"And you wait, keep waiting for that one thing
which would infinitely enrich your life:
the powerful, uniquely uncommon,
the awakening of dormant stones,
depths that would reveal you to yourself.

In the dusk you notice the book shelves
with their volumes in gold and in brown;
and you think of far lands you journeyed,
of pictures and of shimmering gowns
worn by women you conquered and lost.

And it comes to you all of a sudden:
That was it! And you arise, for you are
aware of a year in your distant past
with its fears and events and prayers."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Karmina Eileen Lupin was many things, stupid wasn't one of them. She knew that finding the Time Turner was only part of the battle, and a very small part at that. She could not simply turn it and hope she'd land in the right spot. She was going to have to find every detail of the passings of both Sirius and Dumbledore, and the only people who were privy to that information were Harry Potter and Remus Lupin. She could not ask them point blank either; she had seen the pain in their eyes, the loss. Unfortunately, subtle hinting was hard when the whole conversation was written on a piece of parchment.

That was why, as the alarm clock blazed 3:00, Karmina was still awake, gazing fixedly at the ceiling. "5493 bunnies, 5492 bunnies, 5491 bunnies, 5490 bunnies, 5489 bunnies," she silently counted down, forcing thousands of fluffy rabbits over a picket fence. She was beginning to drift off around 5300 when a noise from downstairs pulled her from her semi-sleep. She ran her icy hand over her face, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Her bathrobe and bunny slippers on, she made her way stealthily downstairs. A light in the kitchen alerted her to the maker of the noise. She stepped in and caught sight of Remus bent over, cradling his foot and hopping up and down.

"Bloody hell," he swore through gritted teeth. Karmina knocked on the doorframe and the wizard looked up, clearly startled. "Oh, Karmina, did I wake you?" Karmina shook her head slowly. "Well, why don't you take a seat. I was making some hot cocoa when I stubbed my toe. Would you like some?" Karmina nodded, this was the most he had talked to her in days.

She watched as he stirred cocoa powder and cinnamon into steaming milk. There was a tenderness in his slow, organized movements. A small smile spread over her lips as she glimpsed a much younger Remus, painstakingly adding ingredients to a bubbling cauldron. He threw a look over his shoulder, still stirring the mixture. "What are you smiling about?" She tried to say something but frowned, the barrier still there. Noticing the look on her face, Remus turned back to the sauce pan. "It's okay, I'm sure you'll get it back."

But Karmina wasn't so sure. She didn't know by what power she had been made mute so how could she go about getting it back? With all that was in her, she focused solely on speaking. Looking back, she would wonder why she hadn't tried it before. It was only natural for her to have gained some authority, some power over her magic. When she was young, her magic had controlled her, had worked to protect her. It was only waiting for her to need her voice again, to ask for it back. Unfortunately, she didn't have the benefit of hindsight to still the shock.

Her first word was so quiet she didn't fully believe she'd said anything at all. Remus barely heard it. It was hardly as eloquent as she would have liked but something about its mere existence was. . .exquisite. "Dad." The power in it took Remus' breath away. Feeling the weight he had never known a word to posses, he realized it was the first word he had ever heard her speak.

"What did you say?" he forced out finally, abandoning the hot cocoa on the stove.

"D-d-dad," she repeated, barely believing it herself. "I-it came back!" she exclaimed, touching her throat gently. Remus pulled her up from her chair and spun her around the room.

"You did it!" he cried gleefully. He pulled her into a tight hug, her head barely tickling his chin. Tears were falling from both their eyes when they sat down.

"The cocoa's scalded," she laughed.

"Wha-? Oh, the cocoa," Remus flicked his wand at the stove distractedly, not taking his eyes off his daughter. She shrunk under his intense gaze.

"That was the first word I've ever heard you speak."

"Yeah?. . . Dad, can I ask you a question?" Even as Karmina was saying the words, she knew it was a bad idea but everything poured out so fast. She felt anticipation bubbling up inside her.

"Of course, you can ask me anything Mina."

"Sirius, how did Sirius die?" she immediately regretted her words as the light in his face darkened. He was silent for a moment.

"W-why do you want to know about S-Sirius?" He studied his hands, rubbing one of his knuckles with his fore-finger.

"I, well . . . I guess I was-am curious."

"Oh. . . fell through the veil," Remus answered in a far away voice. "Just fell through the veil and no one could-could get him back. There was no warning, just fell, stumbled, wrong step . . . Bellatrix." The pain Karmina had seen in his eyes before paled compared to the mix of emotions he exuded, hopelessness being the most prominent.

"I'm sorry I asked. I'm very tired," she cut in, touching his hand gently.

"Yes, maybe we should both go to bed- lots to talk about in the morning." He forced a smile. Filled with guilt, Karmina turned to the door, ready to go up to bed. "Mina," he said suddenly from his seat at the table, causing her to turn. "It's so good to hear your voice."

Karmina could only give him a small smile before heading back up to her room. How could she now find out what she wanted to find out? Going to Remus was clearly a bad idea, even if she could do so subtly. Then there was a small part of her that didn't want to ruin the relationship. He seemed to see her speaking as a renewal, a do-over and she didn't want to compromise the situation further than she already had.

At half past five, she was again stirred from fitful slumber. Wanting to hear what the low voices were saying, she poked her head out the door. "Sure Remus, the Pensieve is in the Library. Any particular reason you want to use it?" Harry asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Rough night," Remus answered evasively. "Thanks Harry." Before either could see her, Karmina dove back into her room. What was a Pensieve? Why did her father want to use it? She pulled the Encyclopedia from under her bed. She had taken to studying it further after finding the Time Turner. She flipped to the P's and was met with a drawing of what looked to her like a birdbath. She read on and immediately understood. He was using it because of what she had done.

It didn't occur to her immediately but instead waited until she was nearly back to sleep. She could watch Sirius die for herself! The plan seemed to be forming very quickly. She again donned her bathrobe and slippers and tiptoed down the hall. She peaked into her father's room, the door cracked. Remus was sitting on the side of his bed, head cradled in his hands. She continued toward the library. Upon arriving, she caught sight of it immediately, sitting on the coffee table in the middle of the room. She crossed the room and stood above it, gazing into the shimmering liquid. She bent forward to get a closer look, closer and closer till her nose was touching the water. Before she knew what was happening, she was falling into a sort of tunnel.

She hit a dirt covered floor and was surprised she wasn't hurt. Gingerly getting to her feet, she looked around. A very strange procession progressed in front of her, down a dimly lit, muddy tunnel. She recognized Hermione, Ron, Harry, and her father. That left three others: an unconscious man with long, oily locks, his head lolling, a short, fat, rat-like man held at wand-point, and a strikingly handsome man with long, tangled hair. Even through the grime and dirt, a brilliance shown through him. She assumed this was Sirius Black and wondered if this was when he died. She walked closer, hoping to hear what they were saying.

'You're free,' said Harry.

'Yes. . .' said Sirius 'But I'm also-I don't know if anyone ever told you-I'm your godfather.'

'Yeah, I knew that,' said Harry.

'Well. . .your parents appointed me your guardian,' said Sirius stiffly. 'If anything happened to them. . .I'll understand of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle. But. . .well. . .think about it. Once my name's cleared. . .if you wanted a. . .a different home. . .'

'What-live with you?' Harry said, accidentally cracking his head on a bit of rock protruding from the ceiling. 'Leave the Dursleys?'

'Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to,' said Sirius quickly. 'I understand. I just thought I'd-'

'Are you mad?' said Harry, his voice easily as croaky as Sirius'. 'Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?'

'You want to?' Sirius said. 'You mean it?'

'Yeah, I mean it!' said Harry.

Karmina tiptoed behind them though she was now quite sure they could neither see nor hear her. They were moving toward a stair and doing so fairly silently. Her father followed a cat and holding the rat-like man at wand point. Sirius, Harry, and the greasy man brought up the rear. Nothing more was said till they emerged into the dark grounds. Karmina caught sight of a castle looming in the distance.

'One wrong move, Peter,' said Lupin threateningly, ahead. His wand still pointed sideways at Pettigrew's chest.

Karmina walked on, absorbed in her own thoughts when she suddenly felt a peculiar sensation. The hair on her arms stood on end and a low growl escaped her throat. Her blood flow became faster and her heart beat became stronger. She looked up at the sky where the moon had emerged. Her eyes snapped to her father.

He had gone rigid. Then his limbs began to shake.

'Oh my-' Hermione gasped. 'He didn't take his Potion tonight! He's not safe!'

'Run,' Sirius whispered. 'Run! Now!'

But Harry couldn't run. Ron was chained to Pettigrew and Lupin. He leapt forward but Sirius caught him around the chest and threw him back.

'Leave it to me-RUN!'

There was a terrible snarling noise. Lupin's head was lengthening. So was his body. His shoulders were hunching. Hair was sprouting visibly on his face and hands, which were curling into clawed paws. Crookshanks' fur was on end again, he was backing away-

As the werewolf reared, snapping its long jaws, Sirius disappeared from Harry's side. He had transformed. The enormous bear-like dog bounded forwards. As the werewolf wrenched itself free of the manacle binding it, the dog seized it about the neck and pulled it backwards, away from Ron and Pettigrew. They were locked, jaw to jaw, claws ripping at each other-. . .

Pettigrew had dived from Lupin's dropped wand. Ron, unsteady on his bandaged leg, fell. There was a bang, a burst of light-and Ron lay motionless on the ground. Another bang-Crookshanks flew into the air and back to the earth in a heap.

'Expelliarmus!' Harry yelled, pointing his own wand at Pettigrew; Lupin's wand flew high into the air and out of sight. 'Stay where you are!' Harry shouted, running forwards.

Too late. Pettigrew had transformed. Harry saw his bald tail whip through the manacle on Ron's outstretched arm, and heard a scurrying through the grass.

There was a howl and a rumbling growl; Harry turned to see the werewolf taking flight; it was galloping into the Forest-

'Sirius, he's gone, Pettigrew transformed!' Harry yelled.

Karmina stood, rooted to the spot, hoping to hear more from Harry or Sirius but the landscape around her was quickly fading into a grayish mass. She was pulled toward the forest where her father had disappeared. She bolted after him and plunged into the brush. She followed his distinct smell, aided by the illuminated path toward him. Something animal had awakened inside of her, something that felt oddly familiar. She found him, growling at the underbrush underneath a tree. She hurried to his side and looked down at a shivering rat.

It was there where the memory ended and she felt herself pulling from the pensieve. She looked around the library, too stunned for anything she had just seen to fully sink in. Not knowing what else to do, Karmina collapsed into a chair. The vision seemed to have complicated rather than brought light to the situation. How did Sirius die? Who was the bald man her father had cornered? Her eyes wandered around the room, looking for answers. She caught sight of a large album on the coffee table. Not thinking about what could happen, she picked it up. With shaking hands, she flipped open the cover and was met with the manically laughing face of Sirius Black.

She turned her eyes to the article and read it in full, drinking in the new information. Ex-auror, Sirius Black, was caught November first after he went after one, Peter Pettigrew on a muggle street. His traitor status had been uncovered mere hours before when he betrayed Lily and James Potter, his best friend, to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, leaving Harry Potter, their infant son, an orphan. According to another of the Potter's close friends, Remus Lupin, Sirius was also young Harry's Godfather. In a tragic sequence of events, the Potters were not the only ones to perish at the hands of a manic Black. Peter Pettigrew, having fought bravely, died, leaving only his finger behind. When aurors apprehended Black, he was in near-hysterics, laughing like a mad-man, his face contorted as he muttered unintelligbly to himself. Unfortunately, neither Black, nor the Head of the Auror Department could be reached for comment.

Below the cut out article and the picture of black, a shimmering picture of the bald man from the memory appeared. Though definitely younger and a good deal thinner, he was no Casanova. Peter Pettigrew was the caption underneath. The pieces were falling into place and Karmina flipped the page to reveal another cut-out article. There must have been dozens, all attempting to probe into the "twisted" mind of Sirius Black. After a long sequence of articles like these, she was again met with the hysterically laughing moving image of Sirius from the first picture. This time, it was accompanied with the heading: Escape from Azkaban. She read the article though it didn't tell her much more than she already knew. She did, however, get the year. She flipped through the scrap book further and fell on particularly large heading: Black Eludes Ministry Yet Again.

After finishing the article, she fell against the back of the couch. That must have been the night she'd seen in the memory. There were things that just did not make any sense. Why, if Black had betrayed Harry's parents, would Remus be grieving so much? For that matter, why would Harry be grieving at all? There was also the Pettigrew issue. If Sirius had killed him, why did she see him that night? Hoping against hope for more answers, she flipped the page and fell on, not a newspaper clipping, but a letter. It was written in small, messy scrawl.

Moony,

I know you must want me dead. I would feel the same in your position. I just want you to read through this letter, even if you don't end up believing a word I say. Pettigrew was the one who betrayed Prongs and Lily. He was their Secret Keeper, I swear. I'm not saying that none of it was my fault; I should have seen it coming. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I didn't kill Pettigrew. The coward must have transformed at the last second, cutting off his own goddamn finger before going down into the gutters like a common sewer rat. Though, had he not done so, I certainly would have killed him. Please believe me.

Your friend,

Paddy

Karmina let the book fall from her hands. Everything was perfectly clear. The key to making everything right was not finding when Sirius died. The key was righting the wrong of that night. She had to go back to the night when everything went wrong. She had to go and make sure the rat didn't escape.

A/N: I know it's been an inordinately long time. I have to admit I was a bit discouraged at the meager amount of reviews I received. I hope you like it and if you do (or if you really hate it and want to tell me so) please REVIEW!!!!

Cheers!

Ellie