Incest and Masochism Chapter 8: Biscuit vs Whips, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer- I don't own any of what anyone else wants to claim.

A/N- This chapter is definately a little funky. Don't be angry about any Ron/Ginny! Please try to understand the humour. And if you think it's stupid then don't read my fic. And I'm being frank, not rude. Okay, maybe a bit rude... Well, sorry for that. My friend has just been getting some bad flaming on her parody-fic lately and if you read parody fic, let me tell you, you've got to learn to let things slide. Okay? Okay. On with the story. Oh, hold that, why it took me so long to put chapter eight up was that when it was chapter 7, it had 7777 words. How weird is that? I couldn't ruin it, so I left it up for a bit, but no one noticed. Okay, rambling stops now, (in a sense).

Chapter Eight - Biscuit vs. Whips

"Green," she said as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"Green," her reflection answered.

"Red," she said.

"Red," it answered.

"Sky."

"Pumpkin."

"I am stupid," she tried.

"I am stupid," her mirrored self replied.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!"

"Shut up!"

"Stop copying me!"

"I'm not copying you! You're coping me!" she screamed at the mirror.

"Yeah, I suppose," her reflection shrugged, looking whistful.

"Hey you stopped!"

"Ugh! I've had it!" she growled with intense exasperation.

"What have you had?" her other self replied, with a suggestive wriggle of her eyebrows.

"Oh shut up!"

"SOD OFF!" she screamed.

Ron's face was looking back at her now, in the mirror. "Why?" he asked with a hurt expression on his face.

"Ron?" she asked, confused as to why her reflection just turned into Ron's image in place of her own.

"I thought you loved me Ginny!" he whispered, his voice heartbreakingly sad.

She could only gape at the mirror. "Ron, I-"

"I've known all along Ginny," he said, a determined look spreading across his face. "You-me... You and I, we're meant to be. I've always known, but for some reason I fought it. I was scared of the hungry look in your eyes whenever you saw me. I was afraid that you would see the same look in my own eyes. When I'm with Hermione, I pretend it's you! Every single time Ginny, I pretended it was you..."

"What do you want with me?" Ginny could barely mutter, though it was fairly obvious what he wanted.

"You must do something for me Ginny."

She tried to look away, but couldn't. "Ron?" she implored shakily.

"Choose between Draco and Harry," he commanded evenly.

"But.. why?" she looked at him with confusion and disbelief.

"I need to know if you truly love me Ginny," he said softly, as if embarrassed. "I can tell you don't know yet for sure. When you are with another boy and think of me, then you will know. Come to me then."

"Then what?"

"That's when the-" Ron's eyes bulged in shock and his mouth widened so it filled almost the entire mirror. "EVERYTHING GOES IN! EVERYTHING GOES OUT! FISH, BANANAS, OLD PAJAMAS, MUTTON, BEEF, AND TROUT! EVERYTHING-"

Ginny opened her eyes to darkness. It was all a dream. She was in her room which she shared with three other girls. Safe in her room, safe from... Ginny closed her eyes again, she did not want to think about that. Everyone had strange dreams at some point in their lives. Heck, some people had strange dreams every damn night! Ginny didn't. Ginny was normal. Ginny couldn't control what she dreamed about. Dreams could often be terribly weird... Yes, that was true. Harry had horrific dreams all the time and nobody was angry at him for it. These were all reassuring thoughts. Nevertheless, Ginny did not go back to sleep that night.

"Shut up."

"Ginny! Listen to me! I-"

"No listen to me Harry," Ginny spat angrily at the boy. "I said SHUT UP!"

They were sitting across from each other at breakfast. Ron and Hermione looked on at their confrontation with shock. Ginny was being careful not to look at Ron. The idea of 'hungry looks' disturbed her. Harry had rushed in late and had immediately started trying to talk to Ginny. He even gave her back her hairbrush and she still wouldn't let him speak.

She sat up straighter and eyed Harry with contempt. "The testing will still continue, though I would not feel badly to stop it. You boys don't deserve a second chance," she stated in a strained voice.

"I love you Ginny," he gushed.

"That's nice," she replied, lazily picking at her potatoes.

"What's our next test?"

"Meet me in the library this evening at eight twenty-three," she informed him with a sigh,

"What for?" he inquired.

She giggled, remembering a joke about someone threatening someone else to give them 'what for'. She quickly stiffled the happiness and replied in monotone, "Can we go back to the shutting up?"

"I'm sure we can," Harry grinned.

Ginny looked at him blankly, wondering what was so amusing.

"The proper question would be 'May we go back to shutting up?'" Hermione said matter-of-factly.

Ginny flung her pumpkin juice into Harry's face and then threw a potato at Hermione. She got up and stormed out of the Hall, fuming.

At eight twenty-one, Harry rushed into the library with his dress robes on. He spotted Ginny sitting at a corner table and sat down across from her. She didn't smile at him, only looked at him to acknowledge his presence. He beamed at her, "I'm on time. Too bad we can't say the same for Malfoy, eh?" He chuckled hysterically to himself.

Ginny glared him into silence and they both looked towards the library entrance. Draco, casual and composed, sauntered in and sat down gingerly across from Ginny as well. He smirked. "Exactly eight twenty-three," he informed them, nodding his head up at the precision clock on the wall.

Harry muttured a few harsh words and resigned to eyeing Draco murderously.

Draco ignored him. "So, why are we here?" he asked Ginny, winking at her.

She shuddered in revulsion. "I'm going to say a word and I want you to reply with the first word that comes to mind. It'll help me get inside your mind a bit," she told them in a business-like manner. Both boys looked fairly disturbed. "And while I'm testing one of you," she continued, "the other can go around the library and pick out one book they think I'd enjoy reading. We'll see how wrong you are." She didn't seem quite so enthusiastic and maybe a bit sadistic.

"I'm first then," Harry sniffed. Draco looked mutinous, then got up and strode off into the depths of the library. He was on a mission.

Ginny took out a notebook and looked down at it, then up at Harry. "Shoe," she stated.

"Decapitated," Harry replied quickly.

Ginny wrote that down with a nod. "Good," she murmured.

"Harry Potter," he said.

"No no no, 'good' wasn't the word, I was just saying good."

"Well don't muddle it!" Harry snapped.

Ginny glared, "Wand."

"Sex."

"Muggle," Ginny said.

"Mutilation."

"Hermione."

"Hot," Harry replied with a rueful look.

"Sock."

"Torture," Harry shot back, a dark look in his eyes.

"Ron."

"Biggus Dickus."

"Donkey," Ginny stated.

"Butt."

"Snape."

"Transvestite," Harry smirked.

"Dinner."

"Vomit," Harry said this very seriously.

"Bedroom."

"Clean."

"Music."

"Dungbomb."

"Ginny," Ginny said finally.

"Biscuit," Harry responded.

Ginny gave him a blank smile. "Now go get Draco," she told him. He looked triumphant, grinned at her, and ran off, knocking over his chair in the process.

Draco sat down across from her, gracefully stepping over Harry's fallen chair. "Okay, you tell me the first word that comes to mind when prompted with the following words," Ginny told him, feeling viciously bored.

"Yeah yeah yeah..." Draco muttured, wanting to get on with it.

"Shoe," she said.

"Polish," he replied evenly.

She thought for a second and then said, "Good."

"Harry Potter," he responded.

"Wand."

"Sex," he shot back quickly. Ginny felt uncomfortable with how he was looking at her. It was as if she were a banana, and he was peeling her with his eyes. Except, maybe not such a bad analogy.

"Muggle," she continued.

"Mindy."

"Hermione," Ginny almost didn't want to say this one.

"Hot," Draco said ruefully.

"Sock."

"Telescope."

"Ron," Ginny wasn't feeling too well all of the sudden.

"Incest," he said and Ginny casually slapped him.

"Donkey."

"Lion-tamer," Draco replied with a majestic swish of his wand.

"Snape."

"Transvestite," Draco smirked.

"Dinner."

"Biscotti," he answered with a confused expression.

"Bedroom."

"Handcuffs," he answered dreamily.

"Music."

"Shameful."

"Ginny," she finished.

"Whips," he smirked.

"That's it," she told him, looking up at the clock tiredly. "What book did you get me?"

Draco picked up the book that was resting on his lap and plunked it onto the table in front of her. It was three inches thick easily and bound in rusty-brown leather. Along the spine in glowing silver letters it read, "When Everyone Has Gone Crazy: A Guide To Escaping From People Who Know You Too Well and Are Being Evil Buggers." Ginny raised one eyebrow unsuccessfully and managed to look a touch constipated.

Harry came bounding over to her and plopped down his book as well, whining something about Draco being able to give his book first. His was a very thin book, but very large. It was bound with a dark-yellow leather and scrunchy red letters on it's cover revealed the title to be, "Mouse Poo: A Field Guide to Identifying Animal Excrement." Ginny obtained a blank expression, collected the books and her notes, got up, and walked away.

They trailed after her. Harry got to her side first. "So who won, Ginny?" he asked.

"No one won," she replied.

"Which book was better?"

Draco was now beside her too, looking anxious.

"Honestly, Draco's was better, but I will read them both," she stated.

Harry looked like she just took a meat cleaver and started tickling him with it. Draco was giggling madly. Ginny ignored them and checked out her books. "The next test is Saturday at Hogsmeade," she declared with detached interest as she made her way out of the library.

"Oh yeah, will you go with me?" Harry managed to ask, ignoring the meat cleaver that was in his mind.

"Actually, I was going to ask both of you to be my dates," Ginny informed them.

Draco and Harry started yelling at the same time and Ginny picked up various parts of their rambling like, "Eat my own foot!" and "if pig's fly!" and "meat cleaver!" Unfortunately for them, they eventually had to agree or else Ginny would not love them even more than she already didn't love them.

When they got to the portrait of the fat lady, Harry clambered inside and Ginny followed. After she had gotten in, she turned to face Draco who had cleared his throat a good dozen times in five seconds.

"Ginny," he began, "I know you probably love Potter more than me, but I want you to tell me for sure... Do I even have a chance? I don't like wasting my time you know. There are plently of hot girls who want to date me and if I-"

Ginny slammed the portrait in his face. "Oh my!" she heard Draco and the fat lady cry through the wall at the same time. She turned around to come face to face with Harry.

"Ginny," he began, "I know you probably love Malfoy more than me, but I want you to tell me for sure... Do I even-"

Ginny pushed him aside violently and stormed upstairs to her room. "Prat!" he heard her yell before she slammed her door closed.

"Gee," Harry murmured, "what's got her knickers in a twists?"