Andy- Welcome to the wonderful world of Lizzie McGuire Fan Fiction! Of all the FF communities out there- I think that LM is definitely the best- we may not be the biggest out there but everyone is so nice and constructive to each other here. So I hope you stick around and I really hope you enjoy my story!
JuanPablo- Thanks so much for your praise- and I completely understand about the college stuff! I'm graduating (college) this year, so not only do I have exams and upper level classes- but I also have a job search to do! It's crazy!
RoxyAnne- I definitely know what you mean about promises you make when you are younger- the only one I ever made was to go on the Price is Right with my best friend :o) I guess we'll have to get on that before Bob Barker retires! As far as going into why Gordo and Lizzie don't talk anymore- don't worry- that will definitely be covered! This is only the tip of the iceberg and we've got a few more chapters to go before we figure out the whole story.
Siv- lol! If we both fail our exams we can both blame it on this story! Maybe we can switch exams- want to take my Calculus II final for me:o)
For everyone- Also, I want to give due credit- in the beginning of this chapter I have some lyrics that Lizzie sings for her album- I tried to write my own, but seeing as I am not a song writer, I had to borrow some lyrics. So the song she sings is "My Wonderful," by Jessica Simpson. I hope you enjoy this chapter- it's a bit heavy, and probably one of the more emo chapters of the story. Next chapter however, winknudgewink is not to be missed!
Chapter 4- Wounds
"I gotta have him close to me, Each and every night, To give me that security, Of dreamin and delight" Lizzie rolled her eyes at the lyrics to the song she was singing. She really should have argued about letting the studio pick out this one. "Love has got a grip on me, Oh so tight, Hope he never lets go…"
Lizzie held out the last note and let it trail off slowly as the instrumental bridge played quietly in her earphones. She stifled a yawn, evidence of her boredom mixed with a lack of sleep from the night before.
"…and I want you to be there…" Gordo's voice invaded her thoughts.
Out of the corner of her eyes she saw a commotion through the glass window separating her from the audio room. She took in a sharp breath as she realized that she had missed her next entrance in the song. Jay had thrown off his headphones and was now bursting, yet again, through the door of the studio.
"Lizzie! Where has your head been lately! Jessica told me that you stumbled through your choreography this morning and now you can't remember the words to your own songs?" Jay cried exasperatedly, pulling his hands through his hair. Lizzie pulled her head headphones off roughly, frustrated with herself that she kept messing up. For some reason she couldn't keep her mind off of the night before.
"I know Jay… I'm sorry" she said, "Can I take a break?"
"Be back in 5 minutes" he said, throwing his hands up in the air and storming back into the audio room.
Lizzie walked outside and sat on a bench, shielding her eyes from the bright sun. It's gorgeous out today, she thought, feeling the warm breeze on her skin. She closed her eyes for a moment, focusing on the feeling of the breeze and sun which seemed to wake her up considerably. Lizzie's mind wandered once again to the night before. She had, without Gordo's help, been unable to get back into her room without using the key under the doormat to let herself in. Because of that she had run into her mother again, who was finishing up cleaning her coffee cup in the kitchen.
"Lizzie?" her Mom had popped her head into the door, her eyes widened in shock at seeing her daughter enter the front door again. "What were you doing outside?"
Lizzie stood there for a moment, trying to figure out a lie to tell her Mom. There wasn't much she could say to cover this one up. Plus, she knew she was a terrible liar. "I was..." Lizzie hesitated, "I was talking to Gordo. He came to my window." Her mom blinked for a moment, digesting what Lizzie had just told her.
Then she pulled her arm around Lizzie's shoulder, "Want to talk about it?"
Lizzie bit her lip and nodded, small tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.
She wasn't sure why, but she hadn't been able to tell her mom the whole story. She told her about Miranda's parents splitting up and how Gordo wanted to take a trip down to visit, but she had left out everything else out, particularly about their promise in the 9th grade. Even without the full story, her mother's reaction didn't surprise her.
"Lizzie..." she said, her arm still wrapped around Lizzie's shoulders, "What do you want to do?"
Lizzie looked up at her mother, biting her lip. "I can't go Mom, you know that."
"I didn't ask what you had to do Lizzie… I asked what you want to do" her mother said softly.
Lizzie gazed up at her mother, fresh tears forming in her eyes. She wanted to go, she really did. But after what happened between her and Gordo…was it even possible? 'Maybe some wounds run too deep' she thought sadly.
She heard Britney Spears blaring from a jeep at a stoplight across the parking lot. A group of laughing teenagers clad in bright bathing suits occupied it. She placed her head in her hands and sighed deeply.
"Gordo, we're going to miss you" his mom continued to hug him tightly.
"Mom" he sighed, "I'll be fine. It's only about 2 days of driving to the border and another 2 hours or so to Miranda's. I plan on taking plenty of stops along the way…" there was a pause, "Mom?"
"Sorry" she said, quickly letting him go.
He stopped in front of his Dad, who gave him an affectionate man half-pat-half-hug and said, "Be safe son."
"Will do Dad" he replied.
He scooped up his bag and supply of food his mother had packed for him and headed to his truck in the driveway. The sky was a greenish-gray and the wind was starting to pick up. Realizing a storm was on its way he quickly packed up his things in the back of his cab using bungee cords with a tarp to hold them down and shield them from the rain. Before jumping into his truck he checked his watch one last time…8:13. He looked up and down the street and felt his stomach drop when he realized she really wasn't coming.
Not that I really expected her to care anyway.
He slowly opened his door, checked the street one last time and started up his truck. He sat there for a moment, his eyes closed tightly. Finally, he pulled into reverse as he checked his rearview. About half way down the drive way however, he heard a car honking wildly. He pulled his truck into park and saw a white Honda civic pull up beside him. He unsuccessfully tried to hold down a grin while he hopped out and leaned up against his truck. Lizzie jumped out of the car, giant suitcase in tow, "I'm here, I'm here" she exclaimed, long blonde hair flying around in the wind.
"You're late" he crossed his ankles in front of each other.
"So sue me, it's early and I had to get some coffee before I was functional. Can you help me get my other bag?"
"Other bag?" he asked incredulously, "Isn't that wonder case enough to last you a month?"
"Very funny" she said, struggling to lift the smaller of her two suitcases into the back of his truck.
After everything was finally packed down and covered with the tarp they both got in, Gordo in the driver's seat. "You brought your passport to get over the border right?" he asked.
"Yeah. So do you have a plan for this whole trip?" she asked, grabbing the map off the dash.
"Sort of, but you can't plan these things out"
"Why not?"
"Because you just can't, that's not how road-trips work. You have to let go and let the road lead you on an adventure." Lizzie rolled her yes. He started up the car, the sounds of jazz music slowly filling the air.
"What is this?" she wrinkled her nose.
"Louie Armstrong" he said, as if it was common knowledge. She stared at him. "Possibly the best jazz musician of all time?"
"Whatever," she said, leaning her chair back, "I pick the next CD"
He shook his head. "This is going to be a long ride."
Thick droplets of rain began to splash onto the windshield causing Gordo to both flip on his headlights and windshield wipers. He merged easily onto I-5, considering that it was only 8:30 on a Saturday morning. He glanced over at Lizzie, who looked apprehensive but with a trace of excitement in her eyes. It was amazing how after almost three years of not speaking to each other he could still read her facial expressions like a book.
"By the way, you do know how to drive a clutch right?" Gordo, asked, pulling into the left lane.
Lizzie squinted one eye, "Not exactly."
"And by, 'not exactly,' you mean, not at all?" he said, smirking.
"Yeah, something like that" she said, a distinct air in her voice.
"I can try and teach you later" he said casually, "I mean, if you're up for it." He seemed to be challenging her.
"I'm up for it" she said quickly.
"Good" was all he said, still looking ahead at the road.
The song that had been playing ended, leaving the car in an uncomfortable silence. Lizzie shifted in her seat, staring around at Gordo's car. It was uncharacteristically clean for the average high school senior. But then again, Gordo was anything but normal. "So how did you convince Jay to let you come?" he said, breaking the awkwardness that was currently blanketing the car.
Lizzie felt her stomach drop at the sound of his name. "Uh… see that's the thing… I didn't exactly tell him I was coming" she mumbled.
"You what!" he exclaimed, knowing exactly how Jay would react to this. "Did you at least tell you parents?!"
"Of course I did!" she countered, "My mom wanted me to come." Her mother had been trying to push her and Gordo back to being friends for 3 years and now that she finally was doing something, even if it was a 2 week long road trip she didn't exactly feel comfortable with, she couldn't let Lizzie pass it up.
"Why did you come?" he asked bluntly, looking quickly over at her.
"Because of Miranda." She said quickly, looking away from his glare. The rain was coming down in thick sheets now, the windshield wipers working frantically to clear their vision.
A few more minutes passed and Lizzie suddenly spoke, "How did you convince Samantha to let you come?" Samantha was the lead actress in one of the many plays Gordo had directed his senior year.
"I broke up with her a few weeks ago" he said, keeping his eyes ahead of him.
"Oh… didn't you go to prom together though?" she questioned, staring at the bands of rain coming across the passenger window.
"Yeah, but just as friends" he said simply, his tone slightly uncomfortable, but still sounding cool.
"How long did you go out?" she continued to question. He looked at her quizzically.
"If you must know…" he paused, "About a month, nothing serious."
"Oh." Lizzie said, tapping her fingers on the armrest. Silence.
"Where are you going to college?" she asked.
"What is this, 20 questions?" he joked, and seeing a flash of irritation cross her eyes he backed off, "Sorry, I was just kidding…Well I was accepted to the Academy of Arts College in San Diego…"
"Wow that's great, you're going to major in film?" she smiled.
"Yeah…well, what are your plans for next fall?" he asked, trying to take the attention of himself.
"Well Jay wants me to start touring around trying to get my new single out" she answered mechanically.
"And what do you want to do?" he asked. Lizzie looked at him with wide eyes and was quiet for a moment.
"That's what I want to do." She said, very slowly.
"Are you sure Lizzie?" he said skeptically.
"Since when do you have the right to say what I want? You don't know what I want Gordo." she said, raising her voice in frustration. Even after three years he still has to go into this? she thought bitterly.
"I don't think you know what you want Lizzie" he said, his voice still composed.
"How dare you say that!" she finally broke into a yell.
"Why are you here Lizzie?" he asked again, his voice almost as frustrated as her own.
"That's none of your business!"
"Fine" he spat out.
"Fine!" she yelled in exasperation. What was I thinking when I decided to come? She thought, slumping down in her seat. We are only 20 minutes into the trip and we're already fighting…
Lizzie pulled her clogs off and propped her feet up on the dashboard of her mothers car. "When is Gordo expecting you?" her mother asked her, glancing over at her while driving her home from voice lessons.
"About an hour ago" Lizzie answered, putting her head in her hands and sighing. She was just beginning her lessons with Jay to stretch her range, but this was the second practice this week that had gone over an hour late. Her voice felt hoarse.
"Want me to come pick you up later?" her mother asked, pulling up to Gordo's house.
"No, that's ok." Lizzie answered, pulling her shoes back on and unlocking the door, "It's not far, I can walk."
"Will you be home for dinner?" her mother asked, handing Lizzie her purse from the floor.
"Most likely not" Lizzie answered, thinking she would eat with Gordo and his parents.
"That's fine" her mother answered, smiling. She seemed to like it whenever Lizzie spent time with Gordo. "Be home before 9."
Her mother drove away as Mrs. Gordon opened the door and smiled brightly at Lizzie, "Hi Lizzie, It's been a while." She motioned for Lizzie to come on in.
"I've been so busy with all those voice lessons lately" Lizzie said, shrugging off her windbreaker, "I'm sorry I haven't been around to see you though. I love your new hair cut."
Mrs. Gordon smiled, pulling her hand up to her now short curly hair, "Thanks sweetie. Gordo's upstairs on the phone with Miranda, if you want to head on up."
"Thanks Mrs. Gordon" Lizzie said, as she guiltily walked up the stairs. Miranda, Gordo and her had a weekly ritual where Gordo and Lizzie would call Miranda and they would all talk together on the phone. Due to the extra cost of 3-way calling for long distance calls, Lizzie and Gordo would alternate whose house they would go to and call from the same line. When they started right after Miranda left they all promised each other they would always do call every Wednesday at 5:30. She glanced at her watch. 6:22.
She walked tentatively to the door that was halfway open. Peeking her head in, she saw Gordo laying on his bed and talking on the phone. She bit her lip and walked slowly into the room. He glanced up from the bed and gave her a strange expression. His held out his hand wordlessly, the cordless telephone from downstairs in it. She took it as he said into his receiver, "Lizzie's here."
She pressed the talk button and said, "Hey Miranda!"
"Hey Lizzie" Miranda's voice came on the other end, sounding a little quiet.
"I'm so sorry I'm late Miranda, voice lessons ran late again." Lizzie explained.
"Jay seems like a pretty tough manager" Miranda said.
"I guess so, but you won't believe the people I've met at the recording studio! My dance coach worked with Mandy Moore when she first started."
"Wow" Miranda said, sounding truly happy for her.
"Yeah it's exciting, but how is Mexico going?" Lizzie asked, sitting down on the bed near Gordo.
"It's okay. I'm still struggling to transition into my classes because of the language difference, but it seems to be going better now that I'm getting tutoring. And my grandmother is out of the hospital, so that's good. How is everything else going for you?"
Lizzie paused and glanced at Gordo, who wasn't looking at her but instead staring out the window, "It's okay I guess."
"So Miranda-" Gordo interrupted, "You were telling me about how your dance class performance?" Lizzie continued to watch Gordo, who was still lying down on the bed. He still wasn't looking at her.
"I'm so, so excited about it- the dancing styles down here are just so different! We do this one mambo number with partners and I am out of breath about 20 seconds into the song. And-" she paused and Lizzie heard sound muffled sound in the background.
"Miranda?" Lizzie asked.
"Oh hey guys" Miranda's voice came back on the line, "I've got to get going and help my mom finish getting dinner ready. All my cousins are here."
"Have fun at dinner." Gordo said, "We'll talk to you next week."
"Bye" Miranda said, Lizzie and Gordo echoing her before they all hung up.
There was a silence as neither Lizzie nor Gordo said anything. She looked over at him on the bed. He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. She scooted over to sit closer to him and looked down on his face. "Gordo?" she said in a small voice, "I'm sorry."
He didn't say anything for a second before saying in a calm voice, "Hey don't worry about me, maybe we never get to hang out anymore but at least I see you at lunch time. Miranda never gets to see you."
"Gordo, that's not fair" she said, hurt, "I said I was sorry." She thought for a second, "And it isn't my entire fault we never see each other this year- you've been spending all your time with the drama club." She had an accusatory tone in her voice.
"Well I'm sorry if I like to enjoy myself sometimes" he said, sitting up and facing away from her.
This hit Lizzie like a ton of bricks. She was silent for a second before gathering up her courage and whispering, "So you're saying you don't have fun with me anymore?" She felt tears fill her eyes.
He turned around and Lizzie saw his face fall as he took in her teary eyes and downcast face. "Lizzie…" he got up and sat next to her, "That's not what I meant." He sighed deeply.
"Well then what did you mean?" Lizzie felt a knot form in the back of her throat. 'Is this why he doesn't like me anymore?' she wondered.
He stared into her eyes, his light blue eyes full of sadness and something that Lizzie couldn't read. She continued to hold his gaze and his face twitched, as if he were trying to say something but couldn't. He looked away suddenly and pulled his hand through his dark curls, looking unsettled, "It's just hard to be around you sometimes, that's all."
"What does that mean?" Lizzie felt a tear fall out of the corner of her right eye. She put her hand on top of his, desperate to touch him, to feel his reassurance. He looked up at her, his eyes darkening when he glanced at her face. His face twisted and he seemed to struggle with himself for a moment.
"Nothing…" he said, looking away from her, but not moving his hand, "I'm not sure what I meant. Look Lizzie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said before, I was just upset about you missing Miranda's call. Let's call it even?" He glanced up at her. He was lying and she knew it.
She nodded, even as fresh tears filled her eyes. He looked at her tears and seemed to hesitate for a few seconds before pulling his arms around her tentatively. He seemed like he was trying not to hold her too tightly. 'He's even afraid to touch me anymore' Lizzie thought sadly.
The rain was coming down so hard now that Gordo needed to slow down in order to be able to see the cars in front of him. Lizzie stared outside, her mind still transported to the past. She glanced over at Gordo, who was concentrating hard on driving in the pouring rain. She tried not to let her mind jump ahead to what had happened just a month after that day in Gordo's room. Her own thoughts came back to her, 'Maybe some wounds run too deep.'
Consider this my plea for reviews :o) It really helps to have feedback on what I am writing and to give me motivation to keep going!