…The tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone
But it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
—Coldplay, Fix You
Tuesday, September 8, the loft
It turns out that I couldn't go to Lilly's last night. She's grounded because of her special last week, Are Feet Sexy?, in which she interviewed various people on whether or not they have sex with others because they have nice feet. A surprising amount of them said yes.
Anyway, Dr. Moscovitz found out and she said Lilly couldn't have any friends over until next Saturday. Lilly is furious. She says that it's her TV show and she can do whatever she wants with it. I'm not so sure her mother agrees, because she, along with the other Dr. Moscovitz, is paying for it. When I reminded Lilly of this fact, she was even angrier.
Sometimes I just don't get her.
I'm so glad that I didn't have to see Michael yet, though. Even knowing that we're sharing space in an apartment would cause me to have a nervous breakdown. Mom wouldn't like that very much. She's already pretty mad at me for giving up my vegetarianism for a guy, even if he is my One. I know she means her best, but she needs to keep her feminist stuff inside until the next group meeting.
When I got home from princess lessons yesterday, one of those meetings was in order. Mom and her feminist group were talking about my problems with my self-esteem.
Again.
"Mia seems to focus on relationships with men more that her relationship with her only true love, herself," was what Sherry, the newest member, had to say about me. "If you could talk to her, Helen, about that article we showed you, maybe she'll stop this wallowing and move on. No woman should be like this over a man! That's what those bastards want!"
Then they noticed me standing in the doorway and started talking about the Vanderbilts who became Suffragettes.
Despite what I've gone through since Michael told me he was leaving for Japan, I do not believe he is a bastard. I'm the one who screwed everything up, but people keep blaming him.
Because I'm a princess, and after all, aren't princesses supposed to always be the nice, perfect, honest girls who hardly ever do anything wrong?
Mom says that this isn't true, but I know what people think.
Michael was the one who screwed everything up by leaving me.
But I tried to stop him from saving, according to Yahoo! News, one-hundred and twenty-nine people so far with his invention. Not that I've been checking up on him.
Much.
Anyway, what kind of person would do that? I hate myself so much right now. Well, more often than now. More like every time I think about him.
In other words, always.
So, yeah, I think we have already established I am a loser.
My newest friends loves me, my best friend since forever is crazy, my bodyguard is acting strange, and my mother keeps talking to her friends about me even when I ask her not to.
I have no idea what's going on, as usual. At least Rocky is here with me through it all. Okay, he's sleeping on the futon beside me, but whatever. Nothing can get any worse. Until I get to school, anyway.