Danny knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, so he spent the night tidying up his apartment. Something he rarely did. He was doing the dishes when his alarm went off.

Danny considered calling in sick.

It was a bad idea. Danny had never called in sick. Vivian was likely to call an ambulance if he did. He wasn't ready to face Martin. But he had to, sooner or later. So he took a quick shower and put on clean clothes. He decided not to take his car. Walking was Danny's therapy. He put on a coat and a scarf and then set off for work.

Danny had never had any problems with his being gay, so he had some trouble getting people who had.

The first time he realised he was attracted to guys was in High School while fighting with a boy his age. It had been embarrassing, yes, but nothing more, especially because the other boy became his first boyfriend.

High school's difficult. So, they kept their relation secret. Not because they were ashamed of it, but because they knew how narrow-minded kids were. And when they broke up, Danny made sure not to go out with someone from school.

Danny had told his brother he was gay without hesitating. And his brother had been okay with it.

In Law School, Danny used to hit on any guy that caught his eye. He got a lot of respect for his boldness and honesty. He got a lot of guys too.

During his final year, he met this hot guy. He was not only beautiful but also smart and kind. It was Danny's first serious relationship. It also was the last. They spent five month together until one night, the man disappeared. His body was found one week later in a guy's basement. Danny's boyfriend could never hold his tongue. One man hadn't liked the innuendos and had killed him.

Danny drowned his sorrow in a bottle of cheap scotch. Everything went downhill from there. He started wasting his money on alcohol and having sex with strangers in dark alleys. He became addicted and failed his exams.

Then he decided that his life had to get straight (his life, not him). So he applied for a job at the FBI and landed in the missing person unit right after his training. Vivian knew about his homosexuality, Danny had confided in her. Jack also knew, he ran into Danny and his date, a guy from the tech department, in a restaurant. Whether or not Jack had told Sam, he wasn't sure. But Danny didn't picture him as the gossip type.

Then he met Martin. And he became obsessed with him. And now Martin would certainly never speak to him again.

That was the worst part: the fact that Martin also was gay but still unreachable. Because Martin didn't know, or rather he did, but didn't want to. Danny blamed Martin's father. To Victor Fitzgerald, life was like this: a good career, a good family (which means a wife that takes care of everything and doesn't complain, even if her husband's never home) and a big house with a white picket fence. No exception. But it wasn't only Victor's fault. Martin didn't have the guts to stand up to daddy and he used his father as an excuse for not accepting who he was. That's easier, but that doesn't make a guy happier. Martin was clearly not familiar with the concept of happiness anyway.

Danny reached this conclusion as he was entering the office and he realised that it made him angry. That was bad. He'd hoped the walking would help him calm down. Now he just wanted to hit something or someone. And Danny was not good at hiding his feelings, especially strong ones. Martin could get the wrong idea and think Danny was angry because he had run away. Well, it would be the truth but Danny didn't want Martin to know that. It would be the end of their friendship … well, it would be if the friendship was not already ended. Danny didn't know what to think anymore. He didn't know if this was a situation that could be sorted out. Maybe if he told Martin he actually slipped and fell on his lips, everything would be alright?

Hell, Danny was giving himself an headache.

Vivian and Jack were already there, they had probably never left the office. They weren't wearing the same clothes they had when Danny and Martin took off but that didn't mean anything. FBI agents always kept spare clothes in the office. Blood stains, coffee stains, long nights: no piece of clothing was safe at the FBI.

There already was a new picture on the white board. A woman, probably 30 year old, brunette, pretty. Three hours missing, last seen at a gas station, filling up the tank, signs of struggle, witness.

This case was going to be a piece of cake. Nice change.

Samantha and Martin came in. Together. Danny smiled a sarcastic smile. Martin saw.

"Gather round", Jack said "We didn't learn anything from the autopsy performed on the boy this morning. The case is not closed, but we have to drop it. There is a press conference in one hour, Vivian and I will go. Martin, take care of the paperwork. Samantha and Danny, we have another case, the file is on Danny's desk. There's a witness who saw the victim being taken away in a black Mercedes. Go interrogate him. That will be all".

Danny was relieved. No Martin to worry about today. But he wasn't that happy to be teamed up with Sam either. The girl was nice enough, he'd worked with her for years but for obvious reasons, he wasn't keen on spending his day with her right now.

They took Samantha's car, but Danny was driving. Somewhere between the bureau and the gas station, Sam started to speak:

"I think you should talk to Martin"

Danny swerved abruptly, almost knocking a poor pedestrian down.

"What?" Danny asked incredulously after regaining control over himself and the vehicle.

Sam eyed him curiously but quickly picked up where she left off.

"I think he's upset about the kid, but he won't confide in me. Maybe it's because, you know, he's a man and he doesn't want to admit that he's sad. You know, his father used to say feelings were a weakness. Maybe he just needs to talk to a man".

Danny thought Martin needed to do more than talk to a man.

"Maybe I'm not the best person for him to talk to" Danny replied without thinking.

"Why is that?" she asked.

Danny wanted to answer: "Because I kissed him in an elevator so you see I'm the problem, not the solution". But he decided against it, even though he would love to see her reaction to that one.

"Because we're not best friends of anything. If he doesn't listen to you then he certainly won't listen to me".

Danny thought that after this smart answer, Samantha would drop the subject but he was wrong.

"That's not true" she stated, "Martin's always looked up to you. He has always admired your openness. You may not know it but I'm sure he would listen to you."

Danny had to fight the urge to smile. A feeling of mirth made his way to his heart, but the feeling didn't last long. Martin was certainly seeing him in a totally different light today. He had so messed up.

Danny told Samantha he'd try. That made her happy. Danny wouldn't do anything but she didn't have to know that.

The case was quickly solved, as expected. The witness had been a godsend. Not only had he remembered the colour and the brand of the car, but he also had written down the plate number. Danny seriously thought about sending him flowers and chocolates. They found the car in front of an abandoned building where the woman was tied up to a chair, unharmed. They found the kidnapper in a supermarket nearby, buying some adhesive tape.

Danny and Samantha were giving the victim a ride home when Jack called. He congratulated them and gave them the afternoon off. Danny didn't bother to go back to the office; he just got out of the car and went straight home.

Danny wasn't used to having time to waste and he needed to find some activity that would take his mind off things.

He tried watching television, but boredom would inevitably make him think about Martin.

He tried playing basket ball, but playing alone wasn't that much fun.

He tried calling Vivian and buy her dinner but she had other plans.

On his way home from Vivian's, he came into a bar. When he caught himself looking longingly at a bottle of whisky, he decided to end this madness. He almost ran to Martin's place. He knocked several times. Martin wasn't home. So much for Danny's good resolution.

He thought Martin was with Samantha, en headed back home. That's why Danny was very surprised to run into Martin when he stepped into the corridor that leaded to his apartment.

"I was on my way out" Martin said.

It took Danny a few minutes to recover from the shock but he finally got his voice back.

"Why?"

"You weren't there"

"That's a good reason", Danny stated.

"Yeah", Martin agreed.

"You want to come in?" Danny asked.

"I don't know", Martin replied.

"If you want to talk, then maybe it shouldn't be in a corridor where anybody could hear" Danny said, knowing Martin well enough to foresee what decision he would make.

"Okay, let's talk inside".

Danny had guessed right.

So here they were, facing each other in Danny's living room.

Martin decided to break the silence:

"So … I guess I wanted an explanation".

That did it; Danny felt the anger flood right back in. What was there to explain? He had wanted him, he had kissed him. He was gay and very much in love with him.

"What happened?" Martin asked tentatively.

What Danny wanted to answer was: "I kissed you, you idiot! I have feelings for you and I'm acting on it. You should try and do the same someday, you might even enjoy it".

However, what Danny did say was: "I don't know".

"So you're gay".

Danny almost patted him on the back. Finally, Martin was getting it.

"Yeah, I'm gay".

But then Danny realised Martin could freak out, so he added: "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to … I was tired … I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry alright? Let's forget about this".

And Martin did want to forget so he immediately agreed, then went for the door.

Things would go back to what they were before the incident. Well, not everything, Danny would have to be extra careful not to scare Martin in any way. He would have to make sure not to do anything stupid, like, say, stop Martin from getting out of his apartment.

But here he was, pressed against Martin's back, his hand keeping the door from being opened.

Lately Danny had had some serious self-control issues.

"Actually I'm not sorry", Danny heard somebody whisper, then realised he himself had said the words.

Martin's hand was still on the doorknob and Danny was grateful for that, because if Martin had moved, he certainly would have punched him. But he wasn't moving, he was barely breathing. And Danny started kissing his neck. Nobody could blame him. Martin was so still, he was worried, he was checking for a pulse. He quickly found out Martin was very much alive, his heart was racing. But he still wasn't moving. And Danny was still very busy exploring Martin's neck.

When Martin tilted his head to give him more access, Danny told himself that this maybe wasn't such a bad idea.

Everything was going fine actually. So Danny took his hand off the door, trusting Martin wouldn't bolt. Which he didn't. Danny quietly thanked god for that, then remembered He certainly wouldn't agree to this. He would pray later, now he was too busy caressing Martin's stomach under his shirt, too busy enjoying the feel of the muscles there twitching underneath his fingers, too busy enjoying the fact that Martin had to lean against the door for support.

Yes, Danny was a busy man.

When, after what seemed like forever, Martin allowed himself to let out a moan, Danny figured Martin was finally done struggling with himself. He let his hand go further down, into Martin's jeans, until his finger came in contact with something hard.

So Martin had thought he was straight. Well that had to convince him otherwise.

Danny chuckled.

He still doesn't understand what happened next. Maybe it was the groping, or the chuckling, or maybe both but very suddenly Martin was opening the door that was no longer kept close by Danny's hand (that had been elsewhere occupied). And very suddenly, he was gone.

Again.

Maybe it had been a bad idea after all.

An apology wouldn't fix this. Nothing would.

Martin was so not going to forgive this.

Danny had messed up again.