A/N: Yes, that was short, but this is a bit longer. I'm posting chapters as journal entries. The song lyrics mostly go along with the story.

Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn't you see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself…

—BarlowGirl, I Need You to Love Me

Monday, September 7, English

JP keeps asking me why I look so pale. I think it's happening again. You know, the thing that happened after I stupidly broke up with him. My One.

I can't stop feeling like I'm going to throw up. I can't even talk. I can still write, of course. Writing is the one thing that I can do without having to feel like I should be doing something else. If that makes since. Which it probably doesn't, seeing as how I can't think of anything but Mi—him.

Like walking right up to him and kissing him until we both can't breathe. But I don't think he'd let me do that. At least not without an explanation.

It's so strange. I haven't seen him in a year, and yet…I can still picture his eyes, his hair, his lips…

God, I'm such an idiot.

Oh, JP just tossed me a note.

Mia, what's going on? You look like you just ate a sock.—JP

Tina is such a nark. In a cute way, I mean.

Nothing's wrong. I think I just ate some bad bacon for breakfast.

Mia, I know something is wrong. I haven't seen you like this since…well, you know. I just don't like it.

JP, it's nothing. Seriously. I think it's the bacon thing. You know how I get when I overload on meat these days.

Mia, you're not the same since Michael left. Yes, I said it. He's messed you up. It's time you got fully over him. And started dating again. You haven't been out with one guy since he left. The reason you break up with someone is to be able to start dating again right?

Whoa. Is it just me, or did that make JP sound like a complete jerk?

Um, JP, that's not why I broke up with him. I thought he lied to me, and I just couldn't condone that. But I was wrong. When he left, I tried to apologize, but I didn't make it in time.

So…you still love him?

I love him more than anything else in this world. Living any longer without him would be unbearable. Life as I know it would cease to exist…But if I was with him, it would be fantastic. I wouldn't want to leave his side, and, like Princess Leia to Hans Solo, we were meant to be together…But I screwed it up. And I don't know if I can fix it.

I'll have to get back to you on that.

THINGS TO DO:

Buy cat litter

Need more face wash? Shampoo? Look in bathroom to check

Ask Dad for money to get Grandmère's Christmas present. (I'll need to get it now or they will sell out. A Limited Edition Chanel perfume will make her happy.)

Clean room

Write a letter to Michael??? Will he even read it??? Or will he burn it or something???

Start thinking positively.

Ask Lilly (Who has gotten over the whole kissing-JP-thing) if her brother is still mad. Or if he isn't mad, but…something worse?

Repeat number six.