Ali oldman- Thanks for always being such a peppy reviewer- I always can tell how much you liked the chapter just by your writing ;o)
Juan Pablo- Trust me, it definitely won't be easy for them to talk about- but the hardest things in life tend to be the best (just wait)!
EstellaB- I totally agree- Hooray for heightened romantic tension. Also, I'm glad you think Miranda is… Miranda-ish, because she was one of the characters I was worried about coming across right!
Dario- I'm glad you find it so suspenseful!!
Andy- Thanks so much! I hope that this update was quick enough for you!
budgiefreak- I've never had the work kwlies used in reference to something I've done before, but thanks! PS What does kwlies mean:o)
Jessi- wow, thank you for such a great review! I love the feeling of being completely encompassed by a story too, so much that you get swept up by it (let me know if you find any other Lizzie/Gordo stories that fit that description!).
Kitty DoggyLover- Don't worry, Gordo and Lizzie will work it out soon enough ;o)
Hermione-Granger17- I agree with you and the usual Lizzie storylines, I thought of the roadtrip one a really long time ago because I thought it would be a good way to get out of the same routine we are used to. I've really tried not lose the characters too- I think sometimes people "overcool" Gordo and forget that he is a math geek at heart, but that is part of the reason we love him!
Unconventional- I knew if Gordo would be learning salsa he would have to, in some way, dorkify it a bit, because he is Gordo after all!
Sivchik- I hope you are all settled in now! I'm glad you are looking forward to more of my stories, me too!
Neithan- wow! Thank you so, so, so much for such a positive review on that chapter! And you are right about the ending being the old Lizzie- I feel like this whole story has been a process of her re-discovering herself (wait until the last chapter to see how that ties back in!).
Note to everyone: This isn't the last chapter, but expect that to be sometime mid-next week :o)
Chapter 11- All Systems Go
"Good morning" Gordo said, not looking up as she entered the kitchen the next morning after Miranda had left for work.
"Morning." Lizzie said quietly, standing awkwardly in the doorway. Gordo was standing over a pan at the stove cooking something. There was a long pause as he continued to bend down over the food. "What are you making?" Lizzie finally asked.
"Pancakes and sausage" Gordo said as he checked underneath one of the pancakes to see if it was finished yet, still not looking at her.
Lizzie sat down at a stool, "Smells good." There was another long pause. Lizzie felt as if she swallowed a heavy piece of lead as she came to the horrible conclusion: He doesn't feel comfortable to be around me anymore after what happened last night…
"Need any help?" she asked, trying to break the silence somehow. I should talk to him like Miranda said…
"You can help me find the syrup if you'd like" he said, flipping one of the larger pancakes.
"Sure" she answered, searching around the cupboards. "Hey, I was thinking…" she trailed off, taking a gulp of air.
"Yeah?" He didn't look up from his pan, but just continued to focus on the task in front of him.
"Um…do you want to clean Miranda's house today while everyone is at work?" she asked dejectedly, "I thought that since we are leaving tomorrow it might be a nice way to say thanks to Ms. Sanchez for letting us stay."
"Good idea" he said, continuing to look down at the pancakes in front of him.
Lizzie and Gordo spent the morning doing odd chores around the house, dusting, cleaning the bathrooms and some vacuuming. Lizzie attempted to avoid Gordo (or is he avoiding me?) as much as humanly possible. Around 1:30 Lizzie knew they should start making lunch if it would be ready when Miranda got back.
She found him dusting in the basement. "What shall we eat for lunch?" she questioned.
"I don't know" he commented, "Let's go look around."
They searched around the kitchen for a bit before deciding upon salad and sandwiches. "I'll take the salad, you take the sandwiches." Lizzie said, opening the fridge and grabbing a head of lettuce.
She washed it and looked over at Gordo, who was piling meat on slices of bread. Sighing she brought the lettuce over to the cutting board and began to take of the outer layers. How do I start a conversation like this? she questioned herself as began to slice with a knife she found in a bottom drawer. Hey remember that one time that I told you I didn't value our friendship anymore? Yeah, sorry about that.
"Ow!" she cried when she felt cold metal slice into her thumb.
In an instant Gordo was beside her as she brought her thumb to her chest, feeling the throbbing pain spread through her hand. "Are you okay?" he asked, taking her hand and looking at it with worry in his eyes.
She shook her head and tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill. Grabbing a towel off the counter he wrapped it quickly around her thumb and said, "Keep you hand above your heart, it will keep the blood flow down." He began to lead her towards the bathroom.
Slightly dizzy at the though of blood, Lizzie began to see stars erupting in the corners of her vision. All she could think about was blood pouring out of her and she began to get extremely lightheaded. "Lizzie?" Gordo asked as she began to lean in his direction, "Lizzie!"
The last thing Lizzie saw as the black stars closed in on her vision was Gordo's worried face, inches from her own.
She felt cold water dripping off of her forehead and into her hair. Lizzie's eyelids fluttered open to see she was lying on the couch. Lifting her hand up she felt a damp washcloth on her forehead. In the process of doing this she realized that her thumb had a band aid over top of her cut but could already see blood seeping through it. She put her hand back on her chest, not wanting to look at it.
"You're up" Gordo said, coming down the stairs, his hands full.
"How long was I out?" Lizzie asked, attempting to sit up.
He placed the bottles down quickly and pressed down on her shoulders to keep her from going anywhere. "You should lie down for a moment. You were only out for a minute or two" he answered her question.
"How did I get here?" she asked, her mind still processing what just happened.
His cheeks reddened and he determinedly avoided her gaze as he opened on of the bottles, "I carried you."
"Oh" was all Lizzie could say in return, taking the wet cloth off her face.
"I put on a band aid quickly to try and stop the blood but we need to clean it a little better. I found some alcohol" he picked up one of the bottles, "Do you think you can make it to the bathroom?" Lizzie shrugged and after taking Gordo's hand, she got up slowly from the couch, still feeling shaky. "Um…" he hesitated, "Here, lean on me."
Slowly Lizzie placed her good hand around Gordo's shoulder. After a second, Gordo tentatively placed his arm around Lizzie's waist. Trying to calm herself, Lizzie took a deep breath, only to get a strong whiff of Gordo's scent. Lizzie felt her knees weaken further.
"All set?" his voice sounded oddly strained.
"All systems go" Lizzie said weakly with a smile.
They made it down the hallway and into the bathroom, one step at a time. She sat down on the counter between two sinks while Gordo went back to grab the rubbing alcohol and bandages. "Here let me see the damage" he said quietly and she gave him her hand to examine. He pulled the band aid off and Lizzie looked out the window, away from the blood.
"Well, it seems that you just grazed the surface so it isn't bad enough to need stitches or anything. You are going to want to clean it really well to make sure it doesn't get infected." He was holding her hurt hand with both of his own.
"How do you know so much about this stuff?" Lizzie asked him.
He shrugged, "I know a lot of stuff."
"Understatement of the century" Lizzie gave a weak grin, "Mr. I Got a 1600 on my SATs."
"How did you hear about that?" he wondered while he ran the cut under some cold water.
"I hear things" Lizzie said coolly. He held the rubbing alcohol up and Lizzie asked in a small voice, "That's going to hurt isn't it?"
"Yep" he said apologetically.
Turning her head completely the other way she whispered, "Do your worst Doc." She heard the unscrewing of the lid and she bit her lip, preparing herself for the worst. "Owww…" she moaned as she felt the dull sting of the alcohol penetrating her wound. She felt Gordo's free hand that wasn't pouring the alcohol begin to rub the palm of her hand slowly, going in slow circles.
Taking a deep breath she glanced over at Gordo's face, which was intently staring down at her hand. He worked on her thumb gently, rubbing some cream on it with a Q-tip and then placing a band-aid over it carefully. Feeling her stare he looked up at her, looking her directly in the eyes for the first time that day. "All better?" he asked quietly.
Very slowly, she nodded her head. There was a pause as they just looked at each other. Talk to him! Say you're sorry! Lizzie's inner monologue was screaming at her.
"Hello!" Miranda's voice echoed down the hallway.
Gordo broke their gaze and squeezed her hand softly before letting go and looking over his shoulder. "We're in here!" he called.
Miranda showed up in the doorway a second later, looking confused. "What are you guys doing in the bathroom?"
"I cut my hand while we were making lunch." Lizzie answered sheepishly.
"Are you okay?" Miranda asked concerned.
"Thanks to Dr. Gordon here" Lizzie said, motioning to Gordo. Gordo simply shrugged. "Miranda? What are you wearing?" Lizzie asked, noticing for the first time Miranda's appearance.
Miranda blushed. She was wearing a bright button down shirt and hat was shaped in the form of a taco about the half the size of her head. "See, that's where I've been all day… I work at a taco stand in town" she said, taking her foam hat off and hiding it behind her back.
Lizzie began to giggle softly. "Lizzie! It's not funny!" Miranda stammered. Gordo began to laugh now, but tried to hide it by cleaning up the supplies on the counter. Miranda just stood there with a grin on her face before giving them both a hard punch on the shoulder.
"Ow!" Lizzie cried, laughing, "Hey! I'm injured here!"
"Yeah you keep on laughing and you may loose the whole thumb McGuire." Miranda giggled.
They all walked out of the bathroom. "Let's finish making lunch shall we?" Gordo said, "Except, how about you stick with the drinks this time Lizzie?" They all laughed.
"I'll see you at Christmas then?" Lizzie said, her voice muffled in Miranda's hair.
"I'll be counting the days" Miranda said. "And Arizona State isn't that far away from you guys" she said.
"I still can't believe they gave you a full ride" Lizzie said, looking at her friend in admiration.
"Well a funny thing happened when I didn't have you to write notes to or giggle with during class--I started paying attention" Miranda joked.
They both gave each other another hug. "Uh, guys?" Gordo questioned, "Is it going to be my turn sometime this century? You know, before my clothes go out of style?"
Miranda leaned back and surveyed Gordo, "I hate to break it to you Gordo but I your clothes never were in style."
They all laughed, even Gordo, as he and Miranda embraced. "If I ever need clothing advice I know who to call" he said.
"You better" she said, patting him on the back.
"Thanks again so much for letting us stay here Ms. Sanchez" Lizzie gave Miranda's mom a hug.
"It was my pleasure" Ms. Sanchez said, "I missed you two." She pulled Gordo into a hug.
Miranda looked to Lizzie and whispered into her ear, "Did you talk to Gordo yet? You know, apologize like I said?"
"Not yet." Lizzie whispered back. She had tried to muster up the courage in the last day of their visit but kept delaying it.
"It will work out" Miranda said reassuringly, "Trust me." With that she gave Lizzie another hug.
Lizzie sighed and shifted in her seat.
"What are you thinking about?" Gordo asked. Lizzie's eyes snapped up across the table of the diner they were sitting in.
"Uh" she stammered, "Just how much I miss Miranda already."
He laughed, "It's only been 5 hours. But yeah, I understand what you mean." He took another bite of his sandwich. Lizzie gulped. Gordo had been much more willing to speak to her today, but everything still felt very forced and awkward. She glanced out at the table, which held her half eaten sandwich (she was feeling too anxious to eat at the moment) and his plate that was almost empty. Well, no better time than the present I guess…
"Gordo?" Her voice was more nervous than she expected.
He looked up from finishing up his chicken parmesan sub. Wiping his mouth with a napkin he asked, "Yeah?"
"I… I've been meaning to talk to you about something…" she began to fiddle with her napkin, peeling off the corner and ripping it into small pieces in an attempt to not meet his eyes.
There was a pause and Gordo waited a beat before saying again, "Yeah?"
"Well… I wanted to apologize…" she said timidly.
"For what?" he looked confused.
"For… the last four years?" she supplied, biting her lip. "I wanted… I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for saying what I did four years ago… and for pushing you away and…" she trailed off, trying to put her thoughts into better words. "Remember how in the end of the 8th grade I made you promise me that we would always be friends, no matter what?" she asked.
"Yeah?" he was gazing over her shoulder, as though he were recounting the moment to himself.
"Well… Gordo, you told me that you weren't going anywhere…" she said sadly, "But you see…I did. I didn't keep my side of the deal. I'm so…so sorry" she felt her breath catch in her throat.
He gazed back into her eyes and there was a pause, causing Lizzie's heartbeat to quicken. Then suddenly he shrugged his shoulders and said indifferently, "Okay…" With that, he grabbed the check the waitress left on the table and walked over to the register to pay for it.
Lizzie felt her heart drop like a rock. She jumped up to follow him to the register. "Okay?" she asked accusingly to him.
"What?" he asked as he gave the man at the counter the money.
"I said all that to you and all you could say in return was, 'Okay'!" she exclaimed loudly, eliciting a strange look from the man at the counter.
Gordo took the change from the man and left it on their table as they walked out of the door. "What?" he asked, "I forgive you, no big deal."
"What do you mean no big deal!" Lizzie cried out, flabbergasted at his attitude. They stopped walking and stood next to Gordo's truck.
"It was the past, what's done is done… It doesn't matter" his voice staying the same level, causing Lizzie's frustration to rise.
"But I don't understand, you seemed like you were upset with me this whole trip and that you have been holding a grudge the whole time… and… and… even it doesn't matter to you Gordo, it matters to me!" Tears of frustration began to form at the corners of her eyes. "Why are you acting this way?"
He sighed, obviously frustrated, and looked down the street. "Look… I'm sorry. I just don't see why you have to bring the past up like this… that's all, but whatever, you're sorry, I forgive you, it's done" he said quickly, avoiding her face.
"So that's it then?" she said, holding back her tears.
"What else do you want from me Lizzie!" he exclaimed, raising his voice for the first time and jumping into the passenger side, slamming the door behind him.
She stood there for a moment, staring after him before finally letting a tear fall down her cheek and murmuring under her breath, "Obviously nothing you want to give…"
The rain was coming down harder than she had seen it since their first day of the trip. It came in sheets, blanketing the car and forcing the windshield wipers to work frantically to clear their vision. Inside she felt like she was a bomb, ready to erupt at any moment. She couldn't believe how they had left things like that, so incomplete, with so many questions unanswered. The tension in the little cab of Gordo's truck was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
She quickly glanced over at Gordo sitting in the passenger seat. His eyes looked sad but he continued to keep this blank face on, as if he were putting up an act for her. How did it come to this? Lizzie couldn't handle it anymore. She had enough of all pretenses, of pretending to be someone she wasn't and that she had everything under control. Seeing a sign for a lookout point off of the highway she merged right and ignoring Gordo's cry of confusion as to what she was doing, she slammed on the brakes and pulled the car off the road.
Pulling the car into park but leaving the key in the ignition she undid her seatbelt, opened her car door forcefully and marched out with long, angry strides. The pouring rain drenched her instantly, sticking to every crevice of her clothing and matting her hair down to her head. She made it about 10 steps when she heard Gordo's door open and him calling out to her.
"Lizzie! What are you doing?!" his voice came from behind her. She kept walking, ignoring him. Quicker than she expected however, she felt two hands grab her forcefully by the shoulders to spin her around and look at him.
He was drenched now too, his curly hair now flattened around his face and his shirt being forced to stick tightly to his body. He kept his hands on her shoulders and his face close to hers as he repeated, "Lizzie, what are you doing?" He had an almost desperate tone to his voice now.
"Why did you stop liking me?" she blurted out, her tone almost as desperate as his.
His face twisted into confusion and he dropped his hands from her shoulders as he questioned her, "What are you talking about?"
She took a step back from him and said loudly, "After Rome, you stopped liking me and I want to know why… I could tell you cared about me once. But you stopped that summer, you pulled away from me. Just like you are pulling away from me now!" The rain seemed to be coming down even harder as she spoke in a strangled voice, "Back in the 9th grade…I didn't understand why you kept doing it so I pushed myself into singing to try and impress you, but it didn't work." His eyes widened in surprise and there was a long silence before she spoke, "Please Gordo, I need to know!" She started to cry but didn't bother wiping her tears, letting the rain wash them away.
He stood there, immobile, his mouth half open, just staring at the ground in front of him. She let a moment pass before saying in a choked voice, not holding back any tears, "Was it me? Was it something I said or did…or didn't do?" He didn't say anything. He just stood there, in the same position as when she had started talking, his face screwed up and looking at the mud soaked ground. A sob seemed to rip from Lizzie's throat after a minute and she turned on her heels, ready to walk away.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to face him, eliciting a gasp from his sudden movement. "It wasn't you" he almost whispered.
"What?" Lizzie gulped, pushing her rain soaked hair out of her face.
"It wasn't you…It was…It was…" he hesitated, as if every word was a struggle to get out, "It was me. It still is." There was a long silence and Lizzie saw tears forming in his eyes.
"What…What do you mean?" She said through her own tears.
"Lizzie… After what happened in Rome I had to do something… I had to be someone. I knew that I wasn't good enough for you, especially after what happened, after seeing everything you did. I thought I was doing the right thing, because even though I cared for you, I knew you had so much more in store for you. You are amazing, you know that? You have a passion inside of your heart that will lead you to so many wonderful things, and you deserve someone…someone who will help take you there." He took a breath, "And when you signed that contract… well…I thought it meant that what I thought was true."
Lizzie just stared at him as he continued, "I really struggled with it that first summer after Rome… but after you signed that contract I thought that it just sealed it… and I really pushed you away after that… yes because you hurt me back in the 9th grade but…mostly it was an easy way for me to cover up my own fear. And I still am… I'm still afraid of…us… of this…But I never stopped caring… never." He stared into her eyes and took a deep breath, as if he had been waiting to get that off his chest for a long time.
Lizzie stared at him, awestruck. They stood there in silence, letting the rain fall relentlessly around them before Lizzie said, her voice wavering slightly, "Do you know why I never dated in High School?"
Surprised by her question Gordo looked at her for a moment before answering, "Because Jay didn't allow it?"
"No, I was allowed" she said quietly.
"Why?" his voice was almost drowned out by the pounding rain.
"Because every guy who asked me on a date wasn't smart enough. Or… their hair wasn't curly enough, their eyes weren't blue enough… or they didn't know me for my entire life… they didn't know my favorite flavor of ice-cream or exactly how to make me smile when I'm feeling lonely and upset." Her voice cracked a little but she forged on, "They didn't use large enough words that I didn't understand or listen to weird music or refuse to eat at McDonald's or shop at Wal-Mart because they thought big businesses are the downfall of society…" He gave a small grin.
"They… They didn't see me in a way that nobody else in the world does. As if… I'm actually worth something more than I think I am…" The rain started to let up a bit as they stared at each other's eyes, "You said before… that I deserve someone who will help me follow my heart… but that's you… you already take me there. Don't you see Gordo?" She took a deep breath, "It's you…it always has been, and it always will be."
He blinked. Afraid at this sudden loss of eye contact, Lizzie looked down at the ground that was swimming with rain water. She just stood there for what seemed like an eternity before a wave of panic spread through her body. I said too much… I let myself be vulnerable and now he's going to reject me…
The tears were coming full force as Lizzie, in an act of panic, turned around and began to walk quickly away, leaving Gordo still standing there. A horrifying thought came to Lizzie as she walked: He doesn't feel the same way. Thoughts began running through her head in all directions: I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have opened up.
But suddenly a different emotion began to run through her veins: Wait… I shouldn't feel sorry for how I feel… With sudden determination she turned around to see Gordo still standing in the same spot, staring in her direction. "I was going to apologize for what I said, but you know what Gordo?!" she called to him, taking steps in his direction, "I not sorry for what I said! I'm sorry you don't feel the same way but I can't help how I feel!"
She was standing back in front of him now, still feeling the need to continue talking, "And you can't change that so you're just going to have to deal with it Gordo-" In a sudden movement Gordo reached his hand up to her mouth to lay a single finger on her lips, silencing her quickly.
She stared at him as he bent down and quietly whispered closely to her face, "Are you finished yet?" Lizzie was lost in his eyes, which were looking deep into her own. She nodded, afraid to blink or move much at all. Slowly the hand that was over her lips slid down her face to cup her cheek and Lizzie felt a shiver run through her body. His other hand landed on her forehead, pushing some of the wet hair that had fallen onto her face and tucking it behind her ear before landing on her other cheek.
He was looking at her with such wonder in his eyes, as if he had never before seen her face before. He smiled and leaned in towards the side of her face and kissed her lightly on the cheek, dangerously close to her mouth. Lizzie took a deep breath as he whispered quietly into her ear, "I love you more than you'll ever know Lizzie McGuire."
There was a moment where time was suddenly suspended. Where her heart seemed to stop as she registered what was just said. The pouring rain, the highway next to them, the sky up above, it all disappeared and only Gordo was left. Lizzie wasn't sure who initiated the kiss or how the distance between their lips disappeared, but before she knew it their lips had joined and her hands were buried in his wet curls.
His lips felt wonderful, wet from the rain yet warm to the touch. His hands, which were cupping her face, gently moved down to her neck and up through her hair and Lizzie, feeling as if she would never again be able to breathe properly, moved closer to Gordo, unable to get close enough. Lizzie marveled at his intoxicating touch that was doing incredible things to her body yet even more to her on the inside. Her heart, which was beating rapidly, seemed to be rejoicing with happiness.