Even before Greg's sudden change in behavior, Nick had never slept much. He would lay awake and listen to Greg breathe and feel his heartbeat as he slept. Nick never wanted to sleep because he was afraid he'd wake up and everything would be a dream. He was afraid he'd wake up and Greg wouldn't be next to him. He'd run his hands over Greg's soft skin and inhale his scent as he took in every little detail. He could describe everything about Greg instantly, without hesitation. He never wanted to forget how he felt, tasted, smelt or looked. Nick was scared to death of losing him, so he spent every second he could paying attention to the man he loved.
After what Nick estimated to be about 3 or 4 hours, Greg began to shake slightly. His hands twitched and his breathing went from slow and steady to quick and rapid. Nick shook him gently and whispered softly in his ear.
"Greggo...you're having a nightmare. Wake up...it's okay you can wake up."
Greg woke with a start and looked around the room, his eyes scanning everything frantically. He finally looked up at Nick and relaxed. Nick smiled slightly and kissed his boyfriend's forehead.
"It was just a dream. You're safe now. It's okay Greg." Nick said soothingly. Silent tears rolled down Greg's cheeks. Nick slid his hand out from under Greg's shirt and brushed the tears away before threading his fingers through Greg's.
"I'm so sorry Nick..." Greg said. His voice was soft and shaky. More tears flowed from over his eyelids and down his cheeks.
"Don't be." Nick said simply. He kissed away Greg's tears gently before brushing his lips with Greg's. Greg's breath hitched and he pulled away from Nick.
"I didn't mean to hurt you I really didn't...I'm sorry I'm so sorry..." Greg spilled out his apology so rapidly Nick was barely able to understand it.
"Shhhh slow down G. " Greg closed his eyes briefly before looking back up at Nick. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Greg nodded weakly. He took a deep breath and froced himself to look Nick in the eyes. "It's a long story..."
"We've got all the time in the world." Nick said. He wrapped his arm around Greg's waist and pulled him closer.
"Okay..." Greg took another deep breath. "This guy I dated, Matt..." Nick remebered Catherine saying the guy who raped Greg was named Matt. "We broke up a couple years ago, just before we got together. We were better friends I thought and I didn't really like him that much...well, he freaked, but I thought he was harmless. He called me a couple times and then I didn't hear from him for a while so I thought he just got over me...then..."
His voice broke and Nick squeezed his hand gently, encouraging him to go on. "He called a few months ago and told me to meet him at a bar, but I said no...then he said if I ever wanted to see you again I had better come, so I did." Greg smiled sadly and looked away from Nick. He stared at Nick's chest and took a handful of his lover's shirt, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. "He tried to get me to go back to him, but I wouldn't. Then he said if he couldn't have me, no one could and he threatened to..." His voice was broken by a sob and Greg had to take another deep breath to steady it. "He said he was gonna kill you. So we somehow worked out this fucked up deal...he said that if I had sex with him every once in a while he would leave you alone. The that other guy Sean...he was the one who beat me up. I could never fight back because I was afraid that they'd hurt you..."
Nick stared at Greg in disbelief. He knew that the truth of the situation wasn't going to be good, but he never would have imagined this.
"Then today...Matt said he was gonna kill you anyway and that it didn't matter because you didn't love me because you were letting this happen and he said we could be together again..." Greg started shaking violently as he went into another panic attack. He squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth in an effort to get the voice in his head to go away.
"When he finds out what you're doing, he'll leave you, and we can be together again." Hot tears stung Greg's eyes, and he squeezed them tighter and shook his head slowly.
"How about I just have some fun with him...then kill him right in front of you?" Greg couldn't stop the image of Matt beating and raping Nick from entering his mind. It was unbearable.
"It'll be slow and painful, like how you're torturing him now. He doesn't love you anyway, so why does it matter if I slice his throat?" Greg tried to scream when he saw Nick lying in a poll of his own blood with Matt standing over him smiling, but he couldn't catch his breath to force the sound from his throat.
Nick shifted so he was straddling Greg's waist like he had done earlier. He slid both of his hands up Greg's shirt and rubbed his sides gently. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Greg's.
Greg flinched at first because he thought it was Matt kissing him. He relaxed when he realized it was Nick. He knew Nick's kiss better than he knew his own name. Greg reached up and threaded his fingers through Nick's hair. The feel of it calmed him down.
Nick pulled away slightly so he could speak. "You're safe Greggo. I'm right here. You're safe, I promise."
Greg pulled Nick back down into a desperate kiss. Nick answered back just as desperatly, but then slowed it down. He let Greg's tongue roam around his mouth before he pulled away and kissed along Greg's jawline, breaking contact only to pull of Greg's t-shirt.
"Nick...I dont want to ha-" Greg tried to protest, but Nick stopped him.
"I know. It's okay." Nick felt Greg tense under his touch. "Do you trust me?"
Greg nodded weakly. He was unable to wipe away his tears due to the fact that he wasn't taking his hands out of Nick's hair anytime soon.
"I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise." Nick said before going back to kissing Greg's jaw. He slowly moved to behind Greg's left ear and then down his neck. He kissed along his collarbone and across his shoulders before slowly making his way down to Greg's battered chest. He kissed every square inch of skin, concentrating a little more on the cuts and scars there. He kissed his way back up Greg's body to his mouth. He hovered over his lips for a few seconds before he kissed him so sweetly Greg never wanted him to stop.
Greg slid his hands down the back of Nick's neck and pulled him closer. He sighed when Nick pulled away far enough so he could look him in the eyes. Greg let his hands slide down Nick's shoulders and arms until he let them rest on his forearms.
Nick took his right hand from Greg's side and traced his fingers up his arm and brushed over the cut up skin before he slid his hand into Greg's. He gently pushed his hand down so it was resting on the bed next to his head. Nick lifted his arm slightly so he could look at the cuts on Greg's wrist. He frowned and looked over to his right arm, then back to the other one. There were more cuts on the left than the right. Nick knew some were from the handcuffs...but the other were thinner and most were scars.
Nick looked at Greg, who turned away with tears in his eyes. Nick shook his head slowly when the realization of what the scars were from began to dawn on him. The tears falling from the guiltly look in Greg's eyes confirmed Nick's fear.
"Oh God...no...you didnt..." Nick buried his face in the crook of Greg's neck.
Greg pushed Nick away when he felt his warm tears fall onto his neck. "Please don't cry Nicky..."
Nick shook his head again. "You shouldn't have had to do this Greg...why didn't you tell me?"
"I was afraid they would kill you." Greg choked out through a sob.
Nick laced his fingers through the hair on the back of Greg's hair and pulled him as close as possible. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you..."
Greg shook his head and kissed Nick's neck softly. "You are saving me."