Hogwarts Idol Round 5: Britney Spears Songs
A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, they all belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, and all of the songs belong to Britney Spears/Virgin Records, and Hermione's song is from Mugglenet's song parodies. So it's all theirs, not mine. Nothing. Zilch. Nada .
The stage lit up, music began playing, and SDC and Erin bounded walked onto the stage to thunderous applause from the demented Hogwarts crowd. They were wearing matching outfits which had been conjured from Britney's Baby One More Time video. 'Hey everyone!' SDC hollered."Wasssupppppp?".
'Welcome back to Hogwarts Idol for round 5!' Erin called. 'We're sorry to say that Ron had to go-' the crowd booed. 'But just remember as much as we love Ron, and (some of ) the others who have now left the competition, there can only be one Hogwarts Idol, and to find out who that star might be, here's Hermione to start us off!'
The lights cut dramatically to Hermione, who strode out wearing jeans, and a sparkly top (and Hermione being a witch, it really DID spark!), and to the bemusement of the crowd, levitating her text books behinds her. As the crowds applause died away, her books began to float around her and she sang She began to sing:
"Every time I open books
Ron and Harry give me that funny look
O.W.L's account for so much more
More than any exams ever did before
I know I'm crazy
I just can't sleep
I gotta study
Or else I'll freak
Crazy
But it feels alright
Baby charms and potions keep me up all night.
Crazy
I just can't sleep
I gotta study
I'm gonna freak
Crazy
But it feels alright
Charms and potions every niiiiiiiiight!!!".
As she finished the books snapped dramatically shut, and, the crowds cheers filled the hall. Hermione took a bow and skipped off, waving to the crowd, and managing a peak or two at her books on the way.
SDC and Erin magically reappeared, this time wearing outfits from Toxic , their own study materials floated around them (copies of Girlfriend, Creme and other cool teen mags).
'Judges, how did she score?' SDC asked. All three held up #8 cards.
'Well done!, Hermione, looks like you'll be studying for next weeks round' Erin quipped. 'Next up's…Snape,' she spat the last word disgustedly.
The crowd squirmed as Snape skipped gayly out wearing one of the Baby one more time outfits SDC and Erin had been wearing (yes, the same one….SDC wasn't about to wear that again in a hurry.)
To accompany this '10-sizes-too-small' outfit, he was wearing a ridiculous blonde wig, and his hairy legs and knobbly knees were on display for all to cringe at.
As the harsh spot lights glared on this scary apparition, he began to sing Toxic (he's the potions master, get it??).
Halfway through his performance, as he snapped into another grotesque parody of a Britney stance, his blonde wig fell off, but he didn't notice, he just kept prancing around and singing out of key. The crowd were starting to cower under their seats and the braver ones were throwing rotten eggs at Snape. This was about as much as SDC and Erin could take. 'SECURITY!!!' they screamed. Two trolls in Men in Black suits came out and dragged Snape offstage. 'You'll pay for this in Potions!' he ranted manically.
'I don't think we need to ask, but what was his score?' Erin glanced at the judges. Again, the vote was unanimous. 'Zero, nada and zilch, thank you judges, that's more than he deserved' SDC announced, solemnly she continued 'The organizers of Hogwarts idol would like to deny any responsibility for Snape's performance tonight, we believe he has been under a lot of strain recently and there has been a full moon'..
"Okay party peeps, the suffering is over and now its time for the hippest of the hoppers, give it up for the rappin'est rapster of them all, Yes I think it's time for M.C. Gonagall!' Can't Touch This played as M.C. G strutted up. "Boooyaaaa!! Peaceout my homies' she shouted and she was about to sing, when the same over-excited girl from last night's show flew towards the stage on her broomstick yelling 'Ha ha! You can't stop me now!' to the Men In Black trolls, who were still preoccupied with evicting Snape.
'Can I have your autograph?' she begged M.C. Gonagall. MC G smiled and conjured her an over sized picture of herself on to a T-shir that the girl was holding out. 'Thanks!' yelled the girl and she mounted her broom. She and took off, grinning happily, but suddenly, she was knocked to the ground as Dumbledore swung a bludger at her, "Off the stage!!!" his angry voice boomed through the hall.
'It was all worth it!'she cried as she fell to the ground. As the medi-wizards dragged her towards the hospital wing, the crowd could hear her plaintiff screams. 'I don't care about the broken arm! I want to stay and see M.C. Gonagall!'
M.C. Gonagall snapped out a wicked break dance routine to get the audiences attention focused, and burst into her rapped up version of Me Against The Music. The crowd applauded wildly. The judges were waving 9 point score cards around in the air (Dumbledore was waving a 9 point AND a 10 point card, but nobody took much notice of him). "Nicely done, M.C. Gonagall! You go girl' Erin shouted in her best rap gangsta voice. All of a sudden, Erin was interrupted as a girl burst from behind the curtains and began to recite: 'Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou, Romeo?! Deny thy-'
'Um, excuse me! Excuse me!' SDC called, signaling the MIB trolls to move in on yet another intruder to the Hogwarts Idol stage.
'What?' the girl asked.
'Who are you?' SDC asked. 'I'm a Shakespearean actress. Who are you?' 'We're the hosts of Hogwarts Idol!' Erin interrupted. 'Omigod! Hogwarts Idol! So you mean this isn't the Shakespeare auditions?'
'No, they're down the hall, third door on the right,' Erin explained. 'Oh, thanks! Hi Mum!' the actress waved cheerily and exited the stage. The crowd cheered again, just for the hell of it, "Romeo art thataway" SDC called as she waved her away.
'Okay, next up, here's Draco!' SDC said with mock enthusiasm. Draco walked out, wearing another outfit conjured from a Britney video, this time Oops I Did It Again. The crowed hooted with laughter, and started to throw rotten fruit (Lets face it Britney's look just doesn't work for boys does it?)
He was flanked by Crabbe, Goyle and a dozen house elves, all dressed in silly little tutus and wigs. Through this attack Draco was still smirking, as ever he was up to no good.
He had placed a charm on the judges to make them think that he was singing Oops I Did It Again while everyone else heard SpongeBob. It wasn't working too well…the judges looked puzzled as they heard;-
Oops I Di- SquarePants- it again.
I played with- a pineapple under the sea-
Got lost in- nautical nonsense - oh baby- SpongeBob-
Oops you thi- flop like a fish- got sent from- yellow and porous is-
I'm not that – SpongeBob SquarePants…
The charm relied on Draco maintaining eye contact with the judges, and his house elf backing dancers were prancing around the stage, frequently falling on each other, and getting between Draco and the judges.
When this disgrace of a performance finally finished, the audience, hosts, camera and stage crew all slowly removed their fingers from their ears. 1 point cards were held up by the fuming judges, Dumbledore had realised what Draco was up to and was holding up another card telling Draco that he'd lost Slytherin another 50 house points for his trick.
A furious silence loomed over the huge set of Hogwarts Idol, even the Slytherin's were annoyed with Draco now, if he lost them any more house points they wouldn't be going to Hogsmeade next weekend .
Draco was about to stalk sulkily offstage when Ginny ran out and SDC and Erin blocked the exits. The crowd cheered madly for Ginny. She burst into song.
Hush, just stop
There's nothing you can do or say, baby
I've had enough
I'm not your property as from today, baby
You might think that I won't make it on my own
But now I'm…
Stronger than yesterday
Now it's nothing but my way
As she danced across the stage she kicked out and sent Crabbe and Goyle sailing over the crowd to where her brothers were waiting to tie them up. Draco looked around in horror. His only escape was a ten foot drop into a crowd of Gryffindors. Before he could decide what to do, he was crashing through the roof of the building. 'AAAARRRGH!' he screamed as Ginny's kung-fu butt kick sent him up, up and away!
My loneliness ain't killing me no more
I'm stronger
Thant I ever thought that I could be, baby
I used to go with the flow
Didn't really care 'bout me
You might think that I can't take it, but you're wrong
The crowd cheered crazily (even the Slytherins), they waved big hands, they stamped their feet, they screamed 'til they were hoarse. Ginny bowed and waved as the judges presented their scores- a whole 10 points! 'Congratulations, Ginny!' Erin managed to yell over the fanatical crowd. 'Silencio!' SDC bellowed, pointing her magic wand at the crowd. 'Phew!' she gasped "Stay tuned for round 6…Heavy Metal!'SDC waved her wand again, allowing the crowd to continue it's cheering, SDC and Erin flicked their hair over their faces and lead the crowd in a massive head banging dance to the sounds of Black Sabbaths song 'Paranoid'
"It's a pity that Snape is a gone burger" Erin shouted "he'd be a dead ringer for Ozzy Osborne!!!!!"