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Blood Moon

Chapter eleven

"Sam you fought the virus once, you'll fight it again."

"I don't know if I can. I came so close to losing it last night, it took every ounce of strength I had not to attack you."

"But Barnet's dead now….and it's just like with vampires, if you sever the bloodline the hold on you lessens."

"But it's still there, it doesn't go away. Every damn full moon it's going to return. I don't want to live like that, and I'm not going to."

"What the hell's that suppose to mean?" Dean stopped cleaning Sam's wounds and stood back and looked at him.

"Dean…the demon wants me for some plan of his…now I have to deal with this too? Well I'm not going to; I'm going to end it before the next full moon, before someone else gets hurt."

"So you're just going to go off and blow yourself away…." Dean sat back and looked at Sam. He knew exactly how Sam was feeling; hell he'd feel the same way too if it was him. But this was his baby brother they were talking about and there was no way he was going to let Sam go off and kill himself without doing everything in his power to stop it. "Damn it Sammy we're going to find a way through this, and that doesn't include you blowing yourself away."

Sam looked at Dean with tears glistening in his eyes.

"I'm tired Dean….I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of looking over my shoulder for the cops or the demon. I'm tired of having to lie to everyone about who we are and what we do. I'm tired of trying to be strong, trying to pretend that I'm not ripped apart inside because of Mom, Dad, and Jess…because I am. I'd sacrifice myself in a heartbeat if it would bring any of them back. And I'm tired of running…. I just want it all over with."

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked at his brother.

"Sam…."

"And don't go telling me there is a cure for this….I know there isn't. I've read Dad's journal too you know. The only cure for this is a silver bullet in the heart."

"Okay Sam I'm not going to lie to you, there is no known cure but I know Dad was working on one. I know he made some breakthroughs."

"I never saw Dad working on a cure for this kind of virus."

"It was after you went off to school. Dad and Bobby spent months working on controlling the infection."

"And…"

"And they were close to finding a way of controlling it."

"Controlling it isn't curing it. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what's going to happen every full moon. … Dean I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"I want you to promise me that if you see me turning and if I can't control it ….I want you to shoot me."

"Sammy…." Dean shook his head sadly and looked down as he continued cleaning Sam's wounds. "How the hell am I suppose to promise you that?"

"I mean it Dean….if you don't promise me, the first chance I get I'll do it myself."

"You selfish son of a bitch!" Dean stepped back and tossed the washcloth in the bloody water and looked at his brother. "You want to go out and blow yourself away without even giving me a chance to help you. This whole mess isn't only about you. ….What about me? You go off and play hero by killing yourself….what the hell am I suppose to do? My whole family will be gone."

"Dean…I don't want to upset you." Sam said softly. "But I'm scared…I'm scared I'm not going to be able to control it. I'm scared I'm going to hurt you ….or maybe somebody else. And I don't want that. Please Dean…if you give a damn about me…you'll promise me if this virus can't be controlled….you'll take care of it for me. Please Dean …promise me."

Dean's heart broke when he saw the anguish on Sam's face. He knew what his brother wanted to hear but he also knew he'd do anything in his power not to follow through with Sam's wishes.

"Okay Sam….but you have to let me see if I can help you first. I don't want you going off and doing something stupid before we try every option."

"I won't….But I want to hear you say it Dean…I want to hear you promise you'll kill me if it comes down to it."

Dean swallowed hard.

"Okay Sam. I promise if I can't help you…..I'll kill you."

TBC