Chapter Fifteen

James held back Lily's hair as she puked up her breakfast into the toilet. When she was finished, she brushed her teeth and glared at James.

"I told you that I wouldn't be able to hold down that second serving of eggs," James smiled sheepishly at her. She looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. James toyed with her hair that hung around her face in limp, sick looking waves.

"What have you done to yourself Lils?" She let a tear roll down her face and sniffed.

"Can you leave me alone for a few minutes?" She asked softly. James nodded and headed out. She waited until he closed the door before picking up the scissor from the counter and pressing it to her skin. The door opened and James poked his head in.

"Hey Lily-" His gaze dropped to the sink where she had dropped the scissors. She quickly tried to cover the cut that was dripping blood onto the white marble. James' eyes widened. Lily refused to meet his gaze and looked away like the cat who ate the canary. James rushed over and healed the cut with his wand. He pulled her into his embrace.

"Lily, you have to stop doing this to yourself, you have to!" Tears rolled down her face and her body convulsed with sobs against him.

"I don't know if I can!" she cried woefully.

"You have to,"

"James?" Sirius' voice rang through the dorm. He peered through the open bathroom door. When he saw them together, his eyes darkened. "I should have known," He turned to leave but James grabbed his arm.

"What the hell Sirius!" James shouted in his face. Lily was taken aback by his force. Sirius backed up slightly. "Stop acting like you don't care! You know you do! But under that facade you put on, you don't even realize what's happening to her. Do you know that she hasn't been eating?" Sirius frowned.

"Yes she has, I watch her every morning," After saying this Sirius blushed and Lily looked up at him in surprise.

"No she hasn't. Before this morning, she can't even remember the last time she really ate. And do you want to know where that blood in the sink came from?"

"James dont-" Jame grabbed Lily's arm and pushed up the sleeve, exposing her scars. Sirius gasped at the sight.

"Now dont even act like you don't care!" Lily pulled her arm out of James' grasp and pulled down the sleeve. When she finished adjusting herself, Sirius enveloped her in a bone crushing hug.

"I'm so sorry Sirius, I never meant to hurt you,"

"I know, but you did. You hurt me a lot. But I just want you to know, I will always love you, and nothing can change that," Lily smiled and hugged him tight. James felt a tinge of jealously. "But Lily, you have to make a choice. It's either me or James, you can't have us both." Lily looked at James and back to Sirius. This was going to be very difficult.

"I need time to think," she whispered. The guys both nodded. James made sure to wait until Lily left the bathroom. He was not going to leave her alone again.

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Lily sat on her bed, thinking deeply. She knew she had to make a choice. But what a difficult choice it was. She loved them both so much. She thought about the things she loved about each of them. James. He was so caring and gentle when he was with her. The way he kissed her and touched her. It made her feel so safe and warm and loved. When they were together, it felt like nothing could go wrong. And that things would be perfect forever, just as long as she had him. Sirius was a completely different person altogether. He was fun loving a daring. He loved to try new things, and he always included her in his adventures. Being with Sirius was fun in the sense that you would never know what was going to happen. He was unpredictable. Sirius gave her a thrill that James couldn't give her. But she always felt like he was there to protect her no matter what happened. She thought some more and she felt like she had made her choice.

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The next morning, she approached the two guys and took a deep breath.

"I've made my decision," James and Sirius looked at her anxiously.

"What is it?" They said in unison. Lily bit her lip. "I'm sorry James," She said softly. She saw his face visibly drop, but quickly resume a non-chalant expression as he patted Sirius on the back.

"Congratulations mate, you're a really lucky guy," It was obvious that Sirius felt bad about the whole ordeal, but he couldn't contain his happiness over the fact that Lily had chosen him. Lily smiled up at Sirius, but she felt something was missing. Had she made the right decision?