Title: Blame us cause we are who we are and hate us cause you'll never get that far
Author: alienangel19852003
Rating: M, language and adult situations
Summary: AU. Enter a world where Phil's the rebel, Pim's the well behaved proper girl. Keely's the shy girl, Seth Wassumer is the most popular guy in school. Owen's a closeted cheerleader and Keely's only friend. Whenever I hear a specific song I try to put whatever characters I'm working with together to see if they fit the song, this time I had to rework things so it would fit. Extremely OOC….for nearly all of the characters.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own POTF. If I did for starters it wouldn't be on the Disney Channel it would be on the WB or Fox and it sure as hell wouldn't be cancelled.
Author's Note: Not the chapter i was hoping for but i hope you all like it. It leads into the opening of another chapter which maybe the final chapter of the story.
"Give us this daily dose of faux affliction"
Phil was tired of Keely pressuring him into going to the doctor, he was tired of hearing about it. It was enough that he had to experience the pain first hand and endure the pain in the ass questions and endless lectures and what hurt the most was them constantly asking if he was okay.
He was fine except for the gut wrenching pain every now and again. Feeling pain meant the he was feeling something he was making real progress. He had stood up and was trying to recreate the moment and maybe take a step or two. This was good enough for Phil and he was working like hell to get moving again. It was a Saturday which meant he had a few hours to himself, while his mother had gone with Keely and Calli to see their mother. He was left under the care of his younger sister and her boyfriend. He didn't mind Pim and Little Danny, they meant well. He could have an hour to himself to try walking if he promised to come up and watch the Saturday Matinee with them.
Making sure his door was locked and his sister and her boyfriend were occupied up stairs he pushed his chair to the center of the room making sure he had his Wizard close at hand if he got himself into trouble. He concentrated on trying to move his left leg out of his wheelchair stirrup.
The pain was back he always had to wait until it hurt to get a twitch of movement out of his legs. It hurt worse than the last time he thought he was going to die before he even took a step.
Beads of perspiration were popping out all over his forehead. He managed to get both feet on the floor he braced himself on the chair trying to put weight on his legs. He took one apprehensive step forward. He almost wanted to give up because of the intense pain, but he knew he had to see it through.
He took another step, he was sweating all over. He tried to smile but it was a grimace as he shuffled his feet across the cool tile. It was amazing to feel the floor beneath his bare feet.
He made it all the way to the basement ramp and turned around. He was in a momentous amount of pain he knew if he stopped moving then the pain would stop soon. He slowly made his way over to his chair and sat back down. It was almost more than he could stand it was hours before the pain subsided. He wheeled around with his laptop pretending he was okay as not to arouse Pim's suspicions but she was so wrapped up in spending time with Little Danny it really didn't matter.
Keely was another story as soon as she saw him she kissed him and then she took a long look at him.
"Phil are you okay?" she smoothed his hair down.
"Keels I'm fine."
"You are not fine your shaking."
"I am not, I just wanted you to touch me so badly I flinched."
"That was a sweet lie. Now I know you're in pain and I'm going to tell your mother and we're going to the doctor. I gave you time like you asked. We should go before it gets worse."
"I'm fine really why are you sweating?"
"It's unseasonably warm for April." He responded.
"Phil, it's not a joke okay I'm really worried about you this is serious."
"You're right it's definitely serious." He paused thinking about the ten cautious steps he'd been able to take, "You come in and give me a little kiss like that. I want more." He smirked.
"Phil… please I'm worried about you. Don't think I know your desperate attempts to throw me off. You want me to leave this alone because you think that if it keeps hurting you'll walk soon. But that may just be false hope. We should go to your doctor and see what she has to say. Whether it's good or bad news its better than the pain right?" she asked.
"Aren't you the one who told me that the best things come from the most painful? You have to get through the bad to be able to reach the good. I'm a big boy Keely and pain is better than nothing. For three months I didn't feel anything, not in my legs and not in my heart you've opened me up and I know things are going to be better."
"Phil, I'm concerned." She said walking over to her bed across from his in the basement.
They didn't always sleep together because his mother refused to let him get a bed without the stupid guard rails.
"I love you Keels but this is happening to me. I'm the one who is in pain here. I want to be able to walk."
"I know. But what if it isn't meant to be?"
Phil was getting pissed off, "Please don't say that."
"You need to hear that you can't put all your hope on something that may or may not happen."
"You are the most pessimistic wishful thinker I've ever met. You do know that right, you remember giving me that little speech by the fountain. One your spiels about the sun'll come out tomorrow…"
"It wasn't like that and you know it."
"You're such a hypocrite. You tell me the importance of hoping for things to get better and then you try to take the hope I have left away."
"Phil. You don't know have to be defensive all the time. It hurts me to see you in pain."
"It hurts to be in pain but don't you think it would be worth the pain to be able to walk?"
"No. I don't want you to be in pain." She said tears spilling down her cheeks.
"I think it's worth it." He said wheeling himself up the ramp.
He didn't want to leave her crying but he didn't want to stay and fight with her. He had to get out of the house but he knew the that his mother was playing guard dog in the living room and if she saw him sneaking out he'd be in major trouble. But she didn't have to see him. A quick shot of the InvisiSpray and he was out the door. He was desperate for a drink. He couldn't do it at home without getting into a way worse fight with Keely.
Keely watched Phil leave the room she knew he was just upset, he would realize that she did support him in his dream but she didn't want him to be in pain and she didn't want him to be disappointed when he was told it wouldn't happen. She wiped the tears off her face and walked up stairs expecting to see him instead finding the back door open.
"Phil!" she called running outside. Not seeing him anywhere she returned to the house.
"Where is he?" she asked Barb and Pim who'd come into the kitchen.
"We didn't know he'd gone."
"We got into an argument and then I came up here and the door was wide open. And he wasn't anywhere to be found."
"Let's drive around and see if we can find him."
"Pim you and Danny stay here and call your Dad and see if he went over there." Keely said.
"Why would he go see that ass hat?" Barb asked, Keely glared at her, "Okay going now."
They drove around town for most of the afternoon not finding him. Keely was freaking out and Barb was calm and collected.
"He's fine Keely, I would know if something happened to him." Barb stated.
"I hope so. He's been having pains in his legs and he believes that they'll lead to him walking." Keely confessed.
"What! How could you keep this a secret?"
"He made me promise. And I told him I'd give it a few weeks and if it got worse which it has that I'd make him go to the doctor." Keely said.
"I don't know what I can do with either of you." Barb sighed, "Maybe we should head home. He'll be back soon, maybe he's with Bruno. That's the only one of the kids he used to hang with we couldn't track down."
"I doubt he's with Bruno, he hasn't talked to Phil he came to visit him the hospital right before we broke up that time, he feels really guilty about the accident. And I heard that he went to overseas to go to war. He was really torn apart by the accident and really didn't care what happened to him as long as he could make the difference, not really very Bruno like. He's changed."
"I can't believe how everything seems to have changed since that happened." Barb whispered.
They went home there was no sign of Phil there and they'd looked everywhere. Keely went downstairs defeated.
"I am not going to allow him to do this I'm calling the police. They'll classify this as a runaway." Barb said from up stairs.
"They won't be able to do much of anything trust me." Keely whispered.
"They'll have to do something or deal with me." Barb threatened.
Keely climbed into bed, it had been such a trying day. First going to see her mother in the hospital fortunately it wasn't as traumatic as the first time, or else she couldn't have dealt with Phil's drama. She wondered where he was and what he was doing right then, was he even thinking about her at all? Did he know how worried she was about him? Did he even care?
Phil wheeled around till he was down town, he was still invisible till he reached the Tavern he used to frequent with Bruno and the gang over by the docs. He allowed the spray to wear off and went inside rolling himself over to the bar. Bruno's cousin Jim was the bartender and he let Phil and Bruno drink all they wanted with no fear of losing his liquor license.
"Haven't seen you in around kid life hasn't been treatin' you good has it?" the bar tender asked.
"I can't say it's been a good day, but I've been better. How's Bruno? I tried calling him. I wanted him to know that it wasn't his fault what happened at all." He said.
"He's fine he sent a couple of post cards from China. He likes it over the he wanted to go where the real fighting was. Have you been keeping on the straight and narrow since the wreck?" Jim the bartender said.
"Well, I can't get into much trouble down in my basement. It's been a little crowded since my girlfriend moved in to help take care of me."
"This isn't really the place for peace and quiet. I don't need peace and quiet I need a stiff drink." Phil said.
"What can I get for you?"
"You know what I like the good rum and lots of it." Phil slapped several twenties on the table.
"Coming up."
A few hours and a few dozen drinks later Phil was feeling a lot better.
"It's getting late kid don't you want to call your girlfriend to pick you up?"
"No, I don't want to go home."
"Diffy, I'm not going to argue with you. I try to look out for you let you get a couple of drinks and blow off some steam."
"Diffy? Phil Diffy?" a man with an English accent asked from a few stools down from the open section of the bar.
"Who wants to fucking know?" Phil demanded.
"You were that boy that let my little girl drive his car drunk."
Phil rolled his eyes, he should have known he would have run into Via's father in a place like this. He hadn't thought about the girl who'd made him lose his legs in a few months, all of a sudden the anger returned.
"Look man, I don't have time for this. I didn't let her do anything I was passed out she took the keys and drove, I have nothing else to say about it."
"She's dead."
"Yeah…and I'm stuck in this fucking chair for the next millennia…now if you'll excuse me I need to go home."
"All you can think about is yourself. You don't even think about her do you?"
"Why would I?" He asked nastily.
"My little girl is dead and all you can do is whine and drink, you may not be able to walk but you're still alive at least."
"If she hadn't taken a hold of my keys and wrecked my car none of us would be in this situation." Phil said wheeling out of the bar the man followed.
"You will not dishonor my daughter's memory."
"What memory? She was destructive slut who was obsessed with sex." Phil said before the older man's fist connected with his face.
He ended up waking up sometime later in the alleyway behind the bar. He was sober and his face hurt he realized that he wasn't in his chair. He saw it lying on its side a few feet away. Crawling on his belly feeling the rocks poke him in the knees. He knew that he was in for some excruciating pain as opposed to the only semi agonizing pain he had usually but he was going to walk and he was going get himself home and he wasn't going to need that stupid old chair to do it.
He pulled himself up and took careful cautious steps making his way out of the alley way onto the street. It was painful but a wonderful he was walking, he was thankful he'd gone to that physical therapist otherwise his muscles would be worse off than they were already.
He found himself on his block walking faster moving less cautiously, he was going to storm in and insist that they take him to the hospital he was in such pain that he was moving by force of will he was more than ready to get the worst walk of his life over with.
He burst into the house he was making his way into the kitchen as Keely came up from the basement. He collapsed when he saw her.
"I told you…" he said landing on the linoleum.
"Phil you were walking…"
"I told you I would…" he said out of breath.
"Are you okay?"
"No…"
"Where have you been?" she demanded crouching down on the floor with him, she was dressed in a night shirt with a picture of a yellow bunny and her she were bunny slippers he wasn't aware of the time but he knew it had to be plenty late for her to have on her pajamas.
"You stink…" she told him as she helped him to a sitting position.
"Thank you. I've been unconscious in an alley way behind a tavern down town for the past couple of hours. Sorry I'm not exactly shower fresh."
"Phil! What were you doing there? Do you know we've been worried silly? We've searched every inch of the town except for the Pickford docks which of course is where you were. And what happened to your face? Did you get into a fight?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Phil the sarcasm really isn't working for you, we're getting your mom and we're going to the hospital do you think you can walk out to the car with my help?" she asked.
"Yeah." He whispered, "I'm sorry I made you cry," he said brushing away her new tears with his thumbs, he should have done that in the first place instead of running off and getting drunk.
"I'm sorry you got hurt." She kissed his lips softly before she helped him stand.
"Barb!" she shouted and his mother came in from the living room.
"No, that is unacceptable my son is disabled and he's missing and you are telling me I have to wait two days before you can do anything? Well thanks for nothing you stupid jackass." She said not noticing Phil or even Keely for that matter as she turned off the cordless phone and chunked it at a wall.
"Stupid judical beauracrats!" she shouted finally looking up.
"Are you finished Ma?" he asked smiling.
"Phil?" she asked.
"It's me, and no you aren't imagining things I'm standing. And yes I was in a fight. It was stupid I know I'm sorry."
"We should take him to the hospital." Keely said, "Apparently, the phantom pains mean that he has regained the use of his legs at least for the moment."
"I walked all the way from downtown." He said proudly.
"We'll help you to the car." His mother went to help Keely lead him outside.
"Mom. I walked from downtown obviously I can make it out to the car."
"Phil, I know you can but you must be tired. You don't want to wear yourself out to much it is a long walk and you've been off your feet since October of last year." Keely said.
"Fine aren't we going to tell Pim something?"
"I'll call from the hospital. She's upstairs sleeping." His mother replied.
The drive to the hospital was more than a little nerve wracking but Keely's presence kept him centered and calm. She had her arms around him and he pressed his face into her neck.
"It's okay I know your scared."
"What if they–"
"They can't take this from you I don't know what you're afraid of they'll probably give you some medicine to make it easier to get around and get you another physical therapist to concentrate on walking. You're getting what you lost back you should be excited." Keely said.
She sounded so damn cheerful. He couldn't be excited about walking after what Via's father had said. He really was selfish, he hardly thought of Via. And when he did it was out of anger, he blamed her for the accident. And he knew Bruno blamed himself for giving her the keys. He didn't blame Bruno. And he found he couldn't blame Via either, he decided that they were all to blame for what happened that night. In letting go of that he found new hope in moving on.
Even though he'd been making progress with his legs and with Keely a change so drastic hadn't taken place in him as of yet. But it did at that moment he knew there would be no more mood swings no more irrational selfish behavior on his part. He had to grow up like Bruno had. He wasn't going to go so far as to enlist in the ARMY or anything he would make a small start and be a better man.
The doctor described his new found ability to walk as a miracle. The experimental drugs he'd been taking resulted in the repair and in some case re growth of nerve endings in his spine and in his legs. But it was by no means going to be one of those miracles that just get handed out it was going to take work for him to be able to walk and run and without momentous amounts of pain, it would take medicine and lots of meetings with his physical therapist and months before he could walk without fear his legs would go out on him. They said he was lucky making it home from the docks. He might have fallen and there would be no one around to help and he couldn't get up again leaving him to lie on the roadside for hours. Which earned him glares from his mother and his girlfriend.
He decided to look at it as Keely had said months ago by the fountain. Everything did happen for a reason before he didn't really appreciate life not before or after the accident. He'd lived like he was invincible before, and after he'd moped around like a spoilt child denied his favorite toy when he couldn't get his way. He tried to wake up everyday with the idea that it was a new day, and that he could live it to the fullest without being reckless and enjoy what he had.
Keely had her own demons to face, while being a supportive girlfriend she was trying to hide the fact that she wasn't scared. Focusing on Phil meant that she hadn't anytime to deal with what happened to her. She saw how people looked at her in town, she felt like she was wearing a banner proclaiming her childhood of sexual abuse wherever she went. She'd spent the better part of five years just getting through what happened to her. She'd had no time to really deal with it.
She still had reoccurring nightmares about that first time. She would wake up trying to scream but finding herself unable to. Waking Phil in the process, she'd always make the same excuse about needing to go to the bathroom.
However one particular night the dream had never been more vivid. She could hear his footsteps down the hall, hear the bedroom door open she him coming toward her. Feel his hands on her ankles pulling her down toward him when she tried to squirm away. She could feel his rough hands on her skin. She still felt the pain of him invading her body.
She bolted upright in bed, trying to convince herself that she wasn't twelve anymore and that he couldn't hurt her.
"Get yourself together Teslow…" she whispered.
"Keely…are you okay?" Phil asked beside her in the dark.
"I'm fine."
"I wasn't asking you how you look. But how you feel."
"Cute. I'm alright. Sorry I woke you up."
"It's okay, I just want to know what's wrong. I know something's bothering you. You haven't been yourself lately."
"I know…I've just been dealing with my issues from the past. I focused all my energy on surviving it I never thought about getting over it."
"You know we can talk about anything right Keels." He put an arm around her.
"Yeah let's talk about the story you're writing…"
"It's not finished. I seem to have hit a wall. Something seems to be troubling the tortured princess and the fallen prince can't figure out what it is."
"That sounds awfully familiar."
"Maybe you can help me and I'll help you."
"Will you write what I tell you?"
"Not if you don't want me to Keels. Knowing you is more important than writing my novel."
She kissed him.
"I want you to know me too. But it'll take a little time before I'm ready to deal with how telling someone everything would make me feel." She said, "Come on let's get some sleep."
"I want you to trust me Keels."
"I do trust you…I'm just still afraid you'll see me different if I tell you."
"I want you to see something." Phil got out of bed, and walked over to his computer table.
He'd had five weeks of treatment. He was walking without pain for the most part. He loved the feeling of being in touch with the ground and feeling Keely slide her leg over his. His relationship with her had changed as far as the sex he didn't have to just lie there. It opened up a lot of possibilities for them sexually.
He opened his laptop and turned it on.
"Read this. I know it's not any good and it's like three hundred pages. But I worked really hard on it."
"Is this your novel?"
"Yes. I want you to know I love you and I want you to know what I've been working on all these months."
"Wow…"
"I know it's five am and you probably want to go back to sleep."
"I'm not tired."
"Want to make pancakes and then we come back to read?" he asked.
"I could eat…" she said.