Laws of Motion – Book 3
Written by: Ms. Maggs/Edited by: KJT

Chapter 15

Saturday – October 1, 2005
Sara's Honda Pilot

10:55 a.m.

While her husband drove, Sara sat in the passenger seat staring at her disproportionate pinky toes.

"What are you doing?"

Sara moved her gaze to the front windshield. "Checking out the scenery."

Cursing himself, Gil assured his obsessed wife, "I really don't hate your pinky toes, Sara. I only said that in retaliation for your snide hat comment."

Watching the trees zip by she muttered, "Not quite apples to apples."

"What?"

"I picked on your ugly hat. You can change your hat. You picked on my toes, they're a physical part of me. I can't change my toes, at least not without serious surgical intervention."

"You've been spending way too much time with Carrie." Gil checked his watch, hoping they weren't going to quibble for the entire drive.

Smirking, Sara cracked, "So, I guess picking on my toes wasn't satisfying enough for you, huh? Now you're starting in on my friends."

"I guess I won't be missing any action when I'm sleeping alone outside in a tent tonight after all. If I were home, I'd be in the dog house anyway." Gil used the rear-view mirror to look for their Basset Hound in the back seat. "Who are you going to choose tonight, Flash? Mommy or Daddy?"

"Are you kidding? I'm not letting him sleep outside with the animals."

Gil's laughter filled the SUV. "The last time I checked Flash was an animal, and he'll have no choice but to sleep outside if he doesn't get along with Princess Binda."

"Who can't get along with Flash?" Sara replied as she glanced over her shoulder at their snoozing dog. "He's totally low-maintenance."

"I'm sure Binda is high maintenance."

"What makes you say that?"

"Just look who her parents are."

"Listen to you!" Sara laughed at her husband. "Being all 'My kid is superior'."

"Of course he is," Gil joked back. "Just look who his parents are."

"Yeah." Sara smiled as she kicked off her flip flops. "A freaky toed mother and a father who wears stupid hats."

The Vartanns – San Marino

11:36 a.m.

Lounging by the pool sun worshipping with Tawny, Becca commented, "You have really messed up feet."

"You would too if you spent the last five years dancing in stilettos and the years before that en pointe."

"How the hell did you stay up en pointe with those boobs?"

"Duh…when I traded in toe shoes for CFMs I traded in the A's for D's." Glancing over at Becca bathing topless in her animal print thong, Tawny said, "With all your cash, I always wondered why you didn't have yours done, but then Greg mentioned last night that you were afraid of surgery and it finally made sense. Personally I can't wait for my free reduction."

"Uh…your plastic surgeon just killed himself, remember? Charlie's dad was doing it for free in exchange for Greg not going to the cops about the GHB."

Tawny smiled at her sunbathing companion. "Are you referencing the GHB you brought to the party to slip to Greg?"

"Jeeeeez, still with the GHB?" Becca rolled her eyes and tried to joke off her irritation. "You sure know how to hold a grudge."

"I'm holding a grudge!" Tawny snapped. "Less than a month ago, you tried to rape my man and ruin my wedding, but I broke bread with you this morning, didn't I? I think that shows I'm pretty damn forgiving!"

Rubbing sunblock on her chest Becca casually replied, "Would you stop saying I tried to rape him! He wasn't saying no!"

"Because you had him drugged with GHB!"

"Hey, party girl!" Having reached her limit, Becca bolted up and let her true feelings out. "I know you've been around the block enough to know your chemicals. GHB relieves inhibition; it doesn't make a person do something they didn't want to do. He wouldn't have murdered someone if I gave him a knife and told him to kill, but sex with me…he was all over that opportunity. I never would have kept going if he had showed the least bit of disinterest. I asked him what he wanted to do with me and his answer was 'anything and everything'. Why can't you just admit that you know he wanted me that night and when he came out here to see me before you got engaged?"

"What!" Tawny spat.

"Yeah, what about that!" Becca snapped back. "He scared the crap out of me that night. We fooled around for an hour before we ripped off our clothes and were two seconds from going all the way when he went ballistic. I asked him to leave, but he kept screaming and getting in my face. I grabbed something to hold over my naked body, but he had me trapped and when I saw the anger in his eyes, I was terrified. Didn't you wonder why he forgave me about the GHB so quickly? It's because he knows he was seconds away from doing something very wrong to me that night in my poolhouse. Ask him yourself if you don't believe me. He already told me the truth."

Her feathers ruffled from the imagery, and the fact it sounded like a lot more happened than Greg had alluded to, Tawny barked, "What exactly are you trying to say, Mrs. Vartann?"

"I'm saying that Hoj and I…" Calming herself with a gulp of air, Becca explained, "I'm saying that we had issues, mostly thanks to Bev as we recently found out, but we've worked through the emotion and sorted it all out. We're close friends again and like it or not, he and I have sixteen years of history together. I love him and he loves me…just not the same way he loves you. We're over everything, and we're both happily married to other people. I've moved on, but every time you make one of your passive aggressive jokes it opens up old wounds that I really want to stay healed. I need you to drop it and stop shoving my mistakes in my face at every opportunity. I think it's a fair request since I've not done anything to hurt you or upset you since the day you were married." Her voice crackled with emotion. "Please, for Hoj, and for Carrie's sake since we're working at BPAC together, I want us to put the bullshit behind us once and for all and work on becoming girlfriends."

After a deep breath and the disappointing realization that Becca actually sounded more mature than her, Tawny smiled at her hostess. "Consider it dropped, girlfriend."

"Thank you." Becca extended her hand and was pleased when Tawny shook it without hesitation.

"Feel better?"

"Much."

"Honesty is healthy," Tawny sweetly remarked, "and you sound really rational when you're medicated."

"All true." Grinning at her guest Becca said, "Now that you're my new best friend and since we're being completely honest, here's something else that's been on my mind. I can't stand the way you lovebeing the hot chick that every guy in the room wants, but pretend that you don't notice or care that every guy thinks you're hot. You may fool Hoj and Carrie with your act, but you're not fooling me, and it would be so cool if you could just admit it and drop the act around me."

"What!" Tawny exclaimed, while hating the truth in the statement.

"You want an example?" Becca chuckled, "Okay, here's one. You totally love that Drew still looks at you like you're the center of his universe, but you act like you don't care he's still fawning all over you. You love it, and it's been bugging me that you go and on about what I did to Hoj a month ago before the two of you were even married, but you're married now and still flirting with Drew."

"I am not!"

"He buys your favorite candy for the office!"

"I can't control what kind of candy he buys!"

"No, but you could stop eating it and moaning 'mmmmm this is sooooooo good' in front of the stallion you used to ride!" On a roll, she kept on sharing, "Here's another example. Sometimes he calls you by your old affectionate name, 'CC', and you don't correct him."

"That's just habit, like you call Greg, Hoj."

"Hoj isn't tied to sexual memories. I started calling him that when we were thirteen and everyone around here calls him Hoj, not just me. CC is Drew's pet name for you and only he uses it. That's a huge difference."

"Oh." Tawny wished Carrie were around to give her a good retort. "Uh…"

"And what about the other day with the Charlie's Angels thing…he called you Farrah right after he got through saying Farrah was his adolescent dream girl, which translated means…the girl he fantasized about every night while he spanked his monkey. And what did you do?" Becca pointed at her co-worker and excitedly answered her own question, "You giggled and did a Farrah-worthy hair flip before reaching for one of those Godiva chocolates that we all know he really bought for you and moaned 'mmmmmm this is sooooooooo good'."

"I didn't! Did I?" Tawny cringed. "Oh, yeah, I did. Do you think Carrie noticed too?"

"Yes! We discussed it."

"You discuss me behind my back?"

"Duh! All girls talk about their best friends behind their backs. We also concur that every time you do that candy moan thing, Drew fades into a flashback, most likely one of you doing that same moan in bed. Don't you remember Carrie saying 'Drew, did you hear my question?' and him tripping all over himself to cover up why he was spaced out in the middle of the meeting?"

"Uh… no, I must have missed that when I was moaning over the second truffle. They really are sooooooo good," Tawny squeaked. "Come on, Becks! Even Superman has a weakness!"

"Yeah, and SuperDrew's Kryptonite is you," Becca teased. "After our meeting, when we were heading to Starbucks, remember how he told us he'd meet us in ten minutes instead of following us out the door. You know why? Because he had to compose himself after watching you choco-gasm!"

Tawny's hands rushed to her mouth.

"Admit it, girlfriend. The two of you are still actively flirting and at least one of you is still getting turned on by the rush."

"I'd never sleep with him!" Tawny confidently stated. "In case you weren't sure."

"Is that your way of admitting you enjoy his attention, Miss Honesty Feels Good?"

Tawny gave an almost imperceptible nod. "I don't feel good, I feel terrible."

Becca reached over and playfully poked her depressed friend. "Don't look glum, chum. In spite of your obvious flaws, you're still way better off than me. You got Hoj whileI totally humiliated myself chasing the geek. Furthermore, everyone at my Club adores you and loathes me, even though I talked up my charity work all morning and matched Mrs. Dwyer's donation for the penguin pavilion. They'll never let me forget my wicked ways, but you, Miss KansasYou could plow down a dozen children and all you'd have to do is smile and say 'oops' in that sickeningly sweet Disney Princess voice of yours, and all would be forgiven. I think I'm going to get you a rhinestone crown and christen you Wildfire Country Club's Most Perky and Popular tomorrow at brunch. Will that make you feel better?"

"How big of a crown?" With a puckish giggle, Tawny remarked, "We're so Elphaba and Glinda from Wicked….you're green with envy while I'm beautiful and adored by all."

"Ha! We actually look like them. I'm tall with long dark hair while you're stubby and annoyingly blonde. One problem though…Elphaba wasn't really wicked," Becca cackled for effect. "But I was! Hey! How about I pay for your de-boobing? You'll get your B's and I'll get another karmic boost!"

"Thanks, but you don't have to pay for my de-boobing. There was a death and injury clause in that contract Scott's lawyers drew up with Dr. Dwyer's. Not that they were planning on him killing someone and then taking his own life. They put it in there in case he was in an accident or had a heart attack or something. I get the money for a reduction to be done by the doctor of my choice. So I'll be able to take the girls from D's to B's." Still disappointed in herself, Tawny sighed, "Hopefully there will be a lot less leering at me when I'm average size."

"Come on, stop beating yourself up over what I said. Like me, you're a little girl with Daddy issues that feels better about herself when a man lavishes attention on her. It doesn't mean you want to cheat on Hoj anymore than I want to cheat on Tony. Hey…don't tell Carrie, but I always feel a little flirty whenever I'm around Nick." Grinning at the memory Becca said, "The cowboy and I had this little run in when he was out here. We admitted that we had insta-chemistry and would have been booty call buddies in our previous lives. Ask Hoj, he was totally tweaked."

"Really?" Tawny giggled. "Don't tell Carrie, but I've always found Nick sexually unappealing. Greg has a fantastic imagination and he'll try anything once, but Nick…you should have seen his reaction when Carrie and I played a joke on him and kissed each other. That man's photo is in the dictionary next to the word 'uptight'."

The Motorhome That Nick Was Super-Proud He Purchased, So He Could Take Carrie and Her Family Members on Trips Full of Adventure and…Messy Food

11:45 a.m.

"Careful now," Nick cautioned his niece as she reached for a packet of McDonald's BBQ dipping sauce. Parked in the restaurant's lot, Nick, McKenna and Ryan were seated around the motorhome's kitchen table, while Carrie and Sean were still inside the fast food establishment full of incompetent workers who couldn't get Carrie's order quite right. "Sweetie, these seats are cloth and that stuff will stain."

"I promise to be careful, Uncle Nicky."

Wanting to encourage the lass's independence, Nick winked, "Okay then, Big Girl. Go for it."

With a juicy bite of a double cheeseburger in his mouth, Ryan ratted out his little sister, "Mom doesn't let her open those, because she makes a mess every time."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Ryan, and Kenna..." Nick opted to use a little cowboy charm. "Where are my manners? Let me open that packet for you, Little Lady."

Clenching the sauce packet in her tiny hand, the girl assured her obviously concerned uncle, "Ryan's a big fat liar. I don't make a mess."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do.

"No, I don't."

"Do."

"Don't!"

"Do…do…do…"

"Enough!" Nick held up the time out sign. "There'll be none of that bickering for the duration of the trip. Consider yourself warned. If you do it again, there will be consequences. Ryan…you'll go without meat, and Kenna…no dessert. Do you understand?"

Since his mouth was full of beef, Ryan nodded.

"I understand." McKenna reluctantly handed over the BBQ sauce packet. "Here."

"Thanks, Sweetie." Nick winked at the girl who had begged him for forbidden chicken nuggets. "Let's peel the top off this packet so you can start enjoyin' your greasy meat treat."

"Yay for greasy meat!" Kenna cheered. "Thanks for buying me a Happy Meal. They really do make me happy."

"You're welcome, Swee…" When Nick heard Carrie shriek, in the doorway, he whipped around with the opened packet still in his hand. "What's the matter!"

"Doh!" Ryan pointed to his sauce covered sister. "Uncle Nick! You just splattered Kenna and your precious cloth seat cushions with BBQ sauce!"

"Wh…" When Nick saw the medium-velocity spatter pattern, he yelled. "Dammit!"

"Shoulda let me open it," the kindergartner grumbled as she inspected her sauced Disney Princesses shirt. "If this is ruined, I'm hiring Aunt Carrie to sue you."

"Nicky!" Carrie scolded as she entered the motorhome. "Watch your mouth in front of the kids!"

"Sorry, Darlin'." Because of her hardy shriek, Nick was certain that his fiancée had been harmed. "What happened?"

"They forgot to put the extra bag of salad croutons I paid for in my bag."

"For that I'm covered in BBQ sauce!" Mckenna shook her head at her aunt. "My daddy's always saying that you need to get a grip. I think he may be right."

Ryan eagerly shared another secret, "I heard Dad tell Mom that he couldn't believe you and Uncle Nick were going to sleep apart and that he was sure Nick would get restless and go looking for booty in the middle of the night."

"Sorry, Ryan," Sean chuckled at his naïve brother while carefully removing his plain fish sandwich from its wrapper. "Dad obviously knew you were listening and was joking around. He knows that Uncle Nick is much too smart to think pirates would have left their ships in the Pacific and hiked all the way into mountains of Nevada to stow their treasure and…oh! You're referencing the alternative definition."

Carrie struggled not to laugh and slapped Nick upside the head when he did.

"Yes, booty as in…" Ryan pointed to his butt. "Or booty call, but more importantly, why did you get fish when you could have had meat!"

"After much consideration over the past few weeks," the young adult proudly announced, "I've decided to fully commit to vegetarianism."

Wiping burger juice from his chin, Ryan groaned, "Great, another reason for people to call you a freak, Freak."

"Hey!" Carrie shot her nephew a look. "What did I say on the drive here? No making fun of your brother and no scaring your sister."

Ryan immediately began planning ways to scare his brother and make fun of his sister.

Taking her niece's hand, Carrie lovingly said, "Don't worry, I have Zout in the cabinet and it will get those stains out of your favorite shirt. We'll wash it out in the bathroom sink." Glancing over her shoulder she said, "I'll work on the cushion when I'm done with the shirt."

"Thanks, Sweetheart." Nick whispered to the boys, "Only your aunt would think to bring laundry pre-treatment products on a camping trip. The Boy Scouts could learn a thing or two about preparedness from her." Watching his fiancée reference the cabinet directory taped to the back of the closet, he smiled wide. "Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love her more. Darlin'…it's in cabinet two next to the Pledge."

"Pledge!" Ryan nearly choked on his burger. "What's she gonna do, dust the campsite!"

Nick laughed, "Sara will probably volunteer to help her."

Once they were alone, Sean asked in a barely audible voice. "How exactly does a booty call work, Uncle Nick? Not that I'm insinuating you've engaged in one yourself."

"I'm sure you're right, Sean." Ryan grinned at his uncle. "I don't think he has engaged in one either, I'm thinking hundreds." Remembering the fun they had in the hospital when Nick had to explain BJs to his clueless brother, Ryan settled in for a lesson full of laughs.

As he contemplated an answer, Nick stole a carb-loaded French Fry from his smart-ass nephew. "First off, this isn't an endorsement of the activity. This is just me answering factually."

Ryan rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah we know, purity until marriage, now get on to the juicy part."

"Fair enough," Nick chuckled. "Dating a woman takes a lot of time and energy…not to mention a lot of money. Sometimes, like after pulling a double shift, a guy who hasn't found the right girl to marry just yet wants a little affection without going through the formal dating process. So, he develops this little network of female friends that he can call who will more than likely let him stop by to receive the aforementioned affection, aka 'booty', without taking her to dinner and a movie first."

After digesting the statement and a piece of his fish sandwich, Sean curiously asked, "Is there a secret code phrase, like a password, that you say to alert the female friend that you are calling specifically for her booty?"

"No," Nick managed to answer with a straight face. "You call and act casual. 'Hey, it's Nicky. I was workin' near The Trop today and remembered that fantastic night we spent there and it got me thinkin'…damn it's been a while since I talked to Marissa, I miss her. So, here I am callin' to see how you are'. She answers and then I'd say 'God, it's great to hear your voice again, Baby'. So on and so forth, and about ten minutes in she usually says something like 'Hey, I was just about to watch a movie when you called. Wanna come over and watch it with me?' That's code for 'Come over and I'll make my booty available to you at some point this evening'." Nick smiled at his captivated students. "That's all there is to it, gentleman. You call and have a nice conversation…she invites you over…booty is served."

Sara's Honda Pilot

11:56a.m.

"What about my booty?" Sara jokingly tormented her husband as she tugged her flip flops on accentuating her deformed pinky toes. "Got any problems with it? Or is your dissatisfaction with my body limited to my pinky toes?"

"I can say with complete confidence…I love every inch of your booty, Honey." Gil pulled into the McDonald's parking lot where Nick had instructed to meet. "There's the infamous motorhome."

"It's huge."

"Of course." Gil quipped, "He's overcompensating."

"Cite your source…unless you're going to say Greg, then I don't want to know."

"Remember that night at my birthday party, the boys stripped down to their underwear to use the Jacuzzi." As Gil parked the car he snickered, "When it's lurking beneath wet boxer briefs, the evidence never lies."

"Kiss me," Sara ordered through a smile. "Before we're around friends and feel too inhibited to let ourselves go."

The Vartanns – San Marino

12:12 p.m.

Grinning at her BFF, Becca asked for clarification, "How far do you think they'll let us go before they get all freaked about their wives being topless?"

"Ha! After seeing the look on his face when I kissed Carrie, if we left it up to Greg he'd have us coated in whipped cream and licking it off each other."

"I was a lesbian for two weeks in college, so I can make it look authentic."

"Two weeks?" Tawny burst out laughing. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I discovered I really liked boy parts better…except for their brains, and I'm sensitive to latex and various man-made materials, so..."

"Ah! Well, don't worry about me getting squicked, I used to have to lick all sorts of things off chicks on stage nightly…juice from limes was a crowd favorite. Then of course, there were the private bachelor parties. My friend Diamond and I made a fortune doing all sorts of things to each other at those. But you may need to wave a c-note in my face to get me in the motivated. Then again, Greg's been so stressed lately, he deserves a treat. Okay, you lead, I'll follow." Giggling, Tawny reached for the sunscreen and flipped onto her stomach. "Would you do my back, Elphie?"

"Anything for you, Glinda." Laughing, Becca grabbed the tube and sat on the edge of her pal's lounge chair. "Here's another question for us to bond over. When you hated me, what was the worst thing you wished would happen to me?"

"Ooh, tough call," Tawny laughed. "I wished for so many things, even that disease people catch from African monkeys, the one where all their organs melt."

"Ebola."

"Yes!" Tawny confirmed through a huge grin. "That's it. I wanted you to melt into a puddle of Ebola goo with all your designer clothes and jewelry floating in your slimy remains."

"Very creative." Laughing at the visual, Becca said, "I had a much harder time thinking of something bad for you."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't hurt the baby."

"Aww."

"So most of my wishful thinking revolved around horrific disfigurement of your face, boobs and ass."

"Ooh! I hear a door!"

They scrambled to look lusty.

"Hey, Ladies!" Greg called out as he emerged from the house with Vartann a few feet behind. "Butthead and I are back from our booze run!" Just as I warned Vartann, they're poised to play a joke on us. I knew it! Waving his Corona, he said, "If it's okay with you, we're gonna knock back a couple and play some foosball."

Surprised by the statement, Becca halted the sensual shoulder rub she was giving Tawny. "We don't have a foosball table."

"We do now!" Tony proudly informed his wife. "Hoj and I stopped at the…you're both topless…and touching." Sanders was right, they're playing us.

"Isn't life grand?" Greg clanked his beer bottle against his buddy's and took a seat. "Carry on, Ladies." He waited for Tony to play the uptight Catholic boy routine they had planned if something like this should occur.

Tony turned his back on the ladies and stepped in front of Greg to block him. "You can't see my wife topless."

"My wife is topless too and no offense, but I think we both know you'd be getting the better deal."

"I heard that, Hoj!" Becca yelled. "It's okay, Honey. Hoj has seen me topless since we were eighteen and his nudist parents allowed me to sunbathe topless in their backyard."

Staring at Greg, Tony said, "Your father has seen my wife's breasts?"

"Most of LA County and all of Europe has seen your wife's breasts," Greg joked. "But every convention attendee from the Ohio Proctology Association has seen Tawny's if that makes you feel any better." Upon hearing his wife crack up, he joined her laughing. "Vartann, you're worse than Stokes. I didn't think anyone could be more uptight than the Texan." When he saw Tony turn around and take a seat he laughed again. "You jocks are so predictably competitive. I knew that would get your ass in that chair." Suddenly he recalled Becca telling him he had an anatomical advantage over her husband and decided a change in venue would be nice. "Hey, how about we drive out to the nude beach and give the uptight Catholic a real lesson in California casualness?"

"Hoj…" Becca broke into a wild grin. "I was only trying to make you feel good about yourself when I told you that you…"

"On second thought…I just remembered that I heard on the radio that the nude beach was closed due to ride tide."

"Do me, next!" Ready to throw her husband over the edge, Becca handed the sunscreen to her friend and stretched out on her back. "Make sure you give the girls a double coat."

"Sure thing, Honey." Going along with the tease, Tawny straddled her friend's hips with stripper flair and did what she used to get paid for…give the men a good show.

When he saw Vartann's mouth drop open, Greg quipped, "Are you finally getting the significance of that I wish they all could be California Girls song, Detective?"

As an inside joke, Becca moaned, "Mmmmmm this is sooooooo good! Better than a whole box of Godiva chocolate truffles!"

"How long are they going to play out this joke?" Tony whispered.

"No clue, but patience is one of my strongest virtues." Greg reclined a little further. "I don't know about you, Dude, but I'm thinking foosball can wait!"

Tony clanked his beer against Greg's. "Great minds think alike."

"Hey, Hoj!" Struggling not to break character, Becca held out her hand. This should throw them over the edge. "Toss me the lime from your Corona."

Paradise, Grissom Style…A Campsite Full of Bugs and Rotting Things

2:42 p.m.

"Want a beer, Gris?" Nick offered as he reached into the cooler for a Fat Tire.

"He can't hear you," Sara replied from the hammock Gil had strung up between two trees. Without removing her nose from her book, she explained. "He's in the Bug Zone. Don't take it personally, though. I could toss my clothes and beg him for action and he wouldn't hear me."

After swallowing a swig, Nick smiled, "That must do a number on your self esteem."

"Is your better half ever coming outside?"

"She's inside committing a mortal sin…lathering up with insect repellent."

"Got him!" Sean proudly exclaimed as he presented his beetle in a jar for all to see. "Isn't he beautiful, Dr. Grissom?"

"Oh, Sean." Taking the jar in his hands, Gil beamed, "Gorgeous. Now come over here and check out the larvae on this rotted sparrow."

"Freaks," Ryan coughed into his palm. "The tents are done, Uncle Nick! I put the bug man's tent a good fifty yards away from ours just in case he sleeps with his roaches."

"Terrific." Nick set down his beer. "Next, I'll chop up some of that dead wood for a campfire. You can stack it."

When she saw her friend remove his t-shirt and Ryan promptly copy the action, Sara teased, "Is that testosterone I smell? Seriously, why can't you chop wood with your shirts on? Aren't you afraid of chest splinters?"

Carrie walked out of the trailer with her niece and when she saw her man wielding an axe shirtless, she giggled, "Ooh, I hope I didn't miss the chopping action. That's my favorite part of camping."

Nick winked at Sara. "That's why we take our shirts off…the chicks dig it. You're just in time, Carr." He split the first log. "How's that, Darlin'?"

Raising her glass of Chardonnay, Carrie gave a nod of approval. "Keep chopping, Cowboy. I think it might be a chilly night."

Sean was quick to correct his aunt. "Actually it's only supposed to go down to seventy."

"Shhh." Carrie pressed her finger to her lips. "Let's keep that between us, Sweetie. Just pay attention to your Entomology lesson, it's part of your homeschool lesson plan this week. And don't forget, you have to interview Dr. Grissom, asking him why he decided to become an Entomologist."

"I didn't trust people, Sean," Gil answered as he snapped photos. "So I decided to hang out with bugs instead."

"Uh…" Sara glanced up from her book. "Maybe we could clean up that answer a bit, so you sound less..."

"Creepy?" McKenna blurted. "Oops." Quickly changing the subject she said, "Uncle Nick, when you chop, your birdie tattoo looks like it's flying 'cause the wings move when your arms go up and down."

Nick paused to ask, "Hey, Carr…does the tattoo enhance your wood chopping experience?"

"Oh, yeah." She winked. "When I see that brand on your chest, I know that studly wood chopper is all mine because nobody else has that tat but my man."

Ely State Prison

3:17 p.m.

"You wanted to see me, Rev?" Hawk Jones, the prison's most gifted tattoo artist asked as he stood in front of Mike's cell.

"I have a special request." From his Bible, Mike removed the photo his brother had given him. "I want this on my chest…right above my heart, and it needs to be exactly the same."

Studying the photo of the Phoenix Rising, Hawk nodded, "Whoever did this knows their shit. To do this on the sly…"

"Don't worry." Mike flashed a reassuring grin. "I'll make sure you're amply rewarded for making me happy."

The Vartann Kitchen…Where Greg and Tony Were Cooking Dinner for Their Women Whom They Felt Deserved Some Extra Special Pampering (for a Reason the Men Had Promised Not to Disclose to Anyone…Ever…Especially Morally Conservative Nick and Carrie, Not That There Is Anything Wrong with Being Morally Conservative)

4:41 p.m.

"Another brew?" Greg queried from his position in front of the open fridge.

"Most definitely." In anticipation of a beer delivery, Tony stopped chopping carrots. "Grab the eggs while you're in there."

"Eggs and beer…sounds like my favorite college breakfast."

"Mine too…minus the eggs." Taking the longneck bottle in his hand, Tony raised it up. "If someone had asked me a month ago if I had anything in common with you, I would have laughed my ass off, but here we are having a fantastic time."

"Nick's my brother, but you're officially my new best friend." Greg lifted his bottle high, "Here's to cold beer, great food, unlimited foosball, stolen penguins and most importantly…our uninhibited pseudo-lesbionic exhibitionist wives!"

"Amen!" Tony vigorously clanked his bottle to his buddy's. "You need to tell me where the nearest Catholic Church is around here, because I don't want to chance driving home on the freeway without absolution."

"I'll convert and go with you, because I took a hot shower and still feel guilty from the pleasure of that guilty pleasure." Greg gulped a third of his beer. "It wasn't exactly the fantasy of my dreams, but it was way more girl on girl action than I ever thought I'd get to witness in my geeky lifetime…without paying professionals. What about you? Ever had two chicks?"

"Are you kidding?" Tony laughed into his longneck. "I went to ASU, remember? The Romans invented the orgy, but Sun Devils keep the art form alive. It's been at least seventeen, eighteen years though. Besides, we're married to Pros, college chicks weren't that skilled, and they were always so trashed they either puked during or right after," he laughed, "not that a little vomit ruined my enjoyment all that much."

Greg grinned, enjoying the 'cool guy' camaraderie. "Not to sound all 'Breakfast Club', but are things going to be different come Monday morning when we see each other in the halls? Or will the jock go back to picking on the geek in front of his cop jock buddies?"

Tony stopped breading chicken and sighed, "Sorry I was such an ass to you in the field all those times. I was a miserable bastard the last six months and you were an easy punching bag, but I hope we can leave that in the past." Ending the seriousness, he grinned, "Because I want us to be friends and more importantly, I want our wives to be friends…close friends." Tony raised his beer and winked. "Don't worry, Hoj…from this day out, I've got your back in the field. You won't be taking shit from me or any of the cops working the scene."

"That'll be especially important when Officer Rodgers returns to the field." The thought churned the beer in Greg's stomach.

Seeing the fear in his friend's eyes, Tony confidently said, "Don't worry, Buddy, I'll keep you safe from that bastard, because Becca would kill me if anything happened to you on my watch."

"History repeats itself," Greg wistfully remarked. "Being friends with Becca is what kept me protected from bullies in school. You know, I'm a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason. Becca saved my life and from what you've told me, I think she saved yours too." Realizing he was slipping into emotional territory he joked, "I think she's a guardian angel disguised as a she-devil."

"There you are!" Tawny marched into the kitchen wearing her bathrobe and huffing, "It took twenty minutes to get all that whipped cream and chocolate syrup out of my hair. I knew I should have washed it instead of falling asleep when we got back to our room and you passed out from bliss-overload. I hope you're happy, Chuckles."

"If I were any happier, I'd be a kid with a key to Santa's workshop." Greg grabbed his wife, frantically kissing her. "All that fun and you're my wife. Pinch me!"

Tawny obliged.

"Ow!" Greg backed away. "Sorry about your hair, Princess."

"Are you partying without me?" Becca asked as she strutted into the room wearing her husband's t-shirt over her bikini bottom. "Hey, lover." She slipped her arm around Tawny's waist and kissed her cheek. "Miss me?"

"Mmmmm….you smell soooooo good." Tawny teased the guys by sniffing Becca's neck. "Is that honeysuckle, Baby?"

Sautéing breaded fillets, Tony warned, "Ladies, unless you like your dinner burned, you'll have to stop that."

Hell…According to Carrie, Who was Sickened by the Sight of Three Ginormous Dead Fish with Their Eyes Still Intact and Shocked by the News That It Was Her Job to Clean Them

5:08 p.m.

"Why do I have to clean those disgusting things!" Carrie shrieked. "Because I'm a woman!"

"No, gender has nothin' to do with it." Nick set down his fishing rod. "It's an unwritten rule that whoever doesn't go fishing, has to clean 'em. I gave you equal opportunity, Miss Equal Rights. I asked you if you wanted to go fishin' with us and you said you'd rather stay here. But hey…since I love you so much, when you get 'em cleaned, I'll grill 'em up, so you don't have to do the cookin' too."

Standing next to his uncle, Ryan cracked, "My mom always cleans the fish like a real woman…without whining."

"Oh really?" Carrie scoffed at her nephew, "Well, I'm going to clean them like an empowered woman…by delegating. Sean! Homeschool Science project time!" When the boy came running, she pointed to the stinky fish. "Today's lesson…dissection. For each fish, I want you to removed the entire skeletal mass and then lop off its head and tail, leaving the rest of the flesh intact. Preserve the skeleton and when you get home, you can complete the project by identifying the bones. Bring the flesh to me in twenty minutes."

"Sure thing, Aunt Carrie!" Sean picked up the bucket and took off. "Dr. Grissom! I have a new project!"

With a satisfied smirk plastered on her face, Carrie turned to Nick. "The fish will be ready for fryin' in twenty, Cowboy." Before sauntering away, she blew her man a kiss. "Love you too!"

"Just as I suspected," Ryan declared, "Homeschooling sucks. I'm glad I go to Trinity, even if it does mean dealing with Lindsay Willows."

The Willows/Brown Household

5:22 p.m.

On her way to the pool, Lindsay couldn't help but notice that Celine was climbing up the wood slats to the treehouse in Sean's yard. Maybe she won't see me if I…oh, she saw me. "Uh…hi." She waved, the casual wave of someone who saw an acquaintance on the street. If she doesn't wave back, I'll just go in the house and…darn, she waved back.

"Thank you for the clothes and toiletries," Celine said loudly enough to hear her from the treehouse, where she was peering through the slats. "I promised Sean I'd say thank you."

Cool, Wendy remembered to tell Sean I brought the bag over. "Uh…" Feeling weird about yelling back and forth, Lindsay held up her index finger. "Give me a sec." After setting down her pool stuff on a lounge chair, she hurried over to her neighbor's yard and walked to the base of the tree. "You're welcome. I uh…well…" Looking up at the plain girl who was looking down at her, she never would have guessed it was the Paris Hilton wannabe she loathed.

"Do you want to come up?"

"Uh…" Say no! "Okay."

Celine moved away from the entrance and took a seat in one of the bean bag chairs the family had in the cozy little house. "I like it up here."

"I've only been up here once," Lindsay remarked as she crawled through the opening. "It's cool."

"Yeah."

The mortal enemies stared at each other.

What to say? What to say! Lindsay took a seat in one of the unoccupied bean bag chairs. "Sucks having your dad die, huh?"

"What did you just say?" Celine bolted up from her seat. "Get out!"

"No, sorry! I didn't mean that like I'm a bitch!" Lindsay backpedaled. "I meant that as a person who knows it sucks to have her dad die, because mine did!"

"Oh." Celine gulped down the lump in her throat. "Right." She took a seat. "I forgot."

"That's why I wanted to bring you the bag of stuff…"

"I thought you did it to impress Sean."

"Well…uh…" Lindsay offered a smile and a confession. "A little bit, yeah."

"You have horrible taste in clothes," Celine remarked without apology. "But fantastic taste in boys."

"Thanks…uh, I think."

"Sorry." The depressed teen said as she lowered her head. "For being so mean to you at Butterfield. I was such a bitch."

"Yep."

"So many people are being so nice to me…most of them are friends of yours or your family, and so…I just wanted to say that."

"Apology accepted." Lindsay replied without hesitation. "Now I'll just be mad at you for mocking my fashion sense." She extended her right hand. "Not enemies?" Jumping straight to 'friends' seemed a bit too much.

"Not enemies," Celine answered while shaking that girl's badly manicured hand. "Would you like to use some of my cuticle remover? Carrie gave me this great nail care set."

"You're mocking my cuticles!" Lindsay glanced down at her fingers. "Oh, yeah, I guess they are pretty bad."

"We could do our toes too," Celine suggested with a hint of enthusiasm. "I mean…unless you were doing something else tonight. I could run into the house and get everything."

Lindsay stood up, careful not to bang her head on the top of the treehouse like she had the first time she had been up there. "Just let me tell my mom where I'll be. Hey, while I'm home, I'll grab my portable DVD player and we can watch a movie while we're doing our nails."

"Okay." Celine hurried for the exit. "Not a sad movie," she said when her feet reached the wood slats.

Remembering what it felt like to be maxed out on sadness, Lindsay flashed a reassuring smile, "Definitely a comedy."

Author's Notes:

And I definitely hope there was some comedy in this chappie for you! I think Nick's plan to keep Carrie's mind off the baby is working like a charm and he's getting some practice being the daddy of three one day :D No, that's not a hint that Wendy and Paul will be killed in a car wreck and Nick and Carrie will get the kids…KJT talked me out of that storyline six months ago! She had no problem letting me kill Charlie, she thought he was an ass. In case you're wondering, she's given the green light to kill Mike, should the urge strike me one day LOL

This chapter had more San Marino antics in it, the next one focuses on the Campers and other happenings, including a Gris/Sean scene that some have been asking for.

Sooooooo, tucked in amidst the bliss, Mike had a cameo, but there were other happenings in the chapter that had plot significance to dear old Mikey. The new alliance between Greg and Vartann for example. Look for things to be sticky (and not in the whipped cream and chocolate way!) for the Detective, since he's a cop and Mike's ex-friend, who now has very close ties with the CSIs. Yeah, he's not in the story just because I think he's eye candy! LOL that's why Drew's in the story.

The Becca and Tawny scenes brought resolution to a few things floating around for a while and showed that Becca can actually be mature every once in a while. I'm guessing more than a few people will like that she called Tawny on her interaction with Drew. My husband cheered her on there (and when she asked for the lime LOL!) because he doesn't like Drew and Tawny's casual comfiness with each other some times.

Thanks to:

KJT for editing until the minute she left on holiday!

Rojaji, Michelle, Deb, Lisa, guineverekay, maeve, EyerishEyes, Chelsea, and Celia for signing the guestbook and to geeklove2005 and mrose for the Fic Rec on YTDAW! I really appreciated the comments during a very hectic week!

Next Chapter: Grissom tells a campfire ghost story while the folks in San Marino get a little spooked. Posting: Thursday September 7 because it's a holiday weekend.

Maggs