Tom, Terry and Escargot all climbed into one of the little boats and began to paddle across the lake to Hogwarts. Hagrid had said four to a boat, so they let another first year named Kinkerus Blinkerus into their boat. No one liked him though.
"Hey wow, Kinkerus, look at this!" said Escargot pointing to a patch of water. Kinkerus leaned over to get a better look and Escargot shoved him into the drink.
"You snooze you lose sucker" she said angrily. Kinkerus splashed around for a while longer but eventually the sound died down.
"Ooock, look at Hogwarts" said Hagrid with enthusiasm. The castle was all lit up.
"Wow a castle, it's not like we don't have enough of them in Great Britain" Escargot answered dryly. However to Tom who'd spent most of her life on a leak farm, the castle was really a sight to behold.
They entered through to giant oak doors and a tiny little man the height of a small dog standing on its hind legs gave them a chat about different houses. He said his name was Prof. Flitwik. He then remembered he'd forgotten the all important stool that the Sorting Hat sits on and he ran of to get it.
"So what house do you want to be in?" Tom asked the other first years at large.
"Slytherin" said Escargot "Bring down the Pureblood filth from within"
"All my family is in Gryffindor" said Terry glumly "I've just got to get in." he screwed up his face in a look of intense concentration.
"I want to be in Slytherin" said a malicious sounding voice from the back of the room. A girl emerged with silver blonde hair. "Stupidia Nameia Malfoy" she said extending a hand to Tom. Terry and Escargot cracked up laughing.
"You think my names funny do you?" she asked angrily
"Well, yes, Stupidia Nameia Malfoy is a pretty stupid name" Terry answered drying his eyes on his robes.
"Well I can tell who you are. Ginga hair and freckles you must be a Weasley. My second cousin on my fathers' side/ third cousin on my mothers' side, Draco warned me about your type"
"I told you they were all related in like a thousand different ways" whispered Escargot. Stupidia now turned her attentions toward Escargot.
"And you, who are you?"
"Escargot"
"Escargot who exactly?"
"Just Escargot, like it's like Madonna."
"And she's the Heir of Ravenclaw!" said Tom. All the other first years sounded thoroughly impressed, excluding a soaking wet Kinkerus Blinkerus who shouted out "But she can't be, I am!". Everyone rolled their eyes at him.
"Go back to the lake Kinkerus" suggested a sandy blonde haired girl.
"No, seriously I'm the Heir of Ravenclaw, I have the papers to prove it!" at this point Kinkerus was accidentally pushed through the window.
At this point Prof. Flitwik reappeared and marched them off to the Hall.
They stood on the stage with the whole school ogling them,while a nasty looking hat sang a song:
I was made
A while ago
With the job to sort
The decent from the not so good
And up till now I did
But it's boring to do all the same
Year in, year out
Now I'll put you where I please
Stick it to the man!
There was a smattering of applause. Tom heard someone in the audience whisper 'He didn't even rhyme this year!'.
"Your names will be called in alphabetical order. You simply sit down on the stool and put on the Sorting Hat. It'll tell you where you ought to be" Flitwik began calling names off a large piece of paper (or to be technical, parchment).
Aljezera, Ackmed as handsome black haired boy with a dusky complexion was placed in Gryffindor. Bennet, Mary was placed in Ravenclaw. And so it went on until "Escargot". Escargot walked up nervously. The hat was on her head a good minute before it yelled out "HUFFLEPUFF". Escargot, looking somewhat glum wondered off the Hufflepuff table. To everyone's surprise Stupidia Nameia was also put in Hufflepuff. She made quite a scene at first she refused to go and put the Hat back on until it put her somewhere else, but the Founders actually put a charm on it so if someone try's doing that the Hat gets tighter and tighter until the persons eyes pop out. Stupidia took of the hat just in time.
The minutes passed slowly. Tom felt she would never get her turn. But finally she did, the impatient fool. She was surprised to find a little talking voice in her ear.
"Hello, how are you? Arrr I see umm you'd be good in Ravenclaw."
"Yes that's where I want to go!" said Tom
"Well too bad, HUFFLEPUFF hahahahahaha" and Tom went off and took a seat next to Escargot.
"That hat's really horrible isn't it?"
"Quite" said Escargot sculling back the Elf made Wine she'd nicked from the High Table. "Oh well at least we can much round in this house"
Everyone else got sorted. Terry Weasley got put in Hufflepuff also and sat down opposite Tom.
"Goooooooooooood evening students" said the Headmistress McGonagall. She had cross eyes and wore what looked like a sheep fetus on her hat.
"She never used to be crazy" said a near by 7th year "She went mad from grief after Dumbledore died"
"Why don't they send her to St Mungos?" Escargot asked
"Well she's quite entertaining isn't she?" said the 7th year chuckling to himself
"Now stuuuuuuuudents I wanted to talk about…owls. Owls are now banned. And shoes, shoes are banned too, and livers, give them to me I know you're hiding them!" Prof. Flitwik had to restrain Prof. McGonagall at this point as she made a grab for some near by students' livers. The school was thenallowed to retire to their common rooms. The Hufflepuff common room was a basement; most of it was taken up by large crates labeled 'dinner ware' or 'the good china'. They had to use the crates for chairs for they had none owww.
"Now what should the password be?" the Hufflepuff prefect asked himself.
"Stupidia Nameia's got gonorrhea" Escargot suggested.
"Very well"
"And she got it off Terry Weasley" someone shouted
"And he gave it to Hermione Granger" a gossiping fourth year said.
Terry looked ashamed. See girls, this is how rumors start so don't believe them.
In Hufflepuff the girls and boys all shared one dormitory. And they didn't have beds they had to sleep in hammocks. The other Hufflepuffs were a blisteringly, ridiculously good looking boy called Gerald, a squat girl with a bung eye called Lolita and a black basketball player from America called Jerome.
"Good night everyone" Terry called out before the lights went out.
"Good night to you too Terry" Tom called back, for never ever in all her time alive could Tom remember a more happy time.
"Screw you" called Stupidia killing the moment.