I wished it, and asked for her hand before Bryony was born. I confessed my waywardness to her beforehand, though I am sure she already knew. She said she would rather try me first, to see if I could remain faithful to her. She knew I had never been faithful to Narcissa – you do know about Narcissa?"
"Yes. I have even spoken to her portrait. Bryony took me to see her. She's very beautiful."
"I did not deserve Narcissa, but I found out too late what she really meant to me. I promised Cho to try and be true to her. However, Cho would not risk a divorce. She told me, 'Changs never get divorced.' "
"What happened to separate you? Were you unfaithful to her?"
"Ah, ye of little faith! In fact I was faithful to her for the most part. Yes, I was weak, I fell once or twice, but Cho never found out. You do not know how persistent some women can be." He almost added, "Especially my cousin Lucinda," but the habit of discretion asserted itself. He had never discussed one woman with another.
"I can imagine how persistent some women can be," replied Jane quietly. He looked at her, an eyebrow raised. "If I had ever thought I stood a chance with you, and if I had a different temperament, I could see myself in that situation."
Lucius gave a hollow laugh. "Not now, my sweet Jane, I assure you. I am never troubled these days."
Jane regarded him steadily with her clear grey eyes, and said, "Please continue about Miss Chang. She did not find out about your affairs, you said. So why did you part?"
Lucius sighed. "We managed very well in the beginning. Our mutual love was always enough to surmount any differences, and of course we had Bryony. I offered Cho her own suite of rooms, and she accepted, choosing to have those next to my bedroom, with Bryony sleeping in the room next to hers. Cho was unwell for a time after Bryony's birth, and it was my pleasure to care for her: a thing I had never done for anyone before. When she recovered, she decorated her chambers according to her own excellent taste. I liked what she did so much, I suggested she did the rest of the Manor too, leaving only Narcissa's room as it was.
"But then things began to deteriorate. Cho was unhappy about the way I treated the house elves. She did not wish Bryony to copy me. It became worse as Bryony grew older, and Cho caught her shouting at her elf nursemaid. Cho was furious with me. On that one point we could never agree. House elves are there to serve us. It has always been so. For what other purpose do they exist?
"There was a growing bad feeling between us. Cho began to threaten to leave, and return to Gildenford Hall. We would still be lovers, but she could then raise her child as she saw fit. Such was our unresolved tension at the time of the fire."
"The fire?"
"Has nobody told you about the fire then?" Jane shook her head. "Perhaps they assumed you knew. It was the main headline in The Daily Prophet when it happened, with various follow-up stories afterwards. But you were in Belgium, were you not? No doubt the Belgian papers did not find it important enough to write about.
"It was an accident. Bryony was three years old. She found my wand, and began to play with it, as children do. She accidentally set fire to the furniture and carpet. Luckily for my daughter, I rescued her, and she was unharmed; but I was not, I was badly burned. St Mungo's saved my life, but they could not save my looks. Of course, looks have never been a priority with Healers. Their business is curing the malady, it is up to the wizard how he deals with the cosmetic results."
"Why did Miss Chang leave you? Surely not because of your appearance?" Jane said, horrified.
"No, Jane! How could you think so? Cho would never be so heartless. On the contrary, she said she would stay because I needed her now. It was I who sent her away. I could not bear it when she looked at me and I saw the horror and pity in her eyes, reminding me every time of what I had become. I did not want her to stay out of a sense of duty. She said her feelings for me had not changed, and she knew I was the same Lucius Malfoy. But I had changed, I was an ugly man no woman could want, or so I believed. I drove her away."
"And did she never offer to return?"
"She did. I always refused. I was drunk for much of the time, and also frequently not in my right mind, for I became addicted to laudanum for the illusion of pleasantness it gave me. In my sober moments, I could see Cho was disgusted by the state I was in, and my indulgent self-pity. In the end, she stopped suggesting it, mainly because she did not want her daughter to live with a father who behaved in such a manner. When I saw Bryony only now and again, I was able to control my behaviour in her presence, but Cho knew I did not then have the willpower to stop the whisky and the laudanum permanently.
"Now, I see Cho mainly because of Bryony. I see my daughter whenever I like. Once I had reformed my behaviour, she stayed with me every day when Cho was at work. Now Bryony has begun her education, I still look after her when Cho is busy or abroad. But Cho is lost to me. She wanted to remain my lover, but I would not let her see me unclothed, so scarred and ruined."
"Lucius, I don't understand. You still love Miss Chang, don't you? If you can tell me all this, why can you not tell her? It's not too late, I'm sure."
"Ah, sweet Jane! Such a selfless suggestion when you have already confessed your own desire for me. Would it were so easy. No, too much time has passed. Also, you have not allowed for the Malfoy pride and stubbornness. It is not in my nature to beg."
Jane shook her head slightly, but did not comment on this reply. Instead she said, "There is one other thing I do not understand. If you were ashamed to let Miss Chang see you, then why did you suggest this thing to me?"
"Ah, now we come to the heart of the matter. I see I must be frank with you. Perhaps when you have heard my reasons, you will not be so eager to kiss me. The first reason is, that you have not seen me before, so you will not know what you have missed. Also, I believe from what you have said, you have never seen an adult male close to and naked?"
"That is so." Jane's eyes were downcast, and her face was deep crimson again.
"So you do not hold in your memory the perfect body of a young wizard beside whom I shall be a poor specimen. In a word, you are inexperienced."
"I see. And the second reason?"
"Jane, I used to pleasure women every day. Now I have no-one. A man has needs. You are the first woman who has looked at me with such desire for many a year. It is infinitely preferable to share the act of love with a willing partner, rather than dealing with my needs alone, aided by my memories and imagination.
"Now then, my virginal governess, have I shocked you?"
"No, Lucius." Jane looked up at him through her lashes. "I have no personal experience, as you said, but I am not entirely ignorant of such matters."
"So, Jane. It comes to this. You may have time to consider if you will. Any answer you give is not binding, you may change your mind at any time, such is the prerogative of a woman.
"Jane, will you allow this old, broken wizard with a disreputable past to be the man who introduces you to the act of love?"
Jane Currer took a deep breath, and spoke. "Yes, please, Lucius," she whispered.
The next day, Hermione Granger stopped to speak to Jane before she started her lesson with Bryony. She had deliberately arrived early in order to do this, to be sure of catching Jane when she emerged from the classroom. Bryony had a short break between lessons, and was in the kitchen being fed milk and freshly baked biscuits by all the female house elves, who loved having a small child in the house again after so many years.
"Can I have a word with you, Jane?" asked Hermione, wondering how on earth she was going to say what she had come to say.
"Yes, Professor," replied Jane. No matter how often she was invited to use Hermione's given name, she seemed to feel more comfortable with the formal title. This did not help Hermione's feeling of awkwardness at all. "What can I do for you?" she asked.
"Jane, can we go somewhere private?"
"We can use the classroom and close the door. Nobody else will come in if the door is shut."
They sat down at a corner of the large table where Bryony did her work. Jane looked expectantly at Hermione, smiling.
Hermione was very nervous, and had to resist the urge to rearrange the parchments stacked up neatly in front of her. She clasped her hands tightly together on her lap, and leaned forwards. "Jane, I can't help noticing – you seem to be spending quite a lot of time with Lucius Malfoy these days."
If Jane was surprised, she hid it very well. Outwardly serene, she replied, "Mr Malfoy talks to me about Bryony. He's very interested in what she learns. He says she doesn't really tell him about her lessons, so he likes to ask me."
Hermione looked at Jane searchingly. Was she mistaken? She thought not. She decided to carry on. "I'm sure he's very interested in his daughter. I can see that he cares for her very much. But, Jane, I don't think that's really the only reason why he spends so much time with you, is it? Telling him about Bryony's lessons would hardly take so long, would it?"
Jane blushed a little, but her voice remained steady as she replied, "You are right. I had not realised it was so obvious to others. Mr Malfoy seems to like my company. He likes me to talk to him."
"And you? How do you feel about him?"
"He's very kind to me." Jane was blushing beetroot red now, there was no mistake.
"You do know his history don't you?"
Jane said calmly, "He was a Death Eater. He went to Azkaban. But he served his sentence, he caused no trouble in prison. There is no record of similar behaviour after his release. Since then, he has broken no laws."
"Do you really believe he has changed?" asked Hermione incredulously. She paused a little before adding, "He still hates me because my parents are Muggles. If he had his way, I would not be allowed to cross the threshold."
Jane's eyes showed understanding. "Yes, I see now why he asked me about you. It seemed to me that he did not like you."
"Jane, is he just 'kind' to you? Or is there more?"
Grey eyes looked back steadily at Hermione, who was now flushed herself. Jane was obviously choosing her words carefully. "Professor, I do not think that last question is appropriate. We are merely colleagues, not close friends. I understand that Mr Malfoy does not like you, and I am sorry for it. But this has nothing to do with how I relate to him. To me, he has always been a complete gentleman."
Hermione had one last card to play. "Have you heard of his reputation with women?"
For the first time, Jane's eyes narrowed, but she did not raise her voice as she replied, "Professor Granger, you forget yourself. Firstly, it is not your place to question my behaviour, or to judge the behaviour of Bryony's father. Secondly, you seem to have forgotten that Mr Malfoy is a different man now, and I do not refer to his time in Azkaban, but to the fire at Malfoy Manor. That accident changed him irreparably, both physically and mentally. He has no women now."
Jane then closed her mouth firmly, as if she were afraid what else she might say. She rose, and walked purposefully from the room.
Hermione knew she was too late. Jane was already Lucius Malfoy's confidante, so much was obvious from her last remarks. What more there lay between the governess and the wizard she could only guess, but she could see that Jane had fallen under the Malfoy spell, just as Cho once had. Even Hermione herself had felt it during that encounter in the pavilion. She had been disturbed to find that her hate for this obnoxious man had been combined with a great desire for him to ravish her. She shook her disbelieving head slightly at the unwelcome thought, and tried to push it out of her mind.
Deliberately, she began to turn over her parchments and go over the next lesson.