Chapter 1, Part 1

Two months later, the Outer Vinkus

Elphaba twitched back the curtain on the front window of the small house she shared with Fiyero just enough to get a glimpse of the early morning sun. They were so rarely able to allow any daylight into the house, for fear the wrong person may pass by and see that the two of them were not dead as was believed by most of the land of Oz. Elphaba saw in that brief instant that someone was approaching the house, and froze where she stood. After a second or two more, though, she realized it was Colverus, the old friend of Fiyero's who was now their only link to the outside world.

Moving quietly away from the window, Elphaba returned to the small, darkened bedroom to awaken Fiyero. He hated to miss one minute of his old friend's visits, no matter how early or late he appeared at the door. The solitary existence they were now forced to lead was harder on Fiyero from the very beginning; of the two of them, he was the one accustomed to almost constant, happy company. Due to her upbringing, Elphaba herself coped well with the long periods where the world consisted of just the two of them. She knew Fiyero's loneliness in no way meant he didn't appreciate her company... He simply had more people to miss.

Fiyero rose slowly, as always. He was almost unfailingly grouchy in the morning, but when Elphaba informed him Colverus was knocking at the door, he was instantly out of bed and on his way to the living room. As was her habit, Elphaba remained in the bedroom, wanting to give the two boyhood friends moments to themselves. Besides, the one person Elphaba missed could never be a part of her life again. And though she had yet to admit it, she was jealous of the time Fiyero and Colverus got to spend together.

Elphaba hung her head, ashamed of herself. She knew what she should feel most was happiness that she and Fiyero had some connection to the rest of their country, however small and brief that connection might be. It made Fiyero happy, and made their forced exile more bearable. Though she shared a depth of romantic love with Fiyero that she never thought she would find, Elphaba's life was now lacking that feeling of companionship with a peer. The only true peer Elphaba had ever had.

Glinda.

There were times that, if Elphaba concentrated very hard, she could see where Glinda was, and what she was doing. She had only accomplished this twice, and her ability to do so seemed affected by Glinda's proximity to Winkie Country. She did travel all throughout the land, one of the requirements of her powerful position.

After a very brief visit with his friend, Fiyero had returned to the bedroom where Elphaba waited for him. He told her that Colverus had shared the news that Glinda was newly betrothed to a fellow Gillikinese citizen by the name of Travion. Colverus hadn't known the man's last name, but Elphaba and Fiyero both knew Glinda's new intended was not anyone she had met at university. He was a recent addition, and yet here she was ready to marry him. The two lovers could do nothing but cast sad glances at each other. There were no words for them to express the sadness they each felt.

Elphaba couldn't help wondering if Glinda really loved the man she was engaged to. Was she rushing into things because of loneliness? If she was, Elphaba herself, as well as Fiyero, had caused it. This weighed on both of them so heavily that at last, as they both lay wide awake into the small hours of the morning, Fiyero had to speak aloud.

"Maybe, if only there had been a way I could have loved her... Things might have turned out differently. I never loved Glinda. I did want to make her happy, though. I knew we'd be leaving her all alone when we went away. But I never expected this."

"Me either," Elphaba whispered. "What if he doesn't make her happy and he's just convenient? Colverus said this man is a Gillikinese. He's probably some friend of the family that her parents sent to meet her, and now here she is engaged. He could be cruel, or just waiting to take advantage of her power."

Fiyero sighed heavily. "I've thought of all that, too. There isn't anything we can do, except hope for the best for her. I know it's hard, Ivy. But that's all we can do."

Elphaba suddenly smiled, turning her face toward Fiyero's for the first time that night. Ivy was a recently coined nickname, and Elphaba liked it very much, in fact better than her given name. The first time Fiyero had used it several weeks ago, Elphaba had stared at him as if he'd gone sightly mad. But then he had explained. There had been abundant ivy growing on the walls of Shiz, the place where many of their happiest moments had passed; the plant was hardy, able to survive the worst winters and harshest storms. Lastly, of course, it was green. Fiyero had never been ashamed of or embarrassed by the color of Elphaba's skin. So the name had stuck, and she relished it every time she heard it.

The next day had dawned stormy, with angry purplish clouds making the sky seem very low. Elphaba resigned herself to remaining in the house, at least for the morning. That was not very unusual for her anyway. Fiyero worried about how she kept to herself, barely wanting to socialize even with Colverus. Today, as Fiyero woke and saw the raging sky, he turned over and kissed Elphaba gently on the lips. "You can stay here, where it's warm. I'll make the breakfast today."

Elphaba returned Fiyero's kiss before he rose from the bed. She smiled to herself as she watched him leave the room. She was still getting used to being pampered this way. So much so that she rarely felt comfortable allowing Fiyero to do things like this for her. But today, with the awful weather making her feel like she could stay in bed all day, she welcomed the opportunity to stay snuggled under the warm blankets. Besides, the last time Fiyero had cooked, Elphaba had discovered he was better at it than she was. How remained a mystery, since Fiyero was raised in a home filled with servants. As far as Elphaba knew, he had never had to lift a hand to help in the kitchen, unlike herself, who had begun helping with household chores even before she reached school age.

Much of Fiyero's home life was a complete mystery to Elphaba. She had asked him several times about his parents, or if he had any siblings. His eyes had filled with deep sadness, and he had refused to answer. After a time, Elphaba had ceased to ask. She recognized something in his expression. Something was causing him such deep pain he couldn't bear to think about it. They both certainly had their share of regrets.

It was at times like this that Elphaba couldn't help thinking of her own family, too. Her father, sister and mother, all dead now, in one way or another, by Elphaba's own doing. Of course she knew she hadn't made her mother chew endlessly on those milkflowers during the time she was pregnant with Nessa. But if not for her fear of having another green-skinned, "cursed" child, Melena would never have done such a thing. And while Nessa had been born with withered little legs, her skin had been lily-white and perfect... just as her parents had wanted. Elphaba herself had not been at home when Nessa was born. Though she had been only three, Elphaba had wanted to stay and see the new child arrive. Instead, she had been sent off to somewhere she couldn't even recall. When she had at last arrived home, all their father would allow her was one peek at Nessa's tiny sleeping form in her crib. She had noticed how small Nessa's legs seemed, and had asked her father about this.

"If not for you, your sister would be perfect," her father had said, fiercely but quietly, so he didn't wake the baby. At the time, Elphaba had been too young to understand what her father meant. But she always remembered the words, and as she grew, coming to understand what had caused Nessa to be confined to a wheelchair, her sadness had changed into a sense of immense guilt and shame. Then, when Elphaba had at last found a way to rescue Nessa from her restricting life, the younger woman had rewarded her with nothing but hatred, because it had caused her to lose Boq. The only man Nessa had ever loved... or claimed to. Elphaba knew their relationship had not really been about love. Nessa had ruled the kind-hearted Munchkin with an iron will and extremely sharp tongue. When Nessa had at last been "cured," Boq saw his chance to be free, to leave her behind and have a life of his own. Nessa had refused to allow that. From there everything had completely fallen apart.

Elphaba suddenly rose from the bed, going to the small window in the opposite wall. She gazed at the storm-swept outside world and felt an identical tempest rise inside herself. She knew their present circumstance was her own fault. Their isolation, loneliness... and Fiyero's current state as a man of straw. It was true Elphaba had cast the spell to save Fiyero's life. But did it really matter that he was alive, now that he had no real LIFE to speak of? She hated herself for doing that to him, because though she had wanted to spare him physical pain at the hands of the Gale Force, she'd also wanted to spare herself the pain. The pain of losing him, and being all alone in the world. Again.

Elphaba drove her hands, now balled into fists, down onto the windowsill. The impact was so sudden and fierce that it made Elphaba's hands sting. Her eyes burned with sudden tears that she forced away simply by habit. She felt the most intense self-loathing since her childhood. How could she have been so selfish as to turn Fiyero into an outcast? A freak, like herself! People would stare at him wherever he went for the rest of his life. Even if they were one day able to leave this place of exile, he would look the same. No one would accept him, besides herself. But was it love that had made her cast that spell? Was she as selfish and cruel as Nessa? The tears that had threatened moments before began to trickle slowly down Elphaba's face. She rapidly wiped them away before they could burn her skin too badly. That was when Fiyero returned, carrying the breakfast tray. He took one look at her face and set the tray on the floor near the door. He crossed the room and stood beside Elphaba at the window, slipping an arm tenderly around her shoulders.

"What's wrong?" he whispered. He'd never seen Elphaba in tears before. He knew she was well practiced at containing them due to the strange reaction they caused in her.

"Why don't you hate me for what I've done to you, what I've made you into?" she asked this rapidly, before she lost her nerve. In the months since they came to this house, they hadn't once discussed the spell or its consequences. They both stood there silently for several minutes before Fiyero sighed, then began to speak in a whisper.

"Elphaba, I know you feel guilty that I'm the way I am now. But can't you see? I could never be angry at you, because I know if you hadn't cast that spell on me, I would be dead now. I'm grateful to still have a life, no matter what I look like. And I'm glad to have you in my life, too. You did what you did out of love. There is no way I could hate you."

Elphaba quickly turned away from the window, a bitter, rapid laugh escaping her lips. "You talk as if I'm so selfless because I saved you!" She nearly shouted. "Don't you see? I didn't do it just for you. I did it for me, too. Because I didn't want to be alone again. I'd never been so frightened. I had to do something to save you!"

"That's exactly what you did, Ivy," Fiyero replied in a perfectly calm, gentle tone. "If you cast that spell partly out of fear of being left alone, what does that matter? I can't blame you for that. I would have felt the same if it had been you in my place. You did everything you could. It saved my life. That's the only thing that's important to me about it."

Without a reply, Elphaba walked over to the bed and sat down. She looked so small sitting there, like a schoolgirl scolded by her favorite teacher. She wouldn't meet Fiyero's eyes, nor make any reply. Her tears had now vanished, replaced with sadness too deep for weeping.

"That still doesn't make it right," she said, her voice hollow and barely audible. "You're going to be laughed at for the rest of your life, that is IF we ever get out of here. People will stare, and wonder all kinds of things they'll never ask! I had no right to burden you with the kind of life I have! You deserve better than this."

The young woman seemed completely spent now, but she rose steadily to her feet, walking toward the door. Just as she rested her hand on the knob, Fiyero called out to her. "So that's what this is really about. Ivy, I'm sorry you feel guilty, but it's going to have to be enough that I don't blame you. That I don't feel like I will deserve to be pointed or laughed at. You made me this way to save me, because you love me more than anyone I've ever known. I know you have gone through a lot because of how you look... At first even I was guilty of some of that. Things are different now, it's only the two of us. And I love you."

For a moment or two, Elphaba said nothing. She simply stood there, turned in his direction but not meeting his eyes. Though they didn't fix everything, Fiyero's words did relieve her of some of her burden. He heart felt lighter now, knowing that he harbored no bad feelings toward her. It was then that she remembered he must be waiting for her to speak.

"I love you, too," she replied, suddenly too shy to even speak above a whisper. They had both said I love you several times before, but the subject at hand made her feel uncomfortable, more like the quiet, uncertain girl she had been when she'd first arrived at university. Back then the only time she had been assertive was when she was angry. Right now she was anything but angry. Fiyero moved to stand in front of her, taking her hands in his. It took her a moment to look into his eyes, even though she knew that's what he was waiting for.

"I'm sorry, this was all so awkward. That's why we both kept putting off talking about this, I guess..."

Fiyero placed one finger over her lips and smiled slightly. "There's no more need for 'I'm sorry.' We're here, we love each other. That's enough for me. Breakfast is cold by now. Still want it?"

"Yes," Elphaba said, a hint of a smile at last returning to her face. She climbed quickly back into bed, and Fiyero brought the tray to her. She took one look and realized there was only enough for one person. She glanced quizzically at Fiyero.

"I'm never hungry this early," he explained. "You just enjoy it. You haven't had much of an appetite yourself since we came here."

Elphaba made no answer, and simply began to eat. She finished every bite, which made Fiyero happy. Due to the storm they both remained indoors for the rest of the day. Once full dark fell, it was still raining. Fiyero began to consider turning in early, when there was a sudden harsh knock at the door.