Disclaimer: see previous chapter
A wee little scene from Snape's potions class, as our favorite Potions Master persists with his sudden inclination for modern catchprases…
Snape swept into the dungeons one morning with a vindictive pseudo sneer-grin plastered on his pale features, a sight most terrifying to behold. A few Gryffindors actually quaked in their uniforms, Harry, Ron and Hermione among them.
He turned around slowly, for greatest theatrical effect, and spread his arms out menacingly.
"Today," he said very, very softly, "is a good day."
There was a collective shudder.
"We shall be studying a particularly complex potion this morning. We are stepping into territory thus far uncharted by novice dunderheads such as yourselves--the incorporation of living organisms into our drafts," said Snape with malicious relish.
He pulled out his wand and gave it a quick wave. A screen appeared alongside an overhead projector, and images began to rapidly materialize. There was a flurry to retrieve notebooks and quills.
Harry looked vaguely ahead, his vision beginning to obscure. It had been a trying evening…practice had gone on extremely late last night, and after working through piles of assignments, he'd barely gotten any sleep. Of course, the last thing he needed was detention with Snape, so he blearily attempted to follow along. But--hang on, he must be dreaming--what on earth was on that screen? It looked like…
"A pineapple," Snape was saying, as he tapped the image in question with his wand. "Today, we will be utilizing a very rare, porous organism which resides within this fruit."
"I'm dreaming," thought Harry. "Snape is talking about pineapples…"
A Slytherin, smarmily intending to please, put up his hand.
"Yes, Mr. Banes?"
"Sir, why is the organism so difficult to procure?"
Snape nodded with approval. "An excellent question, Mr. Banes. Ten points to Slytherin. Indeed, this organism, is incredibly rare to come by for it only grows if the aforementioned fruit is leagues beneath the surface of the ocean."
Harry (who had been dozing off for some time) was brought to his senses when he was jabbed in the side by Hermione's notebook. He glanced at it; every square inch was covered in frantic scribbles. But, he considered, she seemed to have done her research about this bizarre organism, for its description was right there in her notes, along with it's name…
Harry gave a sleepy grin. What a ridiculous name for…well…anything, really…
His eyes suddenly became focused again on a most unwelcome sight; Snape was striding over with an unpleasantly purposeful smile on his face.
"And Potter here, who has no trouble taking a short nap during lectures, should have even less trouble answering my question…"
Harry's insides froze.
"Well, Potter?" asked Snape with a horrible, crooked yellow grin. Harry couldn't help but notice how much he looked like a demonic Jack-O-Lantern…
"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea, Potter?"
Harry stared at him, and stifled a snort. Glancing at Hermione's notebook, he knew he had the answer.
"The organism Spongebobitus Squarepanticus, Professor," said Harry.
Snape looked sour. "Ten points from Gryffindor," he spat angrily.
Harry's mouth dropped open. This was a new low in unfairness. He'd gotten the answer correct! Why would the git take points off?
You were going to laugh at me, you twerp, thought Snape. But seriously--the Potions Master considered it for a second…who lives in a pineapple under the sea? That sounded stupid, even in his head.
He glared at Harry.
"For intended impudence, Potter," he snapped. "Detention, tonight at eight o' clock," he added, relishing the look of horror on Harry's face.
In the meantime…the lesson would end in an hour and a half. He could then adjourn to his quarters and grade a stack of first year essays. But no--nightmarish thoughts of horrific grammar plagued him.
He had a sudden inexplicable urge go to the staff room, where Dumbledore kept a muggle Television set…but that was only for when people were really desperate…
Perhaps, if no one was there, he would indulge himself, watch a few "shows," as they called them…
Maybe even a few infantile Muggle cartoons…