A/N: I would just like to restate the warning given in the prologue. This story contains child abuse situations that (including sexual abuse). This story is not a romance. It will not become a romance. This story is meant to address child abuse and its affect on the victim(s).
The Sound of Silence
Chapter Two
Equivalent Exchange
"A false lead…" Ed murmured as he stared out the train window.
"It's alright, brother. I'm sure we'll find another one…"
Ed's moved his eyes to stare at the suit of armor that held his brother's soul, then back out the window. "I had to charge all those damages to the military…" he muttered.
"It's okay. I'm sure the colonel will understand when you tell him about what happened…"
The blond sighed and continued to gaze glumly out the window at the passing scenery. Yes, he was sure Mustang would understand, after the dark-haired man had reprimanded him in front of everyone for wasting their budget.
Yes, after that he would be very understanding.
After his office was empty and everyone had gone about their duties, then he'd be understanding. The man would probably apologize for embarrassing him in front of everyone and then he'd…
The twelve-year-old swallowed hard.
It had been almost two months since that night at the colonel's apartment. The night had ended with Ed mumbling that he'd better get back or Al would come and find him. Mustang had walked him out to the front of the building after Ed had insisted on it. Though he hadn't been able to admit it to his commanding officer, the men in the foyer scared him; reminded him in a frightening way of Barry the Chopper…
The men had a hungry look in their eyes...
Since then, they'd had over a dozen other 'cuddling sessions' as Ed was beginning to think of them, since they usually involved hugging and Mustang running his hands over Ed's body. The younger alchemist felt a slight blush of embarrassment tinge his cheeks. It seemed the man always had to touch him everywhere… especially his rear.
It really seemed odd, and it was a bit uncomfortable, but he supposed it wasn't that big of a deal… it was just his butt…
No matter how hard he tried to convince himself, Ed knew that it just wasn't normal. How should he deal with it? He didn't know. The short alchemist supposed he could just tell the man not to, but…
Ed looked down at the snowy ground as it sped by.
But…
But…he liked it.
Shame filled him, not for the first time, and he tried not to think about it. Unfortunately, he could think of nothing else. He felt so confused. Was there something wrong with him? It wasn't okay to like it, was it? Ed shook his head. No, he was making too big of a deal out of this. There was nothing to worry about.
Really.
It was just his butt…
"Well, Ed, congratulations on becoming the biggest drain on our departmental budget," Mustang said in irritation, then flopped the report down on his desk.
"I already told you what happened. It's not like it was our fault," Ed mumbled.
"Do you have any idea what this is costing?" the colonel barked.
"Do you have any idea that I don't care?" the boy replied snidely.
Mustang pressed his fingers against his forehead and let out an exasperated breath. "Perhaps you'll care about this… A lot of paperwork is going to need to be filed to cover up exactly why you were there in the first place. It isn't just the amount of paperwork, it's what's in the paperwork. You know, I don't just file away blank pieces of paper. I do have to report to General Grumman, who just happens to be pretty interested in what is happing under his command."
The dark-haired man glared at Ed, then turned to look at the blonde woman who was listening to their conversation. "Lieutenant, would you please go to Records and pick up a few things for me?" Mustang began writing something on a piece of paper. When he was finished, he handed it to Hawkeye who took it with a nod. "Fullmetal and I are going to have ourselves a little talk."
The woman nodded curtly. "I'll tell the others you're not to be disturbed."
"Thanks," the colonel said as the lieutenant closed the door behind her.
For a moment there was silence in the room, then Mustang sighed and said, "Come here."
Ed folded his arms and looked away stubbornly.
"Edward…" the colonel coaxed softly.
The blond sighed in defeat and pushed himself off the couch before slowly walking around the desk and in front of the other man. Mustang sat forward in his chair, bringing himself eyelevel with the small twelve-year-old.
"Ed…" the man breathed and raised his hands to the boy's hips. "I don't appreciate the attitude you're giving me about this."
The young alchemist fidgeted a little under the intense stare the man was giving him, and also under his touch. "What do you want?" Ed mumbled. "An apology?"
The colonel looped his fingers through Ed's belt loops and pulled him forward. "Sit."
Ed hesitated. "On your lap?"
"That's right."
The boy looked uncertainly at the door.
"Don't worry. No one is coming in here. Now sit," the man said, and pulled on the belt loops again.
Ed reluctantly did as he'd been asked and grumbled a bit as the colonel situated him on his lap with his back toward the other man. The small alchemist tried to move, he was sitting right on a lump… probably the colonel's watch…and it was kind of uncomfortable, but whenever he tried to move, Mustang always moved him back.
"Stay there," the dark-haired man growled testily. Ed sighed in exasperation. He'd just have to live with it for now. His commanding officer touched the inside of Ed's thigh and rubbed his fingers back and forth lightly against the leather pants. "Ed… I'm really disappointed in you. After all I've done to keep yours and Alphonse's secret safe, you give me all this additional paperwork and not even a word of thanks." Ed felt Mustang's other hand pull out his tank top, then run up against Ed's side. "You know how I hate paperwork…"
The small boy nodded, and squirmed a little under the touching.
"I really think you owe me for this Ed…" Mustang murmured into his ear, then kissed it softly.
Ed blinked in surprise. The man had kissed him… On the ear, but it was still a kiss… He didn't even know what to think, but all thoughts of the kiss left his mind when he felt the hand on his thigh slide up and touch his groin. The small boy's eyes widened and his head jerked back a little in shock. Ed's mouth opened as he gasped for more air, then he said shakily, "What are you doing?"
"Don't you like it?" Mustang asked blandly.
He stiffened.
Like it?
The man was…
He was…
It was a humiliating question that Ed didn't want to answer. Yes… Yes, it felt good… But he hated it... Ed desperately wanted to tell the man to stop, but he couldn't make himself do it.
The colonel was rocking his hips and breathing hard into the short boy's ear. "Ed… I want you to come over to my place tonight."
"What?" Ed gasped.
"Tonight... You owe me."
The boy squirmed nervously under Mustang's fondling. "I don't owe you…"
"You owe me for keeping your secret and covering your ass when you get into situations like this. It's equivalent exchange. Now, tonight… the same time you've come over before, alright?" When Ed nodded, the colonel rocked his hips one last time, then pushed the boy off his lap.
"Tonight then…" Mustang grinned. "You might want to pretend you're angry when you leave or someone will wonder why your cheeks are all red."
Ed slapped a hand to his face and felt himself flush even more in embarrassment. He was about to leave when the colonel grabbed him and pulled his long red coat closed. "Don't forget to cover up…" he said, then swatted Ed on the rear.
Cover up?
It was only when Ed looked down did he realize that he had become aroused; only then did he feel the tightness of his leather pants pressing against him… In humiliation, Ed grabbed his coat for a moment, then stormed out of the office.
"Edward!" the blond lieutenant, who was just coming back from her errand, called sternly.
"What?" Ed growled. He felt so embarrassed and ashamed of himself. How could he let himself get like that in front of the colonel? Why had the man touched him there to begin with? He felt so confused, and angry, and…
And…
"Edward, you should really be more respectful," the woman said, looking down at him. "He has your best interest in heart; yours and Alphonse's."
Ed only looked away in frustration.
Maybe that was true…
Maybe.
He just didn't know right now.
"You may not realize it," the blonde woman continued, "but he cares a lot for both of you boys. Why don't you try letting him be your friend for once?"
"Whatever…" Ed muttered and stalked away from the lieutenant. The boy thought he was letting the colonel be plenty friendly with him…
"Hot chocolate?"
Ed shrugged and hung his red coat on a hook near the door. He wasn't very cold after running up five flights of steps.
The men downstairs had started propositioning him as soon as he'd walked into the foyer. Didn't those psychos have anything better to do at night than to sit downstairs playing cards and drinking booze?
"Okay, hot chocolate it is," Mustang said behind him. Ed turned to go sit on the couch when the dark-haired man said, "Why don't you take off your jacket too, you won't be needing it."
He wouldn't be needing it?
Ed stared at the man for a moment before slowly doing as he said, then made his way to the couch. Putting his elbows on his knees, Ed rested his chin in his hands and watched his commanding officer stir the contents of the mug. The dark-haired man picked the mug up from the counter with one hand and a bottle in the other and headed over toward the couch.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Mustang drinking his beer, Ed clanking the spoon around in the chocolate, but not drinking it.
"I could have gotten you something else…"
Ed looked over at the colonel and muttered, "No…this is fine…" then took a small sip of the warm liquid.
The boy thought vaguely that maybe if he never finished his cocoa, perhaps he'd never have to have the man's hands on him; never have to pay whatever debt the colonel seemed to think Ed owed him.
He sighed.
Maybe he did owe him. Mustang did cover up a lot of things for him… Perhaps the man was right. Perhaps it was only fair; only equivalent exchange.
"How about we put that aside?" It wasn't until Mustang spoke to him that Ed realized the drink had gone cold. The older man lifted the mug from Ed's hands, leaned over the boy, and set it on the end table. With the cup out of his hands, the colonel wrapped his arms around Ed's shoulders and scooted him closer.
"I really did miss you while you were away," Mustang whispered into Ed's ear, then moved his lips down to kiss the boy's neck.
The younger alchemist stiffened slightly, but the other man didn't stop there. Ed felt large hands move under his shirt, and when one traveled down to fondle him through his pants, he gasped softly.
"I know you like that." Ed could feel the other man's hot breath on his neck as he whispered to him. "You're a very bad boy aren't you? What would your mother think if she knew…?" Tears of shame sprang unbidden to the small boy's eyes. "And Alphonse…what would he think?"
Ed's breathing was shallow and quick as he silently willed himself not to get an erection. He didn't want to enjoy this…
Mustang undid the boy's belt, then pulled Ed's pants and boxers down to his knees. The blond looked down for a moment, then turned his gaze away in self-hatred.
His body had betrayed him…
"Yes, you are naughty, aren't you?" Mustang murmured. "Who would have thought it of you, Ed?"
The boy felt blood rush to his face in embarrassment. It wasn't like that. It wasn't. He hated what the man was doing to him, but he didn't want him to stop either. His body begged for more, and his psyche craved attention, but the revulsion and confusion he felt was tearing him apart.
This wasn't what he wanted. He hadn't ever wanted this. He'd just wanted someone to care for him and hold him and…
"Come on, Ed. Say it. Tell me you like it," the colonel whispered in his ear. Gasping at the sensations he was feeling from Mustang's fondling, Ed shook his head. He couldn't…he just couldn't…
He panted heavily through his mouth, and a tear rolled down his cheek in humiliation as his body climaxed without his consent. The other man ran his tongue along Ed's face where the tear had fallen, then kissed the boy on the temple.
"You really are quite the little whore aren't you?" the dark-haired man murmured.
Ed cringed slightly at the words. It wasn't like that…not at all… He felt sick to his stomach and just wanted to go home…
The colonel slid his hand down to Ed's and put the boy's hand on the fabric covering his own erection. "Now, Ed," Mustang whispered, "It's my turn."
Ed shut the door quietly. Not that it mattered. Alphonse never slept.
"You were gone a long time brother."
Ed sighed, and nodded in the darkness. "I know. I'm sorry… I guess I just forgot the time…"
"But, brother… It's snowing out there. You're going to catch a cold or something."
"You're right, Al," the twelve-year-old whispered despondently. "I'll go take a hot shower…"
His feet felt heavy as he dragged himself to the bathroom and shut the door. He wanted a shower so bad… Ed turned on the water and undressed himself. The smell of what had happened became stronger and he felt the urge to throw up.
Ed stepped into the shower and sat on the floor, letting the water spray down on him.
Dirty.
He felt dirty.
Used and dirty…
Ed reached out and made the water hotter, then grabbed the bar of soap and started scrubbing at his skin. Mustang's words filled his head and tears sprang unbidden to his eyes.
'You're a very bad boy aren't you? What would your mother think if she knew...? And Alphonse... what would he think?'
Ed's small body shuddered as a sob broke from him.
'You're quite the little whore aren't you?'
The boy reached out and made the water hotter.
'I know you like that... Who would have thought it of you?'
He didn't notice when the soap ran out, nor did he notice when Al let himself into the bathroom.
"You've been in here for a long time brother. Are you almost done?"
The question didn't register in his brain. Instead, he reached out and turned the water even hotter.
Would he ever feel clean again?
When the shower curtain was pulled back, Ed jumped and pulled his knees into his chest, trying to hide himself…
"Brother! You're all red!" Ed watched in despair as a large metal hand turned the water off. "You're going to get burned!" Alphonse scolded worriedly, then wrapped a towel around him and helped Ed to his feet.
"Sorry…" Ed whispered. "Sorry… I guess… I guess I got colder than I thought out there and I was just trying to warm up…sorry…" He forced himself to smile at Al. He couldn't let his brother know…
Couldn't let anyone know…