Chapter 12

It was over a month later that Elphaba and Fiyero received a message from Glinda that it was time for them to return to the city. She made a point to mention that only her father would be present during this visit, because her mother had come down with the flu. Elphaba and Fiyero both sensed this was a lie fabricated to avoid seeing them again, but they decided they didn't really care.

Fiyero seemed more thoughtful during this journey to the city, which he and Elphaba were making without even the accompaniment of a coachman. The coach Glinda had sent for them was enchanted to bring them directly to her home. She had warned them of this in her note, so they wouldn't be shocked by the arrival of a vehicle with no driver. Both Travion and Glinda were extremely busy making the plans for the ceremony, and that was why neither of them had come to fetch their friends.

Without asking a single question, Elphaba intuited that Fiyero was anxious about whether or not they would find a house in the city to live in after the wedding. He was worried about being able to provide for her, to find a good job. Several times, Elphaba saw him shaking his head and muttering to himself. "I should have studied harder. What do I know about anything?" was all she could hear of the words he said.

"Fiyero, you're worrying too much," Elphaba whispered. "The thought of looking for a house doesn't thrill me either, but it's not as if we have to do it alone. And whatever job you find at first will do, you can always move on to something else later. I can work too, you know. It's not all up to you."

"How did you know I was thinking about all of that?" Fiyero said, sounding honestly amazed at her perception. She smiled a little, her false face blushing deeply. "Tell me, how did I know?" she teased. "I don't even have to try to pick up on people's thoughts. My mind just works that way. Sometimes it feels like eavesdropping. Occasionally when it happens, I ignore it, but with you I..."

Fiyero could see Elphaba was worried that she had offended him with her ability to read his thoughts, and he hastened to reassure her. "Hey... I know how well you pick up on things, it doesn't bother me. If it did, I'd either have to learn a way to hide things from you, or try to go back to never thinking about anything, like when we were at school." Fiyero laughed heartily at his own joke. Elphaba smiled, but only slightly, finding herself lost in thoughts of her own.

"I'm glad we'll be getting the silly fittings over with when we get there. Maybe this time we can get to know Glinda's father a little better too. Last time I hardly heard the poor man say a single word. He can't possibly be more cruel than his wife, though. I don't think she'll ever like us," Elphaba said with a heavy sigh.

"If she doesn't, it's really her problem," Fiyero said angrily. "After what she said about you, I have no patience for that woman. I will be polite to her only because she is Glinda's mother, and I don't want there to be arguing on our wedding day. But that is all."

"Fiyero, she doesn't know us... All she knows is, you left her daughter for me. You can't expect her to forget that right away. It could take years for her to get over it, even though Glinda already has." Elphaba was trying her best to temper Fiyero's anger. Though his voice was calmer when he spoke again, none of his rage had left his eyes.

"No one talks that way about you and still receives respect from me," he said levelly. "She is a mean-spirited, unlikeable sort of person. I feel sorry for Glinda, being stuck with a mother like that!"

"At least she knows what it's like to have one!" Elphaba countered, sudden fury flaring inside her. "My mother died before I was old enough to really remember her! Maybe Glinda's mother is just as bad as you say, but she is nonetheless her mother. I have to think about how Glinda would feel if we treated her mother the way she treated us. And I just can't do it. I wish I even had a mother to worry about me, to be angry on my behalf when anyone was cruel to me. But I've never known what that's like, Fiyero. I never will. My mother died when I was three years old."

Elphaba wanted very much to hold onto her anger as she said these last words, but the feeling drained away in an instant, replaced by a great sadness that seemed to make even the air heavier. Fiyero gently wrapped one arm around Elphaba's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Ivy," he began, sounding deeply ashamed of himself. "I never thought of it that way. You so rarely mention your mother. It didn't occur to me to see things that way. Ivy... Don't you ever blame your mother, even a little, for the way you look?"

"No," Elphaba answered instantly. "I'm sure she had plenty of faults... After all, she only had me because she was cheating on her husband. But it isn't hard for me to imagine that the wizard used her, just like he used me. Whether he saw it as experimenting, or whatever, I have no idea. For her part, my mother probably thought he loved her, or she was in love with him... Either way, she probably wanted to please him. I know so little about her, but I guess I always thought she was more like Nessa, and that's why she got all of the attention after Mother died. It was like a part of her was still alive in my sister. It didn't take much to see that the man I always thought of as my father had loved my mother. Sometimes, if I was awake late at night, I'd hear Father crying in another room, whispering my mother's name. Because of that, I knew he had loved her, and he adored Nessa. From that time forward, I wondered what it was I was doing wrong, why he didn't love me the same way. It didn't take long for me to come to the conclusion that his disdain must have had everything to do with how I looked."

Fiyero had never heard Elphaba talk at such length about her family life. It caused a deep sadness to settle into his heart, and he removed his arm from Elphaba's shoulders and took her hands instead before speaking.

"It wasn't your fault, not really," he whispered. "Your mother made her own choices, and those are what led to things turning out the way they did. Maybe your father loved her too much to want to blame her for anything, but he had no right to blame you. You weren't even old enough to understand what was going on when your mother died. Your father should have been thinking about what was best for you, not blaming you for everything. You were made into the scapegoat, Ivy."

"And that was only round one," Elphaba said, uttering a mirthless laugh. "I wonder how many more times it will be my turn. Fiyero, do you think it will really be wise to move to the city? Of course I want to... It will be so nice to feel like we are part of the real world again, and to be closer to our friends. But there are so many risks, at least for me. Not to mention I don't want to have to look like THIS for the rest of my life!"

"I do think it's better if we move," he said. "I know you've been worried about me, that I feel too lonely where we live now. But I have adjusted. It's you I worry about. I know how you love the city, and how you must miss it. You're never so happy anywhere else. There is a light in your eyes I never see any other time, and I want you to be that happy always."

"I want you to be, too." Elphaba sounded very sad, but Fiyero didn't have to ask what was on her mind. She volunteered it a moment later. "I'm so sorry about your parents," she explained. "I wish there were a way for you to have them in your life again. I know you won't leave me just to make them happy, but can't you explain things to them, make them understand? They're your family, and one day you will be king. You aren't planning to turn your back on that too, are you?"

An unreadable expression crossed Fiyero's face. "I haven't thought about it," he said with a shrug. "Mother and Father said in their letter that they would never deny me my right to the kingship, but they know I am not about to leave you in order to accept it. They won't accept you into their lives, but they open the door to your becoming queen? I don't understand that."

"Maybe they're hoping I'll die before the day comes for you to be crowned." Elphaba paused, a sudden, deeply painful thought occurring to her. "Or maybe they tried to get rid of me already," she finished in a whisper. She went extremely pale, and turned away as the meaning of what she had said struck Fiyero. The pain in his eyes was too much for her to bear.

"It was them. It was my parents who told the wizard how to find us," he said in a stricken whisper. "They have so many connections, they probably knew where he was hiding. He may even have come to them. I didn't tell them exactly where we were! I don't know how they found out!" He was ready to cry now, both out of sorrow and anger.

"It doesn't matter how it happened, Fiyero," Elphaba soothed, trying to diffuse his anger. "We don't know it was definitely their doing. Even if it was, we can't change that now. I'm accustomed to being hated. They're two more to add to the list, that's all. It doesn't matter."

"It DOES!" Fiyero raged, but Elphaba did not flinch or turn away. "It does matter! They're my parents, not just some strangers we met on the street! If you can be so angry at those idiots from the dressmakers, why doesn't THIS make you angry?"

"If your mother and father said they hated YOU just because you've fallen in love with me, I could get angry," Elphaba explained calmly. "That I wouldn't be able to accept. They think they know who I am because of the lies that have been spread about me. They don't know what I'm really like, and they don't want to know. They are like most other people throughout Oz. I wouldn't be able to change their minds about me. Even you wouldn't stand much chance of it, I suppose. We will have to live with that, that's all there is to it. Like I said, I want you to be happy. Just minutes ago I thought that would be helped by your trying to make amends with your parents. Now I see that can't happen, not if they were responsible for sending the wizard to kill me. Maybe one day we will know for sure if that is what happened or not... But I feel that it was."

Fiyero nodded slightly, then set his jaw before speaking again. "One day, I'm going to go on another trip, to see my parents. I'd feel better if you stayed somewhere safe instead of coming with me. Just in case. I know that sounds overprotective, I won't blame you if you resent it. But if it was them, I can't put you in harm's way again. I simply can't."

"I understand," Elphaba assured him. "But do you think it's wise to go there? It might just make them angrier if they are to blame for what was done to me, and then find out from you that I'm still alive. What good will it do?"

"I am going there to find out if they are responsible for your suffering. If they were in contact with the wizard then, maybe they can find him. If they can, I am going to insist that they find out from him the exact counterspell. I'd bet anything he knows what it is. If you were given the words, you're healthy enough to cast it on yourself. Not like before, when you were too ill to save yourself. Maybe if they see how devoted I am to you, they will understand that you can't possibly be as evil as they believe you to be. They used to believe in me, that I knew how to make wise choices, even when no one else did. They need to be reminded of that, and that's exactly what I intend. If by the time I leave they still refuse to accept you, I won't hesitate to tell Father that I will not ascend to the throne when the time comes. He will have to name the heir for himself."

Elphaba felt such a deep sadness she had no words to express her feelings. Fiyero was sorry to weigh her down with such sorrow when their wedding day was so near. The coming days should have been ones filled only with joy, but their joint realization had changed everything. Fiyero wanted to hold onto a shred of hope that the nearly-successful killing spell had not been made possible by his parents. But, like Elphaba, he felt in his heart that they were. Unless a great change came over them during his visit, he did indeed plan to turn his back on them for the rest of their lives.

Fiyero was shaken instantly from his thoughts when he heard Elphaba begin to cry. He quickly reached for her hands and squeezed them tightly, almost painfully. "Ivy, you know you can't cry like that," he cautioned sympathetically. "I understand how sad you feel. So do I. But tears will only hurt you more. You've already been through enough. Please, Ivy, don't cry."

She wanted to give him an almost resentful look, but this impulse faded as Fiyero reached out to wipe away the few tears that had begun to fall down Elphaba's cheeks. Then, she began to apologize for so often being the cause of pain in his life, that she wished things could be different for them.

"I don't blame you for anything," he began, gazing intently into Elphaba's eyes. "All we can do is hold onto our hope that once we are married, things will be better. We will have each other, and our friends. That's all I want. If my parents can't be part of our lives, then so be it. It's not as if I were looking forward to being king, anyway. People think all it's about giving orders and being waited on every waking moment. But I watched the things Father went through, when I lived at home. People came to him with any complaint you can imagine, and then he also had to spend hours in meetings with people he didn't like but had to pretend he did. Once, just before I left for university, he actually apologized to me for the fact that all that boredom and annoyance was what I was heir to. I laughed, I thought it was a huge joke... But now, looking back, I realize he was serious. He isn't happy being king. Mother I'm not sure about. She has her own responsibilities of course, but I always thought she enjoyed hers. When the occasion really called for it, she could be motherly, but even when she was I thought of her as more 'Queen' than 'Mother.' Father though... it always seemed like he longed to join in my games with me as a boy. Then, as I grew, to be included in teaching me things about our history, or anything he could. He was always happiest when we were spending time together."

Elphaba spoke up instantly. "Then when you go to see him, remind him of that. Tell him that it is his choice that will determine whether the two of you get to spend time together anymore."

Fiyero sighed heavily. "You may be right, that could be the only way to sway him. Still, I wish all of this wasn't even happening. It's very hard to imagine that they could hate you so much that they'd send someone to attempt to murder you! Your own father, too!"

"They might not have known he's my father, I think only a handful of people know that." Elphaba reasoned. "Even if they did, it wouldn't really have mattered to them. To the wizard, I'm sure it did. A golden chance to get revenge on me, without risk of punishment. What more could he ask for?"

Fiyero shook his head in dusgust. "Probably nothing," he seethed. "It's so unfair! If he ever crosses paths with any of us again, I hope he doesn't expect to live to tell about it!"

"He will live if it's me he encounters," Elphaba replied immediately. "Not that I think he deserves my mercy, or anyone else's. I have no taste for vengeance, that's all. I want us to get on with our lives and forget about him. There is only one thing in all of my regrets that might still be able to be remedied. I do hope, one day."

"What is it, Ivy?" Fiyero hadn't heard her speak this way before, and could not guess what she was thinking about.

"I want the shoes back. Nessa's shoes. The last time I saw them, that little girl was still wearing them... They probably went back to wherever with her. If they are still somewhere in Oz, I want them back. I know Glinda never understood why. But they were my sister's, and I have nothing else to remember her by. And I put that spell on the shoes. There is no way of knowing what might happen if the wrong person used them."

"We'll look for them, then," Fiyero said softly, hoping his words were comforting, "Maybe Glinda knows something. We can ask her when we get there."