Laws of Motion – Book 3
Written by: Ms. Maggs/Edited by: KJT

Chapter 34

Friday, November 11, 2005

Carly's Hotel Room at Caesar's

10:30 pm

Breaking away from a frantic kiss, Carly panted, "Do you have a condom, Andy?"

"Two, just in case there's a problem with the first one." He chuckled sweetly, "Or in case we like it so much we want to do it twice."

"Get one, because if we wait any longer, I'm afraid I'll change my mind." Falling onto her back, she took a deep breath. "Tell me how much you love me."

"I love you more than football," he excitedly replied while rolling the condom on with shaky hands. "More than anything."

"Are you sure you put it on right?!"

"Positive." His palms sweaty and his heart pounding in his chest, Andy gently positioned himself above the girl he realized tonight that he'd love until the end of time. "Are you nervous?"

"Uh huh." She gripped his shoulders. "You're shaking."

"It's my first time too."

"But you never get nervous," she sweetly whispered. "You stare down those giants on the field like you don't have a care in the world."

Their mouths an inch apart he confessed, "I'm nervous all the time, I've just learned how to hide it well."

"You don't have to hide it from me." Carly placed her palm on his flushed cheek. "You can say anything to me."

"Thank you." His heart soared. "Are you…"

"Ready."

He tapped her nose with his. "So you're sure you…"

"Yes," the nervous virgin breathily answered like her favorite soap opera character, "I wanna make love all night long."

"But it only lasted two minutes!" Drew burst out laughing as he stood in Carly's hotel room and continued the trip down memory lane. "Lookin' back, I'm amazed I lasted that long. God, I wanted it to be perfect for you, Sweetheart, and instead you got two minutes."

Grabbing her check book and a pen, she teased, "Yeah, the first time was a quickie, but the second time that night was a charm." Tearing out the check she had just written for five thousand dollars, Carly smiled, "Honestly, the night was perfect. That's why I remember every word to this day."

"Me too." He took the check. "And that's why I don't want us to fall into bed together. Some memories are just too good to mess up with present-day reality. I always want to remember us as two madly in love seventeen year olds sneakin' their first time and really believin' they'd be together forever."

"Yeah," she chuckled, "but you would have risked tainting the memory if you weren't in love with the nanny, right?"

"Most certainly, yes." He hugged her tight. "Thanks for the BPAC donation and for not gettin' mad when I told you what was really goin' on at home with Marta."

"My pleasure. I hope she realizes she's a lucky girl." She closed her eyes and enjoyed the hug. "Thank you for the post-divorce pep talk."

"You're gonna bounce back just fine."

"Men don't want forty year olds. Look at you, how old's the nanny?"

"Twenty four."

"My point exactly! It doesn't even matter that she's a big girl, she's young…pre-botox…pre-nip and tuck." Sighing, she confessed, "I've spent sixty grand on body repair to date, can you imagine what the total will be by the time I'm eighty?"

"Honey, you're hot as hell and rich…go out and get yourself a boy toy for a while." He kissed her check and winked. "Then, when you get your fill, you can dump him and find an older intellectual man to stimulate your brain."

"Hmm…I think I will take your advice." Carly snickered, "What's Nicky's number? I'll dye my hair red and give him a call. We both know he's always wanted me."

"Yeah, because I caught him jerkin' off while watchin' you by the pool in your wet bikini."

"And you very gallantly beat the hell out of him defendin' my honor."

"A gentleman has to do what he has to do." After a sigh, he broke the news, "I'm sure Nicky would have jumped at the chance a year ago, but believe it or not, my horn dog brother is only lettin' one woman share his bed these days."

Nick and Carrie's

10:45 pm

"Did he go to bed?" Nick asked Carrie when she reached the Family Room. After pecking her lips, he presented the glass of Pinot Grigio he had poured for her.

"Yep, I peeked in and he's snuggled under the covers." She sipped the wine and smacked her lips. "Mmm…I just have to say that adding a mini fridge to the master bathroom was a stroke of genius, we didn't have to leave our love nest until we ran out of wine. Next time…we'll have three bottles chilling in there."

"Speakin' of three…I thought for sure we'd find Ryan out here watchin' Risky Business for the third time."

"I can't believe you let him watch that movie, it has risqué sex scenes in it."

"He's been really pullin' his weight around here, so I thought he deserved a treat. That's why my uncle took me to see it…as a reward for helpin' him on his ranch."

"Apparently all Stokes men always think sex is a nice reward," Carrie giggled, feeling the effects of the two bottles of wine they had consumed.

"Actually, my Uncle Henry was my mom's brother," he snickered. "The McGregors are the passionate ones. In Scotland, my Great Grandpa Duncan got caught with his pants down in a stable with some rich guy's daughter. They were gonna tar and feather him, but he stole a horse, raced it to the nearest port and ended up on a ship comin' to America. See…I can't help bein' a rogue, Darlin'…it's in my blood." Suddenly feeling mischievous, he gave the belt of her hunter green satin robe a hard tug. "Watcha got on under there, Roxie?"

"Just my birthday suit, Tex." When he started walking her backwards to the love seat, she released another round of giggles. "Are you getting a second wind?"

"How soundly was Ryan sleepin'? Because I want you right here, Darlin'."

"He didn't budge when I called his name, but don't worry…that boy sleeps like a log. One time I accidentally set off the smoke alarm burning toast and he slept right through it."

"I definitely believe the part about you burnin' toast," Nick teased. "God, it's so great to hear that laugh of yours again. C'mere. We'll put a blanket over us just in case he does wake up and wander out here."

Meanwhile, behind the couch and unbeknownst to Carrie and Nick, Ryan was whispering to Celine, "Uncle Nick was right…pillows fluffed under a blanket really fools people. Aunt Carrie thought I was asleep in bed."

Lindsay grabbed Sean's arm. "We can't let them do it with us in the room."

Sean panicked, "But if we pop out we'll get them in trouble with my parents because my mom will be mad they weren't watching Ryan closely enough. We'll be in even bigger trouble, because we lied to get here and we've been here without supervision watching a movie that has nudity and lots of bad words."

"Yeah." Ryan pointed his finger at his brother, "And I'll strangle you if you out us!"

On cloud nine from the reconciliation with Carrie and buzzed from the wine, Nick crashed onto the love seat. "Feel like savin' a horse tonight, Roxie?"

"How?"

Laughing, he patted his lap, "By ridin' this cowboy! Ha! I'm just kiddin', Sweetheart, but…would ya?" He returned to riotous laughter. "Sorry…I'm just so damn happy right now." He fanned out the blanket that would shield them.

The teens simultaneously covered their mouths. Even though they were on the other side of the room, the words were crystal clear.

"Tex, I'll giddy up if you mosey back to the bedroom and grab a…ah, the cowboy came prepared."

"Yes, ma'am. A good cowboy never leaves the ranch without the necessary supplies."

While Nick tossed a condom on the coffee table, Carrie lowered her robe off her left shoulder. "How about I give you a little show first?"

"Oh, yeah! Let me put on some music." He rushed to the stereo, flipped the radio to his favorite Friday night booty call station and flew back to the loveseat. "Ha! This is perfect!" R Kelly's Sex Me filled the room. "Hit it, Roxie!"

"I can't take my robe off in case Ryan does wake up and walk in here, but…I'll flash you."

Lady have no fear cause ecstasy is near…ooh baby

"Ooh, Baby, is right," Nick relaxed against the cushions. "Look at you grindin' the hell out of this song. Work it, Roxie!"

Behind the couch, Sean plugged his ears. I can't believe my aunt is stripping in the family room.

Come over here and let me take off your clothes

Cause things I wanna do to you, nobody has to know

I really don't want to know! Sean glanced over and saw his cohorts all had their hands clamped on their mouths to hide their laughter. This isn't funny! That's my aunt! My aunt doesn't do dirty things!

Nick gasped when she dove under the blanket and caught him off guard. "Well now…this is a nice surprise. Mmmm…oh, that's good…perfect. Your Camp Dunmore education is shinin' through."

Seeing Sean's deep red blush, Celine said, "From the sound of it, your aunt gives a really good BJ."

"Please stop talking," Sean pleaded. "I'm serious, I really may faint."

"Darlin'…" Since she usually gave up after a minute, he begged, "Please don't stop."

"I promise, cowboy," She purred while taking a breather. "Hold onto your hat."

Sick to his stomach, Sean whispered, "This feels like when I learned there isn't a Santa Claus…shocking and disappointing…a sudden loss of innocence that I'll never get back. Honestly, I wish Santa was real and I wish I didn't know Aunt Carrie likes to…uhh…"

"Drop to her knees for Uncle Nick in the family room?" Ryan nodded. "I'm with you, Bro. How am I going to eat breakfast with them tomorrow? She eats a banana every day. The second she puts it in her mouth, I'll lose it."

"Now you know how I feel." Lindsay grumbled, "If I don't put my Ipod on full blast, I can hear my own parents doing that and a lot of other stuff I don't want to think about!"

"I'm never sitting on that love seat again," Ryan cringed.

"Carr!" Nick growled and gave the customary warning while he gently tugged on his fiancée's hair, "I'm close!"

Sean wished he had five hands so he could cover both ears, both eyes and his mouth. This is why we never should have left the house! I'm never, ever, ever breaking the rules again! I don't care how big of a dork I look like! This is how God is punishing me. I'm going to feel dirty for the rest of my life after this! I know it's not a commandment…'thou shalt not listen to your aunt committing a sin', but…I have to be going to hell for this on some kind of technicality. When his uncle's exclamations and animalistic sounds were at their worst, he contemplated purposely rendering himself unconscious.

"Darlin'," Nick rasped while pulling Carrie to his chest. "That was the best…I'm still seein' stars. Sweetheart…I can't believe you…you did hear me warn that I was close, right?"

"Surprise!" Buzzing from a large quantity of Pinot Grigio and a hefty adrenaline rush, Carrie proudly exclaimed, "I decided to try…uh…S'ing."

"Did you like S'ing?" he giddily asked while crossing his fingers, toes and eyes. Please say yes! Please!

"Yes!" Giggling like a naughty school girl, Carrie squeaked, "Before all the trauma, I had been contemplating S'ing. I even snuck a little taste of…you know what…off my finger once."

"I saw you do that," Nick beamed with pride. "I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to sound like I was pushin' you to S, but I secretly hoped you were thinkin' about it."

"Becca put it in perspective for me actually. She said that S'ing is soooooo much better for the guy because when you stop and switch to the hand, it's equivalent to eyeing a big piece of gooey chocolate cake and right as you go to bite it, someone replaces it with a Hershey kiss. Sure it's still chocolate and any chocolate is good, but that gooey piece of chocolate cake would have been sooooooo much better."

"Yes!" Nick cheered, "That's it! That's exactly it! Hey…have I mentioned lately how much I love your friendship with Becca?"

"Oh my gosh! Get this! During their Rite of Passage night at camp, the counselors filled turkey basters with warm yogurt and they had to take an S test! You know on Fear Factor, when the contestants are done eating bugs how they have to open their mouth and prove it's all gone?"

Nick adamantly shook his head, "I'm tellin' you right now, there's not a snowball's chance in hell our kids, adopted or otherwise, are ever going to sleepaway camp…unless they're boys." Nick grinned at his fiancée, "Hey…I'm really glad fear wasn't a factor for you tonight, Camper Carrie." He gave her a thumbs up. "You passed the S test with flyin' colors."

"Ha! It really wasn't too bad." She giggled uncontrollably, "No worse than getting an unexpected mouthful of salt water at the beach. Oh my gosh, How sloshed am I?! I can't believe we're discussing this!"

Me either! All four teens screamed in silence.

"Switch places with me, Sweetheart." Nick snickered, "Now that we've F'd, and you S'd, I'm dyin' to GD on you."

"Nicky! Stop making fun of me!" She playfully smacked him.

"Aww...I think it's cute is all." He opened his arms. "Come on…give me a big H."

Laughing with him, she said, "No, I need to go rinse with some Scope and brush my teeth before..."

Squeezing her hand, Nick resumed his role as coach, "If you leave, that breaks the mood and the guy could be asleep by the time you come back for your turn. Trust me…if you leave me unattended for three minutes right now, I'm out."

"But..."

"Here…" Handing her his glass of wine, he said, "You grab a beverage for a quick swish, just like I always do when I'm done pleasurin' you."

"Oh!"

While Ryan and Sean felt the last ounce of blood drain from their faces, Celine and Lindsay were clinging to each other trying desperately not to laugh out loud.

"At least it's over," Ryan whispered to his brother.

"Mmmmmmm, Nicky," Carrie purred as she settled in against the cushions. "I really missed this."

Curling up in a ball, Sean whimpered, "I think my ears just started bleeding."

The Blakes

11:00 pm

"Sorry, Paul." Wendy pecked her hopeful and horny husband's cheek. "I just started my period today."

"Oh." He flopped onto his back. "I don't suppose you'd want to…"

Without glancing over, she pointed to her lip. "Canker sore."

Laughing at his patheticness, Paul whimpered, "Let me guess…your carpal tunnel syndrome is acting up too."

Closing the Family Circle magazine she had been looking forward to reading, Wendy smiled, "Sometimes I think polygamy really wouldn't be that bad."

"I love you too, Honey," he droned. "Look, if it's really that much of a hassle to sleep with me, I could just start driving to the Sheri's Ranch once a week to pay a professional do the job."

"How much does something like that go for?" When her husband's jaw dropped, she cracked up, "I'm kidding!" Except for a teeny tiny part of me. "What time did you tell the kids you'd pick them up?"

Drew's House

11:05 pm

Lying in bed, Marta noted each excruciating minute as it ticked by on her alarm clock. It seemed impossible that so few words could have ruined six weeks of pure bliss, but they had.

It's for the best, she told herself for the hundredth time. It never would have worked out anyway. She had come to realize that Carly was exactly the type of woman Drew ultimately needed, because bubbly and cuddly is nice for a while, but a red blooded man will always end up craving a sexy, skilled woman in his bed and a smart, stylish wife on his arm.

"Marta…"

Stunned to hear Drew's voice, she gripped the covers.

"Uh…come in."

Holding a small shopping bag behind his back, Drew walked into the room and directly to Marta's bed. "I didn't sleep with her. A sweet kiss on the cheek was as far as things went. We had a great time at dinner as old friends. I told her about us. We talked about that some and she wished me the best with you. I escorted her back to her hotel room, she wrote me a nice donation check for BPAC and I gave her a few words of encouragement about getting on her feet post-divorce."

"Really?" Marta struggled not to cry. "But Carly seems so perfect for you."

"No." Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Drew explained, "Carly looks like a great deal on the outside, but the truth is…she already broke my heart once and I'd rather not give her the opportunity to do it again."

"How did she break your heart?"

"When we were sweethearts, she told me I could say anything to her, that she'd never think less me or tell my secrets. We planned on goin' to A&M together, gettin' engaged senior year of college and then she'd go to Law School while I went to Med School. But a week after graduation, she told me she was really goin' to Harvard…that she hadn't told me because she was afraid I'd break up with her before prom and all the senior parties. I broke down and cried, beggin' her not to go. She promised she wouldn't tell anyone, but she told her girlfriend, who told my sister, who told my father." Shrugging, he said, "Carly isn't a threat to our relationship, Marta…but we still have a big problem."

"I know," Marta sniffled.

Standing tall, Drew said, "I figured out why you told me to go to dinner with her. You're worried that I'm gonna wake up one day and realize I'm not satisfied with you because you're sweet and inexperienced and…let's be honest…a much bigger girl than I've been with in the past. You think it's all gonna boil down to the fact that you don't wear thong bikinis or skin tight dresses well."

"Yes." As much as the truth hurt, Marta bit back her tears and nodded. "I know I make you feel good because I make you happy in some very important ways, but…let's be honest…I've watched you drool over your wife in a sexy black dress and I've heard you having steamy sex with her." Her voice and heart cracking, she explained, "I'm the sweetheart who loves your kids like they were her own, the girl who can make you laugh and is quirky enough to know how to do the Laendler…I'm silly and I make yummy cupcakes, but that's not enough. You also need a sexy woman who can knock your socks off."

"So, 'sexy woman who knocks my socks off' is the only part you think you can't fulfill?" He shrugged, "That accounts for about twenty-five percent of my perfect woman. So, can we mutually agree that you have the other seventy-five percent covered?"

"Yes," she sniffled, finally caving to her tears. "But you can't settle for seventy-five percent of your perfect woman. Settling never leads to a happy ending, Drew. That's why things didn't work out with Lissa."

"The thing is, Marta…I really believe you are a sexy woman who can knock my socks off, which means you are one hundred percent perfect for me. It's you who doesn't believe it."

"How can you possibly think I'm sexy? And there's no way I've knocked your socks off compared to someone like Tawny. I saw those scandal photos of you having sex with her, Drew. Don't lie to me."

"Hey, I admit that I used to think sexy was all about a bony-ass woman in a thong, but I used to believe in Santa Claus too. Times change, I don't mind that Santa isn't real, and you've had to notice how much I love grabbing your ass." Taking a seat, he softly said, "But you're right about one thing, the sex has been sweet and fun, not steamy or adventurous…but only because I wasn't goin' for that with you. I love laughin' and bein' silly with you, Sweetheart, it's a nice change of pace. I knew we'd get to steamy, but I didn't see a need to rush because I plan on bein' with you for the foreseeable future."

"But steamy is something you'll need to be happy going forward and what if I don't have it in me?"

"I knew you'd say that." Taking her hand, Drew brushed a tender kiss on it. "After droppin' off Carly I thought of somethin' that might help you believe me. I went shoppin' at a store called Hips and Curves. The owner, Regina Owens, helped me pick out somethin' special. I'm a lace man, take note of that. If you really want to turn me on, lace is the only way to go. Leather corsets, big t-shirts, and…" He tugged on the sleeve of her flannel top. "…pajamas like the ones you're wearin' right now, all turn me off. I want a woman in my bed, not a whip cracker, jock, or granny."

Marta glanced down at her comfort jammies. "I really didn't expect to be see you tonight."

Following Greg's plan to a tee, Drew revealed the shopping bag he had been hiding behind his back. "If you want to feel sexy, you have to dress the part, Honey. You can't expect to feel good about yourself when you're wearin' somethin' dumpy, and you can't expect me to get hot and bothered if I can't see the goods. Guys are visual, we can't help it. In this bag you'll find a fitted stretch-lace gown and matching robe in a lovely color called Purple Rain. It's gonna fit that beautiful body of yours like a glove, showin' off every delicious curve." Speaking directly into her ear in a throaty whisper, he instructed, "I want you to put on this lacy lingerie, and I want you to fluff your hair and spritz on some of that perfume I bought you last week. Then I'd like for you to strut down the hall to my bedroom, which you'll find filled with candlelight and sultry R&B music." Taking her hand, he guided it over his eager body. "Do you feel how excited I am thinkin' about you and me?"

"Y…yes," she stammered, while declaring the moment the most intensely erotic of her life.

Nibbling her ear lobe, Drew warned, "It won't be sweet and slow like usual, because I need to prove to you that you can be my bad girl when I need you to be. Mmm…we'll get just dirty enough to blush when thinkin' back to what we did." Without warning, he shocked her with a kiss he knew would leave her mouth burning for more. "Five minutes."

Tantalized and unnerved, Marta frantically nodded, "As soon as I'm changed, I'm there."

"I'll save you some time." While devouring her with another kiss, he gripped her pajama top and tore it open, sending buttons everywhere. "You won't be needin' those jammies again." Standing up he breathed deeply, "Don't be late."

As soon she was alone in the room, Marta grabbed the lingerie bag and raced for her bathroom.

The Disneyland Hotel, Where Tony Was Saying for the THIRD Time That Day: 'Dammit! This is ridiculous! I'm a Responsible Adult and We Have a Plan, We Need to Use a Condom and Stick to Our Plan…But It's Just so Damn Hot Knowing I Could Get You Pregnant!'

11:15 pm

As he hurried to the bathroom to clean up, Tony lifted his shirt and warned his wife, "Remember, you promised not take the test without me."

In horror, she exclaimed, "You're washing your parts in the sink?!"

"I don't have time for a shower," he laughed while dropping his shirt and grabbing a towel. "I told my brothers I was coming up here to grab a jacket, not that they believed me. I was supposed to be in the lobby five minutes ago. Come on, Becks…promise me."

"I've promised you ten times already!" Becca vehemently declared, "Seriously, I wouldn't want to find out without you, Honey, so chill out. You're going to make the stripper girls tense when they sit on your lap."

"Did you really give Matt four hundred bucks to buy me dances?"

"Who has the best wife ever?!"

Pulling her close, Tony answered, "I do, and in case I haven't told you lately…I'm really glad I said I do to you."

"Have a fun belated bachelor party, Honey." She pecked his smiling lips. "And don't get into trouble."

"Come on, what kind of a trouble could a vice cop, a homicide detective and a fire fighter possibly get into?"

"I'm afraid to know," she sighed on the way to the door.

Nick and Carrie's

11:43 pm

On her way into the family room with Binda at her side and a deck of cards in her hand, Carrie called over to her passionate fiancé, "Do you want to play Gin Rummy or 500 Rum?"

"Whatever you want, Sweetheart." He pulled her onto his lap. "You could ask me to play hopscotch on a bed of nails with you and I'd be psyched."

"Awwww…I know what you mean, it feels really good to be happy again." In mid-smooch, the chime of the front door startled her. "Who could that be?"

Behind the couch, Ryan whispered to the gang, "When they leave the room we'll bolt out the back door. We'll pretend we've been hanging out by the pool."

"You stay here, Sweetheart," Nick directed in a worried tone as he pulled on his jeans.

Doh! The teens panicked, knowing it had to be Paul at the door.

"It's probably my brother runnin' over here to share another 'perfect Marta moment'." Nick winked at Carrie, "Now that I'm happy, I'll be able to listen without rolling my eyes."

"Just be careful, in case it's a stranger." Any time something odd occurred, Mike Rodgers immediately popped into her mind. "Where is that remote?" she asked the pup, hoping the TV would distract her. "There it is, on the couch."

The teens cowered lower and hoped Carrie would leave the room too so they could make a run for it.

Meanwhile, at the front door, Nick was surprised to see Paul. "Hey…what brings you here at this hour? Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just here for the kids. You didn't think they were sleeping over, did you?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, did you have to go into work and just get home?"

"No," Nick replied as his confusion grew. "I've been home all day. You must have your signals crossed with Wendy 'cause we didn't babysit the kids today."

"Not babysitting, I'm talking about Sean, Lindsay and Celine coming here for a movie night."

"What? We didn't invite…son of a…" Nick raced down the hallway with Paul on his heels. "Ryan!" He threw open the door and rushed to the bed. "Damn him!" Staring at the pile of pillows under the comforter, Nick fumed.

"What's going on?"

"Ryan didn't ask us anything, Paul. Carrie and I turned in real early and he must have called pretendin' we said they could come over. You and Wendy didn't think to check with either of us? Did you just drop them at the curb?"

"We didn't check it with you because we know you wouldn't leave Ryan home alone at night, so you'd have to be here, and… I had to hurry to the store to get milk for Ashley, so I did just drop them, dammit! Wendy's gonna kill me! She specifically told me to walk them in." Paul marched out of the room. "Ryan Patrick Blake! You get out here this instant!" Cutting through the dining room, he ran into the kitchen and on to the connected family room.

"What's going on?" Carrie jumped up from the couch.

"Ryan called and said you said Lindsay, Celine and Sean could come over for a movie night. I dropped them off a little after eight."

"Eight?!" Carrie checked the clock. "That was almost four hours ago!"

"They're not in any of the rooms," Nick breathlessly announced upon darting into the family room. "There was a sexual assault ten minutes from here the other night, the thought of them bein' out there, that's if they stayed local. Dammit! How many times have I told them, this city isn't safe for teenagers at night?! Paul, you check the back yard, I'll check the garage."

"I'm scared." Carrie grabbed Nick's hand. "Think about what happened to us in the park at this hour."

"We're here!" Sean jumped up from behind the couch. Seconds away from a guilt-induced anxiety attack, the boy gulped for air. "We're safe. We've been in the family room the whole time. We were watching a movie and then we hid when you and Uncle Nick…I'm really sorry, very sorry!"

Nick lunged forward to look behind the couch. "Out of there! Right now!"

"They've been in the family room the whole time." When the words sunk in, Carrie's anxiety skyrocketed. "You were here when…" She frantically clutched her robe up to her neck. "You mean…you were listening…and watching me."

When Paul saw his sister start shaking he asked, "What's wrong, Sis?"

His blood boiling, Nick took Carrie in his arms. "Because Ryan is normally such a sound sleeper, we felt comfortable enough gettin' intimate in here under a blanket once Carrie had checked and confirmed he was in bed. We know now it really wasn't him, just pillows. They were all in this room when we were…"

"Oh." Paul figured out the rest.

"She feels violated," Nick snapped. We had four selfish brats eavesdropping on extremely personal sexual moments to save their own asses and I don't think I have to explain to you why she's sensitive about bein' sexually exploited. I can't believe y'all thought it was okay to sneak into our house uninvited in the first place, but to be voyeurs to boot. And with your aunt? That's vile!" Focusing on Ryan, his heart ached, "I thought we bonded and then you go and do this. I've been treatin' you like you a young adult, but apparently I should have been watchin' your every move like you were two!"

"I was just trying to be like you, Uncle Nick!" Ryan hurried to explain. "A cool guy! You're the one who told me how to use pillows to fake people out!"

"What do you mean I told you?!"

"When we were watching Risky Business and drinking beer earlier…"

"Excuse me?" Paul interrupted. "You let him drink beer, Nick?"

"He had Root Beer, I had the real stuff."

With that cleared up, Ryan continued, "You told me about how you'd fake out the housekeeper with pillows and sneak out your bedroom window to go see your girlfriend. Like the time you snuck off with Jinny Holkum and…"

"Okay!" Nick held up his hand before the rest of the sordid details flew out of the teen's mouth. "I…I guess I did inadvertently tell you that."

"And I invited everyone over because I was thinking like Joel from the movie you love! You know, sometimes you have to say what the…heck, and make your move. We didn't do anything wrong, it was just an innocent night of movie watching…at least until you and Aunt Carrie showed up and..."

"We couldn't see anything though!" Celine adeptly lied to help save her man's ass. "And please don't worry, once the music was loud we couldn't hear anything except some laughing and your names once or twice…nothing naughty. We didn't want to get ourselves in trouble, that's true…but we also didn't want to embarrass you because you kind of jumped right into fooling around and it felt like it was instantly too late. We didn't expect you to stay in here after, so we figured we could escape without you finding out and save us all some awkwardness. Ryan talks you up all the time, I know he'd never do anything to intentionally hurt you. He idolizes you, Mr. Stokes, and Ms. Blake…he loves you like a second mom." She'll love that since she just lost a baby.

"A second mom?" Carrie stopped shaking. "Really, Ryan?"

"Definitely."

Sean resisted the urge to be truthful when he saw his freaked out aunt starting to relax. I'm burning in hell already anyway, so what's the point of hurting Aunt Carrie with the truth, I'll stick with the lie.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. How can they be falling for this BS?! Ha! I'm using letters for words too. This sucks, I really was hoping for a K tonight from Sean. How long will I have to wait for that boy to K me?!

"Celine's right. I'm so sorry I disappointed you, Uncle Nick," Ryan made his eyes well on cue. "They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. I was just imitating you because you're my role model." That should do the trick!

Paul cringed, "If you mention to your mother that Uncle Nick is your role model, please do us all a favor and say it's because he's a brilliant CSI, instead of an adept sneak and a skilled ladies man."

Tops and Tails - Hesperia, CA …A Sleazy Place on the Way Out of Town Where the Brothers Vartann Had Stopped to Spend Becca's Designated Lap Dance Money Before Continuing on with Their Plans

Saturday - November 12, 2005

12:44 am

"Check out the blond with the dolphin tat on her tit." Matt Vartann, the designated driver and responsible older brother pointed. "Maybe?"

"Honestly, they're all kinda gross," Reggie commented while waiting for the next round of shots to be delivered.

"Dude! It's freakin' Hesperia!" Tony laughed. "Cinderella's back at Disneyland. Seriously, if a girl has what it takes, she's three hours from Vegas, why the hell would she work here? Look at them…half of them have c-section scars or are currently pregnant."

"Let's drive to Vegas then, because I had my heart set on seeing quality T&A tonight."

Matt nodded, "Becca would be appalled if she saw this place, wouldn't she, Tone? I feel like I've really dropped the ball."

"When I was leaving she said she wished she had thought of reserving us a bungalow at Sheri's Ranch, the brothel in Pahrump, for a private bachelor party…boobie contact and grinding allowed, but no sex of course." Tony smiled, "Her words not mine. Am I the luckiest man alive or what?"

"Honestly, I'm so jealous I may actually kill you and steal your identity." Reggie handed over a glass of tequila. "I know it's hard to keep up with me at your age, but don't puss out just yet, Tone."

"You do realize you're so much younger than Matt and me because Dad gave Mom too much tequila one night and she's a light weight?" Tony pounded the shot and snickered at his thirty one year old brother, "You take after Mom…I take after Dad. I'll still out drink your ass when I'm a hundred."

"Right here, Honey." Matt tucked the twenty in the dolphin tat girl's g-string. "This is my brother, Tony. We're celebrating his belated bachelor party tonight. He's gonna take you out for a test drive and if he likes the handling, I'll pay for a VIP dance."

The blonde with buck teeth dropped onto her customer's lap. "Ooh…a big boy!"

"Newbie alert!" Matt instantly declared, "Sweetheart, you have to start in front of him and set the mood, you don't just plop on his lap. Four feet…shake it…step between his legs…shake it."

"Matt! Keep your day job!" Tony cracked up while placing his arms on the back of the booth. "And Blondie…if you want to sound more realistic, you need to hold off on the big boy line until your customer has a rise…not that you aren't accurate in my case, but unless you have psychic abilities, you wouldn't know it right now. It's a dead give away that you're hustling."

"Sorry! It's my first night," the jittery girl confessed. "I'm not gonna get the VIP dance, am I? Shoot! Can I start over?!"

"Sure, Beautiful," Tony assured the lackluster girl in a soothing voice. "What's your name?"

"Sierra."

"That's my daughter's name! You have to go!" Reggie shooed her away. "Sorry, it's nasty thinking..."

"Why the hell do you think I named my daughter Mary?" Matt laughed. "I spend a good part of my work day in places like this, I couldn't hear my daughter's name all the time. I can't believe you gave your kid a stripper name, Reg!"

"What's the next one gonna be?" Tony joked, "Diamond? Sunset?"

"I busted a hooker named Sunset," Matt shared. "She says to me…Sunset will go down on you for fifty bucks. Ooh!" he pointed. "When God shuts a door, he opens a window…there's a better set of ta's!" As Tony and Reggie did their next shot, he pulled out another twenty. "What's your name, Sweetheart?"

"It's anything you want for a c-note."

"She'll do!" Reggie cheered. "C'mon, don't waste time. Just pay for the VIP dance off the bat, so we can hit the road. Tony banged his wife three times today trying to impregnate her, so he's spent and doesn't care. Hell, he's only doing this because it's Vartann bachelor party tradition."

"Okay, Tone…she's all yours and you can call her whatever you want."

The homicide detective cracked up as he faced the topless dancer. "Hello, Mary."

"Ha!" Reggie collapsed against his chair laughing.

When Matt heard his daughter's name, he blasted his brothers, "You two are frickin' sick!"

Tony cleared his throat and robotically uttered a common work phrase, "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me today, Miss. I assure you this is just a formality, and will only take a few minutes of your valuable time."

Matt handed over two hundred bucks. "A hundred for the dance, a hundred dollar tip and I want you to use the room on the far right next to the bathrooms because it's the one out of LE's sight when they walk in and we all know the best action takes place there." He winked at his brother, "You know you can always trust an undercover vice cop to arrange the best lap dance."

"Yep, he knows where Law Enforcement likes to shine their flashlights."

"C'mon, Handsome." The dancer waved for her customer to follow her. "Since your brother's a big spender, I'll even let you make yourself comfortable."

"Nice job, Sweetheart." The vice cop lifted his Pepsi in praise of the girl using the right language to keep her ass out of jail.

"What a waste. He's not gonna whip it out. He's had sex three times today." Reggie drunkenly grumbled, "I haven't had any sex in ten loooooooong months. I'd love to whack off in front of Mary instead of alone in the shower for a change."

Matt was stunned. "Ten months, really?"

"She was too afraid of losing the baby after the in-vitro, so she wouldn't let me touch her. Now she's too tired and/or not in the mood. Seriously…I need to get laid, Bro. It's making me hate her. How can I love my new baby, but hate my wife? Between the job BS and this…"

"Does she at least…"

"Nothing! I really do hate her. I hate my wife!"

"Take it easy or we'll get bounced." Matt slid next to his little brother. "Did you talk to her about it? You gotta talk about these things in a marriage, Reggie."

"Yeah, I talked to her, just like we talk about my job… I talk 'til I'm blue in the face…as blue as my freakin' balls! And she agrees to change and then doesn't. That's why I hate my wife! It feels good to say it after thinking it for a while."

"Hey…" He hugged his drunk and emotional little brother. "C'mon…it'll be okay."

"No…no, it won't. Before coming on this trip, I made a decision…if she refused to touch me at the happiest place on Earth…we get a divorce. She refused, so I'm gonna ask for a divorce when we get home."

"No, no you're not. Sierra's two months old, she needs her parents together. As soon as Tony comes back, we're gonna do something nice for you, Reg. We'll cheer you up."

"I doubt that." Reggie slouched in his chair. "Life sucks."

Drew's House

12:45 am

"Life…is…perfect!" Drew cheered as he moved from behind Marta and dropped onto his back on the mattress. "Damn! That was top notch!" He pulled his perfect woman next to him. "You'll be walkin' funny tomorrow, but…mission accomplished! You looked sexy as hell and the lovin' was red hot. Admit it…you're more than capable of steamy, which means you're one hundred percent perfect for me! Okay, admit it after you catch your breath," he laughed.

Fanning her bright red face, she breathlessly asked, "How long were we…"

Drew checked the clock. "From first kiss…ninety minutes." Laughing, he said, "Don't worry, it won't usually be that way...I popped a Viagra."

"You take Viagra?!"

"I haven't been since we hooked up, but I had some leftover from the Tawny days. I wanted to ensure there was enough time for your inner-vixen to fully emerge and I was pretty revved up, so…yeah…one look at you in that lace had me squirmin'." Grinning, he taunted, "Ready to admit I was right?"

"Who knew I had an inner-vixen?" she giggled while straightening out the lacy gown that had made her feel like a sex kitten for the first time in her life.

"I knew!" Drew pounced for a celebratory kiss before continuing, "Every woman has an inner-vixen dyin' to get out. Even chaste Sound of Music Maria. Think about how chilled Von Trapp was after he returned from that month long honeymoon they took. What you don't know is, they were only supposed to be gone a week, but once Maria let loose and started makin' his hill come alive nightly, he extended the trip."

Marta shook with laughter. "Don't dirty up my favorite childhood movie and me all in one night! What's next? A sex scandal in Oz?"

"Did you know that Dorothy had a three way with the scarecrow, the tin man, and the lion?"

"Stop it!" She laughed harder still. "She did not!"

"Yeah, you're right…everyone knows the scarecrow and tin man left innocent Dorothy alone because they were gay and into bestiality."

"Oh my gosh," Marta laughed with the perfect man sharing her bed. "Looks like we went from steamy to back to silly again."

"I love that I can do that with you." He brushed back her hair. "I love laughing with you." Locked on the happiness dancing in her eyes, Drew quietly confessed, "I love you, Marta."

"You do?"

Moving closer, he asked, "Do you think you can love me back?"

In a voice as steady as Drew's tender gaze, Marta whispered, "I think loving you back will be the easiest job I've ever had."

The Vartanns

4:28 am

"Tony, it's so easy to see where I went wrong now." Drinking directly from her ex-husband's Scotch bottle, Amy stood naked, staring at the rumpled bedding where Tony had been making love earlier. "You'll see you made a mistake." Craving her ex-husband's scent again, she grabbed a bed pillow and breathed deeply. "You said you won't talk to me after today." Glancing up, she saw the statue of Cupid on top of the armoire. "You think you got closure tonight?!" Snapping to rage she flung the bottle at the wall. "Well, I don't want fucking closure!"

Next she grabbed the Cupid statue and screamed at the cherub's face, "She's not his perfect match! He doesn't love her! It's all about the money! He doesn't want to worry about bills anymore, that's it! He loves me!" Tossing the sculpture onto the bed, she rushed to the walk-in closet. "How can he love these ugly clothes on her pathetic stick body!" Amy frantically ripped Becca's designer fashions from their hangers. "Look at all these stupid shoes!" One by one she snapped the heels off until a new idea popped into her head and she stormed for the kitchen.

"There's your favorite." She grabbed Tony's best chef's knife and then a bottle of Merlot as an afterthought. "Perfect to slice and dice your wife's slut wear!"

On the way out of the kitchen, the squeak of a rodent caught her ear and she followed it to investigate. "Look at you." She gazed sympathetically at the rat. "Rebitcha has you trapped in this house and under her control too. You're just another one of her helpless victims…just like Tony. I'll get even for you too, little guy," she sweetly whispered, before hurrying off to demolish the bedroom.

The Grissoms

5:36 am

Unable to fall asleep after hearing Flash bark earlier, Gil gave up and climbed out of bed. "Come on, Boy," he whispered to the hound, "We'll start our day. Coffee time." Padding down the hall with his dog, Gil said, "Let's grab the paper first."

Flash wagged in approval over the change of plans and hurried out the front door after his master.

"Do you…" Gil stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Mike getting out of his car. "It's like he knows when we leave the house."

"You're up early!" Mike yelled across the street as if he were greeting a buddy. "Everything okay?"

"Just have some work that needs to get done," Gil replied, not missing a beat. These meetings had becomes so frequent, he could fake his way through quite deftly. "Were you called in for night shift?"

"No, the wife ate some bad shrimp last night at Top of the World." He held up a CVS bag. "She's cramping up, so I ran to the store for Imodium."

"Ah." He considered taking the polite route and saying 'I hope she feels better soon', but it would have required far too much effort to form that big of a lie, so he went with the usual bullshit. "Have a good day."

Mike flashed a killer smile. "I already am."

Author's Notes:

Notice some connections in this chappie? Common themes? A little foreshadowing? My really whacked sense of humor? LOL

Maggs